I've Beaten the Odds Something Fierce...

[Nickel Timer]

Last month marked my 3-year anniversary of topping out my Idaho state prison sentence for being a felon-in-possession of a firearm. (I was prohibited from owning guns due to a burglary conviction from 16 years ago, when I was just barely 18-years-old.) It's an important milestone, because U.S. Department of Justice statistics show that property and firearms offenders have very high recidivism rates for some reason (in fact, the highest of any other class of offender) -- over 70% re-offend and land themselves back in prison on new charges within 3 years of getting released. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recidiv...cidivism_rates )

But the important point I want to drive home is that I was able to turn my life around without resorting to using religion as a crutch to fall back on. Now, I know many people find religion in prison and use it as a support group to lean on and get them through their tough times, and more power to them. Whatever works. But I also know religion isn't for everyone, and for those of us who don't believe in higher powers or supernatural phenomena, its natural for us when growing up to want to rebel against everything organized religion stands for, including such commandments as "Thou shalt not steal."

But what I want to share with you is that religion doesn't have a monopoly on what it means to be a good person. Just because many holy texts speak of a Golden Rule (do unto others...) doesn't mean its not a good idea for everyone to follow, not just the religiously inclined. A book that really opened my eyes is The Moral Landscape: How Science Can Determine Human Values by Sam Harris. The truth is, most people are hard-wired to be good people, to cooperate and function within the parameters of civil society, regardless of religion or lack thereof. It's just important for us to recognize what actions we take and what effect it has on others around us, whether our actions bring about more happiness and prosperity to other people, or cause more misery and despair. It's not rocket science, but for those of us who have been led astray in our youth, its important for us to realize what norms create a more harmonious society for most people to thrive in. All I'm saying is that you don't have to throw the baby out with the bath-water when it comes to accepting common-sense moral values.

I was fortunate enough, after my original burglary conviction, to benefit from secular Cognitive Self-Change programs offered by the Department of Correction, which I think are much more effective than 12-step style programs. Still, for any program to work, you've got to want to change yourself on the inside, no program will work on you if you don't open yourself up to change. For me, what did the trick, was realizing that when I was out at night committing my burglaries with "friends" at the time, we weren't just stealing from those places of business, we were stealing from EVERYONE who shopped there. For even though those businesses may have had insurance that covered the principal loss, product loss from theft leads to higher insurance premiums for everyone, and businesses pass those costs on to customers by having to raise the prices on their products. If you've ever bought some snacks at a local convenience store and wondered why stuff is so expensive, it has less to do with the small size of the store as it does with (mostly kids) shoplifting. We all pay more for a few people's selfish behaviors. Stealing shit from stores hurts everyone, not just the store.

I guess what really blew my mind was seeing convicts who got 20+ year sentences for robbing stores for as little as $300. I mean, c'mon, you can make more than that in two-weeks working part-time at a McDonalds for just above minimum wage. Is it really worth wasting decades of your life over such a petty amount of money? Because no matter how smart you think you are, you will eventually be caught. In the end, that's what it boiled down to for me. Obviously I wasn't very good at being a criminal, because I kept getting caught. For some people it takes longer than others to realize, but for those of us who have served time, we should know better than most that selfish, anti-social behaviors lead us nowhere fast. It just doesn't pay to live a life of crime.

Anyway, just my 2¢ from an ex-con who hasn't stolen anything in over 15 years, and plan on staying out of trouble for good from here on out. I've served my time, learned my lesson, have had my civil rights restored, and haven't missed voting in an election since. I even got called for Jury Duty for the first time 2 months ago, which really made me feel like a worthy citizen again. And let me tell you, its much more rewarding buying stuff with money earned from legitimate employment than it ever was stealing it without recompense. You tend to appreciate your stuff more, since you earned it.

In 2 years, I can apply to get my last civil right restored (the right to keep and bear arms) and can go back to enjoying collecting firearms and target shooting without worrying about catching a new felony in the process, one of my personal favorite hobbies that I sorely miss. It's just not worth living as a second-class citizen, which is all you will be relegated to if you continue to pursue a life of crime. But you can change and come to enjoy the finer things in life, and you don't need any higher power to do it, just your own free will and a desire to do and be better.

Life is waiting for you, if you want it...

[Real Checker]

Congratulations on changing your life. I once caught my then 10 year old stepson shoplifting. I made him go back and pay for the item. When we got home I asked him if he knew why he should not steal. He said, "because I will get in big trouble." I confirmed that he was correct, but I added that his reason was not the reason not to steal. I explained to him that he should not steal because it is both morally and ethically wrong and that his character and who he is as a person is the most important thing he has. He actually understood and has grown into one of the most upright persons I have ever met.

My point is, it sounds like you came to that conclusion on your own and without religion to take you down that path. The ironic thing is this, and it is something I would like for you to consider. Where to do you attain the notion of what is right and what is wrong? Most likely at some point your concept of right and wrong is Bible based ... so it might be a good idea to use it when you are making those tough decisions in life.

I am a Christian and determined to walk the Christian walk from inside the prison system. I must admit, however, that here on the outside I rarely go to church because I simply do not like churches. I witness by example, I am not a preacher.

I applaud you for your success, and I think your testimony is an important one ... that a person can change without using a religious paradigm. Only I would caution you not to see Christians as using their belief system as a "crutch" because then you are generalizing and not being fair to a large number of people.

[Nickel Timer]

Thanks for your kind words.

To be honest, I think public schools really ought to teach basic ethics classes, divorced from religion, as early as First Grade. I think teachers and administrators are afraid of trampling too much on children's private religious beliefs, so they just say nothing and hope the kids will be raised right at home, which isn't always the case.

The problem is, for many kids (like myself) who rebel during their teenage years, if their only source of moral and ethical teachings came from the family's religious beliefs, if they rebel against that they tend to not want anything to do with ANY of it, even the good parts that most everyone can agree on, as codified by our secular laws.

Really, in the end, what determines right and wrong is what the vast majority of people agree on at any given time, the moral zeitgeist (spirit of the times) if you will, which usually lines up pretty well with the laws that are on the books. Of course, this isn't always the case, such as back when slavery was legal, which most everyone today believes was wrong. Or wholesale discrimination/genocide like practiced by the Nazis, or in certain parts of Africa today.

But I think we're really progressing as a species, evolving our sense of morality to maximize the happiness and well-being of most people, while at the same time trying to minimize the harm and despair felt by some. But obviously we still have a ways to go, especially in certain parts of the world today.

[Real Checker]

I appreciate your perspective and agree to a large degree. If a person isn't naturally moved toward a faith in God then forcing them could only accomplish no good thing. On the other hand, if people are raised to follow godly principles regardless if their learning is secular or otherwise then everyone wins.

The thing we need to remember is that people do have the right to believe whatever they want and we should not consider them less of a person because they believe differently than us. I would not desire for my beliefs to be forced upon you, nor should you try and discredit what I believe. We should work together to make society a better place to live in ... and that starts with our own character and behavior. Don't you agree?

[Nickel Timer]

Absolutely.

Regardless of our religion or lack thereof, we are all still part of the same society and should play by society's rules, or work within the system to change those rules if we feel any of those laws are unjust.

Think marijuana ought to be legalized? Fine, join advocacy groups and lobby and vote for politicians who will relax the laws. But so long as the law is on the books, it should be respected.

But for any of the laws that pretty much everyone agrees on (don't steal, don't rape, don't murder) -- those are never going to change, so we may as well get used to playing by society's rules, as that is what the vast majority of people have agreed upon, its part of our social contract.

[Lisa Jeanne]

It's interesting to me that of all your successes and milestones within the past 15 yrs. the one that you seem to be most proud of is the right to own a gun.

I had a somewhat similar path and after as many years the success that invariably brings me to tears and to my knees in gratitude is my relationship with those that I love.

I guess people just have different values.

[Nickel Timer]

Originally Posted by Lisa Jeanne

It's interesting to me that of all your successes and milestones within the past 15 yrs. the one that you seem to be most proud of is the right to own a gun.

Oh no, its not just the prospect of getting my gun rights restored... its just being treated like a worthy citizen again. I feel the same away about getting my right to vote and serve on jury duty as well. It's an honor, and it makes me proud to have turned my life around. To feel "normal" and part of society once again.

[threeboysmum]

Where as I agree with Lisa Jeanne about the gun rights issue, I have to say well done to you. In Europe the majority of people do not own a gun and none of us feels like we are missing out on something. It's not something anyone needs to feel as a 'full' citizen at all.

It is beautiful to read how you have managed to turn your life around and you can be so proud of yourself. You have proved to the world that you can do it and I hope you have a long, happy and successful life. All the best to you, I don't know you but you make me believe that anything is possible if you just want it bad enough and are determined to get there. Thank you.

[Lisa Jeanne]

Originally Posted by Nickel Timer

Oh no, its not just the prospect of getting my gun rights restored... its just being treated like a worthy citizen again. I feel the same away about getting my right to vote and serve on jury duty as well. It's an honor, and it makes me proud to have turned my life around. To feel "normal" and part of society once again.

Please don't take what I wrote personally. Really, I was simply contemplating my navel and non-judgmentally noticing that we have had very similar paths, but have very different values.

I could care less that I "fit in" to society (although I do) and whether or not our government deems me a contributing member worthy of jury duty, voting rights etc...I have recovered all of the above and much more. It's just that I do not feel that our government is worthy of such power. My self worth does not depend on what our government does and does not do. To me or for me.

Further, if someone told me I was "Normal" I might take offense to it. "Normal" is why we are experiencing such global unrest.

Peace Brother

[supportafriend]

Change is TOUGH. Lifetime change is often even more impossible. Congrats!

On another note, most elementary schools do tend to have moral/character developing programs that the whole school follows, each grade looking at it from age appropriate perspectives. Usually the topic of the week/month is often incorporated into the classroom learning and activities throughout each academic area. I think sadly this gets dropped by high school when it is usually needed the most. :/

[Nickel Timer]

Originally Posted by supportafriend

On another note, most elementary schools do tend to have moral/character developing programs that the whole school follows, each grade looking at it from age appropriate perspectives. Usually the topic of the week/month is often incorporated into the classroom learning and activities throughout each academic area. I think sadly this gets dropped by high school when it is usually needed the most. :/

Really? That's interesting, because I don't remember anything like that being taught when I went through grade-school in the 1980's. I was always under the impression that public schools were reluctant to go there, as it might be construed as stepping on parents' toes with their own religious teachings at home. But it really does make sense, as we become a less religious country over-all like Europe, that some sort of secular moral teaching fills the void in children's lives.

BTW, one of my favorite classes I took in college was an Intro to Ethics course put on by the Department of Philosophy. I know many folks think that philosophy is worthless in the real world, but it really does build critical thinking skills that help in other areas of life. I really think intro-level philosophy courses should be offered as early as junior-high/middle-school, at least as an elective. I know it seems like our educational system here in America is more focused on churning out obedient drones who will follow orders and make good workers and not think for themselves too much, but it might at least be helpful for those who intend to go on to college after they graduate or seek other higher learning.

[Atomic Songbird]

Your story really gives me hope for the future of a loved one I currently know in prison. Knowing it is possible to succeed is such a valuable truth to cling to, given the fact that most days the news and the media only seem inclined to report the failures (drama sells, happily-ever-afters don't in prime time, unfortunately) and thus it's easy to feel pessimistic about any person, man or woman, coming out of prison.

My loved one is hoping to come home either this year or next year (depending on whether or not he's granted Parole this summer); he'll only be twenty-six or twenty-seven years old when that happens. Truly he'll have his whole life ahead of him still to succeed, with plenty of tools if he chooses to use them. He's focused on continuing his education, and bettering himself, and I encourage him to keep dreaming about how he'll use that education and those goals to create a future that is both bright and successful. I also tell him every time I have a chance that there are people who succeed in life after prison, and your story only makes me more certain of that.

Right now he's just making sure he has a solid plan in place, and I'm proud of him for it. He says a lot of the things you said, although for him it's all about goals, not yet solidified into reality. He wants to be a 'normal' citizen too, able to do what he pleases without worry of his criminal record interfering. So he's laying out plans to make sure he only interacts with his support network, and has nothing to do with the 'old life' that got him into so much trouble. I think he'll do well, so long as he stays on course.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Reading it put a smile on my face.

[Leowoman]

Congrats to you! When my hubby first got out of prison, he would often talk about having a "normal" life. I had a hard time understanding what he meant. I understand it more now, but unless the way society views ex-cons changes, he'll never get that life because his charges can't be expunged so he will always be a "second class" citizen. My sister had an assault on her record from when she was 18. She's 43 now and a manager at McDonald's. She got denied a job to be a prep cook due to this background.

My husband has a burglary on his record from when he was 18. He's now 33. He still pays the price from this.

Knowing these obstacles, I appreciate very much now (I've never been to prison so never knew) how great your adjustment is for your "normal" life.

My hubby and I have had to refine our idea of normal but I'm very proud of him for his change in attitude about life too. He's been on probation a year and a half now and doesn't worry about seeing his PO like he did before because now he plays by the rules whereas before he didn't care. He's on probation because he couldn't find a job as a convicted felon so he couldn't pay his child support. He finally has a job and is enjoying his more normal life.

Once again congrats and thanks for sharing your story of success. I look forward to sharing my husband's success of being on probation for five years with no violations when he gets to that point in three and a half years!

[Leowoman]

Adjustment should be achievement (dang smart phone)!