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  #1  
Old 06-29-2019, 03:37 AM
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Default Checking record - don't do it half-heartedly.

Please don't research why your penpal is in prison, unless you are 100% prepared to stick with them anyway.
Just researched one of mine last night and what I thought was a 'drug deal gone wrong' type of homicide, turned out to be a mass murder of 5 people 'execution style'.
Have to admit I'm struggling but keep reminding myself it was 30 years ago and he now helps youths to stay out of trouble.
Ok, that's all - still a tiny bit shocked to say the least, but I won't give up on him. No way.
Thanks for reading Xx
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Old 07-01-2019, 10:04 PM
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On the flip side, I 100% recommend to research why your penpal is in prison prior to writing them - basically to make sure you're comfortable writing them.


It would be unfair to start any correspondence with someone, only to then pull the plug on it due to finding out things.
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Old 07-01-2019, 10:55 PM
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When I was looking for pen-pal(s) the crime they're in for were listed and all I had to do is google the name and I could read up on stuff.
So complaining and warning after the fact is basically your "fault" for not being diligent enough beforehand...
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:58 PM
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I made sure to research everyone is thoroughly as I could before I wrote to them. It made it easier to have my boundaries and also be comfortable with the whole experience. I decided early on that I couldn’t write to anyone who had a sex charge or any sort of DV charge, but I don’t judge who other people write to them and I would never hold it against them. I mean some people would probably side-eye the fact that I only write to murderers, so who am I to judge! Just do what’s best for you!

Cleo x
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Old 07-14-2019, 06:47 AM
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When I met my penpal, the person who gave me his address had put a link to an article about what happened and the reason why he was condemned to death.



I think that it is better to know what has happened (no need to search for details of course), so that you are sure to feel comfortable with your penpal. We have never spoken about his crime in our letters, but he knows that I know and that I love him for who he is, no matter what happens in his past. He is not defined by his acts. That made both of us comfortable when it comes to talk about new events for instance, and he is sure he could confide in me without the fear of being rejected or judged.



Even if you would have not written to you penpal if you had known his crime, considering both your situation now, you can see that your penpal could not be reduced to his crime and that you have had the possibility to get to know him without prejudice.
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Old 07-14-2019, 07:09 AM
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I always checked my penpals crime before writing. I didnt want to contact someone and then stop writing as I was uncomfortable with the crime.
The way I see it I am uncomfortable with some types of crime and so its not fair on me or the individual as I would not want them to have to deal with my judgement.
Thats my honest answer.
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Old 07-14-2019, 11:50 AM
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Anyone that decides to write a pen-pal should do their own research up on the crime he/she was charged. That's if crime he/she was charged with matters to them.

Some people are fine with writing to a pen-pal regardless of the crime the individual is charged. Other's would be more selective on who they'll write or not write. Based on the individual crime charged.

At the end you must do what is truly comfortable to you and only you. Since it's you that'll be deciding and not the inmate.

Do your research and find all you can find before you write to someone. Pen-pal sites for inmates always tell you to do your own research/etc. It's best to know and not be blindsided later on it.
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