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  #1  
Old 11-19-2020, 11:34 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Default Our time is coming

My mans release date has recently changed. He will be coming home in less than 3 months.. 74 days.

We knew all along he would get his good time back but now that it is officially posted and he signed his parole papers.. I think I'm losing it. I've realized I am unintentionally pushing him away and I cant figure out why. I feel crazy.

I recently moved into my own place so he could have a place to come home too. I've bought everything he needs and more. I was feeling good about putting our room together and setting up his stuff in the closet until his date changed.

Then he told me he put in for a program that will move him to the prison closer to our city so he can work while in and potentially already have a job upon release. I almost completely shut down after that.

I've read on here about the person getting released starting to act funny but what about the person on the outside? Is this normal? Whats wrong with me
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Old 11-19-2020, 12:21 PM
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Its a huge change for both of you. A move to a closer prison may make the transition from prison to home easier when compared to everything happening at once. Take your time adjusting to the upcoming changes during the remainder of his sentence, and be sure to include him in your issues/decisions.
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Old 11-19-2020, 05:54 PM
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Its a huge change for both of you. A move to a closer prison may make the transition from prison to home easier when compared to everything happening at once. Take your time adjusting to the upcoming changes during the remainder of his sentence, and be sure to include him in your issues/decisions.
Hes handling it much better than I.. Its his second time around but first for me.
I just dont understand why im behaving this way or if its even something anyone else has felt.
Our communication has also been cut drastically from 5 calls a day to 2 calls a week because I have no money for him since starting to pay rent again.
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Old 11-19-2020, 06:20 PM
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I think there would something wrong with you if you didn't feel the way you do right now. Some big changes are soon to come and with it comes an adjustment phase that can look scary in the beginning, but it will grow on you each day between now and then.
The stuff you've heard from others.....that's their story. Stay in your lane and don't be anxious about what hasn't happened and may not happen. You're a woman, a real woman. For better or worse you'll get through this because of the woman you are. That's all that matters. Look for the good in each day and ask the God of your understanding to to keep his or her hand on you and all that you do (everyone's God looks different. Mine looks like Britney Spears). The best is yet to come. You can do this.
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  #5  
Old 11-19-2020, 07:27 PM
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You're scared and nervous. How long have you put into this relationship? What if it doesn't work? Sounds like you moved out of your parents house? That's scary for anyone at any age. Were you together before he went in? If not, you could be scared he/you won't live up to the fantasy the other has created in their mind. Phones and letters are not real life. Me and my man know the relationship we have now is real, but also a fantasy. I think he's scared he won't live up to my expectations, and I'm scared I won't live up to his. I tell him, "So what? Enjoy what you can while you can." And we do. I know it's very possible he won't live up to mine, but I'm OK with that. I was married for 17 years. I know what to expect in relationships/marriage. This is the longest relationship he's ever been in, and we've only seen each other 20 years ago, and no relationship then. I'm more scared I won't live up to his because he won't have developed those accepting skills like I have. He pushes me away sometimes, but I cling on because I won't let him destroy us. He does it because pushing someone away is a way of taking control of the relationship. I told him that, and he's stopped, for now anyway lol. When you push someone away, you are choosing to end the relationship on your terms because it hurts less that way. If you let him in, and he ends it, it will hurt worse. That is the chance you have to be willing to take. I'm willing to. It's a chance everyone takes in every relationship. This feeling will eventually pass, and you'll feel silly for it lol. Be so very glad he's coming home. Love him and enjoy every minute of your happiness together. Tell yourself it will be OK.
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Old 11-19-2020, 08:22 PM
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The two of you have been through hell and back. Of course you're nervous! I think it's only natural that you are feeling this way. You've been on your own for so long that you're probably wondering about this huge adjustment that both of you are about to take.

Having been there and done that myself, the best thing I can tell you is to take one day at a time. Often I have broken down difficult days into 15 minute increments. I mean, if I can get through 15 minutes, then I can make it another 15 or whatever


The other thing will be communication. Make sure the two of you keep the lines of communication open and clear. It may be hard at times, but that is going to be important.

Remember, we're here for you too always.
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Old 11-19-2020, 09:41 PM
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You're not alone. Im losing my patience more and more every day. Im nervous and sick of it all at the same time. He just keeps saying ill be home so please hold on. I dont want him to feel that way either because I am not upset with him. It's just everything.

I think as we get closer and closer anxiety is normal. We want this done but afraid of what is to come. I swear this feels like the beginning all over again.
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Old 11-20-2020, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Jacob's Girl View Post
You're scared and nervous. How long have you put into this relationship? What if it doesn't work? Sounds like you moved out of your parents house? That's scary for anyone at any age. Were you together before he went in? If not, you could be scared he/you won't live up to the fantasy the other has created in their mind.
Almost four years.. we met when he was on probation after his first bid.
He's been in and out of jail, rehab and the streets since the day we met. He's never really been 'home' but I've seen a drastic change and now he's dedicated to being this family man.
He was giving talk of that fantasy life awhile ago and I had to make him stop because I did not want either of us trying to live up to all these expectations.
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Old 11-20-2020, 10:10 AM
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You're not alone. Im losing my patience more and more every day. Im nervous and sick of it all at the same time. He just keeps saying ill be home so please hold on. I dont want him to feel that way either because I am not upset with him. It's just everything.

I think as we get closer and closer anxiety is normal. We want this done but afraid of what is to come. I swear this feels like the beginning all over again.
I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks.
My man would say 'ill be home soon' like every call and I got so irritated. I would feel like a big b***h and then instantly feel sad. He means well but my anxiety cant handle it.
I'll be venting about my day and everything I have to do raising 3 kids alone and in the middle of moving all alone. and its always just " ill be there soon" soon soon soon..
I would take my feelings from the beginning over this.. lol I cried way more but I wasnt as stressed out.
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Old 11-20-2020, 10:22 AM
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You've been on your own for so long that you're probably wondering about this huge adjustment that both of you are about to take.
Idk but I broke down at this part.. I've been raising my kids alone for 6 years now.. My oldests father is around now but not really and deff was not in the beginning. I'm so used to doing everything by myself with them. We have a very consistent daily routine. He's been questioning more about our daughter and I got really depressed realizing he really doesn't know how she is. How you cant turn the light on when she wakes up or ways to prevent her from having a melt down before bedtime.
It's been so easy being on my own.
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Old 11-20-2020, 11:15 AM
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Look for the good in each day and ask the God of your understanding to to keep his or her hand on you and all that you do (everyone's God looks different. Mine looks like Britney Spears). The best is yet to come. You can do this.
Thank you.. I'm doing my best at this. I'm trying to wrap my head around this feeling. I want to be happy he's finally going to be with us but its also too much. I know he wont be on strict probation any more but I feel like I'm being watched all over again and he's not even out yet. I live in the same area we were before and every time I pass the probation office I swear I'm traumatized from that evil PO and all he put us through.
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Old 11-21-2020, 08:09 AM
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Thank you.. I'm doing my best at this. I'm trying to wrap my head around this feeling. I want to be happy he's finally going to be with us but its also too much. I know he wont be on strict probation any more but I feel like I'm being watched all over again and he's not even out yet. I live in the same area we were before and every time I pass the probation office I swear I'm traumatized from that evil PO and all he put us through.
Is it possible you're fearing the system and stigma more than him coming home?
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Old 11-24-2020, 05:30 PM
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Is it possible you're fearing the system and stigma more than him coming home?
I fear him having the same PO.. That man was awful. He played so many games with my head always making comments like he was going to take him into county again but then letting him go and basically laughing in my face. I would go to his PO meeting's with him and sometimes he let me go back and other times he would say "say good bye" and leave me outside to stress if my man was going to come back out to me or not.
Comments like "why would you want a man with no job" "What good does she see in you" "I know youre going back in" Making up false reports against my man. Pounding on our door around 2AM barking at him that he better answer the door faster or hes going to violate him. Not allowing my man to get formula after I gave birth just because I didnt have a c section.
Always sitting outside our house watching. Having other officers watching. He was unlike the other PO my man had before. It was insane.
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Old 11-24-2020, 06:13 PM
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Always sitting outside our house watching. Having other officers watching. He was unlike the other PO my man had before. It was insane.

Why was this PO not reported to his supervisor? That is straight harassment!
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Old 11-25-2020, 07:41 AM
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You need to educate yourself on the system, your rights, and protocol of response. When his PO is inappropriate, you can stand COMPLETELY UNPHASED!! and say, "Interesting, would your supervisor like to hear about this?" all while filming. Now, and this is VERY important, Idk the system. For all I know filming him is something he can use against you. This is why you need to to learn the system (obviously far better than I) and see what tools are available for you to use. Perhaps express your concerns to PNP now? I do know him seeing that he affects you only grows his gaslighting. Maybe you showed immaculate confidence then, in which case, he obviously needs to be drug out into the street and beaten with scorpions. (not that a lack of confidence on your part lessens his necessary punishment-lol)
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Old 11-25-2020, 04:52 PM
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Why was this PO not reported to his supervisor? That is straight harassment!
It was new to me and my man acted unbothered so I just dealt with it.
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Old 11-25-2020, 05:08 PM
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You need to educate yourself on the system, your rights, and protocol of response.
Perhaps express your concerns to PNP now? I do know him seeing that he affects you only grows his gaslighting. Maybe you showed immaculate confidence then, in which case, he obviously needs to be drug out into the street and beaten with scorpions. (not that a lack of confidence on your part lessens his necessary punishment-lol)
I've been doing my best over the years hes been gone to educate myself. Still working on it.
I am not very strong when it comes to confrontation. I would never speak to the PO. I spoke to him on the last and final day he took my man away asking him why he wouldnt tell us or let us say good bye and he said "I didnt want any drama" but my man and i are calm laid back people. This was one of those annoying officers that use their position as power to hurt others when theyre just powerless inside.

What is PNP?
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Old 11-25-2020, 07:40 PM
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What is PNP?
Parole and Probation
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