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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #26  
Old 06-23-2019, 09:57 AM
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Thank you everyone!

ALSO, we finally made our engagement public to friends and family. He had proposed to me while still in prison and I had said yes, but now that this all feels real we made it official and shared the news!
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Old 06-23-2019, 10:49 AM
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Congratulations on your engagement that is wonderful news.
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Old 06-23-2019, 12:25 PM
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Happy belated birthday!! Glad he made your special day so special as you are Queen. You deserve it. Thank you for the update. Always good to hear how things are going for you and your love. Praying that things continue to grow lovely and special for the both of you. By the way y'all both look so happy together! Beautiful picture y'all took together and the smiles y'all both sharing on y'all faces is priceless.


On the public engagement!!!
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Old 06-23-2019, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
QUICK UPDATE:
Things are going really well, he is working a lot, but was able to spend my 29th birthday with me which was this past Thursday. He made it a very special day and we both had a great time!
Thank you for posting your updates. I know I love seeing a positive and happy homecoming story.
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  #30  
Old 06-24-2019, 07:00 PM
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Wow, the last month has flown by!

I met my MWI back in 2015 on a pen-pal site and we later found out that prior to his arrest we only lived 2 miles apart and his grandma had actually been a coworker of my mom...small world! So yeah we both believe we were meant to be...cheesy I know!

We spent over 3 years having our relationship consist of visits, phone calls, letters, e-mails, cards, pictures...just waiting, missing each other and dreaming of our future together.

He then got to spend 2 months in a halfway house which helped ease the transition of our relationship from prison to real world. He was allowed a cell phone so we got to talk more and actually go on real dates. The transition has surprisingly felt very natural and we are very comfortable together!

Then, on April 11, 2019 he was officially released and is now on supervised release for the next 4 years. It's been amazing and overwhelming! There is a lot that goes into the reentry process especially after a decade of incarceration!

So far he is doing great and I'm so proud of him! He gets along with his PO and is doing everything required for his supervised release: going to group therapy, individual therapy and AA/NA meetings weekly. He got health insurance, he got his drivers permit and has been taking care of his medical needs that were neglected while in prison. He is looking for a job and also a new place to live since his current living arrangement is temporary. He has also just been reconnecting with family and adjusting back to everything in the real world that he didn't have in prison. So yeah he has been busy and productive.

As far as our relationship goes, we are both very happy! The intimacy is incredible and we are very compatible. We both share a great sense of humor and enjoy our time together. It all just feels so right and yes 1 month isn't enough time to say we are a success story but right now I can say I'm happy I found him and waited.

He has quickly learned that although the real world is better than prison, it's also not all sunshine and rainbows. Outside of prison there are still problems, stress and obstacles to overcome. Things haven't been perfect his first month home...like when I drove him to a job interview and got a flat tire on the highway or when he was supposed to come over my house for Easter but instead we spent it in the ER because he had kidney stones! But we've learned we can handle bad stuff together and later laugh about it! Sure we occasionally bicker like most couples but no major arguments and majority of the time we are just two goofy lovebirds trying to figure out life.

This upcoming Tuesday he has a court case for something from before I knew him, he is planning to plead not guilty and take it to trial. So right now I'm praying we keep prison out of our life and continue with more monthly updates of our homecoming...

Sorry for the novel and THANK YOU for all the support this site offers, it's helped and continues to help me!
That is awesome...I wish you both the best. Life is great out here!
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  #31  
Old 06-25-2019, 05:40 PM
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So glad you are posting your updates. My man's MRD is April 2020. I hope to be one of those people who posts good things when he gets out - that we are still together and doing great. You give us all hope!
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  #32  
Old 06-25-2019, 07:25 PM
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I love this so much!!!! My mwi has been home 22 months and life is so good!!! It was worth the wait in so many ways. Iím glad you come on to give the mwi members support. Mwi relationships can be really good or really bad. We hear a lot of the bad mostly. I know there are a lot of successes but we just kind of fade away into our happily every after. Keep coming back and encouraging everybody. Iím so happy for you!!!
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  #33  
Old 07-02-2019, 01:51 PM
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Ooh....he's CUTE!! I loved reading your
story! May the happiness/success continue! I'm 2 days and a wake up away from picking up my MWI cheeky guy! He also seems very focussed and determined! I am optimistic! Thank you so much for sharing. Now I'm dying to hear about his court thing!!
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  #34  
Old 07-11-2019, 05:39 AM
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UPDATE: Just a quick check-in to celebrate that today marks 3 MONTHS of him being out! Things are continuing to go well, he is working a lot and we are both happy together! He has court on July 24th so I'll be sure to update again after that!
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  #35  
Old 07-11-2019, 02:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
UPDATE: Just a quick check-in to celebrate that today marks 3 MONTHS of him being out! Things are continuing to go well, he is working a lot and we are both happy together! He has court on July 24th so I'll be sure to update again after that!
I'm so glad things continue to go only up for you guys. Praying court goes well for him, you and the rest of the family. Always good to read uplifting updates.
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  #36  
Old 07-24-2019, 09:09 AM
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QUICK UPDATE: He had court this morning, it was pretty pointless and now he doesn't go back to court until September 4th and that should be for a pre-trial conference. They are really dragging this out, but it is what it is, at least we get to spend the rest of today together! With him in PA and me in NJ our time together has been limited but we are making it work!
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  #37  
Old 08-19-2019, 01:17 PM
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This is such, such a beautiful success story.
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  #38  
Old 08-27-2019, 11:50 PM
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How are things going?
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  #39  
Old 09-01-2019, 10:10 PM
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How are things going?
I have been wondering the same...I check in here waiting for month 4 and they are nearing 5

I'm a sucker for MWI stories and updates.
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  #40  
Old 09-13-2019, 09:18 AM
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He has been out for 5 months now and.....well.....I'm sorry guys. I so badly was hoping we could be a story that would give hope to other MWI's but unfortunately things quickly spiraled downwards and we've gone our separate ways. I am heartbroken and not doing well but I know I'll pick myself back up and figure out my next move in life.

I am quite embarrassed and thought about never posting on here again but I didn't want to leave you all wondering what happened especially after all the kind support I've received on here over the years! I did ignore a lot of red flags and there was a lot about our relationship I did not post on here because I knew the comments I'd get so I sugarcoated it and made it all sound so much better than it actual was. I do wish I could go back to 2015 and never write him but that's not possible so I just have to accept what happened and move on with my life without him. It feels hard, I feel empty, I don't even know if any of it was even real or if I really meant anything to him. But it's over and I have to focus on myself now.
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Old 09-13-2019, 09:48 AM
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I'm sorry it didn't work out. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I hope you recover quickly and find the real love of your life. Stay positive and enjoy life!
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  #42  
Old 09-13-2019, 10:17 AM
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He has been out for 5 months now and.....well.....I'm sorry guys. I so badly was hoping we could be a story that would give hope to other MWI's but unfortunately things quickly spiraled downwards and we've gone our separate ways. I am heartbroken and not doing well but I know I'll pick myself back up and figure out my next move in life.

I am quite embarrassed and thought about never posting on here again but I didn't want to leave you all wondering what happened especially after all the kind support I've received on here over the years! I did ignore a lot of red flags and there was a lot about our relationship I did not post on here because I knew the comments I'd get so I sugarcoated it and made it all sound so much better than it actual was. I do wish I could go back to 2015 and never write him but that's not possible so I just have to accept what happened and move on with my life without him. It feels hard, I feel empty, I don't even know if any of it was even real or if I really meant anything to him. But it's over and I have to focus on myself now.


Iím dumbfounded and speechless, Iím really sorry
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Old 09-13-2019, 10:25 AM
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Oh, I am so sorry. Sending prayers your way.
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Old 09-13-2019, 11:08 AM
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He has been out for 5 months now and.....well.....I'm sorry guys. I so badly was hoping we could be a story that would give hope to other MWI's but unfortunately things quickly spiraled downwards and we've gone our separate ways. I am heartbroken and not doing well but I know I'll pick myself back up and figure out my next move in life.

I am quite embarrassed and thought about never posting on here again but I didn't want to leave you all wondering what happened especially after all the kind support I've received on here over the years! I did ignore a lot of red flags and there was a lot about our relationship I did not post on here because I knew the comments I'd get so I sugarcoated it and made it all sound so much better than it actual was. I do wish I could go back to 2015 and never write him but that's not possible so I just have to accept what happened and move on with my life without him. It feels hard, I feel empty, I don't even know if any of it was even real or if I really meant anything to him. But it's over and I have to focus on myself now.
I was waiting for you to give an update about what was going on. I didn't expect this to be the update you'll deliver. My heart went to the bottom of my stomach reading this, and I just want to say I'm so sorry this happened. You have the right to be heart broken. I know it's hard but you'll snap back from the hurt/pain. Take care of yourself, and continue to look after yourself. Don't feel embarrassed Queen, no one would of shamed you. What you did took courage to come on here, to give us the update you didn't deserve to give. I appreciate you for the strength to share your update with all of us on here. I'm so sorry once again, just know we don't have no negative vibes for the way you decided to handle your situation in private. You hold your head up high!! I'm praying for your strength to get you through this hurt. I pray you heal your aching heart. Always remember your special and you'll forever be special.
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  #45  
Old 09-13-2019, 11:44 AM
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I am so sorry to hear this update. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us.
It can be heartbreaking when a relationship ends especially when you have invested a lot of time and love over the years.
We were there for you in the good times and the not so good and I am sure there are many who will be available to chat by PM if you would like to talk and I am one of those people.Feel free to PM me. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who doesn't know you but understands some of your situation.

You dont have to be a beacon of hope for MWI but you can be a beacon of hope for yourself. Take your time to heal and be kind to yourself. Then move on and remember everything happens for a reason.He wasnt right for you and so the universe has created a space for the right person to come along and show you love and loyalty.

Take care my love and we are here all hours of the day and night if you need to talk.
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  #46  
Old 09-13-2019, 07:00 PM
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Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
He has been out for 5 months now and.....well.....I'm sorry guys. I so badly was hoping we could be a story that would give hope to other MWI's but unfortunately things quickly spiraled downwards and we've gone our separate ways. I am heartbroken and not doing well but I know I'll pick myself back up and figure out my next move in life.

I am quite embarrassed and thought about never posting on here again but I didn't want to leave you all wondering what happened especially after all the kind support I've received on here over the years! I did ignore a lot of red flags and there was a lot about our relationship I did not post on here because I knew the comments I'd get so I sugarcoated it and made it all sound so much better than it actual was. I do wish I could go back to 2015 and never write him but that's not possible so I just have to accept what happened and move on with my life without him. It feels hard, I feel empty, I don't even know if any of it was even real or if I really meant anything to him. But it's over and I have to focus on myself now.
Damn it! I'm sorry! You're the best for coming in and posting this update, given how you're feeling right now, thank you a million!

If it's rude of me to ask, please forgive me, I just can't hold back from asking what red flags you believed were ignored. I may very well have ignored, blocked or just haven't realized an importance to notice a certain behavior, tone, mood, something / anything that could be considered a red flag. Your truths can be another's decision at a crossroad.

Again, I am sorry for any loss or inconveniences your feeling. I can tell by your posts that you are a smart and strong woman - no wrong choice here, just life, needing to be lived / experienced. One day you will have complete clarity of it all - until then, rest and heal well
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Old 09-13-2019, 07:08 PM
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Sending love and healing
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Old 09-14-2019, 01:03 AM
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Genuinely sorry to hear this

I also feel bad that you felt you couldn't share your struggles here, fearing the comments you'd get.. that makes me sad and like this community failed you (although of course it is not mandatory to make your private life public on these forums) - you must have been going through a lot. I hope you had someone to speak with.

Nothing to be embarrassed about though....you loved him genuinely, and it's human nature to wish for the best... and if you knew in your heart of hearts that there were red flags then maybe on some level you were prepared for this. However, it doesn't take away the heartbreak - I hope you can heal from this and keep your head up; it doesn't feel like it right now but you will be okay.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you need an ear
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Old 09-14-2019, 09:18 AM
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Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! I will be PM'ing those who offered it when I feel up to it. I truly need and appreciate this support. You all really are the best!

I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders since posting yesterday. I think I was waiting to post about it ending because I was holding on to hope that we would get back together. We no longer speak to one another and I do miss him. I loved him so much and gave him all I had for almost 4 years. But he is a con man. I don't want to bad mouth him, there is a lot of good in him, there were times he was unbelievably sweet and loving and giving to me, we did share some good memories and I only wish him the best, but I do want to share some of the red flags I ignored and kept to myself:

-MONEY. Probably the most common red flag. Looking back, I can see I sent him way more money than was necessary. Yes, it was my choice to send it, but I often felt pressured and guilted into it. He once even threatened to go back on the pen pal site to find someone else if I did not send enough money. Another time he told me I was selfish and mean because I did not ask him if he needed new shoes. Many times, I sent money to avoid arguments. He could be very passive aggressive. A lot of times he would say he would end up in the SHU unless I sent money.

-He lied about using drugs while in prison and tricked me into helping him use.

-He gave another inmate my phone number and that resulted in that inmate tricking me into sending money.

-He always accused me of things and made false assumptions about me. I never felt good enough. He always wanted more from me. Anytime he did or said something mean, I somehow was made to feel like I was in the wrong and I always ended up apologizing even when I did nothing wrong. I thought I was going mad! Anytime I cried to him about anything he told me I was a martyr.

-I was always understanding of his issues but he rarely was understanding of mine.

-He claimed to have great memory but never could remember things that had to deal with me.

-Looking back, I can see he never really went out of his way for me. He once wrote me saying he felt I did nothing for him, when I felt I was breaking my back for him.

-I never made him feel bad if he wrote a short letter but he always made me feel bad if I did not write enough or do enough for him.

-When he got to the halfway house, he started talking to his ex again and even called me by her name by mistake.

-I last saw him this July and my mom spoke to him voicing concerns about me because I had been struggling with my mental health and my mom said it was like he could care less.

-When I was struggling, he responded with anger and like he was annoyed.

-it never felt like things could be about me, it was always about him, the relationship was very lopsided.

-He yelled at me and knew the hurtful things to say to break me down.


I feel worthless



The stress and pressure made me sick. My self-esteem has never been as low as it is. He made me doubt myself and I was constantly questioning myself and feeling like I was such a terrible person. I still feel like I did something wrong and should be apologizing, like us not working is all my fault.

I feel stupid and used. Iíve cried so much for him over the years. I feel so broken. Was I a fool to think someone would actually love me the way I love them. I know I wasnít perfect to him and I made mistakes, but my intentions were always good and I really feel I tried so hard for him, I cared about him more than Iíve ever cared for a man. But me just as I was never felt good enough for him. I just wanted to be wanted, needed and loved. I thought he was the one and maybe thatís why I bit my tongue so often and gave him the benefit of the doubt many times.

When I was browsing Write A Prisoner in 2015, I was dealing with depression, agoraphobia, an eating disorder, bipolar disorder and I was lonely. I DO NOT RECOMMEND DOING THAT. I think that was my first mistake, I was in no position to be in a relationship with someone, prison or not.

Anyway, Iíve been throwing myself a pity-party, but that stops now, thankfully today I woke up feeling better and ready to pick up the pieces and move forward.
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  #50  
Old 09-14-2019, 10:12 AM
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408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
OMG, he's getting out!
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: California
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Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
Iíve been throwing myself a pity-party, but that stops now, thankfully today I woke up feeling better and ready to pick up the pieces and move forward.
Well said, well done and bless your precious heart!
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