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  #1  
Old 05-24-2018, 07:45 PM
cmh0150 cmh0150 is offline
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Moe here; my almost 19 year old son is in jail after his second felony arrest.

The first arrest was almost a year ago, right after he turned 18. Bailed him out, got a great attorney and managed to get the 12 charges reduced to one, with suspended sentence which would be removed after he enrolled in school and showed he was doing okay.

Anyway, too much to go into now as to why; but now he is on his own.

I am feeling mixed about it but I know this is the only way.

Anyway, hope this is a place to learn how to process the many emotions.
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Old 05-24-2018, 09:52 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk and to the Parent's forum. I'm sorry for what you are facing, it must be awful when your child squanders his second chance at life without prison.
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Old 05-25-2018, 07:53 AM
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What a sad time for you...being a parent really sucks sometimes. And questioning how/where you went wrong always seems to crop up and darken your days.
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Old 05-26-2018, 05:12 AM
georgiagrama georgiagrama is offline
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CMH0150. your story is my story! Or it was, but now I am here to tell you it can have a happy ending. Ours did. Same start, arrest, at 18, first offender sentence, did it again. And he served 5 years in prison, and got out on December 23. We forgave him and stood by him during the five years. Put money ( reasonable amt.) on his store and visited monthly. Our son was one of the people, who prison helped. He was mostly in work camps, and then got sent to RSAT which was at Coastal, a big boy prison. It was not an easy journey, there were some D.R's, an attack, several fights. But he learned.He learned what other people's wasted lives looked like when they kept making the same choices. He learned the world isn't filled with good people who will treat you fairly. And most of all he learned that he was not entitled to any better treatment or outcome than anyone else, once he put himself in a bad situation. He actually met some good people in prison who were mentors. People we would never have met or chosen, but they were the ones put in his life. In the five months he has been home, he has worked, fallen in love, and just two weeks ago moved into his own place. He's also registered for school. My life is wonderful now. too. I still worry, give way too much advice. But at the end of the day, I thank God for everything. This was lengthy, and I'm sorry. But I hope you will gain hope from it, and the time will go by fast. You will be in my prayers.
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Old 05-26-2018, 05:57 AM
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Hi there, I feel where you are coming from.I helped my son first time he went to prison.I was there at visiting I helped with everything he needed. I made sure he had money and lots of contact. I had him parole home and supported him through depression and and finding work etc.
I know however if he makes the same mistakes again I will not be there in the same way.First time is a mistake and second time is a clear choice. He knows how his actions impacted our family.
I will never stop loving my son but I wont support his bad choices if he makes them again he is making them on his own.
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Old 06-21-2018, 04:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cmh0150 View Post
Moe here; my almost 19 year old son is in jail after his second felony arrest.

The first arrest was almost a year ago, right after he turned 18. Bailed him out, got a great attorney and managed to get the 12 charges reduced to one, with suspended sentence which would be removed after he enrolled in school and showed he was doing okay.

Anyway, too much to go into now as to why; but now he is on his own.

I am feeling mixed about it but I know this is the only way.

Anyway, hope this is a place to learn how to process the many emotions.
Like Georgiagramma, my story is similar to yours. My son at 19 (in a different state), a good attorney, 4 years with no problems and clean drug tests and the conviction would have been expunged. At 22, a dirty test. He had never stopped using just managed to avoid dirty tests. He swore if he tested dirty and had to go to prison he was going to kill himself first. That night he held up a local pharmacy with a knife, stayed there taking drugs - his hope was to die by a drug overdose or the cops shooting him. He was so out of it, the cops arrested him and he was taken to the ER. He did overdose and they brought him back. If it weren't for prison, I think he would be dead in the desert.

In prison, the first 6 months he kept going downhill. Then they moved him elsewhere. He had to fight because he owed a drug debt. Lots of drugs in prison. During the fight, even though he was knocked down, he kept getting up. Someone saw that and it meant something. He gained an inmate mentor who helped him through withdrawals, helped get clean, helped him stay clean and taught him to be a better man.

For his crime he got an 8 year sentence (85% required time). We are down to 11 months and 3 days. I helped in small amounts, I sent letters, I visited, I kept funds on the phone, and I always made sure he knew I loved him. His mentor also lectured him on how to treat his mom better. I am worried about when he gets out, but I do believe that without prison he wouldn't be clean and sober for almost 5 years now.

I didn't think I would ever make it this far. This forum helped me immensely. You will survive this and your son, like mine and many others, may find the hope, sobriety, and self-belief that prison and a mentor gave my son.
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