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  #1  
Old 07-05-2019, 09:32 PM
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Default Practical preparation for his release

I know this has been discussed a billion times, but baby me and let's discuss it time number one billion and one. I'm in need of some grounding.

Preparing for his release. I'm not talking about the emotional stuff or getting my space ready (that's just going to be a mess, I've accepted it). I need help focusing on things-- as in what does a man who has nothing need to get started after release. Some of it is obvious (hygiene, clothes, a phone) but some might not be until after the fact.

Recap: he's been in since age 20, down 17+ years. If he's approved, he'll be released around January/Feb of 2020. Will spend time in a CA halfway house before trying to transfer parole to AZ.

I bought toothbrushes today. I also picked up two dress shirts at Goodwill that would work for interviews. I don't know his size because he doesn't (we're going to work on that). When I know more, I'll try to get him a basic wardrobe.


Hit me with your basics lists. What did your long-sentenced loved one need when they got out? How did you set them up?

Last edited by miamac; 07-05-2019 at 09:37 PM..
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Old 07-06-2019, 10:03 AM
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Lord, I don't even know where to start. Let's see.
Clothes
Hygiene

Phone
Getting set up with parole
Resume
Setting up a bank account upon obtaining a job.
Education on how to write checks and use a debit card.
Education on how to use said phone.

Obtaining a driver's license or ID.

How to get around his area....streets, whatnot........etc.
I'm sure there are more. Just ask me, or I'll think of them later.
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Old 07-06-2019, 11:02 AM
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I started a reply and got sidetracked with tag phone calls.
LT hit all the stuff I was gonna say.
Adding: maybe if he needs a birth certificate, or other paperwork like that.
(ID, Drivers license get that done)
If he qualifies for any support like food stamps, things like that and how to apply for it.
Some sort of way to mark any meetings or appointments he needs to be at. (I would probably use a calendar but now a days people use phones for that....)
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Old 07-06-2019, 11:19 AM
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Had so many loved ones that did long bids and are released. I'll just merge all of them in together on the basics lists. This how each was set up after released to start them off.

2 dress shirts
1 pair of dress pants
1 pair of dress shoes
2 pairs of dress socks
1 pack of men's underwear
1 pack of men's under shirts
1 pair of steel-toe boots (work related if needed)
1 pair of men's shoes (work related or for everyday)
1 pack of each black and white socks
1 pair of long men's jeans
2 pairs of cargo long and short pants
3 regular short sleeves shirts
2 pairs of long sleeves shirts (work related if needed)
1 pair of working gloves (work related if needed)
3 regular plain polo shirts (none name brand)
2 pairs of pj pants
1 pair of men's slides
1 jacket
1 prepaid cell phone (extra old cellphone turned into a prepaid cell phone with the instruction booklet that came with the phone.)
Hygiene products

Forgot to mention a lot of the clothing we got from thrift store's.


Also what LifeTraveler mention on list.
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Originally Posted by LifeTraveler View Post
Getting set up with parole
Resume
Setting up a bank account upon obtaining a job.
Education on how to write checks and use a debit card.
Education on how to use said phone.

Obtaining a driver's license or ID.

How to get around his area....streets, whatnot........etc.

Last edited by keywii; 07-06-2019 at 11:52 AM..
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Old 07-06-2019, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by LifeTraveler View Post
Lord, I don't even know where to start. -- that's kind of how I felt when I sat down to make a list.

Clothes...X
Hygiene...X
Phone...X
Getting set up with parole...that's going to be on him. He's in another state and going to HH. Once he's transferred, then I can assist him there.


Resume...I was thinking of typing one up for him and sending it. Then he can add/change as he likes. They had him do one in a class, but the thing was three pages and full of stuff no one will read. I was really disappointed.


Setting up a bank account upon obtaining a job.
Education on how to write checks and use a debit card.
Education on how to use said phone....these will all be done while he's in the HH, so I'm kinda stuck there, too. I hate that he's going to have to redo so much because of the transfer, but I guess that's just part of it. Practice Round.

Obtaining a driver's license or ID....CDC says they will help him get an ID. The license, I don't know that he'll get one until he gets to AZ. So that I can help him with.

How to get around his area....streets, whatnot........etc.
I'm sure there are more. Just ask me, or I'll think of them later.
Thank you! It's so hard because he's not coming home, but using the HH as a stopover. At this point, I feel limited to "what can I buy and set aside that he'll need during that time?"

Last edited by miamac; 07-06-2019 at 12:14 PM..
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Old 07-06-2019, 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by sidewalker View Post
I started a reply and got sidetracked with tag phone calls.
LT hit all the stuff I was gonna say.
Adding: maybe if he needs a birth certificate, or other paperwork like that.
(ID, Drivers license get that done)
If he qualifies for any support like food stamps, things like that and how to apply for it.
Some sort of way to mark any meetings or appointments he needs to be at. (I would probably use a calendar but now a days people use phones for that....)
We got his birth certificate when we got married, so thankfully that's done. But he's applied for a Social Security Card and it's never arrived. So I'll look into that again.

Any benefits he'll get will be done at the HH. When he gets to AZ we can see if he qualifies. We're legally married so I know that messes with any benefits either of us might request.

The calendar is a good idea. I'll get him a small planner and then a wall calendar for when he gets home. He uses a planner inside and we use a family calendar here at home, so that's a good transition!
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Old 07-06-2019, 12:13 PM
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Originally Posted by keywii View Post
Had so many loved ones that did long bids and are released. I'll just merge all of them in together on the basics lists. This how each was set up after released to start them off.
Super helpful! Thanks.

Yes, the thrift store is my go-to for clothes anyway so it's easy to just take a peek over the next few months when I'm there and see what I can find. I need to get him to measure himself so I know what size pants/shorts. The dress shirts I just got an extra large...nothing tailored. He's always worn clothes that were way too big for him-- from the streets to his baggy uniform. So he might feel self-conscious in appropriately fitting attire. I figured he can roll the sleeves up if they're too long and if it's a little big in the chest, well...that'll just have to be until he can get something else.
The phone I have for him is my back-up phone. I've used it maybe a week total in the last two years. It's basically one step above a flip phone. It's a smart phone, but super super basic. It's a pre-paid plan from Walmart so he can use it anywhere he ends up. If he loses or breaks it, we're not out a lot of money.

Thanks again for the list. Feels good to check things off.
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Super helpful! Thanks.

Yes, the thrift store is my go-to for clothes anyway so it's easy to just take a peek over the next few months when I'm there and see what I can find. I need to get him to measure himself so I know what size pants/shorts. The dress shirts I just got an extra large...nothing tailored. He's always worn clothes that were way too big for him-- from the streets to his baggy uniform. So he might feel self-conscious in appropriately fitting attire. I figured he can roll the sleeves up if they're too long and if it's a little big in the chest, well...that'll just have to be until he can get something else.
The phone I have for him is my back-up phone. I've used it maybe a week total in the last two years. It's basically one step above a flip phone. It's a smart phone, but super super basic. It's a pre-paid plan from Walmart so he can use it anywhere he ends up. If he loses or breaks it, we're not out a lot of money.

Thanks again for the list. Feels good to check things off.
Not sure if you have a Goodwill outlet store anywhere near you but that would be a great place to pick up clothes for him without having too much invested since knowing his size could be an issue. At the outlet they charge by the pound instead of by the item for clothing, at least at the 4 that I have been to between Ohio and Indiana. From what I just looked up there are only about 7 states in the US that do not have at least 1 outlet location.
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Old 07-06-2019, 03:39 PM
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Not sure if you have a Goodwill outlet store anywhere near you but that would be a great place to pick up clothes for him without having too much invested since knowing his size could be an issue. At the outlet they charge by the pound instead of by the item for clothing, at least at the 4 that I have been to between Ohio and Indiana. From what I just looked up there are only about 7 states in the US that do not have at least 1 outlet location.
Good tip! I looked and the nearest one to me is 2.5 hours away. I live in the middle of nowhereville. Lol But the Goodwill nearest me is right on my way so I can stick to shopping their 50% off tags. That helps! I looked up the two dress shirts I picked up yesterday. Over $80 new and I paid less than $10. I'm can't complain about that.
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Old 07-06-2019, 06:57 PM
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Good tip! I looked and the nearest one to me is 2.5 hours away. I live in the middle of nowhereville. Lol But the Goodwill nearest me is right on my way so I can stick to shopping their 50% off tags. That helps! I looked up the two dress shirts I picked up yesterday. Over $80 new and I paid less than $10. I'm can't complain about that.
That is just about how long it takes me to get to one too, needless to say my trips there are far a few between. About 1-2 times a year my youngest daughter and I take a weekend girls trip and will go to one of the towns that have a store and spend the weekend so I can hit the outlet 2 times. Last time we did this I just about filled my trunk of my car (Honda Element) completely up with things I bought. :0 I would say it took me roughly 3 hours and less than $60 to buy that much too. Cannot beat the deal on things getting them there. The last one I went to is $1.50 per pound of clothing and shoes. I have been hitting my local goodwills 1/2 off color tags too even though my ups wait release is still not for a long time.
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Old 07-07-2019, 07:25 AM
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I know that trying to get prepared is a problem, but what a great problem to have , so happy for you.
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Old 07-07-2019, 08:24 AM
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One thing that has become popular is "Consignment stores". I live in a town of 3,000 people and we have one here and the neighboring town of 6,000 has two of them. They are more expensive than the Goodwill but often have a little nicer items.



My guy works out a LOT and I've complained about him wearing baggy clothes in the photos he has sent from prison. I got him medium the last time he was out.



Here in Colorado, the case manager is responsible for getting the birth certificate and social security card. He's working on it now since my guy is out in nine months unless he gets paroled in Sept. So excited for you!!!

Last edited by snowblind; 07-07-2019 at 08:24 AM.. Reason: thought of something else
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Old 07-07-2019, 11:32 AM
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May I ask..

What do halfway houses supply to them?
I know clothes and toilitries, he needs.

What about bedding? Towels? Do I have to get that for him?
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Old 07-07-2019, 12:12 PM
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Start a file system.

1. Personal documents he will need time and again, like his birth certificate
2. Transportation. Start with a bus schedule and routing information. Add in the study guide for a driver's license.
3. Health. Get information on insurance. Get contact information for a primary care doctor, a dentist, an ophthalmologist. As soon as you know he is going to be home, make appointments. Put any copies of his medical records here. Get information if possible about family health, his immunization information, any chronic medical conditions he has.
4. Resume is great, but he can go to a local branch of work programs. Lots of times, they have help with resume composition as well as leads to employment. Collect his certificates and degrees and any other honors or job qualification documentation here.
5. Education - if he is going to continue in education or training, you can collect catalogs and information and place it here.
6. Physical recreation. List gyms and their schedule of fees, clubs for bicycling or running or whatever else he is into here. If he is going to go to a physical university or college, it is pretty moot as they tend to have great facilities and club sports.
7. If he has an issue with addiction, get a schedule for local AA and NA meetings. Dual meetings where you can hit an Al Anon meeting at the same time can be beneficial to both of you.
8. Spiritual. Get information involving the faith of his choice as practiced in your area. Get their schedule for services and classes and stick it here.
9. Financial. Get account brochures from your bank. Make sure he has the documents necessary to open an account.
10. Electronic. Get him a professional email - his name or as close as possible on gmail or something. A continuing Ed course on social media and separating his private life from his professional life is a good thing. He can make his own LinkedIn and Facebook, but he will need that professional email address for a lot of things including his resume.

Off the top of my head, that is a list of the documentation you can start putting together for him. He will want to keep all of his parole paperwork, too, and he Will want to make sure you are aware of relevant parole conditions that could impact you, e.g. gun access and ownership.
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Old 07-07-2019, 12:26 PM
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Oh, and get him a wallet and a keychain.
Get a copy of his social security card.
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Old 07-07-2019, 12:55 PM
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I know that trying to get prepared is a problem, but what a great problem to have , so happy for you.
Thank you, Maytayah. It's still a bit unreal. And of course, nothing is signed and sealed yet so this may all be a practice round. But you're right.
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Old 07-07-2019, 01:01 PM
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One thing that has become popular is "Consignment stores". I live in a town of 3,000 people and we have one here and the neighboring town of 6,000 has two of them. They are more expensive than the Goodwill but often have a little nicer items.



My guy works out a LOT and I've complained about him wearing baggy clothes in the photos he has sent from prison. I got him medium the last time he was out.



Here in Colorado, the case manager is responsible for getting the birth certificate and social security card. He's working on it now since my guy is out in nine months unless he gets paroled in Sept. So excited for you!!!
I'm a little lucky in that our town hosts winter visitors from all over the north/CAN and without trying to stereotype-- they live far better than I do. Lol So when they donate to Goodwill here after the season, it's good stuff! I'm going to send him a copy of this and have him get as many measurements as he can so I can put those numbers into a size chart.

I wish our system would get them their papers. We always joke that they locked a guy up for 37 years without any form of ID-- literally no state ID, no school ID, no birth certificate, no SS card, nothing. How do they know it's him? Lol We got his birth certificate so we'll go from there.
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Old 07-07-2019, 01:03 PM
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May I ask..

What do halfway houses supply to them?
I know clothes and toilitries, he needs.

What about bedding? Towels? Do I have to get that for him?
I honestly have no idea! I suppose it depends on the house. He was accepted to several at the beginning of his eligibility, but it took him so long to get a hearing date we now have to reapply. We're scrambling to find him a spot. :/

I would assume that they have means to get basics for someone who arrives with nothing as so many folks with long sentences are in that position. But I know he'd feel more secure having the bulk of his own stuff. Then, if he doesn't need it or it doesn't fit, he can donate it to the house.
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Old 07-07-2019, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
Start a file system.

1. Personal documents he will need time and again, like his birth certificate
2. Transportation. Start with a bus schedule and routing information. Add in the study guide for a driver's license.
3. Health. Get information on insurance. Get contact information for a primary care doctor, a dentist, an ophthalmologist. As soon as you know he is going to be home, make appointments. Put any copies of his medical records here. Get information if possible about family health, his immunization information, any chronic medical conditions he has.
4. Resume is great, but he can go to a local branch of work programs. Lots of times, they have help with resume composition as well as leads to employment. Collect his certificates and degrees and any other honors or job qualification documentation here.
5. Education - if he is going to continue in education or training, you can collect catalogs and information and place it here.
6. Physical recreation. List gyms and their schedule of fees, clubs for bicycling or running or whatever else he is into here. If he is going to go to a physical university or college, it is pretty moot as they tend to have great facilities and club sports.
7. If he has an issue with addiction, get a schedule for local AA and NA meetings. Dual meetings where you can hit an Al Anon meeting at the same time can be beneficial to both of you.
8. Spiritual. Get information involving the faith of his choice as practiced in your area. Get their schedule for services and classes and stick it here.
9. Financial. Get account brochures from your bank. Make sure he has the documents necessary to open an account.
10. Electronic. Get him a professional email - his name or as close as possible on gmail or something. A continuing Ed course on social media and separating his private life from his professional life is a good thing. He can make his own LinkedIn and Facebook, but he will need that professional email address for a lot of things including his resume.

Off the top of my head, that is a list of the documentation you can start putting together for him. He will want to keep all of his parole paperwork, too, and he Will want to make sure you are aware of relevant parole conditions that could impact you, e.g. gun access and ownership.
Awesome list, thank you. Several of those things will be in his parole packet so I'll be able to check them off early (meeting locations, church, school). He has a file drawer here at the house that I've been putting copies of all of his paperwork in including certificates and diplomas. I thought of the email address the other day, thank you for reminding me. And you're right-- I will let him handle the resume. That will be a skill he'll need to learn and me doing it for him isn't teaching him to fish.
Ugh! I'm terrified of the impact social media will have on him (do I sound like a mother?). He's definitely not 38 in regards to maturation and he's had zero exposure to that world. I will look into a cont ed course or if it has to wait until he's home, I know our county library system has free classes on that and other 'net safety issues. Thank you for mentioning it!
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Old 07-07-2019, 02:24 PM
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Mia, check your PM
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Old 07-08-2019, 02:07 PM
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There are some great ideas here that I'll be using for my guy coming home soon...
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