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  #1  
Old 01-08-2017, 09:23 AM
Mrconcerned Mrconcerned is offline
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Default Is it just me or do all men stay enraged at what all wife has to put up wit

Knowing my wife is in a cell meant for 12 but converted into 28 bunks, has to work for free, put up with disrespectful guards, strip searchs , after rec and visits. Ect.. NO MAN OR WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO DISRESPEC MY WIFE . IM THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT SHE SHOULD EVER ANSWER TOO. . Knowing shes black mailed with cases if she was to put guards ect in there place. ...Thankfully she should have less than a year to go.then it'll be my turn to "disrespect"
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Old 01-08-2017, 09:39 AM
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Prison sucks. If she wouldn't have gotten in trouble she woildnt be in that position. Your post sounds abusive stating you are the only person she needs to answer to and saying when she gets home it will be your turn to disrespect her. At least that's the way I read it.
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Old 01-08-2017, 09:41 AM
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Yeah, I was pretty enraged at times. CDCR gave us both plenty of reasons to. Nobody should have to endure things that Dee put up with.

Unfortunately, once they've been found guilty, the state has the legal right to house 'em and give 'em terms as to how they can serve their time, the consequences of not programming, punishments for violating rules.....they answer to the state as a consequence of their actions.

Also, maybe I'm new-age or something, but even now that Dee's home, I don't really consider her as "answering" to me. Relationships are entered into voluntarily and willingly in my opinion. We make decisions together.....

When you say it'll be your turn to "disrespect" once she's out....I assume you're talking about the state DOC?

Honestly, unless you have documented proof of serious ethical/civil rights/etc. violations that you can take to court, I'd let it go and just enjoy her being home...Dee and I used to want to go to war with these folks. By the end, we just wanted to put it behind us and enjoy her coming home...
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Old 01-08-2017, 10:57 AM
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Hi there I can understand you are angry I know sometimes we all feel angry at our loved ones and the system. Your wife is responsible for her situation and she is answerable to the law we all are. Disrespect is unacceptable whether its the prison system doing it or you doing it. You cant control the prison system but you can control how you behave.
All you can do is support her.
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Old 01-08-2017, 11:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrconcerned View Post
Knowing my wife is in a cell meant for 12 but converted into 28 bunks, has to work for free, put up with disrespectful guards, strip searchs , after rec and visits. Ect.. NO MAN OR WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO DISRESPEC MY WIFE . IM THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT SHE SHOULD EVER ANSWER TOO. . Knowing shes black mailed with cases if she was to put guards ect in there place. ...Thankfully she should have less than a year to go.then it'll be my turn to "disrespect"
I have felt the same, but in the same regard, my husband put himself in this position, and takes full responsibility for anything that goes on behind those walls. It hurts us that our LO's are being treated "Less Than" but being in prison, is no cake walk. Surely not the type of life or treatment that that anyone should have to go through!
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Old 01-08-2017, 12:01 PM
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Prison is not a vacation, however, it is and can be a time for reflection for the inmate as well as their loved ones. You must remember, her actions are the reason for her being where she is at. She certainly can tell the guards what she thinks, however, she will deal with the consequences of doing so....I am assuming just like she would with telling you off. SMH
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Old 01-08-2017, 09:54 PM
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Default I would never disrespect my wife

My rage is 100% directed at POS tdjc . the whole system is a twisted, sick, perverse,joke. They treat them like shit so theyll be full of hate and dispise hopeing the recently release victim will lash out the system. Resulting in POS legal system getting rearrest, and begaining the whole "cash cow" money making racket all over again ++++ getting to use the return stat as a reason to make prison sentences longer ect...
No my disrespect is at the mockery of democracy. Our letal system has straight up whored out and made blind lady justice into a laughing stock.
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Old 01-08-2017, 10:41 PM
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Default I would never disrespect my wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustBeingMe67 View Post
Prison is not a vacation, however, it is and can be a time for reflection for the inmate as well as their loved ones. You must remember, her actions are the reason for her being where she is at. She certainly can tell the guards what she thinks, however, she will deal with the consequences of doing so....I am assuming just like she would with telling you off. SMH
Sorry if u misinterpreted the direction of my "disrespect" it is solely at tdc .I'd kill or die for wife...never disrespect...
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Old 01-08-2017, 10:58 PM
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Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Yeah, I was pretty enraged at times. CDCR gave us both plenty of reasons to. Nobody should have to endure things that Dee put up with.

Unfortunately, once they've been found guilty, the state has the legal right to house 'em and give 'em terms as to how they can serve their time, the consequences of not programming, punishments for violating rules.....they answer to the state as a consequence of their actions.

Also, maybe I'm new-age or something, but even now that Dee's home, I don't really consider her as "answering" to me. Relationships are entered into voluntarily and willingly in my opinion. We make decisions t

When you say it'll be your turn to "disrespect" once she's out....I assume you're talking about the state DOC?

Honestly, unless you have documented proof of serious ethical/civil rights/etc. violations that you can take to court, I'd let it go and just enjoy her being home...Dee and I used to want to go to war with these folks. By the end, we just wanted to put it behind us and enjoy her coming home...
No putting behind... Bully tactics, intimidation, black mail, extortion, slave labor are all illegal. She has to pay for jokeass dope charges. Then BY GOD THEIR SELF RIGHTOUS ASSES SHOULD HAVE TO PAY 100x's more than the victims incarcerated.
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Old 01-09-2017, 12:38 AM
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Sorry if u misinterpreted the direction of my "disrespect" it is solely at tdc .I'd kill or die for wife...never disrespect...
Thank you for clarifying...that's what I thought you meant, but it wasn't 100% clear.

I 100% understand how you feel. Went through it myself with CDCR. Departments of "Corrections" (and "rehabilitation" though that word seems like a joke to them) aren't easy to deal with for us, and 100 times worse for them having to live through it.
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Old 01-09-2017, 12:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrconcerned View Post
No putting behind... Bully tactics, intimidation, black mail, extortion, slave labor are all illegal. She has to pay for jokeass dope charges. Then BY GOD THEIR SELF RIGHTOUS ASSES SHOULD HAVE TO PAY 100x's more than the victims incarcerated.
Like I said....100% understand where you're coming from. Dealt with CDCR so much that they actually begged my girl to tell me to stop when them telling me to stop wouldn't work. Just remember.....make sure you got everything documented. Have her save any paperwork necessary. But if you find yourself at the end just being tired and wanting to put it behind you like we did....don't be surprised.

-E
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Old 01-09-2017, 03:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Like I said....100% understand where you're coming from. Dealt with CDCR so much that they actually begged my girl to tell me to stop when them telling me to stop wouldn't work. Just remember.....make sure you got everything documented. Have her save any paperwork necessary. But if you find yourself at the end just being tired and wanting to put it behind you like we did....don't be surprised.

-E
Recently a independent organization that moniters prisons by visiting with and interviewing those that are in custodyvisited facility wife is at....one would think that type of intervention and documentation of allegations would help curtail incidences....except for the fact that the persons that were going cell to cell asking about conditions ect.. Was accompanied by 2 tdc guards...Really?!!!! Blatant text book intimidation!! Supposely the justice department FBI ect arrest and prosecute know mob members who participate in identical actions and behavior. So why the hell arent these guards in prison instead of getting to exercise blanant abuse of power on a concentration camp level instead of just monitoring and supervising day to day life of those detained there.?
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Old 01-09-2017, 12:19 PM
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Recently a independent organization that moniters prisons by visiting with and interviewing those that are in custodyvisited facility wife is at....one would think that type of intervention and documentation of allegations would help curtail incidences....except for the fact that the persons that were going cell to cell asking about conditions ect.. Was accompanied by 2 tdc guards...Really?!!!! Blatant text book intimidation!! Supposely the justice department FBI ect arrest and prosecute know mob members who participate in identical actions and behavior. So why the hell arent these guards in prison instead of getting to exercise blanant abuse of power on a concentration camp level instead of just monitoring and supervising day to day life of those detained there.?
This absolutely does not surprise me. I have an old professor who did studies on women in prison and she told us the most difficult part of conducting the research was getting the Department of Corrections to allow her access to the inmates without a guard present. She explained that she needed to have at least some access to them without guards present and be allowed to conduct the research with a degree of anonymity guaranteed to the inmates because the guards would prevent them from speaking freely.
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Old 01-09-2017, 01:43 PM
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No putting behind... Bully tactics, intimidation, black mail, extortion, slave labor are all illegal. She has to pay for jokeass dope charges. Then BY GOD THEIR SELF RIGHTOUS ASSES SHOULD HAVE TO PAY 100x's more than the victims incarcerated.
Sun Tzu got it right 5,000 years ago: "Choose your battles carefully. Only fight when you can win."
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Old 01-09-2017, 02:32 PM
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I feel the same way. It's hard to sit out here and know your significant other is being treated like crap and there's nothing you can do about it.

I remember when he first got to his current unit...the guards refused to give him a lightbulb for his cell, a mattress, or a spoon. I had to sit there knowing he was in seg, in the dark, sleeping on bare metal, eating with his ID card, and no one would help him. I was so, so angry.

I'm still angry at the way he's treated. I'm angry that he was so excited to take a cabinetry class, thinking he'd come out with a great trade...and then they discovered how great he is at woodworking and are using him every day to make furniture and decorations for hours and hours because they can sell them and give them to staff, instead of wasting time teaching him a trade.

I'm angry that the guards broke his glasses in a shake down and absolutely no one has helped him get new ones so he's practically blind.

I'm angry at the derogatory names I hear the guards call him when we're on the phone.

I'm angry that he went to see the dentist for a cavity and by the time he was through, the dentist had broken two of his teeth.

I'm angry about a million different things. But after 2.5 years, I have to either take a deep breath and let those things go, or shove them down deep inside in order to survive with my sanity intact. Just like he does. TDC is a jacked up place.
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Old 01-09-2017, 09:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrconcerned View Post
Knowing my wife is in a cell meant for 12 but converted into 28 bunks, has to work for free, put up with disrespectful guards, strip searchs , after rec and visits. Ect.. NO MAN OR WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO DISRESPEC MY WIFE . IM THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT SHE SHOULD EVER ANSWER TOO. . Knowing shes black mailed with cases if she was to put guards ect in there place. ...Thankfully she should have less than a year to go.then it'll be my turn to "disrespect"
A couple of things come to mind.

1. It is rarely accurate to suggest all people in similar situations will react the same way. Absolutes like all, never, etc. Usually are not good choices.

2. You sound upset that people are treating your wife that way because she is your woman. I think that when possible men and women inmates should be treated equally.
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Old 02-22-2017, 02:38 AM
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I say hit them back hard if they mess with your wife. The guards on my wifes unit know if they mess with her they better have a legit reason. As suggested document everything. Develop relationships at the prison with rank. Learn what specific violations are occurring and grieve. Also, find ways to get the attention of those in a position to do something about it. I developed several relationships with officers on my wife's unit. Also, with wardens secretary whose son spent time in prison. This type of access gets you information . At any time I can pick up the phone and get someone on the phone willing to talk to me. The guards no longer disrespect me because I want take it from them for my wife and myself. The guards know I will do everything I can to destroy their career if they cross a line. At first I was scared of the repercussions against my wife for going after a guard but the wardens secretary told me that was a mistake because of nobody files complaints then there are no investigations and no discipline. She said that is most people. I decided that I really can't complain about it if I'm not willing to do anything. My efforts have led to a few minor but positive changes for the inmates there and thankfully got a co fired. I'm about to go after another one. I will always defend her however I have to. So do something about it. Direct that anger at the cowards who did anything against your wife.
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Old 02-22-2017, 06:07 PM
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"Can't control the prison system", true, but it's part of the government and has to answer to people who have to answer to voters.

From what I read in Grits For Breakfast the TDCJ is politically vulnerable now.

Trying to reform the entire system? That can wait until your wife is back home and back on her feet. Meantime, you can try the ombudsman office. It works sometimes despite not being a real ombudsman (a real one would be independent of TDCJ). More than one person has reported retaliation after filing a report with the ombudsman so only try it if you're OK with that.

This link has some reform ideas based on research:
http://gritsforbreakfast.blogspot.co...oversight.html, which could be summarized in the paragraph "The awareness by prison staff that a monitor could show up at any time would check employee misbehavior. The culture of a prison changes when outsiders shine a light on its operations and conditions."

I read one success story about the ombudsman office helping someone get a furlough to attend a funeral but can't find the link again. I haven't seen success stories about the kinds of problems your wife is suffering.
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Old 02-23-2017, 06:18 AM
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Once in awhile I will get upset at what she has to go through, mainly if she feels a guard is messing with her but all the rest of the stuff I listen to her complain and then try to walk her though how to use it as a learning tool to cope and compare it to an outside situation she could run into the future. Honestly at times when she really bitches jsut about the drama in the dorm or lack of whatever, I tell her then dont go to prison. It might sound harsh but its the truth. She made bad decisions that put her there and I am glad it is a country club so hopefully it makes it where her drive to never go back out weighs her wanting to do stupid she when out.

Its something that helps me stay sober, play the tape through. Hey maybe one day you think you can just have a xanax for your anxiety but guess what that opens the flood gates and now picture where you using drugs lands you everytime. Doing stupid shit and ending up in rehab or jail and now prison. It will never change pic up and even if it doesnt happen right away it will happen so when you get thought of maybe I can handle it keep thinking off the future path and realize prison, institutions or death will always be the end and as long as thats not what you want then you can stay sober.
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