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Old 05-04-2015, 08:08 PM
LoveIsWorthIt LoveIsWorthIt is offline
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Default Arguing.. Arguing.. More Arguing :/

Okay this is a vent. I'm so confused. I'm so in love with my babe but lately all we do is argue. Day in and day out. We literally spend SO much fucking money just arguing. He's acting like a complete ass. I hate how he makes me feel so guilty when I didn't do the crime - he did! And I hate how even though no one else is helping him out in his situation I still get treated like shit. He calls me 7-8 times a day! I love him but damn I don't want to talk to you all those times. Then we he calls he expects to have my full attention. I don't know, ladies.. I just feel like I'm dedicating myself to someone who's proving to be ungrateful, and all he does is complain. He's the victim in everything. I'm so lost.. So angry and so hurt. I do everything and I mean EVERYTHING for him. I'm not going to lie, I say hurtful things too but thats because he's so annoying and clingy now. I know he needs me and I'm here 100% but I'm just starting to become extremely frustrated with the whole situation. No doubt I'm sticking by him but I feel like talking to him is shooting my spirits down.

Ugh.. I can't stop crying I'm just so over everything..
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Old 05-04-2015, 08:29 PM
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How long has he been in jail? You need to set limits. Its hard I remember all to well what the first few months were like and they sound just as bad as yours are. It does get better. If he continues to act this way you might consider is he worth this? Was he like this before if so then he's not changing. Hang tough, don't let him guilt or bully into stuff. Wish I knew better what to say but I'd write him and say what you did here maybe he needs a little reminder of who he's pushing away.
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Old 05-04-2015, 08:43 PM
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How long has he been in jail? You need to set limits. Its hard I remember all to well what the first few months were like and they sound just as bad as yours are. It does get better. If he continues to act this way you might consider is he worth this? Was he like this before if so then he's not changing. Hang tough, don't let him guilt or bully into stuff. Wish I knew better what to say but I'd write him and say what you did here maybe he needs a little reminder of who he's pushing away.
Thanks for the reply.. and we're going into month 4. He has a good chance at beating the case and if does he'd be home by the end of the summer. But its just all so much! Trust me, I'm not easily bullied. I feel so much pressure. He consistently reminds me that I'm the only one there for him and the only person he can talk to yada yada yada. But I feel like I'm kind of losing myself by trying to be there for him. It's like I have goals and I life I want to live.. I'm not putting it on pause but I'm definitely more invested in him and his life than I am my own and that's draining me. I wrote to him, told him calmly, everything and nothing is helping. Honestly he's acting like a complete idiot.. he wasn't like this before. He always was crazy over me and clingy but now it's getting horrible. I had a smoke yesterday and he went crazy because I smoked some weed. Its all so much I'm so stressed out :/
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Old 05-04-2015, 09:12 PM
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I haven’t been in the exact same situation as you, but I have gone through my own periods of constantly arguing with my boyfriend, to the point where I felt like banging my head on the wall because it just seemed never ending. So I know how you’re feeling. You said you’ve written him and told him how you feel, but no change. Maybe you need to start letting him know what’s going to change between you two if he doesn’t fix his attitude. Like maybe you’re not going to take the 7-8 calls a day if all he’s going to do is bring your mood down and make you miserable. I wish I knew exactly what to say to fix the situation, but like xolady said, it does get better. It’s really important though that you remember to live, and more importantly enjoy, your own life.
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Old 05-05-2015, 06:57 AM
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Did you tell him on a recorded conversation that you were smoking 'weed'? If so the idiot in me would likely have come out too.

I wish you all the best, lord knows I know the stress of all this. I suggest that if you are so stressed that you feel a need to 'self medicate' that you get to a professional for help.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:36 AM
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Don't answer the phone all the time-it's not a leash. Look, you are in charge here-not him-he's locked up. Also tell him, he argues with you or raises his voice on the phone-you are hanging up-and then hang up if he does.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:46 PM
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Did you tell him on a recorded conversation that you were smoking 'weed'? If so the idiot in me would likely have come out too.

I wish you all the best, lord knows I know the stress of all this. I suggest that if you are so stressed that you feel a need to 'self medicate' that you get to a professional for help.
LOL, I have smoked weed for years.
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:50 PM
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Don't answer the phone all the time-it's not a leash. Look, you are in charge here-not him-he's locked up. Also tell him, he argues with you or raises his voice on the phone-you are hanging up-and then hang up if he does.
You're right. I guess I just feel so sad for him when I don't answer. It's a tough situation for me. I hate being so kind-hearted at times but he was really amazing out here with me..
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:15 PM
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I can't imagine that many calls a day. It would be nice when there is something we need to talk about. Like now. But regularly? No! He's probably picking apart everything you say and with that many calls I'd just be blabbin filling time cuz nothing changes there. Not that he needs to find a life where he's at but he needs to find something to do to lower his stress and in turn yours. Read? Anything? That's just so much of the day when I have things I really need to do. No wonder your stressed and arguing. It gives him something to do. Drive you nuts! I'm with the ones saying find a way to either tell him to call less (cuz of school or work or money) or not take the calls or cut them short.
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Old 05-06-2015, 07:45 PM
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I can't imagine that many calls a day. It would be nice when there is something we need to talk about. Like now. But regularly? No! He's probably picking apart everything you say and with that many calls I'd just be blabbin filling time cuz nothing changes there. Not that he needs to find a life where he's at but he needs to find something to do to lower his stress and in turn yours. Read? Anything? That's just so much of the day when I have things I really need to do. No wonder your stressed and arguing. It gives him something to do. Drive you nuts! I'm with the ones saying find a way to either tell him to call less (cuz of school or work or money) or not take the calls or cut them short.
I'm really on the verge of simply putting him on the blocklist. I love him and I love hearing his voice but I'm literally losing my mind! What the hell. All he does is call to argue with me.
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Old 05-06-2015, 08:19 PM
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Okay this is a vent. I'm so confused. I'm so in love with my babe but lately all we do is argue. Day in and day out. We literally spend SO much fucking money just arguing. He's acting like a complete ass. I hate how he makes me feel so guilty when I didn't do the crime - he did! And I hate how even though no one else is helping him out in his situation I still get treated like shit. He calls me 7-8 times a day! I love him but damn I don't want to talk to you all those times. Then we he calls he expects to have my full attention. I don't know, ladies.. I just feel like I'm dedicating myself to someone who's proving to be ungrateful, and all he does is complain. He's the victim in everything. I'm so lost.. So angry and so hurt. I do everything and I mean EVERYTHING for him. I'm not going to lie, I say hurtful things too but thats because he's so annoying and clingy now. I know he needs me and I'm here 100% but I'm just starting to become extremely frustrated with the whole situation. No doubt I'm sticking by him but I feel like talking to him is shooting my spirits down.

Ugh.. I can't stop crying I'm just so over everything..
Hun first of all everyone with a loved one in prison goes through it I've been with my man for ten yrs and some change it does get tough. We want them to understand where we are coming from and they want us to understand that they hurt too. And the reason he probably calls so much because you are all he has and hearing your voice might help him keep his sanity I'm telling you as a woman whose been there it gets better. Tough times don't last only tough people Hun here to talk anytime you need
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Old 05-06-2015, 08:48 PM
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I can't give you anything about your boyfriend because it is not part of my experience. However, I can give you a method for reducing an argument. When you get good at it you can prevent arguments altogether. First and foremost do not yell. In fact, it is best to try to appear as calm as possible. Next, allow the other person to be wrong if they are wrong. Some people need to discover they are wrong on their own, if you point it out they will then try to prove YOU are wrong and the arguing continues. Let it go and move on. Moving on means shift the conversation to something else, until it becomes heated then change again. You'll discover if you refuse to argue, you won't.

As for you boyfriend, I will only leave you with a rhetorical question. You seem to of showed quite a bit of concern for his needs. When is the last time he has shown a concern for any of your needs? Think about that because that one simple question will tell you more about what to expect in your future than any amount of words I could possibly write.
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Old 05-06-2015, 10:35 PM
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I'm sorry sweetie.. that's so weird.. I too have been crying my eyes out over frustration.. ugh.. 7 to 8 times lol Jesus that's alot.. yeah Ik they can be so ungrateful and it's NOT fair.. I sent him a nasty lette saying enough is enough!! And warning to leave it's hard though.. um yeah today I kind of wanted him to call and say.. what are you doing? I was gonna say "making anthrax" lol cuz I know that nasty letter is on the way.. I can't wait till he gets it lol and I hope some of you ladies and gents laugh at my jokes.. Jesus if we can't laugh at some of this.... madness and insanity
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Old 05-06-2015, 11:44 PM
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While I can appreciate some of his stressors and the impact that may have on his behavior, it sounds like more than I could tolerate. For some reason I picture this eveready bunny on crack--just whirling around frantically and complaining non-stop; not the picture of someone I want to spend time with, or dedicate myself to...I recognize this is an unfair presentation, so my apologies!

I like Real Checker's advice for avoiding an argument, which could be worth trying for the short haul. For me, if this were to become our overall communication pattern I would run for the hills. I could manage this for a crisis point but long term I have higher expectations of my partner; if all efforts to avoid arguments were on my shoulders I would resent him for not meeting me halfway (but that's me). When people become very angry and irrational with me, I automatically drop my volume down very low, speak slowly and deliberately and keep my affect in check. I call this my 'psychotic voice' because when I mix this with very slow movements, it is the best presentation when confronted with someone who is mentally ill.

I would tell him that I need to talk to him, that it is vital for our relationship and that he needs to really hear me. I would ask that he not interrupt or even respond. I would also have notes that discuss the points I want to make, and then take those notes and form it into a letter that I would send. I would tell him that the letter will come and that after he receives it I would appreciate his thoughtful response.

I would lay out the things that are not working well for you and the things that you have really valued in your relationship. I would try to concentrate on things that I do as well, and discuss my feelings. I can find it helpful to explain things for him--"I feel defensive or attacked when XYZ. Sometimes I respond in ways I am not proud, like ABC. It would really help me if you EFG". Try to discuss things point by point, but not in a "you're wrong" sort of way--not easy--particularly if you think he's wrong!

I also like ground rules. I would negotiate the number of calls and when they occur. I would suggest having a catch phrase (for the love of God, do NOT call it a code word or DOC will have your head!!) that you use when you need the subject to change, or voice tone to modify, etc. Both of you can use it to signal the other when things are getting out of hand. Negotiate the issues that you are routinely confronting; ask him dedicate one phone call where there are NO complaints about anything or anyone...use humor. Let him know that you understand his situation sucks and that you want to be there--and have been there--but maybe he is unwittingly lashing out at you because he knows that you are there--but driving you away in the process.

In all, I would want to concentrate on the positives and come up with strategies to address the negatives. Basically, model for him what you want him to do. It is also really important to recognize every time he does something that you like. It can be the smallest thing..."I really love that you just called me twiddle toes--it reminds me of when we first met"...or, "Baby thanks so much for saying that you appreciated _______ , it means a great deal to me that you know how hard I worked to do it". It may feel like you are going over the top, but most of us respond to praise far better than criticism. I know that when someone genuinely appreciates something I have done, I work harder to repeat the gesture.

I do think that having the stress of court combined with prison is overwhelming. When you add to this the possibility of imminent discharge, it must be crazy. I think he is likely not realizing that this is shared stress, and not his alone. Men tend to have a harder time with the concept that what happens to one, happens to both. You can try to remind him of this, but the easiest way may be to acknowledge it for him. Perhaps he is complaining non-stop because he thinks no one understands. If you were to start 'complaining' for him, by saying, "It must be so hard to know how to be; where you could be stuck inside for X or hopefully be out in Y. This must be difficult to release stress." BUT then follow that with, "there are ways to handle stress that are better than others--I don't want you to get sick and I'm worried for you. I thought that if I sent you things on yoga you might want to try; it's a really good way to help balance all of the shit you have." Again, this models providing some solutions to what he complains about. I would tie this back into ground rules, too--we can only complain about things once and then need to identify at least one way to make them better...

I'm sorry, hon. It's a crappy place to be and it would get very tempting to run from it all. Bear in mind all of the picture, as it sounds like there were a number of positives mixed in the picture, too. I hope that you can both re-discover them. Good luck!
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:01 AM
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omg lol "the bunny on crack thing complaining" lol that's funny thanks bc it's so true. Insomnia Ct.. that is EXACTly what's happening to me. I'm starting to RESENT him, after all I have done and it wasn't fun paying my verizon bill. I like that you said for long term you expect more for your partner as we all should...

You are very nice and I am glad you are a moderator. You put alot of thought and compassion into your answers and I like how you write!
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Old 05-07-2015, 06:28 AM
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How much are your phone calls? Here in Colorado, its $5 a call - so that's a lot of money on phone calls! I'd give anything to talk just ONCE a day, but the prison unit my guy is in, is locked down so much with all the drama in there we are lucky to talk 2-3 times a week anymore. I always resort to writing a letter when my guy is not doing what I need him to do. But you said that a letter didn't make any difference. So, I'm with the others, quit answering the phone. Tell him first what you are going to do and why - the phone calls are bringing you down. Tell him you are going to answer his calls twice a day and that's it. Or once a day and that's it. Set the boundaries first so he knows what's going on.

Good luck...
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Old 05-07-2015, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InsomniaCT View Post
While I can appreciate some of his stressors and the impact that may have on his behavior, it sounds like more than I could tolerate. For some reason I picture this eveready bunny on crack--just whirling around frantically and complaining non-stop; not the picture of someone I want to spend time with, or dedicate myself to...I recognize this is an unfair presentation, so my apologies!

I like Real Checker's advice for avoiding an argument, which could be worth trying for the short haul. For me, if this were to become our overall communication pattern I would run for the hills. I could manage this for a crisis point but long term I have higher expectations of my partner; if all efforts to avoid arguments were on my shoulders I would resent him for not meeting me halfway (but that's me). When people become very angry and irrational with me, I automatically drop my volume down very low, speak slowly and deliberately and keep my affect in check. I call this my 'psychotic voice' because when I mix this with very slow movements, it is the best presentation when confronted with someone who is mentally ill.

I would tell him that I need to talk to him, that it is vital for our relationship and that he needs to really hear me. I would ask that he not interrupt or even respond. I would also have notes that discuss the points I want to make, and then take those notes and form it into a letter that I would send. I would tell him that the letter will come and that after he receives it I would appreciate his thoughtful response.

I would lay out the things that are not working well for you and the things that you have really valued in your relationship. I would try to concentrate on things that I do as well, and discuss my feelings. I can find it helpful to explain things for him--"I feel defensive or attacked when XYZ. Sometimes I respond in ways I am not proud, like ABC. It would really help me if you EFG". Try to discuss things point by point, but not in a "you're wrong" sort of way--not easy--particularly if you think he's wrong!

I also like ground rules. I would negotiate the number of calls and when they occur. I would suggest having a catch phrase (for the love of God, do NOT call it a code word or DOC will have your head!!) that you use when you need the subject to change, or voice tone to modify, etc. Both of you can use it to signal the other when things are getting out of hand. Negotiate the issues that you are routinely confronting; ask him dedicate one phone call where there are NO complaints about anything or anyone...use humor. Let him know that you understand his situation sucks and that you want to be there--and have been there--but maybe he is unwittingly lashing out at you because he knows that you are there--but driving you away in the process.

In all, I would want to concentrate on the positives and come up with strategies to address the negatives. Basically, model for him what you want him to do. It is also really important to recognize every time he does something that you like. It can be the smallest thing..."I really love that you just called me twiddle toes--it reminds me of when we first met"...or, "Baby thanks so much for saying that you appreciated _______ , it means a great deal to me that you know how hard I worked to do it". It may feel like you are going over the top, but most of us respond to praise far better than criticism. I know that when someone genuinely appreciates something I have done, I work harder to repeat the gesture.

I do think that having the stress of court combined with prison is overwhelming. When you add to this the possibility of imminent discharge, it must be crazy. I think he is likely not realizing that this is shared stress, and not his alone. Men tend to have a harder time with the concept that what happens to one, happens to both. You can try to remind him of this, but the easiest way may be to acknowledge it for him. Perhaps he is complaining non-stop because he thinks no one understands. If you were to start 'complaining' for him, by saying, "It must be so hard to know how to be; where you could be stuck inside for X or hopefully be out in Y. This must be difficult to release stress." BUT then follow that with, "there are ways to handle stress that are better than others--I don't want you to get sick and I'm worried for you. I thought that if I sent you things on yoga you might want to try; it's a really good way to help balance all of the shit you have." Again, this models providing some solutions to what he complains about. I would tie this back into ground rules, too--we can only complain about things once and then need to identify at least one way to make them better...

I'm sorry, hon. It's a crappy place to be and it would get very tempting to run from it all. Bear in mind all of the picture, as it sounds like there were a number of positives mixed in the picture, too. I hope that you can both re-discover them. Good luck!
God bless your heart. I'm rethinking ways of approaching everything and you gave me so many tactics! I really appreciate it!

You should look into becoming a therapist and/or psychologist, seems you have human behavior down packed!
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Old 05-07-2015, 08:37 PM
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[quote=LoveIsWorthIt;7440children this is a vent. I'm so confused. I'm so in love with my babe but lately all we do is argue. Day in and day out. We literally spend SO much fucking money just arguing. He's acting like a complete ass. I hate how he makes me feel so guilty when I didn't do the crime - he did! And I hate how eventhhough no one else is helping him out in his situation I still get treated like shit. He calls me 7-8 times a day! I love him but damn I don't want to talk to you all those times. Then we he calls he expects to have my full attention. I don't know, ladies.. I just feel like I'm dedicating myself to someone who's proving to be ungrateful, and all he does is complain. He's the victim in everything. I'm so lost.. So angry and so hurt. I do everything and I mean EVERYTHING for him. I'm not going to lie, I say hurtful things too but thats because he's so annoying and clingy now. I know he needs me and I'm here 100% but I'm just starting to become extremely frustrated with the whole situation. No doubt I'm sticking by him but I feel like talking to him is shooting my spirits down.

Ugh.. I can't stop crying I'm just so over everything..[/QUOTE]

my love and I went thru this phase. it wasn't a long phase but it did happen. whining and crying about how much it sucked to be in prison. Blah blah blah. So effin what? I told him politely that I ain't the one who let his misconceptions about loyalty guide him to make the worst choice of his life. that was all on him.

I agreed with him that prison sucks but being out here ain't no picnic either. inside they have no worries in the world. No wondering if the rent is going get paid. no worrying if the u
tilities will be shut off. no worrying if there will be money to buy food to feed the kids.

he had this idea that because I'm free the possibilities are endless. When its anything but that. its not easy to provide and take care of 3 little kids under the age of 10 while working a full time job (between 40 and 60) hours per week. doing all this free world stuff and still making sure that his days go by a little easier.

I put him and his happiness before my own just as I put my children before the both of us. most of the time my love knows how hard I work and knows exactly the extent of the sacrifices I make for him to be able to make it thru each day.

but once in a while he will do the tantrum thing, and play the blame game, and the boo hoo I'm busted routine. And when he does I simply tell him " excuse you! tantrums are for babies. would you like me to put you in a pamper and give you a bottle of baby formula?" once he hears that his behavior quickly changes and he becomesa man again.

iI simply state that I already have too many children to take care of and I'm not trying to have my MAN behave like a 2 year old.

I'm sorry you're going thru this. I hope things get better. best of luck to ypu
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  #19  
Old 05-07-2015, 09:32 PM
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maniacswifey619,

I agree. We are the ones that have to worry about bills and rent and be responsible. I really enjoyed reading your post and you are 100 percent in the right there. go get em girl I hate when Jimmy throws a temper tantrum. It was worth it for me to hang up on his ass and pay for the phone call. I could see a difference in his attitude on the next call. This time though... he better man up and work his programs because I'm all set with a dude that can't get his shit together after all I done for him.. I love him to death even to the point that I want to see him succeed and even if I never benefit from it or if it's with someone else. I have no problem removing myself from the situation and moving on. I have too much to lose.



I'm sorry you're going thru this. I hope things get better. best of luck to ypu[/quote]
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Old 05-07-2015, 10:37 PM
timntisha2012 timntisha2012 is offline
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Honestly, I've gone through this. Only difference is, I don't argue. I let him gripe and complain. I say nothing. Actually, I get so quiet that he starts asking me what's wrong. 10% of arguments are difference of opinions. 90% of arguments are wrong tone of voice. Then, I'll send him a good eight to nine page letter explaining the things that I absolutely refuse to waste a phone call on. Life is tough. Heck it's tough for all of us. We do what we got to do. But, like you said, he made his choices not you. Sometimes they just got to suck it up and stand up and be men. Best of luck! We are in the not knowing phase as well. Wish I could tell you it gets easier, but not knowing sucks period.
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  #21  
Old 05-10-2015, 05:37 PM
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Update:

I broke up with him today.

I had sort of an epiphany last night. I sat back and thought of my life - of where I want to be, where I want to go and all in all just the woman that I know I can and will be. I wrote down my goals, wrote down affirmations and mapped out how I would achieve my goals. I felt so confident, and happy. When he called this morning, he asked me what I was doing. Naturally, I told him - the man I love - where I want to go, the things I want to own and the places I want to see. You know what his response was? "That's nice and all but you ain't include me once." I couldn't believe that his selfishness and negativity. I told him that I'm not where I want to be and where I could be. His response? "That's not my fault, don't take that out on me." At this point, I really had to rethink our relationship and how he feels towards my dreams and goals.

After a couple of hours of serious evaluation of our relationship I realized that I have become the woman that I always told my girlfriends to snap out of. The woman so in love with a man that is so negative and toxic that she doesn't remember her own dreams and goals, and of course he doesn't remind her. The woman blinded by love. I absolutely lost it at that point. I shed so many tears and it wasn't because he was behind bars for the first time, but because of how much I lost myself by being with him.

When he was home, he showed signs of the things that he's saying in there. He showed that he could be selfish, clingy and controlling. But I unfortunately didn't recognize them to be exactly what they are: toxic. Right now, I'm so disappointed in myself that I let a man break me down to the point where I forgot who I always wanted to be.

I love him, I always will. I will continue to support him and definitely make sure that he is lawyered up because of the good chance he has of beating the case. But, in all honesty - I just don't want to be with him anymore. I feel so bad because I know he's hurt and I heard it all over his voice. He called me back multiple times pleading his case but he kept going back to being negative in every single conversation. Today, I lost someone that I'm absolutely in love with, but I took a step in gaining back myself. I'm very emotional and hurt because I really had no idea what kind of relationship this was until today.. it kind of smacked me in my face. But I'm going to succeed - I'm going to be the woman I want to be. This is just a hurt piece right now, man..

Sorry for the long post. I don't have many girlfriends anymore (something else I realized he did,) so in a way you guys are kind of my girlfriends… Thanks for reading/listening. I appreciate this website.
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Old 05-10-2015, 05:51 PM
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Wow sweetie take a deep breath, now another. Its ok your allowed to feel bad good anyway you want. Of course its hard but ya know what its going to be ok. You love him so yes breaking up is hard. I wish I was better at what I want to say. Anyway here it goes when you conform and please so one else to make a relationship work its fake its not the real you. If when you are living you life and someone loves regardless of their beliefs or life style then you can say hey we can do this. You have to believe in you before you can even believe anyone else can believe in you.. I hope I made sense but for you I give so much credit and respect!!! PEACE
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  #23  
Old 05-11-2015, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveIsWorthIt View Post
Update:

I broke up with him today.

I had sort of an epiphany last night. I sat back and thought of my life - of where I want to be, where I want to go and all in all just the woman that I know I can and will be. I wrote down my goals, wrote down affirmations and mapped out how I would achieve my goals. I felt so confident, and happy. When he called this morning, he asked me what I was doing. Naturally, I told him - the man I love - where I want to go, the things I want to own and the places I want to see. You know what his response was? "That's nice and all but you ain't include me once." I couldn't believe that his selfishness and negativity. I told him that I'm not where I want to be and where I could be. His response? "That's not my fault, don't take that out on me." At this point, I really had to rethink our relationship and how he feels towards my dreams and goals.

After a couple of hours of serious evaluation of our relationship I realized that I have become the woman that I always told my girlfriends to snap out of. The woman so in love with a man that is so negative and toxic that she doesn't remember her own dreams and goals, and of course he doesn't remind her. The woman blinded by love. I absolutely lost it at that point. I shed so many tears and it wasn't because he was behind bars for the first time, but because of how much I lost myself by being with him.

When he was home, he showed signs of the things that he's saying in there. He showed that he could be selfish, clingy and controlling. But I unfortunately didn't recognize them to be exactly what they are: toxic. Right now, I'm so disappointed in myself that I let a man break me down to the point where I forgot who I always wanted to be.

I love him, I always will. I will continue to support him and definitely make sure that he is lawyered up because of the good chance he has of beating the case. But, in all honesty - I just don't want to be with him anymore. I feel so bad because I know he's hurt and I heard it all over his voice. He called me back multiple times pleading his case but he kept going back to being negative in every single conversation. Today, I lost someone that I'm absolutely in love with, but I took a step in gaining back myself. I'm very emotional and hurt because I really had no idea what kind of relationship this was until today.. it kind of smacked me in my face. But I'm going to succeed - I'm going to be the woman I want to be. This is just a hurt piece right now, man..

Sorry for the long post. I don't have many girlfriends anymore (something else I realized he did,) so in a way you guys are kind of my girlfriends… Thanks for reading/listening. I appreciate this website.
I appreciate this website too. It really helps to know you are not alone! And I hope things go well for you my friend. I have had such a sorrow in my heart between my boyfriend and my son being selfish and I just been fighting through the pain of it. Selfishness does not belong in a relationship. That is called a "one sided relationship" and sadly they are painful.
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  #24  
Old 05-11-2015, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Wow sweetie take a deep breath, now another. Its ok your allowed to feel bad good anyway you want. Of course its hard but ya know what its going to be ok. You love him so yes breaking up is hard. I wish I was better at what I want to say. Anyway here it goes when you conform and please so one else to make a relationship work its fake its not the real you. If when you are living you life and someone loves regardless of their beliefs or life style then you can say hey we can do this. You have to believe in you before you can even believe anyone else can believe in you.. I hope I made sense but for you I give so much credit and respect!!! PEACE
xolady,

I just wanted to say that I think what you said was perfect.
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Old 05-11-2015, 11:25 AM
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xolady,

I just wanted to say that I think what you said was perfect.
I'm glad I have a hard time verbalizing what I want to say sometimes!!!LOL
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