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  #251  
Old 03-22-2013, 09:26 PM
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Well, Tina, at least you can do this with your head held high. You gave it all you had, and you tried your very best. I believe you're going to be all right. I wish you the very best. You deserve it.
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  #252  
Old 08-03-2013, 09:56 PM
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I have been away for a while, and I swore I was not going to post on this any more.. Yet I take back my words!!!
July the 10th was to be our divorce day, I found myself down on my knees on July 8th begging for GOD to please show me, why my marriage was a failure, why I was a failure and why WE were a failure.. I dont know why I picked that phone up and I called that prison and told his CO that I needed my husband to call home!!!!
It had to have been GOD cause we all know that prisons dont do that, yet I tell you GOD was there. She had my husband tracked down in chow and the guards told him.." Finish eatting and call home!!!"
I scared the heck out of Tat, I know but he called home.
2 days of talk,, not shouting not fighting, no addiction brought to the table.. 2 days and lots of money on phone calls. We both decided to give our marriage a new start!!!
No more past brought into it, no more pointing fingers, just our marriage and us...
I know that this is an act of GOD.. The thoughts of not hearing from him, seeing him, knowing how he is, or that if he left this world I would never get to say good bye was far more than I could handle...
And so .. we take one day at a time and it has been good !!!
I am not sure if I can explain it all,,, but I know that GOD is present and I know that our story will go on.. not just the addiction but how if you love hard enough and PUSH.. Pray Until Something Happens... GOD will work in your life..
He is in ours !!!!!!

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Tina and Tat
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  #253  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:13 AM
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Wow I read this whole thread. I didn't read the responses but I read all of your post. Here we are at the end and even with your husband having 7 stints and 8 heartattacks I find myself feeling sorry for you. I feel sorry for your son. Many, many times through all of this you say you go back and you reread this thread. Then many times you say you have learned things and your stronger. When I read this I felt like I was on a ferris wheel going around and around, seeing the same ole same ole. You spend so much time focused on his addiction, yet your in denial about your own. You talk about his relapse, yet you don't focus on your own. You talk about what your tired of hearing him say, yet through this whole thread its a lot of repeated things coming from you. Many times you say what your not going to do, how you know you can't change him, he has to want change, how love is not enough. Yet thats all your holding on to is love. 2 times already you said he was a model citizen in prison, he wanted to change, you see the change in you and him but as soon as he is free the ferris wheel start all over again. You have great advice for others and you had the audacity to tell another PTO member what action of her man concerned you. Throughout this whole thread I felt like I kept reading the same page. Him on drugs, you finally leaving him alone because your strong, you don't hear from him, he calls out of the blue, next thing your picking him up, he ends up in jail, you have a grandchild on the way and your moving on. Your in denial worse then this man will ever be, you need this man. Another thing that was sad is you expect your religion to keep you blind. You kept saying God did this and God did that. And God does things for a reason and that part I do believe. Sometimes we keep getting in God's way that he has to come up with other ways. The guy you were talking to, that probably didn't work cause you still was trying to save your husband. Everytime he got locked up its like your husband got clean and you started back on drugs (him). When he is out on drugs your strong and know you deserve better. He goes to jail you go through withdrawals until you can get back on the drug. You want to believe he has changed, but you have no proof of that because your husband's problem is not prison, his problem is the freeworld. Its like your giving others false hope saying hang in there cause things will change, but your ferris wheel has not stopped yet. You tell people not to be an enabler but when someone know they will never lose you, then what do they have to lose nothing. He can't say he lost his son, he hasn't really been there. What your son was able to see at 6, you still can't see.
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  #254  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:25 AM
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Wow I read this whole thread. I didn't read the responses but I read all of your post. Here we are at the end and even with your husband having 7 stints and 8 heartattacks I find myself feeling sorry for you. I feel sorry for your son. Many, many times through all of this you say you go back and you reread this thread. Then many times you say you have learned things and your stronger. When I read this I felt like I was on a ferris wheel going around and around, seeing the same ole same ole.

It has been ferris wheel as you say... however it may seem like the same ole same ole to you.. but I / we keep learning from it and we do grow from it.. Please dont feel sorry for me, and Please dont feel sorry for our son.. OUR son is
a straight a student, active in Church and in school, has trophies for football, baseball, and FFA above what any other child should have. He finished his 7th grade year with a 4.0 .. And beyond the ferris wheel of OUR story..is very well adjusted and has a wonderful and blessed relationship with his Father and with me...
SO in saying this I can see where you see this.. but let me add this as well marriage, or any other relationship takes time to grow and learn, and the minute you are not learning or growing is the minute that it is no longer needed... perhaps I too was the one that was addicted as well?
And as far as my husband and his medical issues I give all the glory to GOD above cause I believe in GOD and I know he has a purpose and a plan..
OUR story is a long and hard one, a round and round one, thats not anything
that I dont know.. but its truthful and its OUR story ...
And end the end of OUR story I know .... WE WIN....
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  #255  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:29 AM
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Let me also say .. Dont feel sorry for me... I am a very smart woman, I work have 2 degrees, strong in Church and my community .. Fight for prisoners rights in the state of Florida.. and know that OUR story is one that many live just too scared to talk about it or admit it.. I also fight for women and children and families who's LO is in the FLDOC...


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  #256  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:38 AM
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Wow I read this whole thread. I didn't read the responses but I read all of your post. Here we are at the end and even with your husband having 7 stints and 8 heartattacks I find myself feeling sorry for you. I feel sorry for your son. Many, many times through all of this you say you go back and you reread this thread. Then many times you say you have learned things and your stronger. When I read this I felt like I was on a ferris wheel going around and around, seeing the same ole same ole. You spend so much time focused on his addiction, yet your in denial about your own. You talk about his relapse, yet you don't focus on your own. You talk about what your tired of hearing him say, yet through this whole thread its a lot of repeated things coming from you. Many times you say what your not going to do, how you know you can't change him, he has to want change, how love is not enough. Yet thats all your holding on to is love. 2 times already you said he was a model citizen in prison, he wanted to change, you see the change in you and him but as soon as he is free the ferris wheel start all over again. You have great advice for others and you had the audacity to tell another PTO member what action of her man concerned you. Throughout this whole thread I felt like I kept reading the same page. Him on drugs, you finally leaving him alone because your strong, you don't hear from him, he calls out of the blue, next thing your picking him up, he ends up in jail, you have a grandchild on the way and your moving on. Your in denial worse then this man will ever be, you need this man.

Truly spoken.. Denial is the least thing I am in... ITs called holding on and letting go and fighting for what and who you believe in and along the way you loose sight of who you are, call it what you may.. but I also know that every word I write is truth... and the truth will set you free... I do need my husband, I answer questions when they are asked of me, I never said I take my own advice.. which I should have, and finally did ... I dont sweep around someones door step unless I clean my own,... arent we all in denial to some point of degree? I respect your comments .. and I agree with you.. I started this in 2006 over the years I have been asked permission to print and use this. Reguardless of how you see it, I know it has been helpful to many.. and to myself as well... Thanks of reading and Thank you for you OPINIONS ...
I dont cast stones .. I agree with you but I know my heart and I know where we stand...
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  #257  
Old 08-04-2013, 02:57 AM
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Win at what cost the first time he got out he spent 24 hours with you before going back on drugs. Second time his father pass away and he assaults you. So back to my point yes sometimes God does do things for a reason. You didn't learn th first time you weren't married, the second time you weren't married, so yeah I can see you needing this man behind bars quite longer because the problem does not just lie with him. All those things you say about what your son has, thats all wonderful but the thing he doesn't have will cross his mind one day as he get older. He doesn't have too many memories of having a father free and off of drugs, so yes for that somebody has to feel sorry for him. Cause this is the life you chose not him. Yes I did see were you do a lot of good for others, the question is when are you going to do some good for you. You been with this man a lot of years, just in this thread alone life has happened, your son is growing, grandkids are coming and yet your still believing that prison rehabilitate addicts. I am not trying to knock you but lately there has been a lot of people coming on here talking about their addict love one. I hope they read this thread and ask themselves is this Ferris Wheel the only ride they want to ride in the whole darn park. It was just in March you wrote about how your husband called you out of your name cause he couldn't get you to do something. From your first post to now your that same person that no one can tell you anything, which is fine I am not posting to save you. I like you is hoping that your story will at least save one from going down this path. I mean whats the point of a marriage if most of it is spent apart. I am not judging people that was married before their love one got locked up, but marrying an addict or someone without making him show you he can be sober in the free world or adjust to the free world is just crazy in my opinion. I understand you defending yourself but just understand this if you were your daughter, mother, bestfriend, etc. and they were the one that wrote this thread your whole opinion would be totally like it was on this thread when you were trying to convince yourself you had enough. You have not praticed what you have preached to others.
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  #258  
Old 08-04-2013, 03:05 AM
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You said yourself the fight is not yours. You can't change no one they have to want the change. You say your not co-dependent but in this thread it was as if there were times when you were sober and you were able to see. Its no different then when your husband is sober. You admitted you were addicted to him, an enabler and that you were dependent on him. And if your honest your still all these things, just like an addict will always be an addict. You might not cast stones now but in this thread you did.

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Truly spoken.. Denial is the least thing I am in... ITs called holding on and letting go and fighting for what and who you believe in and along the way you loose sight of who you are, call it what you may.. but I also know that every word I write is truth... and the truth will set you free... I do need my husband, I answer questions when they are asked of me, I never said I take my own advice.. which I should have, and finally did ... I dont sweep around someones door step unless I clean my own,... arent we all in denial to some point of degree? I respect your comments .. and I agree with you.. I started this in 2006 over the years I have been asked permission to print and use this. Reguardless of how you see it, I know it has been helpful to many.. and to myself as well... Thanks of reading and Thank you for you OPINIONS ...
I dont cast stones .. I agree with you but I know my heart and I know where we stand...
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Old 08-04-2013, 03:14 AM
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Win at what cost the first time he got out he spent 24 hours with you before going back on drugs. Second time his father pass away and he assaults you. So back to my point yes sometimes God does do things for a reason. You didn't learn th first time you weren't married, the second time you weren't married, so yeah I can see you needing this man behind bars quite longer because the problem does not just lie with him. All those things you say about what your son has, thats all wonderful but the thing he doesn't have will cross his mind one day as he get older. He doesn't have too many memories of having a father free and off of drugs, so yes for that somebody has to feel sorry for him. Cause this is the life you chose not him. Yes I did see were you do a lot of good for others, the question is when are you going to do some good for you. You been with this man a lot of years, just in this thread alone life has happened, your son is growing, grandkids are coming and yet your still believing that prison rehabilitate addicts. I am not trying to knock you but lately there has been a lot of people coming on here talking about their addict love one. I hope they read this thread and ask themselves is this Ferris Wheel the only ride they want to ride in the whole darn park. It was just in March you wrote about how your husband called you out of your name cause he couldn't get you to do something. From your first post to now your that same person that no one can tell you anything, which is fine I am not posting to save you. I like you is hoping that your story will at least save one from going down this path. I mean whats the point of a marriage if most of it is spent apart. I am not judging people that was married before their love one got locked up, but marrying an addict or someone without making him show you he can be sober in the free world or adjust to the free world is just crazy in my opinion. I under you defending yourself but just understand if this if you were your daughter, mother, bestfriend, etc. and they were the one that wrote this thread your whole opinion would be totally like it was on this thread when you were trying to convince yourself you had enough. You have not praticed what you have preached to others.
Exactly right I have not .. but I was with my husband long before his addiction started.. SO I know the man he was before all this happened and OUR son has not grown up with out his father being here with him in the free world.. OUR son is well rounded and loves his father besides the addictions that are faced.. He accepts his father.. There is nothing that you posted that I am not aware of.. I read your blog .. how long did it take you to learn? That you too were once addicted to LOVE.. and are we not all addicted to our loved ones in some shape or form.. I have been with my husband for 14 yrs.. given up on him many times, given up on us many times, but the one thing I refuse to give up on is GODs Promise of my prayers.. he answers them and grants them.. and things are moving and shaking and I know GOOD will come out of this all... and maybe if I read this from someone else writing it , I would feel different, I re-read my posts,, I see exactly what you do,, I think GOD Tina were is your head.. but I also know where my heart is.. Good bad or indifferent, I will also stand by my husband.. yes he has made me made in the past and does till this day.. When I say,, I am happy being me.. I am finally happy with me... I learned like you did.. I just chose to stand and fight again for my marriage... if it works then I am Blessed and if it doesnt then it doesnt one thing is for sure you can call me an addict and I have said that before, but you cant call me a quitter...
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Old 08-04-2013, 03:41 AM
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Yes I was once addicted to love thats why I shared my blog and that ks also why now I give my opinion. Being addicted as not got me any where. Actually I take that back it got me to being the strong, clear minded, loving me and demanding respect from others self. I don't see where you can say your son has had a life with his fathef. When you first waited for him you said you waited 2 years and your son was 5 when he came home. That mean your son was probably a child that won't remember much at the age of 3.As he has grown his father has been locked up or out on drugs. Most kids do accept their parents no matter the circumstances, don't mean that when he get grown and have his own family he won't reflect on the time his father wasn't there at games, birthdays, Drug Awareness day because he was locked up or on drugs. How long did it take me to know I was wasting time being addicted 3 years. From 19 to 21 I became an adult after that.No I am not addicted to my fiance. I love him but know this for a fact my life don't have room for foolishness. I am living without him now. You either come in the relationshiploving me how I want to be loved and treated or don't come at all. I have 4 daughters looking up to me. I wasted enough time showing them what love isn't. I am not talking on your situation, I am talking about mines. One thing good about all of this though is you lose no points by standing by your husband. I know a part of you feel like you can't leave him now, with his health problems. I just hope one day he realize just how bless he is
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Old 08-04-2013, 03:51 AM
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Yes I was once addicted to love thats why I shared my blog and that ks also why now I give my opinion. Being addicted as not got me any where. Actually I take that back it got me to being the strong, clear minded, loving me and demanding respect from others self. I don't see where you can say your son has had a life with his fathef. When you first waited for him you said you waited 2 years and your son was 5 when he came home. That mean your son was probably a child that won't remember much at the age of 3.As he has grown his father has been locked up or out on drugs. Most kids do accept their parents no matter the circumstances, don't mean that when he get grown and have his own family he won't reflect on the time his father wasn't there at games, birthdays, Drug Awareness day because he was locked up or on drugs. How long did it take me to know I was wasting time being addicted 3 years. From 19 to 21 I became an adult after that.No I am not addicted to my fiance. I love him but know this for a fact my life don't have room for foolishness. I am living without him now. You either come in the relationshiploving me how I want to be loved and treated or don't come at all. I have 4 daughters looking up to me. I wasted enough time showing them what love isn't. I am not talking on your situation, I am talking about mines. One thing good about all of this though is you lose no points by standing by your husband. I know a part of you feel like you can't leave him now, with his health problems. I just hope one day he realize just how bless he is

Thank you for your thoughts .. I am not going to have to defend my actions to anyone.. Your relationship is yours, mine is mine, doesnt make yours any better than mine.. And as far as OUR son is concerned.. His father is always and has always been involved in his life, even if he was in prison at OUR sons young age,, he has been home with him too...I am not trying to gain points.. and his health problems are not my main concern when choosing to stay with him,, let me tell you I admire my husband, he gets up everyday and makes the most out of his day,, he doesnt complain about his health.. He goes as if it were his last day here on earth.. I admire that in him.. Do you not think Our son will not look up to me or his father? You are wrong, he is well adjusted anyone that knows him will tell you he is not the stastic of a child of a inmate in prison... And would you have your daughters follow you by having someone they love in prison? It doesnt matter where they are or who they are.. LOVE IS LOVE no matter what... Addiction is addiction no matter what..
My name is Tina and I am addict,, but I am recovering...
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Old 08-04-2013, 07:10 PM
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If there is one thing I can say about Tina's story, it is this. She is certainly taking her marriage vows seriously. Everybody's life is different, and no two people are going to live the same way. Marriage is not about love and fairy tales. It's about the real world and the challenges that we face along the way. Too many people run away at the first sign of a challenge. That's not what marriage is about.

Anyway, Tina's story is Tina's story, and Tina's life is her life. It is what it is!!
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  #263  
Old 08-04-2013, 09:39 PM
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I'm happy to hear that your son is doing well. And yeah, I believe God has kept Tat on this earth for a reason.......holly sh**.......he's had enough health issues. I think we all have to remember that addiction is an illness.....sometimes some fight it harder than others......it's a day to day process. You can't help who you love, and some days you love them more than others. Not that it means anything, but, Tina.......I totally get where you're coming from.........you do what you feel is best for you........I wish you nothing but happiness
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Old 08-18-2014, 11:26 AM
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Its me again... been a long time since I posted or have even visited PTO..
As of April 29,2014 Tat and I are divorced. Hardest thing, I think I have ever had to do.
But was needed by both of us. He is still Tat and still playing with his life and his fate. He has a long time to do and I could not hang aground any longer.. when I know that he is who he is, and I am who I am. That does not mean that I am a bad person or that he is either. Our time, just was over. We remain on friendly terms due to our son.. Who just started his 9th grade year in High School. He is a straight A student big big in FFA and is the best teenage kid a mother or father could ask for. He writes his Dad but just like me he has learned to love him from a distance. Tat will always have a small piece of my heart but I have the best part of him and that is his son. I think this will be the final page to a story that start almost 7 yrs ago here on PTO.. but has been on going in my life for 14 long hard years.
I found that I was quite broken when the divorce was final and I am in treatment for that. All is well with everything else. I pray for all of you that are dealing with someone who has a drug problem.. its hell ...
Staying and Standing Strong for me .. for once..
much love and respect
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  #265  
Old 08-18-2014, 05:19 PM
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Tina, you have done the hard thing and clearly, done it well. Congratulations on both that, and your son's success!
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:12 PM
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My heart goes out to you on this, you did the right thing when you decided to take care of you and your son. That is your number one responsibility. I know you love him with all your heart you have always been there for him and someday if he don't die first he will remember that. He will eventually hit rock bottom all addicts do eventually. Or he will go back to prison and want you back in his life but if that happens you have to stop and think about how he is right now. When he gets out again it will be the same thing again. Loving an addict is very hard it brings you down as well if you let it so I am proud of you for standing up and not letting it bring you down with him.
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Old 08-22-2014, 07:42 PM
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Mikesgirl73 Mikesgirl73 is offline
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Powerful Stuff right there. The lonely road of addiction. Unfortunately I can relate to both sides.
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