Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > The War on Drugs - and the results of it
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

The War on Drugs - and the results of it A war against drugs, or against families?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-06-2017, 02:29 PM
tommygirl11989's Avatar
tommygirl11989 tommygirl11989 is offline
L.A.B. <3
 

Join Date: May 2017
Location: Ma, USA
Posts: 53
Thanks: 36
Thanked 25 Times in 18 Posts
Exclamation Rehabilitation for Drug Dealers

Hello All,

I am posting as I am concerned and I hope that someone has went through this and has come out successfully. Bear with me because I want to give a thorough explanation before asking my own question.

My boyfriend started to sell drugs when he was just 13 as his father was a drug dealer, and although he was not around much, he did witness it. His mother was not much better and refused to work, so at just 13, she put it on him to ensure that, he, his brother and sister were taken care of. He made sure rent was paid, food was on the table, and his siblings were fed. It is actually quite sad that he went through this, because in my opinion this helped to shape who he has become today.

He has done time before for selling, and when he came home, his family did the same thing as before and expressed that they needed his help again. When he got out, he had a real job. Was working 40 hours a week, but the money was minimum wage, so it was not enough to help his family, so of course he got back into it, and subsequently was arrested again. He is currently facing trafficking charges due to the amount of drugs he was in possession of when he was arrested.

I want to note that, even though some people think I would, I did not reap the benefits of this behavior and always pushed him to get away from it, and get a real job again. Of course that is hard when you are making the money because of the difference.

I brought it up the other day during our visit, and asked him if he REALLY WANTS to change, and that I was concerned that he will not be able to change due to the lifestyle being addicting, and him not being able to tell loved ones no.

He told me that he sincerely does want to change, but because he's lived this way for the last 13 years, he is scared that he may not be able to. I asked him what he needed from me to keep him focused, and to keep him, focused when he came home. He told me that he does not know what he needs or how to really get away.

I told them there are a few things he needs to do:

1. Learn to tell people no. Family or not, they are not his responsibility to take care of and always get them out of binds. I also reminded him that the people that were reaping the benefits, do not come to visit him, did not pay for his lawyer, don't write him and do not put money on his books. They don't come to his court cases. They literally left him there.

2. He needs to realize that the fast lifestyle is not going to be there. We will not be able to just go pay cash for a new car without saving for a while. We will not be able to go buy brand new clothes and shoes every week. Those things are nice, but that's all they are, is things. This is hard for him as he grew up with nothing, and I understand that.

3. Realize that while yes, you can provide for a short period of time, long term your child (and future children hopefully) miss you. You are biologically your daughters father, but would you rather struggle to pay bills or have your children grow up without a father. I told him that I do not want our children to grow up without a father as having a father in my own life has helped me get through so many things. (My dad is my number 1 fan, and I don't know what I'd do without him)

4. I asked him if he had to choose 3 memories to take with him when he died, what they would be. He told me they would be his daughter, love, and motorcycles. To him I responded, then having money is not as important as you think it is. Yes, it takes money to feed and clothe your daughter, love is free, and motorcycles cost money, but its an achievable goal without selling drugs.

5. I don't know if I should of said this one, but I told him that if he came home and went back to it that I would leave him, child or no child. I explained that I cannot live the life of not knowing if he has been arrested, or worse, that he may be dead on the side of a road, and will not subject our children to it. I explained him I do love him unconditionally, but I will not live that life, nor will I go through 2 bids with him. One is more than enough, and we do not even know how long he will be away for.


I'm hoping this conversation helps him. He did say that it's been getting him thinking about a real future and that he truly wants to change.

If anyone has gone through this, and has had a success, please tell me what you did. Did you make your loved one go through a program?

Even if you tried ad failed, please share so I can see what works and what does not work.

Thank you in advance!
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 06-06-2017, 06:24 PM
patchouli's Avatar
patchouli patchouli is online now
PTO Administrator

PTOQ Editorial Team Member Staff Superstar Two Time Winner Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,831
Thanks: 39,108
Thanked 32,025 Times in 14,738 Posts
Default

Honestly...you can't "make him go through a program." I can see me now trying to "make" My Mr do anything Hard-headed man that he is You can't make him do anything. Its all on him and I know how frustrating it is and how painful it is I do believe you gave him good advice, most of which will be reiterated in many drug programs = He'll have to give up "people, places and things." He'll have to learn that its ok to say "No" to others, even family.

I can understand the ultimatum. Straighten the f#@K up or I'm outta here. Easier said than done, but its best (IMHO) for the partner and children to stay out of that lifestyle.

My Mantra:

I didn't cause it.
I can't cure it.
I can't control it.
Love from a distance.

No, I didn't make that up...but I forget where I read it For me, it relates to the addicts in my life. For you, even if he doesn't use, he has an addiction to the life, to the money, to the adrenaline.

Good Luck.....I hope he does leave the life behind and become the man you & your child(ren) need

__________________




Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to patchouli For This Useful Post:
bellisq (06-16-2017), Fridyrr.Likn (06-06-2017), Guccigrl (06-10-2017), LifeTraveler (06-07-2017), LuvBugBlacky (06-08-2017), MugshotStopper (06-10-2017), Ness (06-26-2017), Patrickj (08-04-2017)
  #3  
Old 06-08-2017, 07:27 AM
tommygirl11989's Avatar
tommygirl11989 tommygirl11989 is offline
L.A.B. <3
 

Join Date: May 2017
Location: Ma, USA
Posts: 53
Thanks: 36
Thanked 25 Times in 18 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
Honestly...you can't "make him go through a program." I can see me now trying to "make" My Mr do anything Hard-headed man that he is You can't make him do anything. Its all on him and I know how frustrating it is and how painful it is I do believe you gave him good advice, most of which will be reiterated in many drug programs = He'll have to give up "people, places and things." He'll have to learn that its ok to say "No" to others, even family.

I can understand the ultimatum. Straighten the f#@K up or I'm outta here. Easier said than done, but its best (IMHO) for the partner and children to stay out of that lifestyle.

My Mantra:

I didn't cause it.
I can't cure it.
I can't control it.
Love from a distance.

No, I didn't make that up...but I forget where I read it For me, it relates to the addicts in my life. For you, even if he doesn't use, he has an addiction to the life, to the money, to the adrenaline.

Good Luck.....I hope he does leave the life behind and become the man you & your child(ren) need

Thank you so much. I definitely do not want him to feel like his hand is being forced, but I do want to push him in a positive direction. Yesterday he told me that he was talking to a counselor and they told him he should go into drug counseling once he gets out since he has such an extensive history of both using and selling. I told him that it's a great idea, but to only do it if he really wants to because that's a lot of school for him to just decide later he doesn't want to do it. So I'm going to get some information on it for him and send it to him. However, it is nice to see him on a positive note. He also asked me to try to help him get a job before he gets home so that once he is home he can feel like he's contributing to the household and doesn't feel the need to get back into it. It's funny because he calls me his personal cheerleader, but imho I feel like that's what he needs to stay on a straight and narrow road.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to tommygirl11989 For This Useful Post:
MugshotStopper (06-10-2017), Ness (06-26-2017), patchouli (06-08-2017)
  #4  
Old 06-10-2017, 08:45 AM
MugshotStopper MugshotStopper is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 35
Thanks: 6
Thanked 5 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Tommygirl11989,

I wish the percentage of reoffenders wasn't so high amongst drug dealers. I can for 100% say it is not worth it. I delivered pizzas for about 6 months and a team of sheriffs literally followed me around just ASSUMING I was gonna sell again. Once you got a number if you sell again, it's not a question of if you'll get caught, it's when.

I understand and can totally relate to not wanting to conform and adhere to schedules and be treated like a high school student at one of these jobs. IF he's somewhat savvy on computers, I would highly suggest Amazon Affiliate partners, it has good potential. I suck at it but it's very versatile and you can make a lot of money from home
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-10-2017, 07:10 PM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: TX-US
Posts: 14,784
Thanks: 641
Thanked 10,917 Times in 5,922 Posts
Default

Treatment programming is not going to work for the typical non-substance abuser drug dealer. They don't have a treatable addiction to a substance. They get their rush from the money. They typically refuse to do something that might only net them $15 an hour or so. They cannot do the basic 8-5 routine. It's a mindset, NOT an addiction. They aren't going to get the shakes or have withdrawal symptoms from not selling a vial of crack, a handful of pills, a ziplocked baggie of pot or a kilo of cocaine...

Until they make the decision to FOLLOW THE LAW, they are destined to return to prison.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to CenTexLyn For This Useful Post:
Fridyrr.Likn (06-13-2017), maytayah (04-10-2018), Ms Sunny (04-10-2018), Patrickj (08-04-2017), safran (04-10-2018)
  #6  
Old 08-04-2017, 07:49 AM
jsanner jsanner is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 319
Thanks: 0
Thanked 193 Times in 105 Posts
Default

I was convicted of sales in 2001. Haven't looked back. I don't have a problem working for an honest wage, though. I also am educated and have decent work skills. Many convicted drug dealers do not have these and will be most likely relegated to minimum wage work. Making $2000/wk vs $200/wk is huge. This is why these people break these laws. Same reason why people are willing to walk through the desert in the summer to cross our border illegally. Money.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-10-2018, 12:49 AM
c.loggins7475's Avatar
c.loggins7475 c.loggins7475 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Dublin, ga USA
Posts: 14
Thanks: 0
Thanked 9 Times in 5 Posts
Default

I was facing the same problem with my man. He was or is addicted to the hustle, and to all the pretty and expensive things he could have. He also grew up not having much which I think adds to the problem. He never had these things before and suddenly he could have just about whatever he wanted. He could make a years wages in a week and being offered $15/hr sounds like nothing.
My man is on his 2nd bid. He has been in almost 10 years total now, he had a 4 month break in the middle and a year left. He says he is ready to change too. The biggest plan we made to help him not go Back to that lifestyle was we moved. Well i have so when he gets out he won't be with all the same people that would try to pull him back into it. New friends, new area, new beginning...

That is as far into the plan to help him stay on the right path as we got...I don't believe he will be able to get back into that lifestyle due to the fact he just had a stroke and at this time can't walk or talk. I pray he will get better.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to c.loggins7475 For This Useful Post:
xolady (04-10-2018)
  #8  
Old 04-10-2018, 06:04 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,577
Thanks: 11,673
Thanked 5,717 Times in 2,990 Posts
Default

I actually believe this was my husbands biggest problem he couldn't go back to his career as a heavy equipment operator would start using and to support that habit it was back to dealing. I get that people think its tons of money but not if your an addict or supporting one. But about dealing and rehab never gonna work.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-12-2018, 10:30 AM
Kronos Kronos is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 75
Thanks: 11
Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tommygirl11989 View Post
Hello All,

I am posting as I am concerned and I hope that someone has went through this and has come out successfully. Bear with me because I want to give a thorough explanation before asking my own question.

My boyfriend started to sell drugs when he was just 13 as his father was a drug dealer, and although he was not around much, he did witness it. His mother was not much better and refused to work, so at just 13, she put it on him to ensure that, he, his brother and sister were taken care of. He made sure rent was paid, food was on the table, and his siblings were fed. It is actually quite sad that he went through this, because in my opinion this helped to shape who he has become today.

He has done time before for selling, and when he came home, his family did the same thing as before and expressed that they needed his help again. When he got out, he had a real job. Was working 40 hours a week, but the money was minimum wage, so it was not enough to help his family, so of course he got back into it, and subsequently was arrested again. He is currently facing trafficking charges due to the amount of drugs he was in possession of when he was arrested.

I want to note that, even though some people think I would, I did not reap the benefits of this behavior and always pushed him to get away from it, and get a real job again. Of course that is hard when you are making the money because of the difference.

I brought it up the other day during our visit, and asked him if he REALLY WANTS to change, and that I was concerned that he will not be able to change due to the lifestyle being addicting, and him not being able to tell loved ones no.

He told me that he sincerely does want to change, but because he's lived this way for the last 13 years, he is scared that he may not be able to. I asked him what he needed from me to keep him focused, and to keep him, focused when he came home. He told me that he does not know what he needs or how to really get away.

I told them there are a few things he needs to do:

1. Learn to tell people no. Family or not, they are not his responsibility to take care of and always get them out of binds. I also reminded him that the people that were reaping the benefits, do not come to visit him, did not pay for his lawyer, don't write him and do not put money on his books. They don't come to his court cases. They literally left him there.

2. He needs to realize that the fast lifestyle is not going to be there. We will not be able to just go pay cash for a new car without saving for a while. We will not be able to go buy brand new clothes and shoes every week. Those things are nice, but that's all they are, is things. This is hard for him as he grew up with nothing, and I understand that.

3. Realize that while yes, you can provide for a short period of time, long term your child (and future children hopefully) miss you. You are biologically your daughters father, but would you rather struggle to pay bills or have your children grow up without a father. I told him that I do not want our children to grow up without a father as having a father in my own life has helped me get through so many things. (My dad is my number 1 fan, and I don't know what I'd do without him)

4. I asked him if he had to choose 3 memories to take with him when he died, what they would be. He told me they would be his daughter, love, and motorcycles. To him I responded, then having money is not as important as you think it is. Yes, it takes money to feed and clothe your daughter, love is free, and motorcycles cost money, but its an achievable goal without selling drugs.

5. I don't know if I should of said this one, but I told him that if he came home and went back to it that I would leave him, child or no child. I explained that I cannot live the life of not knowing if he has been arrested, or worse, that he may be dead on the side of a road, and will not subject our children to it. I explained him I do love him unconditionally, but I will not live that life, nor will I go through 2 bids with him. One is more than enough, and we do not even know how long he will be away for.


I'm hoping this conversation helps him. He did say that it's been getting him thinking about a real future and that he truly wants to change.

If anyone has gone through this, and has had a success, please tell me what you did. Did you make your loved one go through a program?

Even if you tried ad failed, please share so I can see what works and what does not work.

Thank you in advance!



Even if they do go through a program, and there are some better than others such as the one in FBOP it doesn't mean they have any belief in it. From the conversations I've had with one of my penpals some of them do it just to get a reduction on their time (some of them find out later they weren't even eligible for a reduction).



Whether they want to change or not is something they will decide for themselves. You cannot force it on them. You cannot force them to take rehabilitation seriously. You can only hope that they do take it seriously and learn to walk away when they don't.



Having people I know with drug related issues I'm going to be honest. Its not as easy as you would suggest it could be for them not to slip up and go back to the way they were. You cannot expect change, and you will have to accept wholeheartedly that you may well be disappointed by them so get used to it or move along.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-12-2018, 12:46 PM
Straight Straight is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: dallas tx
Posts: 885
Thanks: 62
Thanked 1,591 Times in 514 Posts
Default

First, you can't rehab someone out of doing what they want to do. It's not a brainwashing treatment.

Second, you can't rehab someone out of a career choice.

He's chosen a career that will land him in prison and he accepts that risk every day. You're not going to rehab him against his will.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Straight For This Useful Post:
WeepingWillow (07-12-2018)
  #11  
Old 07-12-2018, 07:35 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 813
Thanks: 17
Thanked 985 Times in 486 Posts
Default

I can't speak for the drug rehab or any of that, but from your perspective, you have to do what is right for you and put yourself first. You don't necessarily need to give him an ultimatum in that context, and there is nothing wrong that you did, but you can simply say that this you're giving him a second chance and you expect him to get help and work it out when he is out, but you have to do what works for you and your kid (I wasn't sure if you currently have a kid with him or not), and if he can't respect that, then you can't sit around and watch him destroy your relationship. You deserve to be happy and have a life. As someone else said, it may be the thrill, but maybe not.

It sounds like he tried to live on the straight and narrow but the pressure of his family is what made him cave. I would not be surprised if a lot of it is guilt they put on him and his inability to say no and try to please them. My husband, while not having anything to do with drugs, has a similar problem. He is a pleaser that can't say no. He has gone to therapy and that has really helped, but he definitely has a weakness for his kids. Unfortunately, they associate their love with him with money, so when he stopped giving them money, suddenly he was an awful person. He has finally stopped letting them bully and dictate to him, but it's always a work in progress. Your guy needs to work on the dealing issue, the doing drugs issue and the standing up to his family issue. Perhaps even getting out of that environment altogether and starting fresh might be the best way.

I know it's easy for some of us to just say get a job, who cares if it's $15/hr, it's a job, money isn't important. But, when you're used to nice things, money can be important and it is needed. But money is not everything, and you can make do and if he's a hard worker, and you work, then eventually things can work out. It just takes time and patience.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to rockchalk1 For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (07-13-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Are drug dealers to blame for drug use? HEISMYANGEL The War on Drugs - and the results of it 70 01-04-2012 06:41 PM
All drug dealers should go to prison? bumblebee37 Parents with Children in Prison 51 07-30-2010 12:24 PM
4th grade drug dealers busted flamered Crime & Court Talk 2 02-18-2009 05:18 AM
Five Drug Dealers Vietnam RIP Rachel In Memoriam 3 05-22-2006 04:42 AM
Drug Dealers ! yanigirl General Prison Talk 42 03-24-2003 04:28 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:44 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics