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Old 03-16-2018, 11:07 PM
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I feel bad that I cried on the phone talking to Travis tonight. It was more so the timing. He asked me if I was crying , I couldnít hide it , he heard me when I tried to talk then our call was ended. He sent me a JPay message saying please donít cry,Iím okay, I love you. He also said he didnít like going to bed like that and he will call me in the morning. I wish I could take that back. I didnít want to worry him. This is a learning experience for me. For example I had told him in a JPay letter about a customer getting in my face. He was so upset , said he kept thinking about it. Heís very protective but not a violent guy at all. I donít want to filter & like many here said I shouldnít have to but at the same time he is locked up , canít help me & I know men hate feeling helpless. I didnít really cry because I was sad as much as just emotional. Happy to hear from him , happy heís making progress getting a court date on this stuff in another state , happy Sr all the sweet things he was saying to me. It was a really good phone call. Iím just a passionate person happy or sad I feel it deeply.
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Old 03-16-2018, 11:15 PM
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Its okay to cry girl. You are on the outside dealing with so much and again all this stuff is NEW to you. Of course he feels helpless and they hate hearing us cry but sometimes it just rears its ugly head. He's your GO TO so don't be embarrassed. You are human.
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Old 03-17-2018, 08:51 AM
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Hey Wallflower78me, I agree with the above poster....don't be hard on yourself for crying. Inside or outside of the prison walls...it is hard for everyone involved.

While it is true that they have more time to think and may feel helpless if we cry or tell them something that has upset us, it is just life. The guilt that most feel about being incarcerated and not being there for their loved ones is real, but maybe some of it could be good too as it has to be a lesson in life. They will not benefit being in a pink bubble where they think everything is great and life goes without issues regardless of their incarceration....We, the loved ones outside, aren't living in a problem free world either.

My take on my relationship is that I talk to him about anything and everything, and if he happens to call on an emotional moment...watch out for the flood works I refuse to feel embarrassed about it or like I shouldn't burden him. Yeah, I might get three back-to-back phone calls after that because he wants to make sure I'm okay....but I don't feel bad about that, to me all this is part of a relationship.

To be yourself is all that you can do (to quote a fab song by Audioslave, ha!) and you being you is the reason your man loves ya, don't forget that
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:12 AM
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I cry all the time. It just happens. Does he like it? No because he wants me to be happy. Just because I'm crying doesn't mean I'm sad anymore, but need to release. I don't cry in front of anyone else and I feel safe to share my emotions with him.

There is a period of mourning in this. There is a death of sorts. But with death or endings, come new beginnings. If you hide it and make things peachy keen where is there growth for either one of you.

He sees his actions hurt others and not himself.
Emotionally you are learning how to deal with compounded stress. You are working your way through something tragic. It is a shock to the system. It is a healing process.

Think of it as a severe gash in the leg. It hurts something fierce. No one would expect you to be fine and laughing and smiling. As it heals, it may reopen at times. It may feel numb. It will take time. Then new skin grows. There may be a large scar, a tiny scar, or the area will be new again completely. Depends on how you treat it.

Each situation has many compounded layers. Just know each day you are stronger and wiser than the day before. Be true to yourself and your emotions. Don't hide to make him feel comfortable. Yet, really dig down deep to search for the answers as to why you feel this way. He can't heal you and you can't heal him. You can work through things together, but only individually can you work on feeling more whole.

Trust me one day you'll be on the phone saying remember this... remember that time... You'll both realize how far you have come and how you have changed.
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:14 AM
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Also, track your pms days. He tracks mine and knows I'll be a hot mess for 3-4 days. I'll be crying saying I don't know what's wrong with me. His response is check your calendar. Then we laugh. It is like clock work.
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:40 AM
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Also, track your pms days. He tracks mine and knows I'll be a hot mess for 3-4 days. I'll be crying saying I don't know what's wrong with me. His response is check your calendar. Then we laugh. It is like clock work.
Oh, god...this made me laugh. Even though it's not really the menstruating phase that makes us all PMS:sy....he might ask me at times "are we menstruating?"
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Old 03-17-2018, 09:47 AM
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Oh, god...this made me laugh. Even though it's not really the menstruating phase that makes us all PMS:sy....he might ask me at times "are we menstruating?"
It is funny! Not at the time necessarily though. Lol

I'll get sappy here and there. Holidays, bad day, lack of sleep, end of a visit But at least once a month in a hot mess who hates life and cannot handle anything. Generally, I realize it first because I'll cry listening to a song on the radio. Then I'm like oh crap, here we go again!

Also, when mine first went in I did not get my period for three months. Took tests and wasn't pregnant, but my system was so screwed up from what I put myself through. Our bodies do react to our state of mind. My hormones were all over the place and eventually normalize out as I calmed down.

But writing this, I also realize in the beginning of all of this we don't sleep right, we dont eat right, we are consumed with thoughts and fears. Of course you are going to cry and feel physically awful.

Then as time goes on, you cry less and less and smile again. You see blessings when you only saw pain, lied and heartache. You see a different connection instead of separation. It is like you have new eyes.

Then new stuff hits and you get emotional again , but it is not for as long because you know this too shall pass. Life teaches you this. Words do not.

Look at the journey as the big picture. This a blip I your life. It will be a memory. You will find joy again. I promise. It can be as simple as seeing the sun in the morning or birds chipping outside your window.
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Old 03-17-2018, 12:23 PM
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It is MORE than okay to cry. Just be happy he cares enough about you to make sure you're okay and to remind you he's there to support you mentally and emotionally. Times are tough but you WILL get through it. We all have our moments. He's doing his time but you're doing time on the outside as well so you have more than a reason to break down and be upset.
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Old 03-17-2018, 02:18 PM
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Some woman look so beautiful when they cry.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:28 PM
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I feel bad that I cried on the phone talking to Travis tonight. It was more so the timing. He asked me if I was crying , I couldnít hide it , he heard me when I tried to talk then our call was ended. He sent me a JPay message saying please donít cry,Iím okay, I love you. He also said he didnít like going to bed like that and he will call me in the morning. I wish I could take that back. I didnít want to worry him. This is a learning experience for me. For example I had told him in a JPay letter about a customer getting in my face. He was so upset , said he kept thinking about it. Heís very protective but not a violent guy at all. I donít want to filter & like many here said I shouldnít have to but at the same time he is locked up , canít help me & I know men hate feeling helpless. I didnít really cry because I was sad as much as just emotional. Happy to hear from him , happy heís making progress getting a court date on this stuff in another state , happy Sr all the sweet things he was saying to me. It was a really good phone call. Iím just a passionate person happy or sad I feel it deeply.
No you shouldnt filter but some things can be kept from you LO especially if you know they will be upset. Like what would be the point of telling him that you had an argument with a customer and there isn't much he can do about it from there except feel worthless. I tell my husband pretty much everything but little things like that I don't even bother telling him because I won't do anything to make him feel like less of a person.
And it's definitely ok to cry. I cry...my husband crys. It's normal.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:40 PM
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I think the more time goes by you will be able to handle more of your emotions too. There's nothing wrong with telling him about your day and frustrations especially when you are so used to venting to him about everything. He's in prison anything that upsets you is gonna upset him. For some women the more time goes on the more you learn what's best(for yall) to bring up and what not to. Everyone is different. Its hard on every one.
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:24 PM
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Maybe you are crying because you are so happy to be talking to Travis?
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:42 PM
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Maybe you are crying because you are so happy to be talking to Travis?


Yes that is a lot of it! ♥️
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:44 PM
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I think the more time goes by you will be able to handle more of your emotions too. There's nothing wrong with telling him about your day and frustrations especially when you are so used to venting to him about everything. He's in prison anything that upsets you is gonna upset him. For some women the more time goes on the more you learn what's best(for yall) to bring up and what not to. Everyone is different. Its hard on every one.


Yes I agree. In this short time Iím learning already. One time he had asked me did anyone get mad at you today because my job (dmv) it happens a lot. Since he had asked I think when it did happen I automatically told him. He wants to know all about my day.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:45 PM
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No you shouldnt filter but some things can be kept from you LO especially if you know they will be upset. Like what would be the point of telling him that you had an argument with a customer and there isn't much he can do about it from there except feel worthless. I tell my husband pretty much everything but little things like that I don't even bother telling him because I won't do anything to make him feel like less of a person.

And it's definitely ok to cry. I cry...my husband crys. It's normal.


I definitely said it before I thought. I would never want to make him feel bad.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:46 PM
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Some woman look so beautiful when they cry.


I agree ♥️
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:49 PM
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It is MORE than okay to cry. Just be happy he cares enough about you to make sure you're okay and to remind you he's there to support you mentally and emotionally. Times are tough but you WILL get through it. We all have our moments. He's doing his time but you're doing time on the outside as well so you have more than a reason to break down and be upset.


Yes very true. A great way to say it. I am very happy heís concerned about me & multiple ways he wanted to make sure I was okay. He sent the JPay , then later sent a video gram. It was sooooo sweet. He wrote today that he was upset , worried about me & thatís why he made the video for me - to make me feel better. Itís good he turned to that & didnít get mad/sad/etc. It was perfect.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:52 PM
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It is funny! Not at the time necessarily though. Lol

I'll get sappy here and there. Holidays, bad day, lack of sleep, end of a visit But at least once a month in a hot mess who hates life and cannot handle anything. Generally, I realize it first because I'll cry listening to a song on the radio. Then I'm like oh crap, here we go again!

Also, when mine first went in I did not get my period for three months. Took tests and wasn't pregnant, but my system was so screwed up from what I put myself through. Our bodies do react to our state of mind. My hormones were all over the place and eventually normalize out as I calmed down.

But writing this, I also realize in the beginning of all of this we don't sleep right, we dont eat right, we are consumed with thoughts and fears. Of course you are going to cry and feel physically awful.

Then as time goes on, you cry less and less and smile again. You see blessings when you only saw pain, lied and heartache. You see a different connection instead of separation. It is like you have new eyes.

Then new stuff hits and you get emotional again , but it is not for as long because you know this too shall pass. Life teaches you this. Words do not.

Look at the journey as the big picture. This a blip I your life. It will be a memory. You will find joy again. I promise. It can be as simple as seeing the sun in the morning or birds chipping outside your window.


Yes I think it is that a lot of it. This is new and my heart / mind is getting used to it. My emotions are on my sleeve. Happy or sad I cry easy. Iím pretty sappy anyway lol but Iím having to gather strength on this & little by little itís getting easier. I know there will still be hard days but mostly Iím happy for so many reasons including Trav.

I agree about the hormones / pms. I will cry over nothing & think what is wrong with me?!? Then I start & Iím like oh yep. Lol
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:53 PM
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Also, track your pms days. He tracks mine and knows I'll be a hot mess for 3-4 days. I'll be crying saying I don't know what's wrong with me. His response is check your calendar. Then we laugh. It is like clock work.


Yes so true!! I will cry hard over almost anything or get really really sensitive to people hurting me feelings this viola I get my period!
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:54 PM
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Its okay to cry girl. You are on the outside dealing with so much and again all this stuff is NEW to you. Of course he feels helpless and they hate hearing us cry but sometimes it just rears its ugly head. He's your GO TO so don't be embarrassed. You are human.


Thank you ♥️ He is my go to. He comforts me
& I feel like I can lean on him even where he is.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:56 PM
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Hey Wallflower78me, I agree with the above poster....don't be hard on yourself for crying. Inside or outside of the prison walls...it is hard for everyone involved.



While it is true that they have more time to think and may feel helpless if we cry or tell them something that has upset us, it is just life. The guilt that most feel about being incarcerated and not being there for their loved ones is real, but maybe some of it could be good too as it has to be a lesson in life. They will not benefit being in a pink bubble where they think everything is great and life goes without issues regardless of their incarceration....We, the loved ones outside, aren't living in a problem free world either.



My take on my relationship is that I talk to him about anything and everything, and if he happens to call on an emotional moment...watch out for the flood works I refuse to feel embarrassed about it or like I shouldn't burden him. Yeah, I might get three back-to-back phone calls after that because he wants to make sure I'm okay....but I don't feel bad about that, to me all this is part of a relationship.



To be yourself is all that you can do (to quote a fab song by Audioslave, ha!) and you being you is the reason your man loves ya, don't forget that


Thatís true & what he said today- that he loves my sensitive heart & my love for him. He also said that he put himself where he is & I shouldnít worry about holding back. It was really sweet. He says the same thing when I say about adding money to the phone or anything. He doesnít want to put me out but I donít see it as that.
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Old 03-17-2018, 08:00 PM
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I cry all the time. It just happens. Does he like it? No because he wants me to be happy. Just because I'm crying doesn't mean I'm sad anymore, but need to release. I don't cry in front of anyone else and I feel safe to share my emotions with him.

There is a period of mourning in this. There is a death of sorts. But with death or endings, come new beginnings. If you hide it and make things peachy keen where is there growth for either one of you.

He sees his actions hurt others and not himself.
Emotionally you are learning how to deal with compounded stress. You are working your way through something tragic. It is a shock to the system. It is a healing process.

Think of it as a severe gash in the leg. It hurts something fierce. No one would expect you to be fine and laughing and smiling. As it heals, it may reopen at times. It may feel numb. It will take time. Then new skin grows. There may be a large scar, a tiny scar, or the area will be new again completely. Depends on how you treat it.

Each situation has many compounded layers. Just know each day you are stronger and wiser than the day before. Be true to yourself and your emotions. Don't hide to make him feel comfortable. Yet, really dig down deep to search for the answers as to why you feel this way. He can't heal you and you can't heal him. You can work through things together, but only individually can you work on feeling more whole.

Trust me one day you'll be on the phone saying remember this... remember that time... You'll both realize how far you have come and how you have changed.


You should write for a living if you donít already! Amazing advice and such a wonderful way you explained it. ♥️ I definitely feel the grief part. It seems like grief then when we are joking on the phone or having a deep talk or a nice message or letter or looking at his pictures I feel alive again then I miss him & itís grief again. Iím just learning how to get accustomed to all of this & deal with my emotions. Iím sure he is too. We said today whatever comes up we will deal with it together. As always. Thanks again!
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Old 03-18-2018, 05:51 AM
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You should write for a living if you donít already! Amazing advice and such a wonderful way you explained it. ♥️ I definitely feel the grief part. It seems like grief then when we are joking on the phone or having a deep talk or a nice message or letter or looking at his pictures I feel alive again then I miss him & itís grief again. Iím just learning how to get accustomed to all of this & deal with my emotions. Iím sure he is too. We said today whatever comes up we will deal with it together. As always. Thanks again!
Thank you for that. I toy with the idea, but not latched on to an idea yet.

Imagine your emotions as waves. It will be rocky at times, calm and still, then little ruffles. You'll be okay because you are self aware. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. And you are completely NORMAL!
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Old 03-18-2018, 08:51 AM
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I cried almost always on the phone I cry over everything so my husband just was used to it. He could make me laugh just as easily so we just dealt with my crying all the time as if it was normal!!! It was normal for me.
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Old 03-19-2018, 05:43 AM
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At our visit yesterday, I didn't cry! One year rolled down my cheek. We were both so proud and laughed like hell on the phone later. We are in this over a yr now. Don't feel bad.

He was literally rubbing circles on my forearm and I relaxed. I forgot how much I missed it. Then looked up and heard "don't do it!" The fanning on napkins commenced. One escaped. I didn't cry the whole way home either.

It gets better. Promise
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We cried together allmylove2020 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 5 04-01-2012 12:26 PM
A.K.A MoM... I cried when I saw this TerryLee Prison Inmate Pen-Pal Talk 4 10-18-2011 06:26 PM
Has he ever cried over the phone or in person if so why? Lovelylady07a Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 35 10-03-2011 06:14 PM
I cried! He almost Cried! Can't bear This Anymore! shaynjayforever Michigan Prison Visitation, Phones, Packages & Mail 12 09-27-2008 11:40 AM
Does anyone feel like the boy who cried wolf, only it's the girl who cried divorce! jazzjaws PTO Lounge 6 05-02-2006 03:22 PM


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