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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

View Poll Results: When did the relationship end?
While they were still in prison 127 55.95%
After they came home 100 44.05%
Voters: 227. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 10-26-2008, 01:17 PM
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SO HURT
I'm really sorry about this happening to you, I hope that you have been able to move on without him easily. Just keep reminding yourself of the above facts you already know about him to stay away from him. I keep a journal on mine to remind me of the terrible things he put me through and when I feel weakened, I get it out and read my own words and it sets me straight once again. You take care and stay strong.
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  #77  
Old 10-28-2008, 11:36 AM
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mine ended 2 months after he came home. he came home 3 days before our daughters c-section, 3 weeks later he was moved to a different city by parole. a month after he got to the other city he ended it with me because he had been cheating on me with a girl 6 years younger than him since he got there.
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  #78  
Old 11-22-2008, 11:46 PM
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Mine ended 2 weeks after he got out, After being there for him for the last 5 years
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  #79  
Old 11-23-2008, 12:06 AM
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Unhappy ended

That really stinks! I would have been so mad! I waited for 10 months for mine and he ruined it quickly! So sorry you waited that long and it ended in 2 weeks!
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  #80  
Old 11-23-2008, 10:12 AM
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YOu see, this is why i walked away first. I know my husband mentality and truth is that he is the type to just be who he is after he gets out, im his convienence, his shelter, his protector in a sense, and i know that when he walks out of those gates Nov 29th 2009, he will be running towards his old life and I refuse to sit and feel like a fool. Yes, some men come home and everything is right and fine, but ladies we know or men better than anymore, How was he before he went in, did he run the streets, were his homies his top priority? Forget that his homies had amneisia when it came to him during his locked up time, when he gets out they will be right there. and he will be so stupid and live that life all over again,
Only you know your man,,,, so as for me, I can not speak for anyone elses husband, but i know mine, and im getting off this ride first, and protecting all that i have.. by divorcing him now while he is in prison he gets NOTHING....... he was sent the divorce papers 2 months ago and didnt sign them, nor contest it,, so he is already in default........ he thinks that by ignoring it i cant divorce him, but on Dec 2nd the judge will grant me a divorce by default, imagine his face when those papers hit him...????? HE NEVER THOUGHT ID LEAVE HIM, THOUGHT I LOVED HIM TOO MUCH.... I do love him, but this is battle, and ive got to protect mine.
Sad thing is that now i have to go get a protective order and get a gun with a license and go to the range, cuz yes, i married a physco........
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  #81  
Old 11-23-2008, 10:18 PM
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Unhappy returning to old behaviors

I sure know what you mean, them getting out and going back to old "friends" and screwing up the same ways. I've already filed for my protective order, I was told with all I turned in and the past with him I wont have a problem getting one. It wont keep him away though, wont do anything but drive him harder towards me. Its a piece of paper that allows the legal system to lock them up a little easier and longer. It just really stinks over all. I have found I loved someone who only really existed in my own head, never in the flesh. I do so know how you feel about your man. I'm in the same damn boat.
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  #82  
Old 11-23-2008, 11:38 PM
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I hope his D**k rots off...you deserve better...stay strong babgirl
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  #83  
Old 11-24-2008, 11:02 PM
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1 month after he got out... we'd been dating for about 6 mos
it would be interesting to see a study done or something (I'm sure there are). I have since learned about how inmates are impulsive when they get out and also change (which I found in my case). It still amazes me how much he changed. I can't judge firsthand, but from what I know, he's changed a lot. We've definitely both gone our separate ways. It was still a total shock though and one of the hardest things I had to go through (he was my first boyfriend)...
But I just thank God that it ended then and not later (i.e. if we got engaged or married, which was the plan).
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  #84  
Old 02-19-2009, 12:12 AM
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Orginally mine ended while he was still locked away. I was so in love with this man yall that I didn't notice a thing. He came over often, spent nights at my place and we went out constantly. When he would call about 20 times a day, we would always say that, "I love you shit." I meant it; he didn't. I didn't see it, and when he told me, I didn't believe it! It was like 5 months after he had gotten home that I found out that not only was he seeing another woman, which he had been dating 3 months prior to us meeting, but he had married her. I cried my heart out and took to my bed. For nearly 2 months, I avoided everybody that meant something to me. I was running from the ones who could have helped me heal a little faster. I did it on my own though. I had made up my mind that I was gonna stop acting like a damn fool and get my stuff together. I did it. I'm happy to say that when the door of his heart slammed shut in my face another door opened up and I've been inside of my new love's heart for a while now. I am at peace with so much now.
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  #85  
Old 03-15-2009, 01:39 AM
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i know the relationship was over while he was still locked up, however it was official 2 weeks after he came out. He is the one that ended and i just had my son 1 month prior to the break up. It took sometime to get over it, but I was able to. I ended up moving out of state to start a better life for my son and myself. Right now is back in for a parole violation, I pray he just gets his life together for the better.
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  #86  
Old 03-16-2009, 03:58 PM
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Default it took 3 months...

He will be out 3 months once the 18th hits. But a couple days ago on Saturday the 14th, I decided I was done with his bullshit- I been going thru drama...

And its sad because we have a baby boy that just turned 3 months on Saturday and a 2 year old who is wondering where daddy is...

But I pray that I will get thru this eventually and my kids will be my motivation...
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  #87  
Old 03-17-2009, 12:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psnvyd View Post
Well my husband and i split after he came home about a month because i discovered he was cheating on me with other females and he started going back to the same crap so here i am not with him and having a baby by him at that schedualed c-section wednesday morning to our daughter his first born child at that.
I am sorry to hear that, I hope that things go ok for you. I know how you feel, I have a 2 year old and my baby just turned 3 months old and thier daddy is long gone...

But God will work in our favor and good things will come our way. Just have faith and be strong..we have to be here for one another. Take care
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  #88  
Old 03-17-2009, 12:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrscooper View Post
Well my relationship with my husband ended last week. With a letter from him. I agree with the members that stated that thier husbands or spouses were one thing on the outside and then changed drastically on the inside. Mine is one of them, He went from being the biggest player and wife beater in el paso to the holiest man i know,.If you hear him talk.... but i recognize that is only prison talk. no pun intended. He vows that he is a changed man and that he will never hit or cheat on me again, that i am his queen, and i have realized that,,, uh ya im your queen cuz i go see you every saturday and im the only real world female you have contact visits with. I also realize that when he gets home he will go back to his old ways within a week or so. I know this cuz my gut tells me that, and everytime i have trusted my gut i have been right.
I was ordained in April so of course around July he said he was ordained... Im not really belieiving him and his letters turned into nothing but scriptures,, too over the top. Like he was trying to hard to convience me of his change. Talk doesnt define change, action does. So i started the divorce process on monday. Im sure he doesnt think that i am going through it but you know whatits time to teach him that im done playing games,,,, and for the last time HE GETS WHAT HE ASKED FOR, A DIVORCE........ its sad, and it hurts but you know what its all okay... I have read so many stories on here about how they come out the same, and truthfully Im not one of those women who has to get slapped in the face to realize the reality of this life with an abuser. I learn from my sisters. Thats the great thing, people learn from us about thier own lives by watching us go through and trust me they take notes.... so hopefully I will be an inspiration to some woman going through the same thing i am. I love my man,,,,, but i love me more..................... If I can walk away. anyone can. This is a man that i would have done anything for.... loved with every breath in me, would die for........ but now,,,,,,,,,, I realize that he wouldnt do the same for me, A man that hits you does not love you, a man that cheats on you, (could love you) but is it worth the pain of sitting at home alone while he is holding someone else.???? I think not.....
This story is truly inspirational to me, he swore he was a changed man when he got locked back up, but now that hes out, that "CHANGED "person has yet to surface- WHICH HE NEVER WILL. Im having a rough time walking away from my tore back relationship, but in the long run he will have lost the only one who truly loved him more than anything...but NO MORE! i LOVE ME AND MY BABIES FIRST!!! I hope all ladies here will read and be inspired in one way or another and if you got them gut feelings about your man, TRUST EM CUZ THEY ARE ALWAYS A FOREWARNING!! good luck to all and god bless.
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  #89  
Old 03-21-2009, 01:24 PM
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we made it almost a year after his release. we are married and i thought we were actually going to make it. it's only been one week since we seperated. i am so confused and sad i can't even think.
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  #90  
Old 03-22-2012, 09:01 AM
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We made it about seven months on the outside or I should say he strung me along for 7 months!!??
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  #91  
Old 03-25-2012, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TEYONCA
First let me say this is my first time here and also my first post, Hello everybody but let me tell you a story about a LOSER & LIAR ok this man i have always liked him and statrted writing to him after i heard he got locked up. I did a year and a half with the Loser we wrote and of course collect calls in the amount of 400 $ which i freely paid, sent money orders, letters the whole thang, this man promise to marry me said he loved me and only me he got out and within two weeks was sleeping with his baby mommy and on top of that gave me an STD i kicked him out and guess what the loser wasnt out a month before we got locked up again for five years already i have received over 10 leters in a two week period and guess what he loves me Yeah right, he claim he was confused and didnt know what to do and didnt want to lose me but i told me if you didnt want to lose me you had a weird way of showing it by jumping right into her bed and i might add, come to find out they both have substance abuse issues i guess a couple that smoke together stays together but the sad part is that i know in my heart he doesnt love me but i will admit i love him, but i know i deserve better so i made a decision to stay away from him b/c if i can put my life on hold for him for a year and he couldnt be faithful to me for a full month after everything i donr for him so this was my first and last time ever dealing with an inmate and i swear it will be my last. But i wish the pain would go away
honey, the pain did go away...for 5 years!
These stories break my heart, because you ALL deserve much better.
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  #92  
Old 08-19-2012, 07:14 AM
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he came home on friday and we ended it on sunday! he cheated with my so called exbest friend the first day he was home!
i've moved on and doing MUCH better now!
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  #93  
Old 08-19-2012, 11:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by California Sunshine View Post
Just curious as to how many of the relationships here that unfortunatly failed ended while your loved one was still in or ended after their homecoming....



Mine ended 3 months fter he came home
I would be curious about that one too! Just wonder how many ended before or soon after jail/prison.
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  #94  
Old 08-19-2012, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrscooper View Post
YOu see, this is why i walked away first. I know my husband mentality and truth is that he is the type to just be who he is after he gets out, im his convienence, his shelter, his protector in a sense, and i know that when he walks out of those gates Nov 29th 2009, he will be running towards his old life and I refuse to sit and feel like a fool. Yes, some men come home and everything is right and fine, but ladies we know or men better than anymore, How was he before he went in, did he run the streets, were his homies his top priority? Forget that his homies had amneisia when it came to him during his locked up time, when he gets out they will be right there. and he will be so stupid and live that life all over again,
Only you know your man,,,, so as for me, I can not speak for anyone elses husband, but i know mine, and im getting off this ride first, and protecting all that i have.. by divorcing him now while he is in prison he gets NOTHING....... he was sent the divorce papers 2 months ago and didnt sign them, nor contest it,, so he is already in default........ he thinks that by ignoring it i cant divorce him, but on Dec 2nd the judge will grant me a divorce by default, imagine his face when those papers hit him...????? HE NEVER THOUGHT ID LEAVE HIM, THOUGHT I LOVED HIM TOO MUCH.... I do love him, but this is battle, and ive got to protect mine.
Sad thing is that now i have to go get a protective order and get a gun with a license and go to the range, cuz yes, i married a physco........
That sounds so much like mine.....I enabled him to do nothing when he got out and he did just that nothing. He was not abusive well not physically but he drained the life from me.
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  #95  
Old 09-18-2012, 11:31 AM
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I left him while he was in bc he treated me like dirt. We were together 2 years, and planning our wedding. He decided that his mommy was more important than our relationship. Now he is having me and my new man "followed" like close enough that he knew I was pregnant before I got the chance to tell my man. Mind you that i found out 2 weeks before I told my man.... But I was still furious. And his mom is still all up in my business.
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  #96  
Old 10-16-2012, 11:01 AM
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Default ended before release.

it ended before his release. He did a lot of personal work and became enlightened. Good for him - not so good for me. He's been out now for over a year and doing well. He hooked up with a new girlfriend pretty quick and moved to texas to be with her - didn't work and now he's back. We've been friends since we were 17 - 45 now so the friendship is still there. I'm grateful for that but do want more...being honest. It's very confusing though because he flirts with me on facebook - is very kind and the recent time that he asked me to spend time with him - i already had plans and wasn't going to change them. Friends is a good thing. i know he respects me and wants good things for me. Maybe that is enough. Really trying hard not to feel like I was so totally there during his incarceration and then it just didn't matter (visits, letters, etc...). It is what it is and will unfold as it should.
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Old 11-03-2012, 09:35 PM
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we broke up while he was in county, less than a week before he went to reception at WSP. We still had strong feelings for each other & remained good friends. at least that's what i thought.then i had an unexpected major loss of income & i told him i couldn't send him money or packages, not even stamps anymore. so my friend who said we were friends for ever no matter what sent my last letter back "refused". if this had happened while i was still in love with him it would have devestated me, but he broke my heart twice before & i already lost that feeling for him, instead now when i think about the way he played this out IT just feels empty, but I don't. does that make sense?
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  #98  
Old 11-07-2012, 09:14 PM
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YOu ever have one of those "I should have listened to my mother.. friends.. family" moments?

Boy, I wish I would have listened before I married the sucka!

Mine happened after the second time he went in. I got tired of carting my baby up to the prison, and we were fighting about EVERYTHING. Plus I had a feeling I wasn't the only one going to see him, if you know what I mean.

For me, personally, I can't have a relationship with someone in prison. I just can't. I have to have someone here to have a relationship. That may be a little shallow and selfish of me, but my daughter deserves someone here for her too. Thats why I filed for divorce.
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Old 02-16-2021, 10:49 PM
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He did 25 years, we were on and off again 20 of those years.

He came home, we got married, had two sons. Once he got off parole he became a monster. Drinking every night, gambling every night, not coming home, spending all my money chasing other women, porn and stripper obsessions. Now he abandoned our home and my sons who are devastated.
He never calls them. Never sees them, and I am pretty sure never loved any of us.

I had no idea what a con man he really was.

Now going through a divorce in which I will have to pay him a lot of money to keep being a total scum bag and dead beat father.

My sons are my only blessing. Otherwise he ruined my life and wasted so much time.
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