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  #26  
Old 03-07-2017, 02:52 PM
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My wife talked to her case worker about getting a compassionate furlough to visit her dad's grave. She told her she'll recommend approving it but she doesn't have the final say. It will go all the way to the warden. She wants to go sometime this spring.
While obviously not a homecoming, that would be wonderful if they would grant it. A little compassion goes a long way in helping those who are on the inside to maintain a bit of their humanity.
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Old 03-07-2017, 02:59 PM
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Working on the west coast for a few weeks so no visits, but making sure my best friend is getting a lot of cool pictures from my travels and no shortage of mail. Next weekend her kids get to spend pretty much all Saturday with her, playing, eating good food, and just hanging out. It's a one Saturday a month program through the chaplaincy and it has helpex enabled my LO to have the strongest possible bond to her little ones. The other thing that helps is making sure there is always money for her to call and talk to the kids every night before they go to bed.
She's going to enjoy the postcards and pictures, for sure. Dee always liked getting postcards and pictures when I'd take trips while she was locked up.

It sounds like the chaplaincy program is a great thing for your LO and her kids. I hope they have a good time!
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  #28  
Old 03-08-2017, 04:05 AM
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I visited 2 weeks awgo for the first time since before xmas, it was good to see her. We still have daily phone calls when the phones actually work. She is doing good for the most part but her dorm is stressing her out. She has been talking about her future outside of there which is good but she is not in 100% reality about it. With her felony drug charge she cant have certain careers that she is interested in and she listens to other inmates who say it is possible. She has a bad anxiety problem already and my concern is her getting out and having unrealistic expectations in the beginning and then being let down and then turning back to drugs. Good thing we still have about 10 months to work through it, she is halfway through her time and i must say it has flown by so far.
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  #29  
Old 03-08-2017, 05:47 PM
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I hired a parole attorney to help my friend pull together her parole application. I learned a great deal about her in the process of helping pull together her history for the attorney. I already knew what was on her wrap sheet and all details, but she didn't tell me some things that were very favorable to her. The biggest challenge is going to be to try line up a job offer for her so the parole board can see that she is going to be able to hit the ground running. I don't know what her chances are at this point. She is just becoming eligible this fall and she has priors.
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  #30  
Old 03-08-2017, 06:48 PM
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I saw the "men" in the title of this thread and did a double take.. My freshly 18 yr old ("ADULT" - she thinks!) future step-daughter uses a lot of words me and my friends did.. Like "man", "bro", "brah" and others when talking to her teenage girl friends.. I was thinking, NO, NOT ON PTO... I clicked and then realized what forum I was actually in.. Phew!

As for the question... Getting back into the swing of things here... Been away, and really enjoying catching back up. Reading posts, plotting future upgrades, and the like.. Easy street compared with what most of you are dealing with having a woman inside.
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  #31  
Old 03-09-2017, 12:05 PM
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I saw the "men" in the title of this thread and did a double take.. My freshly 18 yr old ("ADULT" - she thinks!) future step-daughter uses a lot of words me and my friends did.. Like "man", "bro", "brah" and others when talking to her teenage girl friends.. I was thinking, NO, NOT ON PTO... I clicked and then realized what forum I was actually in.. Phew!

As for the question... Getting back into the swing of things here... Been away, and really enjoying catching back up. Reading posts, plotting future upgrades, and the like.. Easy street compared with what most of you are dealing with having a woman inside.
Ha ha! Glad to have you back around David. If there isn't a specific active question in here I try to pop this one back to the top of the list (I find people tend to pay more attention to in-list topics than stickies in this forum.) This is a place to keep generally updated with each other about what our LOs are doing and to also chit chat about anything else that might be going on with life. If you've ever got insights, we're happy to have them.

-E
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  #32  
Old 03-10-2017, 03:16 AM
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I'm always thinking about her. Having trouble sleeping. Just wishing she was here.
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  #33  
Old 03-10-2017, 09:15 AM
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While obviously not a homecoming, that would be wonderful if they would grant it. A little compassion goes a long way in helping those who are on the inside to maintain a bit of their humanity.
We're hopeful that she'll get approved. She wants to visit her dad's grave to say a prayer for him. It will provide some closure. She also wants to get outside the walls and wire to see the world and smell fresh air again even though she'll be chained up and under guard. It won't be much freedom but it will be more than she's had in many years. I wish I could be with her but that's impossible. I won't know she was out until she's back inside.
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  #34  
Old 03-10-2017, 12:11 PM
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I'm always thinking about her. Having trouble sleeping. Just wishing she was here.
Hey Tom, glad you stopped by. I knew that feeling all too well for several years....almost feel guilty, but I get jealous that her family and I have to split time. How much longer is she down for?
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  #35  
Old 03-11-2017, 09:32 AM
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... almost feel guilty, but I get jealous that her family and I have to split time. ...
I don't begrudge our daughter and Tammy's family visiting her without me on Saturdays. I like having my wife "all to myself" on Sundays. Whatever works.
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  #36  
Old 03-11-2017, 09:44 AM
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... My freshly 18 yr old ("ADULT" - she thinks!) future step-daughter uses a lot of words me and my friends did.. Like "man", "bro", "brah" and others when talking to her teenage girl friends.. I was thinking, NO, NOT ON PTO...
I'm laughing. Our daughter Sarah's 26 and thankfully for all concerned, well out of her teen years. Her mom and I corrected her every time she used improper language. "He went, 'you know?'" "Where did he go?" "He didn't go anywhere". "You meant 'He said'. Horns go 'beep'. People speak". My wife was a teacher. She's still a stickler for language. Teaching kids to speak properly goes a long way toward ensuring their later success.
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Old 03-11-2017, 10:38 PM
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I don't begrudge our daughter and Tammy's family visiting her without me on Saturdays. I like having my wife "all to myself" on Sundays. Whatever works.
Pre-release it made perfect sense for everyone to get their own time. Post-release, it's about figuring out the timing to integrate the families. This isn't quite the same sort of situation...of course I enjoy having her "all to myself." I'd like to reach a point where we spend time not by ourselves as well (we do spend some time with her parents and her sister/nieces/nephew, but full integration is yet to happen.)
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  #38  
Old 03-12-2017, 02:16 PM
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Pre-release it made perfect sense for everyone to get their own time. Post-release, it's about figuring out the timing to integrate the families. ... (we do spend some time with her parents and her sister/nieces/nephew, but full integration is yet to happen.)
Relatives, no matter how close or distant, come with baggage. Kids can be especially challenging when they want the returned parent all to themselves. That said, I wish I could have the problem.
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  #39  
Old 03-15-2017, 03:40 AM
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One of her first friends she made inside got released on Sunday around noon, she was dead my 6pm that same day. Died from a needle in her arm, its so sad the girl didnt even make it to see her young kids before hitting the dope man. My Lo is pretty shaken up as that is her drug of choice also and its so sad to see someone go right back to the same life that got you locked up in first place. The girl who died sister is in the same prison so thats how everyone found out so quick, I guess she refuses to get out of bed and has taken it very hard. She has a long sentence so will be no chance at a forlough to go to the funeral. This is the 3rd person she knows that died from an od in the last 6 months.
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Old 03-15-2017, 11:42 AM
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One of her first friends she made inside got released on Sunday around noon, she was dead my 6pm that same day. Died from a needle in her arm, its so sad the girl didnt even make it to see her young kids before hitting the dope man. My Lo is pretty shaken up as that is her drug of choice also and its so sad to see someone go right back to the same life that got you locked up in first place. The girl who died sister is in the same prison so thats how everyone found out so quick, I guess she refuses to get out of bed and has taken it very hard. She has a long sentence so will be no chance at a forlough to go to the funeral. This is the 3rd person she knows that died from an od in the last 6 months.
It just goes to show how big of an issue addiction is with our loved ones (not speaking about any one person specifically, just in general.) Even if they are not addicts themselves, addiction affects the people around them both in and out of prison. Getting out and using within 6 hours is not a great choice, but certainly not something that the woman deserved to die from as a consequence.

I hope that your LO takes what happened here to heart as a sign that she can't repeat the same sorts of mistakes once she's out if she wants to stay on a good path. These deaths hit all the girls hard, but I'd imagine it's hitting the girl's sister the absolute hardest of all.

-E
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  #41  
Old 03-15-2017, 01:26 PM
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There is a young woman, 19, who was a bunkie with my LO who is a heroine addict. I had the chance to meet her during a visit and did something once to help her. She was released in October and my LO and have been praying she stays clean.

My LO used Meth and did heroine once. Thankfully she was arrested before she did too much damage to her mind and body. She did have short term memory issues and thankfully she has been able to take some classes inside to address that. She works hard so that she can be ready to go home to her kids. She is going to be in some form of therapy/treatment for the rest of her life. She is ok with that. Her heart was completely broken because of the bad things that happened to her kids.
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  #42  
Old 03-15-2017, 02:37 PM
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There is a young woman, 19, who was a bunkie with my LO who is a heroine addict. I had the chance to meet her during a visit and did something once to help her. She was released in October and my LO and have been praying she stays clean.

My LO used Meth and did heroine once. Thankfully she was arrested before she did too much damage to her mind and body. She did have short term memory issues and thankfully she has been able to take some classes inside to address that. She works hard so that she can be ready to go home to her kids. She is going to be in some form of therapy/treatment for the rest of her life. She is ok with that. Her heart was completely broken because of the bad things that happened to her kids.
Methamphetamine seems to be a common issue with inmates, although heroin has actually become the drug of choice at least in the California prisons the last few years. Interestingly, a lot of meth users tend to not get stuck on H....I guess it makes sense since Meth is an upper and Heroin is a Downer and if you live for the upswing then Heroin is probably not for you. (Although habits and drugs of choice can change, and some people I'm sure do mix depending on their mood....Dee never touched heroin because, as she put it, "not that meth is great, but at least I had energy, when I bumped, I at least felt like life didn't suck and I could deal with it, at least until I crashed, but by then I did whatever I had to do and I'd just sleep it off. Heroin addicts are sloppy lazy messes and they pissed off people on the unit because they couldn't even hide that they were nodding. I'd hate myself if I were like that." Just a little insight from a meth addict, delivered third party style, in case anyone wanted it.)

Drugs in prison are a very serious business. Meth destroys lives, and it's harder to kick than heroin from what I'm told (and there aren't step-down methods as effective as, say, methodone to ease an addict off of it.) But the potential for overdose, while present, isn't quite as significant. Deaths from meth tend to occur over a period of several years and they might be because of a heart issue or malnutrition or the body wearing down and the immune system allowing some nasty bug or disease to take over.....very rarely do you hear of someone dying directly from a meth overdose the way you hear about heroin addicts being found dead with a needle still stuck in their arm.

My hopes that all of our LOs and those they may care for or be concerned about who have battles with addictions are able to stay safe, hopefully get clean, and not succomb to their addiction in a permanent way.

-E
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  #43  
Old 03-15-2017, 03:50 PM
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All of this just shows further how useless jail is as a way of making anything or anyone better, or reducing social harm generally.
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:48 PM
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All of this just shows further how useless jail is as a way of making anything or anyone better, or reducing social harm generally.
Well, I'd stop short of calling it entirely useless.

The programs and resources are there, to at least some extent, if an inmate truly wants to rehabilitate.

But it takes a lot of self-discipline and determination, and when you come into a system dealing with drug use, mental illness, and probably a poor sense of self in many cases, actually seeking out those programs is very difficult to do.

For jails and prisons to be effective, they need to do a better job of "meeting the person where they're at" in order to deliver programs and services that give the inmate a real chance at rehabilitation. Most....don't do that.

So...it can be done. But so much of it is on the inmate, and a lot of inmates just aren't there when they get to prison. Compounding that is the fact that it's not difficult to find trouble in prison if you go seeking it.

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  #45  
Old 03-16-2017, 07:41 AM
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One of her first friends she made inside got released on Sunday around noon, she was dead my 6pm that same day. Died from a needle in her arm, its so sad the girl didnt even make it to see her young kids before hitting the dope man. ... This is the 3rd person she knows that died from an od in the last 6 months.
Drugs alter brains. The old "This is your brain on drugs" anti-drug campaign featuring eggs frying in a pan was representative of the problem. Drug abusers put a gun in their mouths the first time they put a spike in their arms. It's not at all surprising that so many pull the trigger.
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Old 03-16-2017, 08:03 AM
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... and when you come into a system dealing with ... mental illness ... -E
Prison is the last place a person with psychological problems needs to be. I'm amazed that anyone survives long term incarceration without being seriously damaged by it. I honestly don't know how they manage to do it.
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:18 AM
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Further to Wilkes last comment - in Canada more than 30% of prisoners have diagnosed mental health issues - and that doesn't include a lot of people with addictions or who have just never been diagnosed. Missing Dee - I take your point but it seems to me it would be both far cheaper and far better to treat/help people in community settings, certainly for the large portion of prisoners who aren't dangerous. We could save a lot of money AND get better results - how often does that happen?
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Old 03-16-2017, 11:20 AM
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Missing Dee - I take your point but it seems to me it would be both far cheaper and far better to treat/help people in community settings, certainly for the large portion of prisoners who aren't dangerous. We could save a lot of money AND get better results - how often does that happen?
Your point is well-taken and agreed with.

The problem is that it seems to take the justice system 30-40 years to catch up to any problems that need solving. And sometimes longer. Drugs have been an issue for a long time but it seems like only in the past 10 years or so have we started to lower the severity for drug crimes and begun to offer alternative sentences and community rehabilitation instead of jail. (At least in terms of how the laws are changing here in California...can't speak to other states or the Feds where I'm less familiar.)

My point isn't meant at all to offset your point, which I think would be the better way. My point is that, without a change in the current laws happening, right now prisons are in the best position to change programming to get more people help since a lot of people who need help are there already. Short-term, the way we think about incarceration needs to change. Longer-term, the reasons why we incarcerate and the alternatives we offer have to change.

-E
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Old 03-16-2017, 11:32 AM
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Prison is the last place a person with psychological problems needs to be. I'm amazed that anyone survives long term incarceration without being seriously damaged by it. I honestly don't know how they manage to do it.
Not sure what your definition of "long-term incarceration" is but even a few months are torture as I see it. The remarkable thing about humans, though, is that we're a very adaptable species. We're able to explore, adjust to and manipulate new environments and conditions. So while prison isn't good for the mental health of people, people do develop coping skills and adapt. They pretty much have to. I saw Dee do it. Now I'm watching her adapt again, to this outside world. It's a little harder when mental illness is involved, but it can be done.
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Old 03-16-2017, 03:36 PM
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... The problem is that it seems to take the justice system 30-40 years to catch up to any problems that need solving. And sometimes longer. ... without a change in the current laws happening, right now prisons are in the best position to change programming to get more people help since a lot of people who need help are there already. Short-term, the way we think about incarceration needs to change. Longer-term, the reasons why we incarcerate and the alternatives we offer have to change.-E
I think part of the system's resistance to change is donations prison workers unions give to politicians who'll reward them with raises and better benefits. The Prison-Industrial Complex Is wealthy and politically powerful. More people in prisons = more prisons = more prisons workers = more money to unions = more politicians elected who are friendly to them = more prisons filled by recidivists untreated by the system + new "guests" = more prisons.

Being "tough on crime" is a sure way to win votes. Conversely, the worst thing a politician can appear to be is "easy on crime".
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