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Old 10-01-2019, 11:28 AM
MT123 MT123 is offline
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Default What can I do for him as his older brother now to help him?

Greetings everyone, before I begin I would like to say that I am really grateful to have found such a forum during this difficult time.



My brother has been sentenced to 3 years and I am very concerned and worried and all of the emotions anyone may have. Adding, to my worries he is very young, and at such an impressionable age I hope and pray he snaps out of this tough guy mentality rather than embracing it and from his calls and letters he appears to want to change.



I wont front, I wasn't around for years and could have definitely been a better role model. I wont get too deep into that at least not in this post but my psychology has been totally wrecked with this whole incident. At this point I want to be the best brother I can be for him.



Any suggestions,? He is currently in county awaiting transfer. Ive read about Jackson and am honestly worried, anything I can tell him to help keep him safe and out of trouble?



He wants to get his diploma, and take classes is there anyway I could talk with his counselor during diagnostics to help get him to a facility that will give him an opportunity to work on himself? He was convicted of a violent crime.



What can I do for him as his older brother now to help him? I am worried sick, is the violence really as bad in the Ga system as people say??


Thanks everyone, please keep hope and love in your hearts.


"A society should be judged not by how it treats its outstanding citizens but by how it treats its prisoners". -Fyodor Dostoyevsky
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Old 10-01-2019, 05:10 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. There is much advice already posted here in the Georgia forums. The situations your brother will encounter will be heavily influenced by how he presents himself to the other prisoners, and to the prison staff. Learning inmate etiquette, (google "prison inmate etiquette") is important in avoiding conflict, and especially in not having to prove he is tougher than all the other guys who consider themselves bad asses.

3 years minus good time and possible early parole is an exceptionally short sentence, and one possible result of looking for trouble is turning a short time into a very long sentence by catching new charges.
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Old 10-01-2019, 08:50 PM
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Hi MT123, Welcome to PTO

You might get through to speak with his Counselor, but GA DOC will decide what classes / programs he should take according to and dependent upon his criminal history, current conviction, educational attainment, drug/alcohol issues, anger issues, etc. By diploma, do you mean GED? ....do you have any college credits yourself? Challenge him: while he's working on his degree, whichever degree that happens to be, you'll work on yours, whichever degree that happens to be.

Be there for him. Accept his calls as you can afford to; visit when you can; write often, even if its a "Thinking of You Today" card or a short note. Send pictures of family gatherings at special occasions. Keep him up-to-date on weddings, births, & funerals.

Do not go broke for calls and/or commissary. And never, never send huge sums of money...especially if he continually requests more & more. Set a budget for yourself & for him, so you both know upfront what you can / will send for commissary.

Here is a link that gives some darned good prison etiquette tips:
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=592193
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Old 10-02-2019, 07:21 AM
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As for the violence - the majority of violence is verbal. It can be dealt with without getting physically hurt. He'll need to be very careful to not get caught up in gangs, drugs, gambling.

If he likes to read, send him books that you think he'd enjoy. If you're looking for ideas, PM me with his taste in books and I'll send some recommendations.

Mostly, let him know you're there. If you can visit him, do so, but ...

Start as you mean to go on. If you can't maintain weekly visits, then don't visit him weekly at the beginning. If you can't afford $100/month, then don't start by sending that sum. However you start off in your (emotional) support, make sure it's something you'll be able to maintain over the next three years.

He may get lucky and find people who are willing to act as mentors for his betterment. He may decide to fall in with people who don't have his best interests at heart. Make sure he knows that you're expecting him to make efforts to improve himself, but don't do so by pressuring or nagging - tell him that you know he can turn this into a positive experience, make him WANT to please you. He's already being punished, if you can give him a reason to have someone be proud of him, that will do a world of good for him.

Welcome to PTO. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you need us.
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Old 10-02-2019, 12:09 PM
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Love and support him. Read through the threads to sift out the rules and games they sometimes play.

Try to visit as often as possible to keep the human connection.
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:44 PM
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Please don't beat yourself up. We all look back & think we could have changed things but sometimes it's just our sadness making us feel that. Just be the best you can now.

Ga Diagnostics is where he gets evaluated mentally & physically. Then they'll place him after that. He can be there several weeks to a month or more. Once he finishes evaluation ( about 2 weeks) they wait for bedspace at the new location. He won't know before he goes when that is. Once he's at the new location he'll be listed on the DOC Offender Search website.
Things to do is get him to send you the visitation approval form to fill out & send in. Once you're on his approved list you can put money on a JPAY account. That can be used for his commissary, "stamps" if they have email there & other needs. You don't need to load him up. Also set up a phone account with Securus so he can call you.
Once he gets settled you can also sign up to send him magazines. My son loved those. I used https://www.inmatemagazineservice.com/index.php/en/ . I got 6 magazines for a year's subscription. It cost $25. Now they have 10 magazines for $35 & there's a lot to choose from.
Most locations have some classes or training they can take. His counselor will go over all that when he gets there. When you know where he is you can look up the facility to see what they offer.
As for violence, as others said, lay low til he checks things out is the best advice. Tell him no one there is his friend. They may be friendly but he needs to do his time & then leave it behind. Hopefully this experience will be a humbling one & show him that he doesn't want to do anything to wind up back there. My son was in for 2 years & was able to stay safe because he was pleasant & didn't bother anyone.
Three years seems a lifetime but it really does pass. Start planning now for what can be done when he comes home so he's successful. Keep him connected as much as possible. That way coming home is easier for all of you.


Hang in there & breathe. There are some good reentry groups In Georgia that can help you too. I'm not sure where you're located in the state but if you say what county I might know of one near you. This forum & reentry groups are great support.
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Old 10-11-2019, 02:18 PM
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Just wanted to thank everyone for all the info. Really grateful for this community.
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Old 10-11-2019, 03:37 PM
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I'm a wife and not a sibling so my filters are a bit different. But I can tell you what it's meant to my husband to have his older brother there while he's incarcerated-- a TON!

My brother in law was a gang member and wound up in prison. He didn't do such a hot job leading by example but then none of them had good examples to follow initially. He got out about 8 years ago and has been an absolute blessing to my husband. Yes, he sends him a little money now and then, but nothing that would support a person. He accepts his calls. Keeps him abreast of what's happening in their sprawling, crazy family. He keeps in touch with me to make sure I'm doing OK and sometimes we work together to get things accomplished for my husband. He's not a big writer, but he does send the occasional letter. To my husband, the bottom line is that his big brother is out here holding down a job, married to a lovely woman and living a nice, normal life. Something neither of them had growing up. He is demonstrating possibility. I am so grateful to him for that.

So maybe your brother just needs you to be there to show him that there is stability and possibility out here. If you don't have stability, maybe he can be your motivation for finding it. We always think about what we can do for them, but you'd be surprised at how they can motivate us, as well.
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Old 10-11-2019, 06:39 PM
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If he is a young guy and immature, use your status as an older brother to challenge him. Race him to a diploma or a degree. Tell him he can't do something you are doing - meditation, education, staying out of trouble, planning for a future, getting into therapy.

Older brothers have a special position in the lives of their little brothers. When my brothers get together, it is a race to see who can get the other drunker faster. My little brother is still looking for the approval of my older brother. He is still looking for acceptance and inclusion. Younger siblings walk and talk quicker than first siblings because of this innate desire to want to do everything their older sibling is doing, to be included, to be accepted as a peer and not a, “baby”. Use this.

One of the things you can also do is get into some therapy with the goal of setting limits, exploring the sibling relationship and how you can use it to positive effect, and to deal with your own stress over the situation.
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