I miss her!!

[Misserika]

Hello everyone.. My fiancé was arrested 3 weeks ago, and I miss her so much! I have tons of questions.. But most importantly if anyone can just share some insight?? I'm new to this, so any words of wisdom would be so greatly appreciated we have been together 5 yrs, and haven't been apart for more than a weekend now she is facing 2 yrs in prison.. Anyone!!

[missingdee]

Welcome, you've come to the right place, many of us know what you're going through right now (some met their friends and lovers after their incarceration, but others of us have been there since the beginning.)

Fire away on those questions.

Insights? Well, I guess every situation is different, but there's a few general things that probably apply to just about everyone. Here's what I can offer.
1.) Don't forget yourself in this whole thing. If you aren't taking care of yourself and the things you need to take care of, what good are you to them?
2.) Be supportive. Write letters. Accept phone calls if you can afford them. Visit her if you're able. Is your fiancee housed nearby? Keep in mind, if you haven't visited yet and want to try, there may be regulations that prevent you from visiting or require you to get special permissions if you are on probation or parole or have spent time in a state prison yourself. And if you have a warrant you don't know about, the best way to find out is to go to a jail to visit, they'll let you know the second someone comes behind you with a pair of handcuffs and tells you to put your hands behind your back...
3.) Refer to the message board for the region you're from. I see you're from San Jose. I'm from Los Angeles. We both can get support relating to California-specific issues in the California forum, which you can find at this URL - http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=127
If you have legal questions, Gryphon is a practicing attorney in the State of California and offers great advice in the Legal Issues section of that particular forum. I'm very grateful to him - I know he's got a very busy practice and yet he takes valuable time out of his life to provide insights and guide people in the right direction regarding legal issues.

Aside from that, my inbox is open any time.

Also, I notice your username is "Misserika." Are you Erika or is she? I only ask because there is also a board here that is geared toward supporting Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered as well which you can find at this link - http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=192 So if you are Erika and you're in a same-sex relationship, that is another great place for you to look. If your girlfriend is Erika and you're just using her name in your username but are a male, then please accept my apologies, I don't mean to make assumptions. Either way you are, of course, welcome to post in this forum.

Welcome. I hope that you will find the support and answers you seek here.

-E

[woodman2165]

The best thing to do once she clears intake is go see her, once eye contact is made without a word said you just made her day. You don't get any practice for this one and it will come to you and her both, and then the justie system kicks in and you do what you gotta do. I've had alot of CO attitdes about bad days and power trips but pay no mind to'em and do what you went for, to see her. It's all yours on the outside and hers on the inside and basicly you can't do anything about it but you can support her and let her know you're still there....waiting..just for her and she will smile at you alot saying thanks

[mikeq]

Hey there, Im Mike and my wife is doin almost 4 years and was just recently sentenced. The one thing I can repeat is dont forget yourself in this process. I say process because it has a beginning and an end . Be there for her. Little things are now going to be magnified. As long as you understand that, you will be fine. Also depending on the specifics of her case remember, she is getting credits now, take a look with her attorney, understand the details, especially if there is a plea bargain. Good Luck and stay up! Mikeq

[number8]

Welcome to PTO.
I agree with everything said so far. Feel free to wander through the posts and read and comment as you feel inclined. There are people from all over the world and the one thing we have in common, is we have a loved one in prison.
Ask questions, post, and rant as you need.... we do understand and im sure you will find understanding and support here.
Kia Kaha
8

[scaredinmi]

I have been helping my wife with her situation since january and we knew pretty much certian she was going to end up serving time, and even after she took the plea it seemed like it it was starting to get a little easier to deal with, today I found out that it was about to get worse she was taken to prison today after her sentencing and I dont know how I am going to make it.

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by Misserika

Hello everyone.. My fiancé was arrested 3 weeks ago, and I miss her so much! I have tons of questions.. But most importantly if anyone can just share some insight?? I'm new to this, so any words of wisdom would be so greatly appreciated we have been together 5 yrs, and haven't been apart for more than a weekend now she is facing 2 yrs in prison.. Anyone!!

First of all, you need to take a deep breath. She has not even been sentenced yet, right? Do not get yourself worked up, when you do not know for sure how long she will serve.

Write a lot of letters (type them if you need to), get a phone account set up, so she can call, and fill out a visitors application as soon as you know where she is going. If you can get calls and visits, this journey seems a little easier.

It will take some time for you to adjust to her being gone, but keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't count the days, because that will make it seem like forever. Take good care of yourself and be a strong support system for her.

Hopefully, once she gets placed, she will involve herself in any programs that may be offered to her, that way she can stay busy and learn things about herself, she may not have known before.

You can do this.....don't let it be a death sentence, but rather a part of your journey together.

Peace~