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The Nimuay Domestic Violence Support Forum News and information relating to domestic violence in general. Please post here if you don't see a sub-forums that fits better.

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  #1  
Old 02-11-2021, 03:59 AM
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Default Need some advice: Together 4 months, he's been physical & mean a few times.

So Iíve been with this guy for about 4months now. Amazing relationship, he made me feel so comfortable & loved. There was a few times that it did get physical. He could be very mean those times. Iím wondering if I should stay with him while he goes to prison. Iím sure he is for robbery, & domestic assault. So heís got 2 felonies.
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Old 02-11-2021, 04:16 AM
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Default Advice ladies? Please!

So Iíve been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. Moved into with him but wasnít that great of an idea. Heís on herion and he talked about him stopping. Him being in jail is definitely going to help him stop... hopefully....
Heís facing Robbery& domestic assault (both are felonies)
Should I wait for him? I really do want to be with him.
Iím in recovery from meth, not much clean time but Iím happy with it.
He could be facing 10 years.
The domestic assault was on his mother. Thatís fucked up he did that, but he was up for days. Donít know what to do
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Old 02-11-2021, 07:13 AM
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Hi Amanda2337$. I'm going to move your thread to the Domestic Violence forum, since you say he's got one felony count of domestic assault against him. He also seems to show the signs of a domestic abuser.

In my past, I was in several abusive relationships. The last one tried to kill me. I would absolutely not stick with this man, especially since you say he's already gotten physical. It will only get worse. Now is the best time to cut ties with him - there is nothing he can do about it and he'll have time in prison to cool down a bit before he gets out.

He is not a safe person to be around. If things got physical and you've only been with him 4 months, it doesn't bode well for the future. Leave him to deal with his issues. Find someone who is worth your time and treats you well.
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Old 02-11-2021, 09:01 AM
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Short answer: no
You have an advantage to get out now with your dignity still somewhat intact and not getting sucked into more domestic violence plus a probably long prison stint.
Save yourself a lot of heartache and get out now. Save yourself from visible bruises and a bruised ego.
Get out now.
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Old 02-11-2021, 09:53 AM
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I agree that this guy is not the guy for you. At least not at this time. You both need to get sober and clean yourselves up first. Get some clean time in. Like a year of being sober.
He will need to address both his issues(addiction and anger management) first (well after any potential prison time he may have to serve)


Right now you should be focusing on yourself and getting sober time under your belt.
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Old 02-11-2021, 02:17 PM
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Dump him, get some counseling.
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Old 02-11-2021, 02:42 PM
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You already know most ppl will tell you to leave, I'm no exception.
He could change or get help but will he? It's only been 4 months, if he's okay with putting you at risk because he can't control himself then what won't he do? He's suppose to love, support, and protect you. Imagine if you get stuck and have kids with him. Get out now and hey, you can love him without being with him. I think there's healing in space, take that space. There's a lot of other people who will offer you what you need.
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Old 02-11-2021, 04:12 PM
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A few times in just 4 months... put hands on his mother.. NO.
Don't use drugs as an excuse.

Plus you need to put your recovery first.
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Old 02-11-2021, 07:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda2337$ View Post
So Iíve been with this guy for about 4months now. Amazing relationship, he made me feel so comfortable & loved. There was a few times that it did get physical. He could be very mean those times. Iím wondering if I should stay with him while he goes to prison. Iím sure he is for robbery, & domestic assault. So heís got 2 felonies.
Four months and he has been physical with you a few times. That is not an amazing relationship its a huge red warning flag.
You need to focus on your health and sobriety and you need to get some DV counselling so you can move on before you get further sucked into a violent relationship. You have a good chance here to get sober , get stronger and move on. Good luck to you.
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Old 02-20-2021, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda2337$ View Post


Amazing relationship, he made me feel so comfortable & loved.


There was a few times that it did get physical. He could be very mean those times.
Hola, chica. I am going to write you, a long post. Feel free to PM me if you're needing to. I feel for you, because you're not being loved chica, but you are not knowing the difference i feel, and i hope you're going to realize, as you're reading and i pray the lord above you're not staying ,not at this time. He need help. You have to inwardly know and see that, depending on your age. How old is he, your boyfriend/fiancee or partner?

How old
are you,or "age range?" Four months is only a few months, already suffering and confusing abuse with love or respect=going to end badly and actually? Only you, can stop it, before it get worse
Amanda."
...

-You're not feeling amor(love) nope. You're at a stage of imagining "real love" and believing it, because it's what you're either used of OR you are wanting it so bad, so you're basically "convincing yourself, it's real and it's love."It is not. I've been there. Multiple times, til' i learned.
-
Whether young early 20s. to almost 30s, or forties/fifties(middle age women/men)it's all the same, and i pray for you, to get out before it is
too late.
...
Personally?

-BEEN THERE
-GLAD that i have survived.For years, i strengthen others, counsel others on such relevance,provide day and night wisdom,strength empower.

You're saying "amazing?"
No.

Amazing chica ,is not being mean to you. Nor is it being abusive to you in 1 week or few months, a long year, or years.

-That's called abuse,for decades, since the beginning of time."No different." Just more women are realizin' they have more simplistic way out and it is called knowing your #self worth and to respect who YOU are first, what makes YOU happy and having a healthy mindset & not a man on the bottle, or on heroine, pills, coke, weed head day and night, meth user cocaine, who is providing FAUX-CARE.FAUX-LOVE...


Just when you're about to leave, remember you're doing it before you suffer like others who are "too soon" RIP IN HEAVEN premised on
-un-wisely thinking it's REALMENTE AMOR, real love because it's abuse plan and simple.so It's not love, not even like, not even respecting you
at all, but it has to be up to you, no 1 else. Reach me anytime, or PM me, god bless you."
+
Honestly?
I pray he get help, but i am more focus on you chica.#besmart chica, 2337 as life is too preciosa(precious)to remain befuddled (confuse)what you're having as "real amor, because it's not." Abuse is not anything but nefarious insecure dangerous actions of a man who is clearly disturbed,(from upbringing usually) but still, that is no excuse to stay, nor thinking you're going to love him "enough"to change. Get some help,or have him do it, "while separated."
-
Even then sometimes, it is not able to be saved(since)most DV relationships do not. I personally
just love mi self enough to KNOW
the difference and no longer wasting another day on a man who is a woman beater or emotional abuser.
-

I vow to stay #happilycelibate completely without the addiction of being with an abuser who cared nothing about himself, so how the hell i used to think he would give a DAMN about mi wonderful self, and i stopped lying to mi self. I STOPPED. #MYCHOICE to LIVE BETTER/HEALTHY/HAPPY.

THEREFORE:

God bless you to make the right decision. Hugs and blessings.Happiness all depend on one person and that is you...adios.
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IF ACTION, isn't shown, then,it's not real. . .
...
Lead with your MIND + not your heart.



Last edited by a.rare.love; 02-20-2021 at 06:29 PM..
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