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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 08-10-2003, 10:54 PM
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Default How forgiving are you???

Hello ladies, i am sitting here thinking about all the things that Tito and i have gone through in life, and can't help but to think how things will turn out when he comes home in a few months. I read so many stories here on PTO and see how forgiving many of you ladies are. I be like "Hell, if that was me, i would put his a$$ out in a heart beat" and i will.
I have been through too much with him and i refuse to go through the same mess as I have before. I have grown to be a strong, independent woman and refuse to let a man bring me down.
A woman can only forgive so many times, my question to you ladies is, when is enough- ENOUGH???
How many times will you forgive him before deciding life goes on??
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Old 08-10-2003, 10:58 PM
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Dr Phil, I have had enough right here this is my honey first time in prison. If he goes back i'm gone I can't take it anymore. If he goes back them he is going to go back without my a**. I have been though hell with my boyfriend this is it. No one sorry or give me one more chance i have to worry about number one and two My Son And Me!!!!!!
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:08 PM
SEXXIESTMAMITA SEXXIESTMAMITA is offline
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See, i never been in ur situation,mami....{roc}so, i can't answer that,Grant and i as u all kno on here, are jus on"Cloud 9!"sooo happi,and i jus want to say,if u and tu papi tito hav"real"luvv,like u two sound like u do have,
then, it will work,where u two will leave the past in da past,and hav"ETERNALHAPPINESS!"
U R IN MY PRAYERS!4 wen tito comes home in a few monthz!!!
Saludos,god bless u two,nite mamita!
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:15 PM
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I have been through this with my man once before. He's been in and out since he was a kid. But when we hooked up years ago I was there and somewhere along the line we split up and he did the rest of his time alone. He got out and needless to say we got back together. Now he is in again and I am pissed the f*ck off! I have never before threatened to leave or anything like that, but this time I did tell him that this is it. I am 22 years old and I refuse to end up wasting my 20's on him if he gets locked up again after this. I have had it. He knows that I am serious about this too, so I don't think there should be anything to worry about this time (hopefully). Only time will tell, because things are always easier said than done.
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:25 PM
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Well to you ladies that already replied, i truly wish you all the luck and love in the world!! I know we have faithfully went into these realtionships with open arms and hearts and only deserves the same in return.
To Sha, Good luck to you and Grant , I hope they grant his parole so he will be on his way to be with his sexi mamita!! Don't forget the birth control!! LOL
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:41 PM
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Depends on what he wants forgivness for... If it is one of your usual disagreements and feeligs get hurt then yes I would forgive... but... if it was another woman, drugs, or anything against the law "HELL NO" I would not forgive. I look at it this way... I have lived my life as good as I possilby can. I try my best to obey the laws and not hurt anyones heart. So why on earth would I put up with anyone else's crap? I don't think so. If I am to give my all to a man then I expect the same back no more no less! Treat me good and I will treat you good. Do me wrong and you are gone~
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:50 PM
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He has already spent his whole forgiveness up from me...he knows that and he knows I am gone if he wants "major" forgiveness again. My life is good right now and that's the way I plan on keeping it! Hopefully, it will be with him...
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Old 08-11-2003, 12:30 AM
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I've forgiven Brian long ago, and I never have judged him, like other people have. And that's one of the reasons he loves me so much. Because we see each other flaws and all we accept them. I don't except it to be all roses when he comes home in a couple months. We have both changed. I think he has for the better. I'm not so sure about me though. But I know we are human we are going to make mistakes, that's what life is about. Making mistakes and learning from them, or not learning from them and repeating them until we do. With that said I could forgive him, but forgiving him and staying with him is two different things. I love him enough to let him go. If I feel he is going to compromise who I've become as a woman I'll let him go. Because I love him enough to just be his friend, and he knows this, and doesn't want that to ever happen again. I can walk away (with tears in my eyes) but I can live without him I have for nine years. Every relationship you have to put in work. I'm very forgiving, If he cheated I'd forgive him, I wouldn't tell him that but I would. Sex is sex. But if he ever put his hands on me I'd walk, no I'd run for the door. I don't think he ever would, but I've been in relationships like that, so I'm just leary of all men in that area and he knows that, and because he knows that it would hurt me more if it came from him.
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Old 08-11-2003, 12:50 AM
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My husband has been in prison twice before I met him for brief periods of time (< 1 year). This time he really did it and got 6 years at half time. He has received my forgiveness for this situation and his past. I will do this time with him and no more. It would destroy me to ever leave him, but I don't know how I would ever do this again. He has promised me that he will never return to prison and I pray that he honors that promise.

I don't know how anyone else handles this, but I am tired of making up stories to aquaintances, employers, co-workers, some family members about where my husband is. I mean, it's not like you want everyone in the world to know your private business, and I am sure that not everyone is as understanding about the topic. What does everyone else do?
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Old 08-11-2003, 02:05 AM
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Everyone I know knows where my guy is and they know the basic story if they ask. If they don't then I don't elaborate. If they want to judge me - then let them - I don't need or want their approval or validation. It is my life not theirs. Everyone who matters to me is on my (our) side and that is all that counts.
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Old 08-11-2003, 12:38 PM
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Roc city girl: gracias,mi mamita!thanx so much, i hope so too!we are soooo positive they will grant,mi papi, Grant his parole!i cannot wait!less than a day,i am sooo nervous!but,veri happi
and positive! Tito is due home in onli a few months?u are in my prayers,and tito,i kno it is tuff,must be,hoping that is going to be finalli rite between u two,after all that "caca"{s--t!}
but,like i said,i think u guyz will be ok, long az it iz real luvv,like i think u two do hav,leav the past "in the past!"

adios,mami...saludos{god bless!}both of u,and tu familia!
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Old 08-11-2003, 01:46 PM
ABEJAY ABEJAY is offline
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Forgiving someone is not for the other person, but for yourself. I would definately forgive my man.....but I could no longer be his woman. I would still love him, but I would make different choices.
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Old 08-11-2003, 02:18 PM
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burn me once...shame on you....BURN ME TWICE?? SHAME ON ME....

I have 2 requirements that MUST be met...he knows what they are....if he crosses that line....I"M DONE.....tough love ain't easy...but sometimes, it's the sanest way.

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Old 08-11-2003, 02:40 PM
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Im with Kath on this one. This is Shawns first go round with prioson and it will be my last with him if this doesnt change things i figure nothing will and I cant afford to keep waiting on a WISH I love him to Death but loving someone forever doesnt mean your bound to go through hell over and over,I will always love him but he doesnt have to be in my life for that ....
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Old 08-11-2003, 03:40 PM
GatosWifey GatosWifey is offline
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shoot, this is it and he knows it. Forgive my language but he can kiss my f****** a** if he thinks i'm ever ever ever going through this again. I've been to hell and back and I consider myself luckky to have made it to the place I'm at right now. Whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, I always said if I made it out alive I'd be a better person for it, and its the truth. I'm a much better, stronger woman than I would have ever been if I hadn't gone through this.
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Old 08-11-2003, 04:00 PM
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Sarah, i totally agree with you"what doesn't kill you will make you stronger"!! I love Tito with all the love i have to give, but he has to learn that going back and forth to prison is not a game.

To Lyne1214, I am honest about Titos wherabouts, although you are right, its no one business, people tend to judge not only you but your incarerated loved one as well with out even knowing the facts. If you ever feel uncomfortable speaking about his wherabouts, simply say so. They cant hate you for not wanting to talk about it.
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Old 08-11-2003, 04:23 PM
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My man knows that this is his last chance. I have forgiven him for everything in the past, and he has forgiven me. We had a very rocky last year and a half. We both hurt each other, and did each other wrong. We ave really worked on our relationship, and having open communication.
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Old 08-12-2003, 03:49 AM
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I will not handle a situation with another woman. I do not compete with women. or men for that matter. If you need even a little sumpin sumpin in that area and it isn't me well Adios. I must forgive him. But our relationship would end.

I will not wait again if he ever returns to prison upon his release. I can barely maintain the sanity now during this wait. I will not try or even think I could want to put myself thru it again.

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Old 08-12-2003, 08:42 AM
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I have to agree I forgive alot of things but I will not forgive him going back in again> I have done this ride the right way and if he cant make the attempt to go straight to be with us then he doesnt deserve having me stand by him.
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Old 08-12-2003, 09:14 AM
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I believe there is a diffrence between forgiving and just simply putting up wuth poop.
I am a very forgivin person, some say i am to forgiving
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Old 08-12-2003, 10:56 AM
JoshsGirl2003 JoshsGirl2003 is offline
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It depends on what I am forgiving. I have been pretty forgiving with Josh already, but I love him and I am guilable so my guess is a lot more forgiving than most woman would be.
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Old 08-12-2003, 12:02 PM
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Well, I met my fiance while he was in there and he got out and now is back in, this time for 15 yrs, 12 with reduced time. I told him if he goes back I will not go through it again, but here I am! I dont know how long I will be able to last but we will see. If I do happen to stay the whole 12 years and he gets out and goes back once more I will have to say I am done with his a@@!
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Old 11-09-2003, 05:16 PM
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I have forgave my boyfriend for certain stuff but once he's finally out of prison in 3 years if he does something to violate his probation and ends up going back then i'm not going to be able to believe that he can stay out of jail so i probably more than likely won't stay with him. he says he's already changed though and isn't going to be stupid and mess up anymore, he cares about me to much to put me through this again. and if he ever cheated on me i'd so dump him and kick his ass! LoL
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Old 11-09-2003, 07:47 PM
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john also knows this is his last chance...he did a 5 year stint (before i met him) he has more to fear from me if he ever touches another friggin budweiser than he does of going back again when he's able to come home...we have a 14 month old son and i have let it be known...he touches another budweiser and the baby and i are GONE !! i will not live like this and i WILL NOT raise this baby with a drunk for a father.

sande
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Old 11-10-2003, 07:43 AM
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I hate to admit this, but I am one of the least forgivving people I know. It sound bad, but it's a defense tactic. You see, I do not and will not be taken advantage of. I don't think that Frankie would do that to me, but I would be lying if I said I did not question his motives once in a while. The truth of the matter is I have very high expectations for Frankie when he comes home. If he thinks that I am just going to let him drag me down with him if he decides he wants to sell dope again or something dumb like that. He has another thing comming. I'll not tolerate it even for a second. All I can say is that if I were with Frqankie when he did all of this stuff, I would not be with him now. I could not handle the guilt. I know he is not innocent, and it's hard for me to say because I have know him for many years now. I knew him before and after, and there is no way I could let him do that to me. Wrong or right is not the issue. Neither is weather or not I love him. The issue is could I forgive him and move on if I knew he was doing something to get himself in trouble again, No. I couldn't.

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