A lump in my throat. Should it come to this?

[scarab333]

Originally Posted by Firebrand

It’s hard to be logical or objective when you’ve got that much time invested in a relationship with someone that you desire to be with. Still……what do you really have if you can’t trust him? The bit about him making parole and keeping you in the dark on it while you were still inside locked away is more than just a point of disrespect, he’s telling on himself with regard to the way he handles freedom and in particular at a time when you needed him the most. He abandoned you; period.

You ask “is it really over”. I know you’re already hurting inside and I mean not to be coarse in asking or saying this, but….is it a matter of asking “is it really over?” or is it more a matter of saying that “what once was is now nowhere to be found?” What is to be said of that? Is this more about wanting to love him or the fear of moving on without him? There’s a difference and it’s not easy making a decision to move on even when you know it’s the best thing to do; it takes a different kind of courage than what we’re used to mustering or finding in a situation like this. Along with that, you may not really know how to move on without him and that may be something that scares the hades out of you when you give it much thought because you’ve been through a lot.

It’s not just a matter of him being locked up; you were locked up and you too, have some wounds or scars that are in need of healing. You’re in need of some much needed medicine, too, scarab333 and it’s a medicine that involves an ingredient that is essential; it’s called trust.

I don’t know…..I do better with gals that have never been in much trouble because I’ve been in it all my life. It’s not about someone who’s been to prison not being good enough or any of that bit. All the relationships I’ve had with other former addicts, alcoholics and ex felons like myself have not gone very far. I do better with someone who is my opposite in that regard and it may be that before you find a man who you can really love, he may have to be of that variety, as well.

Thank you. You're right, It's time to move on and let go of what was. I thought to myself I do trust him... but actually it was the past I trusted and he abandoned that.

[scarab333]

Originally Posted by Klewis

Stay it will be okay.....

Okay I said it but do I mean hell f no. The nerve of this bastard. It just proved to you that if the shoe was on the other foot he would not be there for you at all. I really don't understand the question here. So I guess I will make up my own why would you stay and what is you going to stay in? This is definitely not a relationship. I am just really speechless I can't even think so I will just end it here.

When I read this, I thought... he would be there for me. when it comes down to it he wasn't. I dont know what happened to him in twelve years. But obviously he's changed. Here's to moving on I guess.

[scarab333]

Just wanted to say Thank You for those who posted sincerely. A little update...

I did hear from him with his explanation and of course it did SOUND valid in our situation but whats right is right and whats abandoning someone is just wrong. However, I made the choice to move on and start living my life rather than serving life in prison with him. Ive closed my business (which was for him so he could have once he was out) and now in the process of opening MY OWN business with my own dreams...

Thanks Again.

[nicenjazzy]

I wish you nothing but the best in everything you do. You deserve to follow your dreams. Stay strong.

[only1love]

Ending a long term relationship is a very heart wrenching thing to do, but many times in order to maintain your own sanity and respect, you have no other option.

I have been in those shoes. And it was my decision to end the relationship. That is not to say that I stopped loving him. Not sure that will ever happen, but I just could not deal with the lies, the hysteria and loss of trust. IMO, once the trust is gone, there really is nothing left to work with.

Wasting time? Making financial decisions for their benefit? Moving cross country for love? meh... just what people in love do.

I ended our relationship in Sept 2009 and went for counseling and really had to wrestle this out but I never took him back. Nothing to take back once the trust is gone.

IMO you did the only thing you could do. And you will be fine in a while.

[hisbabyny]

Originally Posted by scarab333

Just wanted to say Thank You for those who posted sincerely. A little update...

I did hear from him with his explanation and of course it did SOUND valid in our situation but whats right is right and whats abandoning someone is just wrong. However, I made the choice to move on and start living my life rather than serving life in prison with him. Ive closed my business (which was for him so he could have once he was out) and now in the process of opening MY OWN business with my own dreams...

Thanks Again.

You are doing for you and taking care of whats best for you' and thats the right thing to do! Open your Own business and live your Own dreams. Amen!
you and your children deserve the best life has to offer and it is Not Him.
I think all of this was a blessing in disguise and so glad you have found the courage to move on. All the best to you and yours..........

[egbdf65]

After all of this, do you want to send him a care package to try to change it? In one relationship I had with a family member recently I asked myself, "How much more proof do you need? How many more times do you need to see the truth?"

I compromised myself for others all my life. I took care of others and worried about others instead of myself - and I had plenty of problems to work through. I needed AA and Alanon and so did the other people. We all had to do our own work first - and then God brings us someone when and if He wants to - Himself.

I always invited people into my life who were untrustworthy and ended up used.

When kids are involved especially, I have a responsibility to myself, God, and them.

Originally Posted by scarab333

Prison is prison regardless if its in a 8x12 cell or if its living in the back of your mind.

12 years, I've carried this load. Kept my frustration locked in my mind without lashing it out on him. Watching him "screw up" repetitively inside knowing this isnt going to help his parole hearing. Letters every week. Phone calls $ he doesnt have to pay. Supporting him both every breathe of the way. Carrying the load of bills outside and on the inside, taking care of the home, being a mother and playing both roles as mother and father.

12 years exclude, 1.7 years of no communication due to my own incarceration.

Tonight I found out he was actually released on parole while I was incarcerated. Obviously, during his 5 months out (of course he screwed that up and back in) he couldn't manage to write me one single letter while I'm sick inside, feeling guilty I couldn't communicate with him... Once I got out I started right back where I left off...

He hasn't mentioned a hint he was paroled. On top of that... I went to send him a care package but he already had his quarterly package... Its not from his friends or family since I have been his only family for the last 10 years (everyone else disappeared).

Is it really over.

[sidewalker]

egbdf65
She has moved on.
Tho she is still considering sending him a care package
or not.
Read the whole thread.