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Old 09-23-2020, 04:17 PM
Anna7 Anna7 is offline
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No more lethal combination than DV and alcohol. Hope you’re not minimizing him ‘only’ beating on your doors and windows ... what if police hadn’t arrived before he got in? Or what if you couldn’t have immediately found your phone to call them?
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Old 09-24-2020, 07:34 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
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When you are in court (and hopefully you will be) look at the people at the DA's bench.
If you have a fav necklace or some other thing they will allow (a small item that brings you to center yourself)
I REALLY hope you do go to court. He needs to be stopped because even if he and you are really done and over, his behavior likely wont change and he will do it again to someone else. Clearly he's an alcoholic and that isnt helping him to control his behavior. All of that is on HIM.
Check this thread on tips for court
I thought about why that frisbee was getting bigger and bigger.........
then it hit me.

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Old 09-24-2020, 09:38 AM
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GingerM GingerM is offline
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I know everyone is saying i shouldn’t feel this and that but truth be told I’m only human and I fell for him.
You feel what you feel. It is entirely possible to feel compassion for someone and still not want them in your life.

I am a DV survivor. It's been 25+ years since the last time I was in a DV situation (I had several DV relationships before the final one). Know what? I still love the last one. The one who tried to kill me.

I also accept that he was/is absolutely toxic, that he meant it when he tried to kill me, and that his problems are not mine to resolve.

So no, I am not saying you shouldn't feel what you feel. You absolutely should. It is exceedingly difficult to watch someone you care about destroy their life. Sometimes it is necessary, but it is still exceedingly difficult.

I still love mine. Haven't seen him in eons. He will always have a place in my heart - or maybe just the facade that he used to get under my skin will always be believed to some extent in my heart. I know about his family issues that made him into what he was (is?). I knew about his drug problems. I loved him anyway, because the heart doesn't care what the brain is saying.

Just make sure you're making decisions with your brain. Then comfort your heart when it feels like it's breaking. That's okay. As long as you aren't making decisions with your heart, and then trying to comfort your brain.
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Old 09-26-2020, 06:48 PM
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a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
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Originally Posted by Nickinew View Post

just don’t wanna see him in prison is all.

. I thought about bailing him out bc i don’t want him in jail.

Hola. I read what you're post/thread is saying tonight. I am a 2x D.V. survivor, made it through all of my twenties over 16 years ago,
to realize it was not worth it, and i am so happy i know mi worth, after all that mess, and never again shall i sacrifice for a man who i am, and or mi principles, and beliefs etc.al., and keep going back and forth sex, to a simple BESO.(kisses)etc., no way. I am now teaching others, motivating others,and help so many for many years, after i already went through it,and lived to tell about it. Feel so much happier, since i realize, and recognized i am BETTER than that."

You're saying, "I just don't wanna see him IN prison?

Chica, mi response (respectfully)to that is:

Better to have him in prison, then to have you, early rip in a coffin before your time.

Let our U.S. "justice system, handle him now." He is an abusive person. They rarely change. I read you were at one point, still intimate with him?
But, you're "no longer IN love with the abuser?"

No more sex. No more intimate anything, no more bailing this woman abuser out of jail. I am going to pray for you chica. You deserve better,
but only if you're truly believing enough in yourself, to understand, life is too short, to be sitting around thinking of a guy who is abusing you, has emotionally or physically abused you, and then to say,"I'm thinking about bailing him out."NO.

I wouldn't but of course it is YOUR
own decision to make, chica.

But, i would simply focus on "bettering mi self" and smiling again, being happy, FREE from the abuser, who has hurt me, let me down,failed me and put me through so much negative, (harm) and i would just move on, with my self esteem, on high level, along with my grace, and move on and be happier, by doing so, without thinking about "Bailing him out,or sending him anything, in or out of prison.
PM me anytime. hugs and blessings, to you. Adios.
#Love Yourself enough to smile, while letting go,realizin' life is too short,to not be happy.
IF ACTION, isn't shown, then,it's not real. . .
Lead with your MIND + not your heart.

Last edited by a.rare.love; 09-26-2020 at 06:59 PM..
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Old 09-26-2020, 07:14 PM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
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I just want to know that you believe that love is not pain, snd that you are not responsible for him. AT ALL. EVER.
You need to be #1.
When you get to the realization that somewhere down the road you will be ENOUGH for someone to love, that you need to like yourself above all, and in that place where you find that you are a GIFT because of you human foibles, you will give off an amazing energy. It will not feed the emotional vampires.
You never see what’s ahead if you stay put.
Be well
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Old Today, 08:32 AM
Nickinew Nickinew is offline
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I thank you all for being real about the situation. I realized that I did nothing wrong to make him do this, this is just who he’s always been. And I don’t deserve to be mistreated by any man regardless of the circumstances. I don’t deserve to be hit or even sb being so mean that I feel threatened by them. I know my worth and that I can do way better than that. I see a lot of woman that have had kids by their abuser and have it much worse than me and I just thank God I got out before kids came. I know him in their being sober and not having his choice of drug got him realizing how much he fucked up and what he lost. I did write him and told him I’m praying for him and hope he gets the help he needs. Now I know how to see the red flags, and to avoid this situation again. Now it will only take one time for me to leave and not multiple. I’m thankful to still be beautiful and not damaged I’m happy I let go before it damaged me mentally. God bless you ladies and remember you are so beautiful & their’s a man that will love you and will never ever think about hurting you emotionally let along physically.
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