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  #151  
Old 11-16-2017, 01:21 AM
jeswannabhiswyf jeswannabhiswyf is offline
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I'll point out that it's interesting....not just here but on other threads......women almost unanimously are opposed to their men being involved sexually with another inmate. Men on the other hand seem to be more permissive of it. Now, I personally am not stepping out. Others do have permission.

I am not sure why there's a gender difference exactly. I don't think it's an issue of us men being "dogs" so to speak because clearly we are all very much in love with and very supportive of our women. I was having a terrible day today and 15 minutes on the phone with Dee completely lit up my world. We are a team in all regards except one right now and that's going to cease to be an issue in exactly 4 months (and a few hours.)

Anyone have any thoughts on the gender gap?

-E

Some men fantasize about 2 women. That can be a turn on for them. For most women, it's not attractive for your man to penetrate another man, and especially unattractive for him to be penetrated. For me personally, I'm too strong of a woman to respect him as my man if he's accepting the same organ I accept. Either emasculates him in my eyes. I require a strong, manly man. Please understand that I have nothing against men who have sexual encounters with other men. That's their choice and it doesn't affect me. However, that group of men is eliminated from my relationship/sexual encounter choice pool.
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  #152  
Old 11-16-2017, 01:30 AM
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missingdee missingdee is offline
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Some men fantasize about 2 women. That can be a turn on for them. For most women, it's not attractive for your man to penetrate another man, and especially unattractive for him to be penetrated. For me personally, I'm too strong of a woman to respect him as my man if he's accepting the same organ I accept. Either emasculates him in my eyes. I require a strong, manly man. Please understand that I have nothing against men who have sexual encounters with other men. That's their choice and it doesn't affect me. However, that group of men is eliminated from my relationship/sexual encounter choice pool.


All due respect.....the women Dee was around......not exactly my idea of fantasy-worthy. So at least in my case there wasnít an issue of being aroused of the idea of her with other women (others may view it differently in their own situations.)

I think your response does make an interesting point about some of the differences in the preferences of men with an incarcerated woman in their lives vs. women with an incarcerated man. Thereís different views of what is and isnít acceptable not just in our specific relationships, but what has become acceptable/unacceptable in gender roles. Penetration seems to be a big deal.......thereís something very intimate and personal about penetration and....all due respect....two women canít exactly be quite that way. Something about male genitalia seems to make the matter more serious for some reason. If you ask most men, youíre probably onto something....much more tolerance of their women being with other woman than if they had a sexual relationship with, say, a male correctional officer.
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  #153  
Old Yesterday, 01:40 PM
K6770 K6770 is offline
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I just wanted to check in. AM is hanging in there this week. Her youngest is pretty sick and she picked it up. When she was sick inside it was always tough, because outside making sure she had enough money on her books for the medical visit copay and to buy medicine there wasn't much I could really do. Things are much better in that regard now. That aside, AM has had some problems with getting the records she needs from the state just so she can keep her new job. We had to get the attorney that helped with her parole involved again. Hopefully that issue will work out. The patience learned in prison is still needed daily. A lot of people have come out the woodwork now that she is home. The readjustment is ongoing. Prison is still part of our lives.
sorry this post ended up on the wrong thread...intended for "So men, how're we doing this week?"
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  #154  
Old Yesterday, 01:43 PM
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sorry this post ended up on the wrong thread...intended for "So men, how're we doing this week?"


I will see if I can move it....
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  #155  
Old Yesterday, 03:31 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is online now
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All due respect.....the women Dee was around......not exactly my idea of fantasy-worthy. So at least in my case there wasnít an issue of being aroused of the idea of her with other women (others may view it differently in their own situations.)

I think your response does make an interesting point about some of the differences in the preferences of men with an incarcerated woman in their lives vs. women with an incarcerated man. Thereís different views of what is and isnít acceptable not just in our specific relationships, but what has become acceptable/unacceptable in gender roles. Penetration seems to be a big deal.......thereís something very intimate and personal about penetration and....all due respect....two women canít exactly be quite that way. Something about male genitalia seems to make the matter more serious for some reason. If you ask most men, youíre probably onto something....much more tolerance of their women being with other woman than if they had a sexual relationship with, say, a male correctional officer.
I agree with jeswanna..I think many (not all) men have this thing about 2 women together and so they are just more ok with the idea of their LO being with another woman as opposed to a woman being ok with their male LO being with another man. I also think society is in general more approving of 2 women together than 2 males together, for whatever reason.

Personally, while it is not for me, and it is not for my husband, I think it truly depends on the situation and people shouldn't be judged for whatever their arrangement is. Obviously, if someone has a sentence that they're never going to see the light of day again, we may all feel differently about what they do or don't do inside than if they were going to get out in a few years. Just like if we were the ones free on the outside, I can't imagine we would choose to be celibate forever in the same scenario, but as I constantly tell people, you never know what you would do unless you are in the same situation, so you can't judge.

I would definitely bet if research were done however, that women do engage in more sexual relationships in prison than their male counterparts. I would think that is because women do so more for the emotional connection. Men probably don't need that as much and are not seeking that. Imagine how many of these women are away from their children. Many of us our nurturers, and I am sure these women crave that as well as crave being nurtured by anyone. One thing however in a woman's prison that must be something to see, is that there must be some high drama! That is for sure!! The amount of hormones going crazy, sneaking around, jealousy, time of the month issues. I cannot imagine!

And by the way, someone made a comment about no STD's between women? That is false. Women can spread STDs. STDs are spread by bodily fluids. They are not just spread by ejaculating into someone.

At the end of the day, like I said, whatever works for one may not work for all and if it works for you, more power to you. My biggest worry is getting my husband out in one piece (fortunately he's just going to a camp), and what kind of long-term emotional impact it will have on him or what kind of bad changes there may be when he comes out. He's older, so to some degree this is the one time I hope the "leopard doesn't change their spots" statement holds true!
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  #156  
Old Yesterday, 05:07 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is online now
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I agree with jeswanna..I think many (not all) men have this thing about 2 women together and so they are just more ok with the idea of their LO being with another woman as opposed to a woman being ok with their male LO being with another man. I also think society is in general more approving of 2 women together than 2 males together, for whatever reason.

Personally, while it is not for me, and it is not for my husband, I think it truly depends on the situation and people shouldn't be judged for whatever their arrangement is. Obviously, if someone has a sentence that they're never going to see the light of day again, we may all feel differently about what they do or don't do inside than if they were going to get out in a few years. Just like if we were the ones free on the outside, I can't imagine we would choose to be celibate forever in the same scenario, but as I constantly tell people, you never know what you would do unless you are in the same situation, so you can't judge.

I would definitely bet if research were done however, that women do engage in more sexual relationships in prison than their male counterparts. I would think that is because women do so more for the emotional connection. Men probably don't need that as much and are not seeking that. Imagine how many of these women are away from their children. Many of us our nurturers, and I am sure these women crave that as well as crave being nurtured by anyone. One thing however in a woman's prison that must be something to see, is that there must be some high drama! That is for sure!! The amount of hormones going crazy, sneaking around, jealousy, time of the month issues. I cannot imagine!

And by the way, someone made a comment about no STD's between women? That is false. Women can spread STDs. STDs are spread by bodily fluids. They are not just spread by ejaculating into someone.

At the end of the day, like I said, whatever works for one may not work for all and if it works for you, more power to you. My biggest worry is getting my husband out in one piece (fortunately he's just going to a camp), and what kind of long-term emotional impact it will have on him or what kind of bad changes there may be when he comes out. He's older, so to some degree this is the one time I hope the "leopard doesn't change their spots" statement holds true!
I agree!!!! I just want my husband home.
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  #157  
Old Yesterday, 09:42 PM
KaylaPaige KaylaPaige is offline
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As a woman that was incarcerated... I know so many women that would go kiss their husbands at visitation and curl up in bed with a woman at night. So, you really have no idea what's going on inside. It's all about trust.

But to ever really say that you know... most people have no idea. I'm not even counting the sexual harassment by CO's and no, not everyone seeks that out. It happens far more than you would think.

Also, the STD rate is astronomical in prison... but then again, you have a lot of people getting prison tattoos too... which is hazardous to your health.

My two cents, people really have no idea what happens in prison, and most women leave those relationships behind when they hit the gates. Guess what, their men never know.
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  #158  
Old Yesterday, 10:31 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is online now
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As a woman that was incarcerated... I know so many women that would go kiss their husbands at visitation and curl up in bed with a woman at night. So, you really have no idea what's going on inside. It's all about trust.

But to ever really say that you know... most people have no idea. I'm not even counting the sexual harassment by CO's and no, not everyone seeks that out. It happens far more than you would think.

Also, the STD rate is astronomical in prison... but then again, you have a lot of people getting prison tattoos too... which is hazardous to your health.

My two cents, people really have no idea what happens in prison, and most women leave those relationships behind when they hit the gates. Guess what, their men never know.
I totally believe you. I actually wouldn't be surprised if there are actually a lot of male/male relationships that men leave behind the second they hit the gates as well that are never discussed either. The only people that really know what goes on in prison, are the people inside. Those "secrets" stay with those people. How can any of us really know unless we've been there? And I don't think there are too many of us that would want to trade places either. You do what you need to do to survive and get through each day. Totally different than us on the outside, and I know my husband will have it much easier than most people on this site by being at a camp, but I am planning to do the same thing, whatever I can to survive and get through him being away, one day at a time. I'm not planning to have any relationships with women or men for that matter, but my kids are my priority and making sure they're safe and sound and protected are what is most important and that we get through each day as best as we can!
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