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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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Old 11-20-2020, 08:53 AM
pinkstarburst pinkstarburst is offline
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Unhappy 2 week old baby - juggling this new normal.please help

Good Morning ,

i am new here and hope i am posting in the right place etc. I am currently feeling beyond helpless. Two weeks ago i was bringing our baby home feeling like i was in paradise and today i now have a fiance being held on some serious charges and i have no clue what really happened. He isnt comfortable using the facilities phones and thanks to the virus all in person visits are halted.

We have retained a good lawyer for him and we are waiting to see what happens but 1. i feel like i am engaged to someone i dont know anymore and 2. i feel like im slipping into a horrible case of postpartum and had to ask my sister to move in with me for a few weeks to help me out. i literally cry every day and i dont like this feeling at all, the unknown.

I have retained a lawyer, notified his job , added money to his books and also sent him letters of encouragement but we both have never been in this situation so i dont even know if thats enough.

is there any one who may have any tips on what i can do to 1. cope with this new normal and not lose my sanity or 2. any ideas of things i can do to maybe help him as well. The only thing he says is try to bail him out because he has no clue how hes involved in that but the lawyer was almost 20 grand alone and his bail is literally 5 times my salary. Please help
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Old 11-20-2020, 09:25 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm sorry for what you are facing. Postpartum depression is a medical condition that can be helped by seeing a physician, so please do so for your sanity, and for your baby.

The beginning of a criminal case is always the hardest time because neither of you can predict the future. His lawyer will eventually know more details about the case evidence through discovery, but that process can take time.

If you are unable to post bail or if his lawyer can't get it lowered, he will continue to be locked up until the case is resolved. If he ends up with a conviction, all of the time will count towards his eventual sentence. Your families' finances will probably take a massive hit, so you need to conserve your assets, not squander them. If it gets bad enough, bankruptcy is one option available to you to help mitigate the damage.

Be strong and take care of yourself and your baby first. The criminal case will eventually be settled, but at the court's speed, which is often a very slow process. His lawyer is the best source of information about the progress of the case, and especially about his actual chances to prevail.
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Old 11-20-2020, 09:34 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Take care of your mental health for that baby. I brought my baby into the world when we fell into our prison journey as well and postpartum tore me apart and prevented me from bonding with my baby the way I should have.
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Old 11-20-2020, 01:32 PM
pinkstarburst pinkstarburst is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fbopnomore View Post
Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm sorry for what you are facing. Postpartum depression is a medical condition that can be helped by seeing a physician, so please do so for your sanity, and for your baby.

The beginning of a criminal case is always the hardest time because neither of you can predict the future. His lawyer will eventually know more details about the case evidence through discovery, but that process can take time.

If you are unable to post bail or if his lawyer can't get it lowered, he will continue to be locked up until the case is resolved. If he ends up with a conviction, all of the time will count towards his eventual sentence. Your families' finances will probably take a massive hit, so you need to conserve your assets, not squander them. If it gets bad enough, bankruptcy is one option available to you to help mitigate the damage.

Be strong and take care of yourself and your baby first. The criminal case will eventually be settled, but at the court's speed, which is often a very slow process. His lawyer is the best source of information about the progress of the case, and especially about his actual chances to prevail.
Thank you so much for your response! , it seems like things are getting so costly and i need to take a step back to focus on my baby. The process does seem like it will take really long so i have alot to learn.
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Old 11-20-2020, 01:34 PM
pinkstarburst pinkstarburst is offline
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Originally Posted by Ricoluv29 View Post
Take care of your mental health for that baby. I brought my baby into the world when we fell into our prison journey as well and postpartum tore me apart and prevented me from bonding with my baby the way I should have.
thank you so much for your response. I also feel like im battling a mild case of postpartum
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Old 11-21-2020, 09:46 AM
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Above all, take care of yourself and baby. Its such a crappy time to have a bombshell like prison to face when you are trying to get back to semi normal after pregnancy and caring for a newborn. (especially if its your first baby!)
If you feel you need it, please talk with a counselor/therapist to aid you in dealing with all this.


As for fiance, I'd keep writing him, give him updates on baby's progress, etc. but dont do more than you feel you can. If he's too worried about phone calls and contracting covid, thats understandable. Its a bad time right now.



Just dont expect anything to happen anytime soon. Its a very slow process and that is maddening.
Hang in there mom. Im glad your sister is willing to come help. She will be a good shoulder to cry on when it gets too much.
Big hugs to you and that little one.
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Old 11-24-2020, 05:19 PM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkstarburst View Post
thank you so much for your response. I also feel like im battling a mild case of postpartum
Just don't forget to love on that baby and know you have a piece of your man with you always in that little one.
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