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  #1  
Old 10-15-2004, 03:22 PM
FLACOYBABYGIRL FLACOYBABYGIRL is offline
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Default He Is Getting Married For The Wrong Reason

O.k. I Am Tripping. I Went Hope For Lunch And There Is A Message On My Machine Saying The My Ex Is Getting Married. At First I Was Like No Way. Then There Was A Second Message From My Ex-mother In Law Begging Me To Call Her Cuz She Has Something To Tell Me. Well I Called Her, She Was Crying And Tells Me That She Over Heard Her Son Saying That He Was Going To Get Married To Get Me Back. Well She Wants Me To Call Him And Try To Convince Him Not To Do It. Well My Ex Husband Some How Found Out That I Got Married This Month. I Guess He Is Really Hurt And Feels That Since I Got Married The Best Thing For Him To Do Is Get Married Since He Lost Me. Well I Really Do Not Like The Girl That He Plans On Marring And If He Does Marry Her This Is The Person That Is Going To Be My Kids Step Mom. Did I Forget To Mettion She Is A Minor And He Is In His 30's. Well My Question To All Of You Is Should I Let Him Make The Mistake And Marry Her For The Wrong Reasons Cuz He Does Not Love Her? The Reason I Know This Is Cuz He Just Called Me Last Weekend Telling Me How Much He Missed Me And Still Love Me And That If I Would Please Take Him Back. I No Longer Love This Man And I Have Moved On But I Do Care About Him Cuz He Is The Father Of My Kids. He Is Only Marring The Girl Cuz He Is Hurt. In A Strainge Way I Feel Sorry For Him. What Do I Do, He Keeps Leaving Me Messages On My Voice Mail Telling Me He Want To Talk To Me. Should I Talk To Him. If I Do Should I Congratulate Him Or Tell Him He Is Making A Mistake. I Know That What Ever I Tell Him He Will Listen To Me. So Should I Let Him Make The Mistake Of Getting Married And Let Him Learn? I Do Not Want Him To Think That I Still Have Feeling For Him But I Don't Want Him To Do Something He Is Going To Regret. What Should I Do??????
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  #2  
Old 10-15-2004, 05:20 PM
forevergils forevergils is offline
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Wow,

Calling him and telling him not to marry this girl because he doesn't lover her, is going to make him believe that you may still be in love with him. Will this create problems in you current relationship?

I understand having children we are extrememly possesive about who is to be around them even more so who is going to be their step mother. If you call him I suggest that you address the situation asking him how this person feels about your kids. Does she respect that he is to continue seeing them or does she plan to take him away? One of my biggest concerns while I was separated from my husband and he was dating was whether he really loved the girls and would he propose to them and soon marry them only to forget about our son. It would piss me off alot.

This is a sensitive situation... I think your ex- mother in law is putting a lot of pressure on you expecting you to call him and convince him other wise. The fact is you are already remarried so what he does is really beyond your control. Did you call him to advise him that you were getting married? Did he or his family try to convince you otherwise?

People usually don't marry out of revenge... There has to be something more than that.
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  #3  
Old 10-16-2004, 12:07 AM
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I dont think you should tell him anything if he is getting married for the wrong reasons there isnt much you can do except accept and he has to learn on his own. Hopefully he wont go from girl to girl to try and get you back but if that is the only way he has to get over then I guess that is what he has to do
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Old 10-16-2004, 01:25 AM
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Like you said you've moved on, unfortunately when a marriage ends we cannot hand pick our childrens stepparent, the best thing that you can do is to continue to provide a stable and happy environment for your children. Your ex is gonna do what he wants to do regardless. I'd stay out of it...COMPLETELY!

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  #5  
Old 10-16-2004, 01:36 AM
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Default The kids are the only important thing

Unfortunately, you cannot stop him from marrying whomever he wants, but I agree you should try since you have kids involved. If you really think he will listen to you then tell him not to marry her, not because you want him, but because you want him to find the right woman for him and for your kids. He will certainly never find that person if he is married to another. Short of that, I do not know what you can do. I would certainly do my checking on her and if he goes through with it, I would probably try to get to know her and establish a friendly relationship with her and I would do whatever I could to learn as much as I could about her to make sure she is someone who should be around your kids. If not, I would take whatever steps necessary to make sure both of them can't see them unsupervised. It sounds like he is incredibly immature, but the only thing that is important here is your kids. I hope I helped.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FLACOYBABYGIRL
O.k. I Am Tripping. I Went Hope For Lunch And There Is A Message On My Machine Saying The My Ex Is Getting Married. At First I Was Like No Way. Then There Was A Second Message From My Ex-mother In Law Begging Me To Call Her Cuz She Has Something To Tell Me. Well I Called Her, She Was Crying And Tells Me That She Over Heard Her Son Saying That He Was Going To Get Married To Get Me Back. Well She Wants Me To Call Him And Try To Convince Him Not To Do It. Well My Ex Husband Some How Found Out That I Got Married This Month. I Guess He Is Really Hurt And Feels That Since I Got Married The Best Thing For Him To Do Is Get Married Since He Lost Me. Well I Really Do Not Like The Girl That He Plans On Marring And If He Does Marry Her This Is The Person That Is Going To Be My Kids Step Mom. Did I Forget To Mettion She Is A Minor And He Is In His 30's. Well My Question To All Of You Is Should I Let Him Make The Mistake And Marry Her For The Wrong Reasons Cuz He Does Not Love Her? The Reason I Know This Is Cuz He Just Called Me Last Weekend Telling Me How Much He Missed Me And Still Love Me And That If I Would Please Take Him Back. I No Longer Love This Man And I Have Moved On But I Do Care About Him Cuz He Is The Father Of My Kids. He Is Only Marring The Girl Cuz He Is Hurt. In A Strainge Way I Feel Sorry For Him. What Do I Do, He Keeps Leaving Me Messages On My Voice Mail Telling Me He Want To Talk To Me. Should I Talk To Him. If I Do Should I Congratulate Him Or Tell Him He Is Making A Mistake. I Know That What Ever I Tell Him He Will Listen To Me. So Should I Let Him Make The Mistake Of Getting Married And Let Him Learn? I Do Not Want Him To Think That I Still Have Feeling For Him But I Don't Want Him To Do Something He Is Going To Regret. What Should I Do??????
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  #6  
Old 10-16-2004, 02:11 AM
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"Should I let him make the mistake and marry her for the wrong reasons...." (from your post - I don't know how to do the quotes)

I agree w/HotLatina 100%. You are his ex-wife. That doesn't put you in a position to "let" or "not let" him do anything, except to be a good father to your children. I think it was pretty tasteless for his mother to even SAY anything to you in the first place and then expect that you could DO anything about it crosses all kinds of boundaries of his.

He's an adult and can make his own decisions - good or bad. I agree (regarding your children) that it would be appropriate to ask him how she is with the children. Beyond that, he may just get rebellious and marry her "out of spite" if nothing else, because everyone is (or might try) interfering. On the other hand, he may love her and his mother may have overheard something out of context or misinterpreted it or something (eavesdropping and/or second-hand information can often garner faulty information). Whatever, he needs to get over you - you've moved on and are married. You have two separate lives now, with the exception of sharing your children.

Even if it is true, he needs to be allowed to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Rarely can we "save someone from themselves". I hope if he does marry her that she is good to your children. Maybe they'll hit it off just fine. Good luck!
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Old 10-16-2004, 03:55 AM
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I also totally agree, you are out of his life as far as marriage is concerned. You may have kids, but you cannot choose his partner in life. If he told you not to marry the man you were with now, would you have listened? Let it run it's course, and just make sure that you stress the fact that your kids are important to both of you, and that you will not tollerate any abuse towards them by the new wife.
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Old 10-16-2004, 05:10 AM
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Everyone here is right, if you call him and try to convince him to not marry then he'll get the idea that you still want him. You have "moved on" so just let it be. I personally would be so disturbed if my ex-mother in law called me and wanted me to call my ex-husband to talk him out of getting married but that's just me I guess. Let him do what he wants to do and you just sit back and watch the outcome. Yes you two do have ties because you have children together but you must live your life and he live his. Hope this helps, good luck
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Old 10-16-2004, 06:46 AM
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If it were me I would do nothing. You are no longer involved with him and if he is going to make mistakes that is on him. Why get all involved with him and his issues after you now have a new life? If HE chooses to make a mistake that is his decision. He is an an adult and is responsible for himself. I would not get involved.

Pray on it and pray for his happiness and for God to show him that this might not be the right way for him to go.

Best wishes on this bella. Ciao.
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Old 10-16-2004, 06:56 AM
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You cant call and tell him that this is a mistake. That may lead him on and make him believe that you and him still have some kind of hope (no matter how little) any is better than none!!!! Congratulate him and tell him that you wish him the best. But express your concerns about the children. I know that deep down you may still ""love"" him because he is the father of your children but he has to make his own mistakes and you have to show him that his decisions NO LONGER control your life like when you were together. You cant seem affected by this because that is what he is looking for. SOME GLIMMER OF HOPE. good luck and you are in my prayers!!!!
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Old 10-16-2004, 07:14 AM
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When you marry someone, it is obvious that once the marriage has dissolved that you would still care for the man, especially if he's the father of your kids. I would ask him his reasons are for marrying this woman, and get him thinking about ehter it is really what he wants to do. But i'd make it clear that i have no interest in him, but i do care about who the step-mother of my kids are going to be like. I would question about how she would handle being a step-parent, does she know that it isnt going to be easy?
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Old 10-16-2004, 09:38 AM
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One thing no one has mentioned is how is your new husband going to feel if you are constantly getting involved with your ex-husband and his personal life, not his life with your children but his adult personal life? What is that telling him? Shouldn't your main concerns just be your life with your new husband and your children's safety and happiness. Everything else is up to your ex and you and his mother should just leave him alone and let him make his own mistakes. You need to do everything you can to cement this new marriage and getting involved in your ex's affairs are not necessarily the best way to do this. This is just my opinion but I have read how much you and your new husband love each other and he is locked up and can only suppose when he hears things until you can talk to him -- I wouldn't give him anything to suppose about. Just love him with all your heart and move on to your new life -- one that is full of love and hope and happiness -- what both of you deserve so much.
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