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Old 11-07-2019, 09:02 PM
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Cutepixie Cutepixie is offline
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Default I left hoping for peace

I have shared my story here over the years. Around 6-7 years ago I thought leaving I would get some level of peace and serenity. I have fought hard for that. For 2 years after I left until he took his own life he tormented me and my girls.

I will never forget the day that I got that phone call and I know there is a post on here around that day. Again. I thought to myself, "Do I finally get peace?" His torment comes now in the form of our daughter. My daughter 13 years old who refuses to go to therapy, refuses any mental health assistance. She is manipulative, gaslights me all the time, she goes to school and lies about our home and our family having multiple unfounded CPS cases (the first initially incited by her father, telling her if she wanted to live with daddy she needed to go to school the next day and tell EVERYONE that mommy hits her and grandpa molests her). Disgusting. That was the only place we had to live after leaving him before getting on my feet. It feels like it never ends. When he took his life my poor baby lost it. I saw her turn more towards darkness. This has been the hardest road. When I think healing happens I feel dragged but down by my child who is haunted by a person no longer here. She does whatever she wants and no one does anything. Not the school, and she's missed most of the year! They ask me what I am doing!?!!? Anytime I schedule a therapy appointment or assessment, even if I don't tell her about it, she runs away. It's insanity. She is so manipulative, she lies about everything. She now has court in a week. I am writing this because I feel so incredibly alone. I feel triggered and even though I go to therapy every week I Feel hopeless because there's no help. My hope is to get her inpatient somewhere but she's good, she knows what to say and what not to say.

I guess I wondered if anyone else ever experienced this with their children? Totally resistant or defiant? Just making it like everything you went through with your partner. The only thing she hasn't done yet is hit me...and I don't think that's far from happening. She has gotten in my face, threatened me, told me she hopes I die. I am sad to share this. I worked hard and continue to work hard to provide a space of hope, guidance, light and love for my children to thrive.
If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. ~William Blake
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