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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #1  
Old 01-11-2017, 10:08 AM
Texasflower08 Texasflower08 is offline
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Default Lady in line at visit asks me why mine is there. That annoyed me.

We were waiting in line for our visit on Sun. This lady behind precedes to tell me about arsenic poisoning from the water and signs to look for in my LO. She then tells me why hers is there and asks me why mine is there. I Said probation violation and none of your business. We never talbout why he is in there. We aren't supposed too. She really annoyed me
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Old 01-11-2017, 10:54 AM
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It sounds like she was just trying to make conversation to pass the time whilst waiting. Since prison is the common denominator between you both as the reason you are there it seems like a standard line of conversation.
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Old 01-11-2017, 12:21 PM
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I'm not bothered at all when people ask how long he's been in or has to go. I think there's a level of empathy-seeking there when that happens. But I've never been asked about his specific charges and would be offended if someone did.

Once, I was talking about a specific shift in policy that affected my husband based on his charges, so in that regard I did generically "out" why he was there to another wife I'd known for some time. Yet another visitor pulled me aside later and felt it her duty to tell me that I shouldn't be sharing that information. Frankly, I'm more bothered by the fact that she admitted to eavesdropping on a conversation that didn't involve her.

General courtesy as I've learned it: be friendly, keep details close to your chest, don't volunteer more than any conversation requires and don't ask anyone else to do differently.
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Old 01-11-2017, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Texasflower08 View Post
We were waiting in line for our visit on Sun. This lady behind precedes to tell me about arsenic poisoning from the water and signs to look for in my LO. She then tells me why hers is there and asks me why mine is there. I Said probation violation and none of your business. We never talbout why he is in there. We aren't supposed too. She really annoyed me
That would irritate me to so I get why you are annoyed. Its really not a good idea to tell other visitors about your LO. You never know who they are or how they would use the information.
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Old 01-11-2017, 08:10 PM
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I would be very offended if someone asked why my LO was incarcerated for. I fear that could easily make them a target or cause a number of issues depending on the charges. I always politely say that I don't discuss that it's not my place.
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Old 01-11-2017, 09:25 PM
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I have had this happen to me many times before, and I never give specific details as to why my husband is incarcerated, but I usually make polite conversation, only to say that: "He's here because he made a mistake". End of convo.. I never ask personal information about another inmate, if that visitor wants to share, then that's a horse of a different color..
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Old 01-12-2017, 12:32 AM
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Wow, I'd be annoyed too, I've only had a few polite words about traffic, weather conditions on the long drive, nearby restaurants etc.
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Old 01-12-2017, 02:34 AM
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It sounds like she was trying to start a conversation with you but went around it the wrong way. Some people don't mind talking about why their loved ones are in prison but she shouldn't have presumed that you were one of them.
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Old 01-12-2017, 03:07 AM
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Why get all annoyed about it...the woman was just making conversation not very tactful but hardly something to get all offended by.
People ask mostly where Im from...what its like there...etc. If they asked what he done to get there Id say he got caught just like yours.
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Old 01-12-2017, 03:13 AM
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While I understand there are subjects we aren't all necessarily willing to discuss....I personally wouldn't let something like this irritate me or annoy me - you can always just smile and say sorry, I don't feel comfortable talking about this...and that's it, move on
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Old 01-12-2017, 09:52 AM
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I'm always polite. I enjoyed my visit and she waved at me when she drove off. She said a bunch of other stuff I didn't even post. This is just a place to vent. She was just weird to me on a cold day.
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Old 01-12-2017, 11:27 AM
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I'm always very nervous until I'm with my LO, don't know quite how I come across. My mind is just going. I can answer the questions of the COs, but I'm pretty sure I could not carry on a real conversation with another visitor. Lol. Being an introvert is good in some situations.
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Old 01-14-2017, 03:10 PM
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I enjoy chatting with other visitors while I wait. I've come to know, at least superficially, a lot of regulars. I've watched them and their prisoners grow old, kids grow up, etc.
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Old 01-14-2017, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasflower08 View Post
We were waiting in line for our visit on Sun

. This lady behind precedes to tell me about arsenic poisoning from the water and signs to look for in my LO.

She then tells me why hers is there and asks me why mine is there.

I Said probation violation and none of your business. We never talbout why he is in there. We aren't supposed too.

She really annoyed me


Oh i know . That happens alot of times. I think it is ok, when they are clearly just attempting to either:

1.)meet a new friend to get to know who is going thru same as them, and or

2.)just making small-kill the time conversation and what not.

I am quite the extrovert so i am good with it! lol But i am also careful because you never know who she really is asking and what not.So i always try to just
keep it moving without saying much. But, i will speak respectfully if she is to me, without asking "too much..." But yea i can see why you're annoyed.LOL
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Old 01-14-2017, 05:52 PM
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I too think she was just trying to be polite and initiate a conversation - she might be new and not know the ropes yet.

We rarely talk to each other at our son's prison. In the waiting room you are to be quiet and in the visiting room we can talk with our son but we are not to "crosstalk" or talk with any other visitors or inmates.

Even at the vending machines - only visitors can go to them but we are not to say a word to each other. Even our young grandson knows the rules and he will whisper to us in the visiting room but knows not to say a word to anyone but us or his Father while visiting.

Visits are terminated.
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Old 01-14-2017, 07:51 PM
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I wouldn't get as annoyed at that as I do the guards acting like they are better than everyone else and trying to throw their weight around.

Like others have said, she was making conversation....I would simply say mine is in for murder (which he is) and I bet I wouldn't have to deal with her again...lmao
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Old 01-14-2017, 08:02 PM
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Like others have said, she was making conversation....I would simply say mine is in for murder (which he is) and I bet I wouldn't have to deal with her again...lmao
That's one way to handle it!

What I think needs to be made clear is that while she probably was just making conversation (nervous chatter, even), there are legitimate reasons not to engage in this line of conversation-- whether being asked or doing the asking. Disclosure of your LOs charges can put them in real danger. We're all painfully aware that certain charges make our LOs a target for exploitation and harm.
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Old 01-14-2017, 09:53 PM
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That's one way to handle it!

What I think needs to be made clear is that while she probably was just making conversation (nervous chatter, even), there are legitimate reasons not to engage in this line of conversation-- whether being asked or doing the asking. Disclosure of your LOs charges can put them in real danger. We're all painfully aware that certain charges make our LOs a target for exploitation and harm.
I get that...I was kind of being a smart ass....but it is funny when they get that "deer in the headlight look" when you tell them.

Mine has been incarcerated so damn long he has earned his right in prison.
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