Sadness in NY

[melmom64]

I'm not sure really where to start, but I will do my best.
My 20 yr old son is the city jail waiting for his next court date in August. We just found out on yesterday that there's no chance he will get a drug program. He's been in trouble several times before since he's 15 and all his chances at programs are up, so he will most likely be going upstate for at least 2 years.

I'm worn out and tired and oh so sad. It's so difficult knowing that your child is in jail. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with the months or years to come. Last night was difficult for me because the reality was setting in that this time he wasn't getting another chance. But this morning I woke up and realized and remembered how I feeling when he was home less than 2 months ago.......

It all came flooding back to me....how I would pray for relief or some kind of peace. I love him so much but having him home was killing me and his siblings. He was totally out of control. His drug usage was getting worse and I'm sure he was out on the streets to do whatever he could to get money for drugs. I felt like a prisoner in my own home because I couldn't allow him to be here when I wasn't. We were all suffering because of his drug use.

And now I have some peace in a sense, but it's a different kind of peace, at the expense of another kind of solace. Although my home is quiet, safe and tranquil, my heart still hurts because he is where he is. I'm trying to hold onto the logical side of things. That he is not out there taking drugs, shooting drugs, nor doing illegal things to get more drug money.

I didn't here from him last night or tonight and he usually calls every night, so I'm hoping he's okay and it's just a lockdown.

I'm glad I found this site. Last night I read quite a few posts and I know I will find understanding here. It's hard to be brave and face each day. I found I wasn't able to accomplish much today, but I know I have to, for myself and for my other kids.

Thank you all for being here, although I wish none of had to be here.

[missdebbie92025]

Welcome to PTO.Sorry and glad you found this site. My son is also locked up and You will find alot of mothers here that do understand what you are going thru.there is alot of nice people on this site.they will give you lot of support and advice and lots of hugs.its a good place to be for support and understanding.

[KidzMom]

Welcome!... Your words and feelings are earily familiar........I too felt the same way you are feeling. The first night my son was in jail I slept better than I had in a long time. At least I knew he was safe. My son's pregressively bad behaviour was ripping our family apart. The turmoil was unbearable and then it all stopped .. But started again for me in an entirely new way. Now it is all about wondering what will happen next. When will I be able to see him. Is he surviving? Is he healthy? Is he safe????

You will have many very emotional moments! Its OK....the pain, loss, despair, anger, helplessness......it is all natural. We truely understand!

There are so many helpful supportive people on this site! you will become part of this extended family. We are STRONG! and we will help you through this incredibly surreal journey!

[1bird2]

Welcome Melmom....I'm really thankful that you found your way to us....and VERY sorry that you need to. I think everyone of us can relate to what you are feeling...the mother load of emotional roller coasters.
At the top of the forum is a "STICKY" on the stages of Grief....it will help you deal with all of this.
I hate that he cannot get a rehab program....because that is exactly what would be best. I hope that he does have that in prison...I think most of them do offer some type of rehab program. (Mine is in Fed system on drug charges) I think if you just try to focus on the blessing of him being alive and having the opportunity to be clean....and the fact that your house is peaceful right now (even though your heart has been ripped out)....it will help some. Are you able to visit him? I hope so.
We ALL KNOW the agony of not getting the call...and it is agony. He will call as soon as he is able I'm sure.
I will keep you and yours in my prayers....because God is good...and powerful and capable...and on the job! I hope you experience that peace in the middle of the storm.
Stay close...and we'll all make it down this painful road together.
We will all make it...because we have to....and there is something of a prize at the end of this journey!!
Love and prayers,
XXOO

[tglsmom]

Welcome to the parent's forum, melmom. You're right - none of us wants to be here, but here we are and it's the best place ever for support, encouragement and understanding. I know that "peace" you're talking about. My son is a drug addict as well and I virtually spent years worrying that he would harm himself or someone else. I worried every day that I would get a call from the coroner, especially when he disappeared for months. The minute we found out that he was finally apprehended and placed in jail, my heart sank BUT I was immensely relieved. At least he was safe and alive! Now, of course, there are other worries to replace those when he was using, but at least now we know that he is sober and he can make better choices.

Please try not to worry about your son. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that he didn't get a drug program. It could be that spending some time in jail is just what is needed for him to wake up and face the consequences of drug addiction. Sometimes these kids need to learn the hard way!

Please come back often. We're here to listen and help when we can.

[DannysFM]

Welcome, melmom. I can totally relate to what you are saying. My 18-year-old son was just released a month ago from serving time in Rikers on drug charges. I was so, so devastated when he was arrested...which was sometimes hard for people (including me!) to understand, as things were so miserable in so many ways with him at home. No, I did not like the way things were with him at home, using and dealing drugs. But I also hated him being in jail. And the beginning stage, when we didn't know how long he would be locked up for or what would happen, was definitely the WORST.

I'm glad you found this forum. The other parents here definitely helped me through some pretty dark and scary days. I know you will find the same support.

I don't know where your son is, but if he is at Rikers and you need any info about visiting or whatever please feel free to pm me. I got very familiar with that place over the past year!

[wickit]

WELCOME TO PTO!
You will find lots of support and information on our site, be sure and look through the other forums!