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Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison For anyone that has a same sex partner, family member, friend or Pen Pal in prison that is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.

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  #26  
Old 01-06-2017, 03:52 PM
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My wife recently admitted to having had a lengthy romantic relationship with another prisoner. Her lover was paroled recently. She told me about their relationship because she wants me to help her remain in touch with her lover, who apparently can't contact her directly. I thought we had a completely open relationship until this. Now I'm not sure what to think about that and other aspects of our marriage. She's talked about women being "gay for the stay/straight at the gate". I'm wondering what we really have sexually.

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I posted for advice and I appreciate getting some. She has damned little. She's getting old alone, among people who don't care whether she lives or dies for the most part. Maybe what she had with Jessica was the best thing she could have or will have inside.
You say you posted for advice. What advice are you looking for? You seem understanding about the whole situation EXCEPT that she kept it from you. You arent going to leave her and will continue to help Jessica continue to communicate with Tammy. All the advice you've gotten you responded with a opposite counter response. I see two issues. What do you and her have sexually and how do you trust her again? Unless you have family visits in all honesty you don't have anything sexual with her. At the most you have intimacy and you can still have that if you separate your relationship from the one she has with Jessica. As for trust if this was the only thing in 7 years that has tested your trust then you may just need time to feel the security of the relationship you had before.

It's hard to give someone advice when someone wouldn't put up with any part of the situation you are asking for advice on. Hard to dissect. For instance a husband drives drunk with no license, no insurance and hit another car but the only thing you have a problem with is that your 2 year old was in the car. Other than that you totally understand why he would engage in that behavior. Probably not a good example but it's all I've got.
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Old 01-06-2017, 05:15 PM
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She does have a life, just as you have one. They are structured differently but this feels more like you reaching for a way to excuse behavior that didn't fit your agreement with her.

You and I live. Tammy exists. There's a huge difference! I'm not excusing her. I'm coping with what I feel is a breach of trust.
That's her choice, hun. And one I hate to see you pay for. :/
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  #28  
Old 01-06-2017, 05:25 PM
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You say you are coping with a breach of trust and I can imagine that is painful. However you are arguing in her defence everytime our members tell you that her actions have been deceitful and disrespectful.
You seem determined to help her break the rules and stay in contact with her lover even through it could cause problems for them both.

As for what you have sexually you have letters and phone calls like the marjority of us on here with incarcerated loved ones.

Not really sure what answer it is you want my friend?
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  #29  
Old 01-07-2017, 08:51 AM
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That's her choice, hun. And one I hate to see you pay for. :/
It's not her choice. It was the judge's to make her serve her sentences consecutively. I think about what might have been whenever I hear a line from the Eagles song "I'm Already Gone". "So often time it happens, we live our life in chains and never even know we have the key".
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  #30  
Old 01-07-2017, 08:58 AM
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You say you are coping with a breach of trust and I can imagine that is painful. However you are arguing in her defence everytime our members tell you that her actions have been deceitful and disrespectful.

I know she was deceitful and disrespectful. What makes the while thing so
hard to reconcile is she's acting in a different society with it's own rules and constraints. It would be somewhat different if she were free. We could talk face to face about it until we resolved the issue of why it happened and what it meant for us as a couple. We can't do that very well in the VR.

You seem determined to help her break the rules and stay in contact with her lover even through it could cause problems for them both.


It's their choice, isn't it?

As for what you have sexually you have letters and phone calls like the marjority of us on here with incarcerated loved ones.

It's good but not good enough for me anymore than it is for anyone else.

Not really sure what answer it is you want my friend?

I'm trying to get some perspective.
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Old 01-07-2017, 10:52 AM
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That does not excuse disrespect and deceit. If you allow her to treat you this way and enable it she will always do so, so make up your mind if its what you want. You deserve happiness also you are not in prison.


No its your choice whether you help them or not ,that is very much your choice and in my opinion your doing so rewards her for poor behaviour and encourages further deceit. They want to do it let them take the risks.


It is what it is and we all have to decide if its enough for us or not. Unless your state introduces family visits then its this way for good.

You do not seem happy you seem a little lost so I would have a long hard think about what you want and need and what you will accept.
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  #32  
Old 01-07-2017, 01:37 PM
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I think honestly you may want to consider having your own relationship too, to me it's only fair. Why is it ok for her to do but not you?
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  #33  
Old 01-07-2017, 01:51 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is online now
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That does not excuse disrespect and deceit.

I guess I'd file it under "situational ethics".

If you allow her to treat you this way and enable it she will always do so, so make up your mind if its what you want.

I want her to level with me in the future, which I hope she'll do. We haven't had The Talk yet. I want her to be settled down before I discuss it with her.

You deserve happiness also you are not in prison.

I sometimes wonder what happiness is. Is it having what we want or settling for what we have?

No its your choice whether you help them or not ,that is very much your choice

You're right. It is my choice. I think it's the lesser of evils when it comes to my wife's mental/psychological condition.

and in my opinion your doing so rewards her for poor behaviour and encourages further deceit.


Or maybe it keeps her stable, which I worry about. I don't trust teh system to care for her properly. She's been fine for quite a while. I want her to stay that way.

They want to do it let them take the risks.


I think handling it as we are is the only solution to risk reduction.

It is what it is and we all have to decide if its enough for us or not.

Precisely so. I decided a long time ago that it has to be enough.

Unless your state introduces family visits then its this way for good.

Conjugals have never been permitted. I doubt that will ever change. Being tough on crime appeals to voters more than rehabilitation.

You do not seem happy you seem a little lost so I would have a long hard think about what you want and need and what you will accept.

I think I'm as happy as I can be. Dumping my wife isn't an option.
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  #34  
Old 01-07-2017, 01:58 PM
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I think honestly you may want to consider having your own relationship too, to me it's only fair. Why is it ok for her to do but not you?
I remained faithful to her for a long time, hoping for a successful appeal or a reduction. She did her best to push me away when it became apparent that she wasn't going to able to come home. When I refused to give up on her she suggested that I "date" when I needed to. Her proposed rules: Always be a dad first, no emotional involvement, nobody she or we knew and I would tell her about it and answer questions (which wasn't easy for me!). I didn't "date" for a while but she kept bringing it up and I finally went for it. The difference is she didn't tell me a thing during the 7 years she and her lover were involved.
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  #35  
Old 01-07-2017, 02:49 PM
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I remained faithful to her for a long time, hoping for a successful appeal or a reduction. She did her best to push me away when it became apparent that she wasn't going to able to come home. When I refused to give up on her she suggested that I "date" when I needed to. Her proposed rules: Always be a dad first, no emotional involvement, nobody she or we knew and I would tell her about it and answer questions (which wasn't easy for me!). I didn't "date" for a while but she kept bringing it up and I finally went for it. The difference is she didn't tell me a thing during the 7 years she and her lover were involved.
I remember you saying all that. Maybe she kept pushing at you to date because she was involved with Jessica or someone else and felt guilty. What I'm wondering is what if she finds someone else, someone she not only has a physical relationship with but an emotional one too, and you are out here being alone. Random hookups with women don't go far. Life gets lonely. I would hate to think you are depriving yourself from really being happy and she is finding people to share her life with. I am not saying to leave her, not at all but what I am saying is maybe you can find someone to share this outside world with.
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  #36  
Old 01-07-2017, 02:57 PM
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[quote=Sean'sGirl82;7594649]I remember you saying all that. Maybe she kept pushing at you to date because she was involved with Jessica or someone else and felt guilty.

I never thought of that. Jessica went in a long time after Tammy and I came to our agreement about my dating. But maybe she did have someone else back then. That's a lot to think about.

What I'm wondering is what if she finds someone else, someone she not only has a physical relationship with but an emotional one too, and you are out here being alone.

That's precisely what happened. I wouldn't have had much of a problem, maybe none at all after I got used to the idea that she was having sex with Jessica. I think I could have handled it if she she'd told me she loved her when they first got together. Having it all come down on me at once has been tough to deal with.

Random hookups with women don't go far.


That's the idea. It's two people satisfying a bodily function.

Life gets lonely.

Pretty much every night and lot of days as well.

I would hate to think you are depriving yourself from really being happy and she is finding people to share her life with. I am not saying to leave her, not at all but what I am saying is maybe you can find someone to share this outside world with.

I guess that's something I need to think about. Thanks.
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Old 01-07-2017, 11:18 PM
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She does have a life, just as you have one. They are structured differently but this feels more like you reaching for a way to excuse behavior that didn't fit your agreement with her.

You and I live. Tammy exists. There's a huge difference! I'm not excusing her. I'm coping with what I feel is a breach of trust.
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It's not her choice. It was the judge's to make her serve her sentences consecutively.
OK, let's just cut the hand-holding-- she committed a crime, she was given a sentence to serve like many (many, many) of our loved ones with long bids. You can argue the fairness of it in some other venue because this is about her choice long after that bid was cemented.

Tammy is responsible for Tammy. Not you, not Jessica, not the judge and not prison. She HAS the choice to live a life. Seven years of intimacy is no small thing, so...sounds like she's living on some level.

You're getting something out of this that I don't entirely understand except that maybe you've just been doing it so long the thought of detaching and advocating for your own well-being is something that scares you.

If you want to be beholden to her choices, so be it. But to be honest the more you describe the situation, you're the one on the shortest leash. And that right there is just another choice.
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  #38  
Old 01-08-2017, 03:36 AM
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Yes, my situation is very different from yours, but I am seeing something so similar that I'm going to put this out there.

[Enter Cold-Hearted Bitch Mode]

My husband and I have been together for 24 years. We met at an AA meeting, so no secrets about his addiction problem. Those addictions are why he is where he is. The majority of our life together has been sober and happy. But - I have also spent a good chunk of that time - especially in the past 5 years - rationalizing WHY this and justifying THAT and making excuses for him. I have put his wants ahead of my needs for a very long time. Oh poor husband. He should be in treatment. Poor thing, he's bipolar on top of everything else. He's had a hard, fucking life. They should cut him some slack. I have to stay because I am the only one who truly understands him.

THAT'S BULLSHIT. And I think you know that.

Tammy broke the very rules that she mandated YOU follow: she wasn't honest and open and she has developed an emotional relationship.
Brett smashed our commitment to be honest and sober/clean against the wall.

She knew this would rip you up - that's why she didn't tell you. She's kept you tethered to maintain her control of everything about your relationship with her. You support her financially and emotionally. Do you really believe she has your best interests at heart as she does these things? What is she doing to be supportive of you? Does she worry about how you feel that way you do her? It looks like she hasn't taken your feelings into consideration for some time now. When you take it down to bare bones, that does not feel that much different than Brett deciding that feeding his addictions was more important than maintaining our relationship's trust and commitment. "For better or worse" applies to BOTH people in the relationship. One person can't love and trust and be committed enough for both.

Sorry, not sorry. The conscious decision to abuse our love for them - for their purely selfish wants - NOT NEEDS, WANTS - feels the same to me. I gave and I gave without question or hesitation. But it's never enough.

Tammy wants you to be the go-between in breaking the rules. It does not matter WHY the rules are the way they are. It's a fact. Period. We don't get to pick and choose which ones to follow.
Brett wants me to be ok with him now being in contact with his life-long using buddy. [It's highly suspect that he's in contact with this guy, who is most likely still on parole . . . but that's another story.]

She wants you to be ok with being the go-between between her and her lover.
Brett wants me to be ok with the fact that he's now in contact with his buddy - shortly before his sentence discharges. Both Brett and Tammy being childish, selfish and controlling. They are going against what we understood and accepted our relationships to be. They both have broken a huge part of what we thought our relationship with them was based on: trust. When things get too hard for them, they pull out the "oh, poor me" bullshit. And for them, the best part is that they have got us so well-trained, that WE go there without them having to say a thing!

Right now, IDK where my marriage is going. I'm on disability, but I spent my entire inheritance from my mother on making sure Brett was ok. I now eat what the local food pantry gives me each month. If I disappear from the forum, it's prob'ly because I couldn't figure out how to pay the bill to stay online. I've been diagnosed with PTSD because of having to deal with his shit. REALLY?! How many rocks do we need to be hit in the head with before the light bulb goes on? Mine hit me last week. I've got my own "poor me" shit that needs attention. WHERE'S HE?! Oh yes. Poor baby is in prison, so I need to feel sorry for and take care of HIM first.

BULLSHIT.


Brett got himself there, same as Tammy did. Yep. The system sucks, the laws need to be changed, it's not right, it's not fair, it's Trump's fault and it hurts. Oh. The. Fuck. Well. Suck it up and get a reality check. This is how our life IS.

One thing we are in control of is how long do we want to let our spouses intentionally cause us pain?

Yes, it's hard to even think about ending a relationship that has lasted decades. Hard. Not impossible. I won't stop loving Brett. Ever. But it's now highly questionable whether I will keep him in my life or not. The camel is in intensive care in traction for it's broken spine. We don't know if it'll recover or not. Send flowers and take care of YOU.

If this had been a real relationship, it's outward signs of love wouldn't have been so unbalanced. They'd have put US first, the same as we did them.

For decades.


No more excuses. No more bullshit. Their behavior is not acceptable.

[Exit: Cold-Hearted Bitch Mode]

I'm sorry it hurts so much right now, my friend! I really, really am.
nox
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  #39  
Old 01-09-2017, 04:21 AM
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^^Not going to touch that post. I have not been here long enough to begin on that.

Just found this thread - I can say from reading the whole thing is that yes she has an emotional connection with her. Also, please do not be involved with their illegal communication. You're not exempt from legal ramifications of those illegal communications. You can show your love and support for her without breaking the law. Her asking to do that for you shows lack of respect. That's not fair to ask that of you. You would be disrespecting yourself and your relationship to keep doing that.

From all the answers you have been given you seem to be at a stand still on what to do next. Take a look inside yourself and answer any questions honestly even if they hurt. Also, you and Jessica have a different type of relationship with Tammy altogether. Tammy may be getting her needs met with you one way and her needs met with Jessica another way. You'll have to talk to her at some point because it doesn't feel good to keep letting this go on without addressing it head on with Tammy.

As of now your trust with her is broken. You've received better advice than I could have on how to start repairing that trust. Trust is one of those basic foundations of any relationship outside or inside. You really owe it to yourself to be prepared to answer the hard questions and also ask her the hard questions as well. Don't let this keep going on - it will just eat you up inside. :/
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Old 01-09-2017, 01:45 PM
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OK, let's just cut the hand-holding-- she committed a crime, she was given a sentence to serve like many (many, many) of our loved ones with long bids. You can argue the fairness of it in some other venue because this is about her choice long after that bid was cemented.


You're right. It is on her but there's really nobody else to hold her hand (money, etc.) if I don't. Sarah and her mom aren't in a position to keep her afloat materially or psychologically. I can't just tell her "Have a nice life" and pull the plug.

Tammy is responsible for Tammy. Not you, not Jessica, not the judge and not prison.


I understand and agree that everyone has to take responsibility for her/himself and can't take responsibility for anyone else.


She HAS the choice to live a life. Seven years of intimacy is no small thing, so...sounds like she's living on some level.


She was making do at the least, anyway. I left the visit early yesterday because she didn't want to discuss things. She called in the evening like she usually does but she just cried on the phone the whole time. She's hurting. I'm trying to put myself in her place. From that aspect, it's hard to be too critical of her despite my feelings of being betrayed.

You're getting something out of this that I don't entirely understand except that maybe you've just been doing it so long the thought of detaching and advocating for your own well-being is something that scares you.


I don't know how to detach.

If you want to be beholden to her choices, so be it. But to be honest the more you describe the situation, you're the one on the shortest leash. And that right there is just another choice.



Maybe you're right about that. I just don't know what to do.
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Old 01-09-2017, 07:19 PM
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She's hurting. I'm trying to put myself in her place. From that aspect, it's hard to be too critical of her despite my feelings of being betrayed.
I can understand this. I think Fiat's point is more that you shouldn't have had to have put up with this sort of betrayal in the first place.

You have every right to be angry about this situation. No one's going to deny you that.

Ultimately you have to decide what you will and will not allow. I do think, however, and keep in mind, this is just me thinking about what I'd want if I were in your shoes (because in some senses I was,) but I would want a discussion, some explanation, some clarity about where she sees herself as far as her relationship with you and what she feels she needs (from you, from others, etc.) going forward. She at least owes you that.

At least that's what I think...
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Old 01-09-2017, 08:42 PM
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I could answer your post line for line - in fact I started out doing just that. But I'm not going to argue my point with you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm not trying to win you over to my way of thinking - ok, I am to an extent . . . But I said the hard things I had to say and once is enough.

Look, we've shared things with each other and I am really hoping that you know that this is not me being mean. This is me showing how much I DO care about you.

You deserve to be happy.

It breaks my heart to see you making the same mistakes that I have. You're allowing someone to rip your soul out. No one deserves to have that kind of power over someone else. NO ONE. Not even our spouses of 20+ years.

I am most certainly not saying you should leave her! Even tho that's a real possibility in my situation, I know it's not in yours.

What hurts me is that you think you have to do things to make someone happy at the expense of your own peace of mind. I really think that crosses the line in any relationship. I think it shows a total lack of respect on the LO's part - yours and mine.

Yes. I feel way too close to your situation because I see so much of me and lux in it. I consider you my friend. To me, that means I should say something that may, in some small way, be even the tiniest bit helpful. Even if I make you so mad or hurt that we're no longer friends . . .

What I want you to say is that you deserve to be happy.
You're not. You're hurting. That hurts me because I care about you.
Loving someone doesn't mean it's ok to destroy yourself by doing so. To me, it looks like that's exactly what you're in the middle of doing.

If helping Tammy stay in touch with Jessica didn't bother you, it'd be different. But from what I can see, it's tearing you apart. That is really what upsets me, my friend. The fact that you think you have to accept being hurt to prove your love. You don't.

Please stop and realize, that on top of everything else, by letting Tammy and Jessica think that you're ok with this, you are lying. To both of them and to yourself. All three of you deserve better than that. You're hurt because she wasn't honest and open with you, but you are doing the same thing by hiding the extent of your feelings from her.

Please stop trying to make your feelings unimportant. Feelings are never wrong to have. Trying to ignore them and stuff them down is just plain bad for you. The things that you are feeling now are not unreasonable.

It's ok to feel hurt, betrayed, ANGRY.
You're only human.

If nothing else, look at it this way:
if you don't take care of you, you won't be able to be there to take care of Tammy.
That is pure and simple fact.

I was told that the only people you can really be angry with, are the people you care about. I think that's true. Your anger and non-acceptance of the situation [helping Tammy and Jessica] will not destroy you and Tammy. It just won't.

In my opinion, learning how to detach and to love yourself, would do nothing but good things for you - and in turn, Tammy. It's not something you just decide to do and *poof* it happens. It's taken me alot of work to get to that place and sometimes I still can't do it. I have a really great paper about "Letting Go" - as in detaching, NOT leaving - that I will try to find and share. It has helped me alot.

Please know that everything I've ever said, I said because I care.
It's hard to see you hurting.

Last edited by fiat_nox; 01-09-2017 at 08:44 PM..
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  #43  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:07 PM
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Letting Go

To let go does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,

but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is to not regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE.
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  #44  
Old 01-11-2017, 09:44 AM
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I don't know whether you're too frightened to draw a boundary or you actually enjoy being a martyr. Either way, you can't keep giving excuses. She's doing fine. And from the sound of things, she'd do fine without you; she'd just find someone else to use emotionally and physically. That's her thing, obviously. Don't try to make yourself more important in her long-term existence than you actually are.
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  #45  
Old 01-11-2017, 12:58 PM
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Perhaps you could ask yourself: "What purpose is my relationship with Tammy serving in MY life"? Perhaps, it is filling up an emptiness or you need to feel needed? If yes, what can you do to feel more fulfilled without being dependent on another person? I am sorry that you are going through such a headache and a heartache. As other people are saying, Tammy is fine. She does not need you but perhaps you do and because of that, you are prepared to put up with a lot of crap and find non-ending excuses for her behaviour, feelings, etc?
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  #46  
Old 01-11-2017, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fiat_nox View Post
Letting Go

To let go does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

...

To let go is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE.
That's absolutely profound! I might send it to my wife. She might find it very meaningful. Thanks for sharing!
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  #47  
Old 01-11-2017, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
I can understand this. I think Fiat's point is more that you shouldn't have had to have put up with this sort of betrayal in the first place.

You have every right to be angry about this situation. No one's going to deny you that.

Ultimately you have to decide what you will and will not allow. I do think, however, and keep in mind, this is just me thinking about what I'd want if I were in your shoes (because in some senses I was,) but I would want a discussion, some explanation, some clarity about where she sees herself as far as her relationship with you and what she feels she needs (from you, from others, etc.) going forward. She at least owes you that.

At least that's what I think...
Thanks as always for your insights. I fully intend to discuss where we are and where we're going as a couple or separately. I tried on our latest visit but she just wouldn't engage with me. I got so frustrated I left early. She called in the evening and cried for 15 minutes. We need to find a way forward. I just wish we could talk privately. We need that.
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  #48  
Old 01-11-2017, 04:33 PM
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I could answer your post line for line - in fact I started out doing just that. But I'm not going to argue my point with you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm not trying to win you over to my way of thinking - ok, I am to an extent . . . But I said the hard things I had to say and once is enough.
...

I was told that the only people you can really be angry with, are the people you care about. I think that's true. Your anger and non-acceptance of the situation [helping Tammy and Jessica] will not destroy you and Tammy. It just won't.

In my opinion, learning how to detach and to love yourself, would do nothing but good things for you - and in turn, Tammy. It's not something you just decide to do and *poof* it happens. It's taken me alot of work to get to that place and sometimes I still can't do it. I have a really great paper about "Letting Go" - as in detaching, NOT leaving - that I will try to find and share. It has helped me alot.

Please know that everything I've ever said, I said because I care.
It's hard to see you hurting.
You're the kind of supportive friend I joined PTO hoping to find. I appreciate that you're willing to share what going through somewhat the same things I am has taught you. It's very important and valuable to me. I know how much it hurts to even think about confronting relationship issues when It's nearly impossible to even discuss them under the constraints prison imposes. I watched an old movie called love Story the other evening. One line struck me. "If you love something, let it go. If it's yours, it will come back. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with". Maybe that's what I have to do.
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  #49  
Old 01-11-2017, 04:36 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
Perhaps you could ask yourself: "What purpose is my relationship with Tammy serving in MY life"? Perhaps, it is filling up an emptiness or you need to feel needed? If yes, what can you do to feel more fulfilled without being dependent on another person? I am sorry that you are going through such a headache and a heartache. As other people are saying, Tammy is fine. She does not need you but perhaps you do and because of that, you are prepared to put up with a lot of crap and find non-ending excuses for her behaviour, feelings, etc?
Thanks for your insights. I've never asked myself what I'm getting out of our relationship. Maybe answering that question would answer others as well.
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Old 01-11-2017, 11:45 PM
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Originally Posted by WaitingWilkes View Post
You're the kind of supportive friend I joined PTO hoping to find. I appreciate that you're willing to share what going through somewhat the same things I am has taught you. It's very important and valuable to me. I know how much it hurts to even think about confronting relationship issues when It's nearly impossible to even discuss them under the constraints prison imposes. I watched an old movie called love Story the other evening. One line struck me. "If you love something, let it go. If it's yours, it will come back. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with". Maybe that's what I have to do.
I'm so glad you didn't take it as me just being a bitch! [Which I am entirely capable of. ]

I saw Love Story when it came out - with my mom! [Not a great idea.]
I always hated the movie's tag line: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Even at 15yo I knew that was a load of crap.

I used to think "let them go . . ." meant leave them. Now that I've lived a few dozen life-times, I think it's more "let go" as in detach . . . ?

Yeah. Trying to work out relationship problems under our circumstances really sucks. But it's all we've got, so . . .

All I can do is just what's in front of me right this second. I know if I try to predict the future, I'll go insane. [insaneR?]

Sending you many, many hugs! You and I are pretty damned tough. We'll get thru this!
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