Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-10-2003, 09:19 PM
tamarama tamarama is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Unhappy Confused and worried

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your responses to my earlier questions. This is all so new. The sentence was only given last tuesday, briefly he was suppose to make it thru a year long rehab or else go to prison for 10 years. He didn't make it thru rehab, not because of relapsing but because his feelings and confusion on how to handle himself got him dismissed. We tried but the judge said she gave him the chance and he blew it. So she gave him the 10 years. I get the feeling most of you are waiting patiently for your men to get out so you can pick up and go on with your families. I went through 12 tough years. It wasn't like he was just a normal guy who got messed up, fix it and everything will be fine. I wasn't sure we were going to be Ok even when he was in rehab. He's been calling everynight and he is of course in a total panic, thinks he was set up, that they were never going to let him make it through, etc. He is venting on me and doesn't mean too. I feel like I am going to have a heart attack from the stress and am wondering how long I should let my guilt for the woulda, shouldas keep me locked down in this dispair with him. Like I said this whole affair has been going on for a very long time. I've spent literally thousands and all my retirement and in debt to boot. When do I say enough is enough, when do I say I can't stay locked down in this grief with you any longer. I honestly have never been able to let go before, I wonder how do I do it now. I know you all understand and would be very interested in knowing how you all have dealt with this. Thanks Tammy
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 06-11-2003, 09:38 AM
Flowerchild's Avatar
Flowerchild Flowerchild is offline
Psychedelic Relic
 

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Carolina Lowcountry
Posts: 909
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

You poor lady, Tamarama. Let me tell you about the three "C"s I learned long ago in Alanon: You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, & you can't Cure it. You have nothing to feel guilty about; he made those choices, not you. And I doubt very seriously that he got kicked out of rehab because of his confusion — most likely it was his attitude & unwillingness to take responsibility (I say that based on his telling you that he was set-up. etc.) I heard an Alanon speaker once say that she might as well have gotten up in the morning & asked her husband, "Well, how do we feel today?"; that's how co-dependent she was. Your husband has to want to change; I know you'll hear that a million times if you haven't already, but so do you if you're going to ever have any peace of mind. You need help in learning how to let go of him & his problems. You'll get a lot of support & understanding on PTO & that's wonderful, but you also need to understand co-dependency & work on changing yourself. Alanon is a real good start & no one will judge you or your situation there; most of them have been through it at least to some extent.

I sincerely hope things look up for you soon. You shouldn't have to live with such anguish.

Adrienne
__________________
"…I was in prison and you visited me." — Matthew 25:36
<center>
<img src="http://www.miamihost.net/ims/u/Flowerchild/Flowerchild/QueenAdrienne.gif">
</center>
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-11-2003, 09:41 AM
deb's Avatar
deb deb is offline
Yooper Mod on Leave
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 22,802
Thanks: 267
Thanked 794 Times in 248 Posts
Default

Hi,

I'm agreeing with Adrienne.....Have you attended Al-Anon meetings? They really help if you go on a consistent basis..... Best wishes...

Deb
__________________


September 10th 2009
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-11-2003, 02:31 PM
Amelia's Avatar
Amelia Amelia is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 1,830
Thanks: 0
Thanked 51 Times in 10 Posts
Default

Stephen went htrough alot of the same emotions and although he doesnt have a drug problem but he does have a gambling problem. I am waiting patiently but only becasue this is his first time in..I have known Stephen for almost 10 years and about 8 of thoise he has been getting into trouble--probation and such...I understand your frustration totally...PTO has helped alot for me --venting my feelings and all--I also agree about the AlAnon meetings--I am thinking of going myself-there isnt a Gamblers anonymous around here so i figure Al-Anon will basically be the same principles. Lean on us!


I am also going to move this to the Husbands and Boyfriends forum--it will probably get more of a response there!!
__________________
Each day we are ONE DAY CLOSER to being together!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-12-2003, 01:10 AM
HisAngel HisAngel is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2003
Location: Oregon
Posts: 206
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

The coulda..woulda..shoulda's...blahs.. I still have them all in some kind of extend daily...for almost 9 mos. now...but like the ladies before me have all expressed...HE made his decision (s)....and it's it so difficult to deal with! As for here...THANKFULLY...(try looking up PRISON MINISTRIES??! FOR YOUR STATE...) in Oregon...we have a group called CURE.... that basis our monthly meetings on AL-ANON... principals like what was said before...maybe picking up a 12-step Al-Anon book/daily affirmation book to help? HOW I KNOW... I AM AND SOOO MANY OF US ARE WITH YOU..! ~ GOD BLESS YOU ~ LUVS~
__________________
His~Angel~
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-12-2003, 01:26 AM
Chevygal55's Avatar
Chevygal55 Chevygal55 is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,075
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Tamarama~

So sorry you are going thru all these hard times. I think Adrienne gave you some good advise there with her 3 C's! Take care, Good luck, and God Bless~
Attached Images
File Type: jpg hugs_remembering_rm3.jpg (33.9 KB, 83 views)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
He is Very Ill, I Know it's Probably Nothing but I'm SO Worried! classycrazy Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 7 05-14-2005 08:25 AM
Confused about our relationship AmyLynn Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 16 12-04-2004 04:51 AM
I'm Fed Up Confused And Worried makemoveswife Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 14 03-17-2004 08:08 AM
Confused and Worried, please help!!! LML Pennsylvania General Prison Talk, News, Introductions & Chit Chat 19 03-06-2004 11:02 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:26 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics