20 years , we have been together almost a year now and im starting to find certain things a real struggle, I really love him but I've started getting paranoid that I wait all that time and when he's out I find out he's not been serious, does anyone else waiting a long time have these concerns , I never use to at the start
I'm sorry that is difficult. What do you believe has made you begin feeling this way? Have you just had to time to perhaps over think things? I know I have wondered if when my man is released he may opt to not move to be with me. Needless to say I'd be very upset.
@Sassy1983... please take your time and look at you and your expectations you have for yourself and what you'd like to have/accomplish during the next 20 years.
I don't know how old you are but that's a hell of a long time to wait for someone.
When I came into my boyfriend's life he was already in for 21 years and the light of the end of that lifer-tunnel was getting brighter. But I'm also over 50 so there's not pressure for me (as in kids, etc.) so I'm taking it easy and enjoying the ride as much as I can, struggle through the not so good times - which are real and will happen.
Love also sometimes means letting go. For your sake and I think you should think about yourself first in this case. He'll be taken care of for the next 20 years, what will happen to you and who will take care of you?
The struggle (which we all have) is real and I know that if my relationship does not work out I'm out of the prison stuff for good.
Good luck
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20 years , we have been together almost a year now and im starting to find certain things a real struggle, I really love him but I've started getting paranoid that I wait all that time and when he's out I find out he's not been serious, does anyone else waiting a long time have these concerns , I never use to at the start
At my age no I’ve lived the hell out of life but if I was younger I’d have some huge concerns. 20 years is a long time and you can’t get those years back if you want children or things that time isn’t always on our side. But I believe if you love someone it’s worth that wait and caulking up losses.
He has the rest of his natural life left in there, so for me, it is not a matter of waiting until his homecoming... this is our life, as is. I've been married before (widowed on the first round), and have a child, so I can accommodate his life sentence. I doubt I would have been able to make such a commitment if I hadn't had some of those milestones behind me.
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When my MWI and I began this journey, it was 12 years. Each year, I thought "this is the year he will get out" and it wasn't. He fell apart for two years and then finally pulled it back together a few months ago. His mandatory release date is next spring. Or, he could get paroled this fall or into a HWH next month. But, I don't think so. I'm only counting on his MRD... Finally. A couple months ago, he was talking about getting out and going it alone, but he's again, pulled it back together and says he can't wait to "get out and show me how much he loves me"...
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21 months. Give or take. According to CDCR records, it's longer but he might get early release.
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You won't see him all over Instagram, or screenshots of conversations, and I don't care if you never know his name. Just know he's there & he's mine.
14yrs to answer the question. In May he was sentenced to 15yrs but has already been in county for 1yr. He’s currently working on an appeal and I pray it’s approved. But you get to wondering how things will be when he’s home and if you all will make it while he’s in. My concern is financials. I honestly hate the feeling of supporting a grown man. Plus when he was in county he moved so much and could never take items with him from jail to jail. I fear when he’s home he’ll view me as his mother not his lover. I’m young-ish (32). No kids and no marriage under my belt. He has kids and was previously in a long-term relationship prior to us meeting. I feel like he’s lived his life and worry I’ll resent him. But I encourage you to be strong and do what’s best for you. I tell myself this bc the actions that led him there were only in his best interest.
As soon as the federal bureau of prisons (BOP) get their act together and follow the First Step Act, signed into law December 2018, my husband should be going to a halfway house in 8.5 months. At that time, I will have waited about 10.5 years for him, which is way better than the 16 years I was destined to wait for him when we first met.
For those overwhelmed by the length of time your loved one still has, hang in there. Things change. We are finally at a time when people and politicians are realizing that the current mass incarceration policy isn’t working anymore. We are seeing sentencing and prison reform on both federal and state level. It’s happening right now, all over the US.
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10/14/2010 Our first letter
05/14/2011 We met for the first time
05/14/2013 We got married
04/05/2016 I immigrated to the US
10/27/2016 My husband received Presidential clemency
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His release date is in April, he is hoping to get early release. I really hope he gets it. We met at work but he left in March so I haven't been able to see him. I miss seeing him so much.
I can't tell you what it meant to glance over these and see others waiting on their man. So many are like 1-3 years or less. Oh, I'm waiting. We're 2000 miles away too, but ty so much for having this forum and sharing because it brings tears to my eyes to see others waiting too. <3
My love will be released Dec 2023. We have been together for almost 6 years and he has been incarcerated so far for 12. It’s been a long road but I’m glad we are almost done. Covid has been hard for us because I haven’t seen him in almost 2 years. It’s been a struggle but the clouds are starting to part and a trickle of rays of sunshine are finally peeking through. Sad to say but I can’t wait for this year to be over even tho it just started and for 2022 to be here so I can finally say my husband comes home next year 🥰
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At that time, I will have waited about 10.5 years for him, which is way better than the 16 years I was destined to wait for him when we first met. 
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