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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

View Poll Results: What is your fear when your MWI is released
Will he be institutionlized? 3 15.00%
Will he go back to the life that led to his/her incarceration? (friends, drugs, or enviroment) 7 35.00%
Will he/she be able to find a job, soon? 4 20.00%
Will he/she do thier best effort to keep their promises to you? 11 55.00%
Other (explain below)? 2 10.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 20. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 03-16-2017, 08:37 AM
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Default MWI short timer's - what is your biggest fear

My MWI fiancé will be released Aug 2017. He has been down for 8 years and I have only been in his life for the past 2 years. I am just curious what are some fears with your MWI being released
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Old 03-16-2017, 09:48 AM
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My guy has been down 20 years. He has a hearing next month with the Special Court of Appeals and his case looks good to have time reduced. I have been in his life for almost 2 years. I am in another country from him so my concerns are just his adjustment back into society. I honestly do not believe that he will ever go back to prison but i worry sometimes that once he is released, people will start showing up in his life and i pray he has the strength to walk away.
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:01 AM
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My guy has been down for 23 years already and we're taking one day at a time. My only fear is that he'll be incarcerated forever. Other than that I'm not trying to foresee the future. It's useless since I don't have a crystal ball and I have no clue if and when he gets out how he might feel, how I might feel and what the situation is going to be like.
I love him to death but he's free. I cannot make him commit to me just because I loved him through those past years and maybe years to come.
One day at a time...
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:26 AM
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He is serving LWOP, but has a hearing next month. We are praying and hoping for a change in his sentencing. I would be most concerned of him going back to old ways/habits. He's been down 20 years and a lot has changed in that time..I can see how it may be comfortable to return to what he knows. I have high hopes that this would not be the case for him and he is very determined to do well if/when he gets released. I can see how he may be institutionalized some, but he is very resilient and has stayed up on a lot of things-has family support and such, so I don't think this will be too huge of a problem for him-still an adjustment for sure!
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Old 03-16-2017, 07:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quetz View Post
My MWI fiancé will be released Aug 2017.

He has been down for 8 years and I have only been in his life for the past 2 years.

I am just curious what are some fears with your MWI being released

Aw. I am happy he is getting out as mine in 2017 + Chica, only 2 yrs?that is a long time. jmho, i think anything now a days over 1 year,or almost a year is long.
This post will be a longer one, to answer your good query.(question)I really don't have a fear per say, not really. Actually, I already laid out a great life planned for us,and he is getting ZERO/no free ride,and he know it.We both are on the same page for the most part. (99.999%) His narcissistic fantasies i.e., "making a #1 record (within months of getting out) on y-tube channel is now just about gone, has clearly dissipate finally. ( I started thread on this) and i am ok with him though being into his music, but education is just as relevant and more important imo and working hard for a weekly check "until he is able to become successful at other things in life that he has planned with me." But working hard is first and foremost and he understand and want to work and will(for now) I will be supporting, wanting to get into a recording studio(as i do for years myself) and have him at times recording/stuff like this in our spare hours,when not first making sure there is:

-Rent/Mortgage being paid, each and every month without much stress/minimal effort of having to pay it. I look forward to us both doing this together and he says,"I can't wait."

-On the same page,going the same route in life,(1 road to positive life,the good life.Happy life. Absolutely no "outside" bullsh-t un-necessary drama.

-Always food on the table( 50/50 contributing) the both of us,by hard work on both of our ends.No free ride here.

HOWEVER:

If i did have "1"fear?
I think it would be him falling prey again to a lady in his family, who made him pull robberies,with and or without guns,since barely the tender pre-teen age of only 12, SMDH and shared DRUGS with his own parents. Both, who he also serve "jail time with." I was so shocked to learn this. He never share it with anyone. I believe him on this part. How sad.
-
He was also enabling her while so young. He has seen things no youngin' under 18 should have "seen. I can't share it publicly here much but just trust me."He severely has suffered for 18 yrs
and never got the necessary help he needed/required at home/and or growing up at all,til' he met me."
-
He remind me all time: "That our good and happy and clean fun loving positive life,will not be involved with that and how his bio-mom know this,so time will tell.My fiancee and my bff, has sadly been inside since the very young teen age of "just turning 18, so they hit him hard the DOC with 11 long years."He do not want to "ever" go back to this again he say it all the time. That,would be the ONLY way he is going back to crime/street life, to be around the area like that, the same bullsh-t,negative,"going no place good in life people."He remind me of this all the time."That would be the 1 thing, the more i think about it, that would yes, keep me in fear. But i learn to finally (after years) with him,to realize i have to trust him/that he is mature now,much smarter, since God sent me him, to realize what is good in life/who is good and who has his best interest @ heart. I trust he know better now. A GREAT THREAD.
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Old 03-17-2017, 01:04 PM
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We have only a few months to go finishing up a 20 year bid.
My fear is people will think he is out and ready to get on with life as if he has never been away...he will need to take things slowly and decompress for a while before they can all come round looking for party animal Richie.
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Psychocandy View Post
We have only a few months to go finishing up a 20 year bid.
My fear is people will think he is out and ready to get on with life as if he has never been away...he will need to take things slowly and decompress for a while before they can all come round looking for party animal Richie.
That is also one of my fears... I've noticed that the people that are incarcerated as well as their families want to "pick up" where they left off. Which is impossible.. My son did that for the 1st week; fortunately that "wore off" and he found something /someone that keeps him grounded.
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Old 03-21-2017, 11:30 PM
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Mine is up for release this August. He's been in for 3 years.

My biggest fear is simple: getting hurt.

I'm not one to make myself vulnerable. I'm the queen of walls and keeping people at a distance to avoid pain. And I have risked so much and put myself SO out there for this man that I would be completely obliterated if we fell apart.

Pain is a part of the human experience but it's not a part I've allowed myself to fully open myself up to or feel very often. Doing it on this large of a scale is TERRIFYING.

I worry that our relationship won't translate from MWI to the real world properly. That one or both of us will wake up after a week and realize it was all an illusion.

I worry the boring, normal life I have to offer will wear at him after a while and he'll go off looking for something more.

I worry that people will pop up from his old life and try to drag him down.

I worry that, even though he's been clean for years, a craving will pop up that he can't stave off and he'll go down the rabbit hole.

I worry about a lot of things. But it all comes back to getting hurt.
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Old 03-22-2017, 10:21 AM
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Mine is getting out in four months and I could've written almost exactly what WeepingWillow wrote. I have, however, somehow succeeded in the last few weeks to adopt this approach where I just don't let my mind go there anymore.....I saw this quote that said something to the effect of "Worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's problems, it takes away today's joys" - and even though I think it's good to be aware and prepared for anything, I decided I'm just going to let it go -- whatever will be, will be...and I'll face it then, with or without him. I think we are all scared of getting hurt, but with love there is always that risk so.... Hoping for the very best for all of us
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Old 03-23-2017, 08:13 AM
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Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
Mine is up for release this August. He's been in for 3 years.

My biggest fear is simple: getting hurt.

I'm not one to make myself vulnerable. I'm the queen of walls and keeping people at a distance to avoid pain. And I have risked so much and put myself SO out there for this man that I would be completely obliterated if we fell apart.

Pain is a part of the human experience but it's not a part I've allowed myself to fully open myself up to or feel very often. Doing it on this large of a scale is TERRIFYING.

I worry that our relationship won't translate from MWI to the real world properly. That one or both of us will wake up after a week and realize it was all an illusion.

I worry the boring, normal life I have to offer will wear at him after a while and he'll go off looking for something more.

I worry that people will pop up from his old life and try to drag him down.

I worry that, even though he's been clean for years, a craving will pop up that he can't stave off and he'll go down the rabbit hole.

I worry about a lot of things. But it all comes back to getting hurt.
I have all the same worries as you do, which is why I created this thread.. I didn't know if it was "just me" or are these real fears are "common". Thank you your response it helped me understand that my fears are common normal fears, under the circumstances.
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Old 03-24-2017, 09:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
Mine is getting out in four months and I could've written almost exactly what WeepingWillow wrote. I have, however, somehow succeeded in the last few weeks to adopt this approach where I just don't let my mind go there anymore.....I saw this quote that said something to the effect of "Worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's problems, it takes away today's joys" - and even though I think it's good to be aware and prepared for anything, I decided I'm just going to let it go -- whatever will be, will be...and I'll face it then, with or without him. I think we are all scared of getting hurt, but with love there is always that risk so.... Hoping for the very best for all of us
I need to adapt that same approach... how do you do it? my fears are getting the best of me and I am starting to get the "IDGF" attitude. Which is not helping the situation it's like i'm starting to build my 30 ft. high wall, 2 feet thick and rigged with explosives wall...
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Old 03-24-2017, 02:28 PM
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I need to adapt that same approach... how do you do it? my fears are getting the best of me and I am starting to get the "IDGF" attitude. Which is not helping the situation it's like i'm starting to build my 30 ft. high wall, 2 feet thick and rigged with explosives wall...
Yup, know all too well about them walls

How do I do it? I shared with him what I'm feeling, what my fears are...and he told me he understands, but he talked to me about how we could both mind-fu*k this thing if we start worrying too much... and I realized he's right. I decided I have to let go and like I've said in some previous threads, I made the decision in the beginning that I am strong enough to face whatever will happen...so now is the time to stick by that promise and not give into all those fears. I've been through a lot in my life and I know I will survive this too if it goes wrong...but..instead of concentrating what could go wrong - why not try to concentrate on what happens if it will go right In no way am I saying we should ignore those realistic challenges that lie ahead...but I think it is all too easy to get stuck on the potential problems and sort of start talking ourselves out of that chance for happiness -- because you just never know.... and I think it's worth the risk...for me at least because I know I will be fine (eventually) even if it goes wrong.
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Old 03-26-2017, 11:44 AM
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I have all the same worries as you do, which is why I created this thread.. I didn't know if it was "just me" or are these real fears are "common". Thank you your response it helped me understand that my fears are common normal fears, under the circumstances.


I think the fears are totally normal. What differentiates it from healthy or not healthy is how much those fears impact you. I'm an unhealthy worrier. When I was a kid I had a lot of anxiety. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I started imagining the absolute worst case scenario LS I could think of in any situation that made me anxious and I tried to process my emotions about them, thinking then it would hurt less if it actually happened. I still catch myself doing it as a grown up. Spoiler Alert: it doesn't work!

They say most suffering comes from dwelling on the past or the future instead of focusing on the present.

Pain in life is inevitable and it's part of what makes us appreciate the beautiful things in life. Worrying about it won't eliminate it. Like Sarianna said, it'll just distract us from the joy we have right now. And right now, at this moment in time, there is beauty.

I'm with a man who adores and spoils me within his means. I'm in love, which is one of the best feelings a human can experience (in part, because it's so fragile and delicate and unpredictable.) Breaking up a day after he comes home doesn't make this time any less wonderful. The only thing making it less wonderful is me trying to gain some fruitless sense of control by dwelling on hypothetical negative outcomes.

.These walls come from being a survivor. From surviving pain. If it comes, we're selling ourselves short if we believe we can't survive a little more.
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Old 03-26-2017, 12:36 PM
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what weepingwillow wrote is exactly how I feel, we all have so much similar feelings and my life too is simple, not too much going on. he understands now and know who I am but would he want more when he's home.. we,ve never live together and when he's home we will , so it may take some getting use to each other day to day , so many things and the unknown but he believes I should be positive and we,ll be okay. I,m just going to take one day at a time.
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Old 04-06-2017, 11:12 AM
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You really hit the nail on the head. You seem really sweet and I hope it works out for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WeepingWillow View Post
Mine is up for release this August. He's been in for 3 years.

My biggest fear is simple: getting hurt.

I'm not one to make myself vulnerable. I'm the queen of walls and keeping people at a distance to avoid pain. And I have risked so much and put myself SO out there for this man that I would be completely obliterated if we fell apart.

Pain is a part of the human experience but it's not a part I've allowed myself to fully open myself up to or feel very often. Doing it on this large of a scale is TERRIFYING.

I worry that our relationship won't translate from MWI to the real world properly. That one or both of us will wake up after a week and realize it was all an illusion.

I worry the boring, normal life I have to offer will wear at him after a while and he'll go off looking for something more.

I worry that people will pop up from his old life and try to drag him down.

I worry that, even though he's been clean for years, a craving will pop up that he can't stave off and he'll go down the rabbit hole.

I worry about a lot of things. But it all comes back to getting hurt.
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Old 07-27-2017, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quetz View Post
I need to adapt that same approach... how do you do it? my fears are getting the best of me and I am starting to get the "IDGF" attitude. Which is not helping the situation it's like i'm starting to build my 30 ft. high wall, 2 feet thick and rigged with explosives wall...
ahahaha... hot damn! I didn't know anyone else felt this way!! Thank you so very very much for your response!! I feel the same way!! (O you made me giggle... thanks for that too!) <3
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Old 07-30-2017, 11:24 AM
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My biggest fear was that once outside, he wouldn't be the same person I'd fallen in love with when he was insid. I knew him, love(d) him, and understood that I was being a little irrational, but I couldn't seem to quell the fear. I started worrying that everything I was, everything I offered wouldn't be "enough." It was really scary! Once he was out, I told him about my worries. They really hurt him, but he understood. I worried for nothing
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Old 08-07-2017, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
Mine is getting out in four months and I could've written almost exactly what WeepingWillow wrote.

I decided I'm just going to let it go -- whatever will be, will be...and I'll face it then, with or without him. I think we are all scared of getting hurt, but with love there is always that risk so.... Hoping for the very best for all of us :thumbsup:
Sarianna.hi chica.I'm agreeing to the highlight. Great you're prepared to do that, just in case, plan ahead, chica, i know i would lol(already have)even if i am a "strong-willed/confident person, i still am prepared just in case."We all have to be ya know. They've inside suffer so much psychological damage. (I know he took a long time to admit this to me.)Pero(but)i love him more for that."I get mine home in a short 100 days or lil less by now.
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How are you both doing?So happy he is home.I was re-reading this thinking of you and sayin he is home in a few months from march,so hoping you are going to update us PTO'ers soon! Hugs -n- Blessings your way,good night.God bless.adios.
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