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  #26  
Old 07-29-2017, 09:45 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
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My dad is the guy who raised me. My father is the genetic basis that didn't know I existed until I was something like 35 and reached out an inquiry. There's about a 20 year difference in age between the two. My family consists of 3 kids, of whom, I'm the only female (stuck in the middle, how screwed up is that?). My father's family has a blended group of children of whome I'm my father's oldest child by about 6 months - fertile dude. Further, they even adopted a kid - how totally strange is that? Anyway, I have a ton of half siblings and step siblings on his side, and that is a fun thing especially as there are more than a few girls, not just a bunch of boys. I've met him in person once, and we are Facebook friends. Kinda cool. But, he's my father, not my dad. My dad's dead, is the guy who taught me to shoot a basket and throw a ball (I do not throw like a girl, unlike my little brother....) and helped me pay my way through college. My father is not the guy who taught me to drive a stick r change a tire (even while wearing a suit). My father is the genetic donor to my being who has some strange parallels to my own life, mostly those outlying traits that made my parents shake their heads and wonder where that came from. My dad was alway amused by the fact that people could always see the resemblance between us, and that goes to the power of mannerisms and adoption of traits that are outside of the standard genetics - that wry smile, the sense of humor, all that intangible stuff that makes a relationship.

The DNA stuff is interesting, if it could answer things like what percentage if any Neanderthal makes up my DNA, and the more archaic stuff. The more immediate stuff? I already know. And I know my adoptive family all the way back to 1590 or something, so not a mystery. Lots of great stories, but not a genetic mystery.
I have some personal questions that may be overstepping. If so, no need to respond. Was it easier to hear at 35 years of age? Do you wish your family would have told you sooner about your biological father? Do you think he could have taught you some of the things your dad taught you? Do you know why your family finally revealed the truth and why they waited? I, personally, think knowing your genetic makeup can be somewhat important for health reasons. Do you know if that is why your family finally bit the bullet?

As a side note, it is great that you had such a good/involved dad. I wonder if your relationship with your father and his family would be stronger and more comfortable had it not been kept from you.
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Old 07-30-2017, 03:39 AM
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I have often wondered who my real dad is, because I have none of his traits. So I always thought my mom had an affair or something.
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Old 07-30-2017, 06:38 AM
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I Know my mom had an affair and I was the product of it. From what I hear, the man is now deceased so I'll never know,
Intellectually I'd like to know. We have 7 generation papers on our dogs on their DNA breakdown and the whole "fish bones" relatives image....and that is very educational for sure. I just never considered finding out.
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  #29  
Old 07-30-2017, 11:10 AM
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I Know my mom had an affair and I was the product of it. From what I hear, the man is now deceased so I'll never know,
Intellectually I'd like to know. We have 7 generation papers on our dogs on their DNA breakdown and the whole "fish bones" relatives image....and that is very educational for sure. I just never considered finding out.
When did you hear the truth? Do you wish you would have learned sooner? Were you upset with those who weren't honest with you?

I wouldn't say you'll "never know"! Even if the man is deceased, he probably has other blood relatives! I've seen paternity results being determined through other family. It cannot hurt to get to know others who may be family, can it? Having more loved ones shouldn't be a problem really, right?
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Old 07-30-2017, 12:04 PM
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I have some personal questions that may be overstepping. If so, no need to respond. Was it easier to hear at 35 years of age? Do you wish your family would have told you sooner about your biological father? Do you think he could have taught you some of the things your dad taught you? Do you know why your family finally revealed the truth and why they waited? I, personally, think knowing your genetic makeup can be somewhat important for health reasons. Do you know if that is why your family finally bit the bullet?

As a side note, it is great that you had such a good/involved dad. I wonder if your relationship with your father and his family would be stronger and more comfortable had it not been kept from you.
I grew up knowing I was adopted. Same as my brother. Different genetics. When We were in our teens, Dad gave us the list of non-identifying information that everybody got through that service. It said that both of my parents were in college, and a bit about their genetic background. So, it's not like I didn't know growing up.

My bio father did not know I existed until I contacted him. Bio mother didn't tell him as he was engaged to be married, and she would have been 6 months preggers at the time of his marriage. It was my own investigation that revealed who my bio father was, though my bio mother didn't keep it that close to the vest. I met her once, for a long weekend, where she went through everything, including her family stories and history. I found her through my own research.

Back when I was born, genetics weren't that big of a deal. We didn't know then what we know now about genetics. So, when my dad, the guy who raised me, came down with colon cancer, it was pretty much expected - a lot of people in my adoptive family get colon cancer, and many die from it, like my dad did. I don't have to worry about those genes. My bio-dad has told me the stuff that has become relevant over time about his genes, and the influence they may have on me. According to my bio-mother, I come from a long line of little old ladies who live to be 100. Her mother didn't quite make it that far, dying in her 90's.

So, the long and short of it - I grew up knowing I was the product of a closed adoption - very typical for that period. My own research dug up the names of my parents, and eventually their locations. I made the contacts of my own volition. It has been enlightening, but my mom and dad are the people who raised me. My brother is in and out of jail constantly, the longest stint being 8 years federal time. Meeting both bio-parents as an adult has given me perspective on a lot of things, and I am able to have an adult relationship with my bio-father, and not have a relationship with my bio-mother as a result of my own needs.

As for my relationship with my dad, he's a WWII vet. Standards for raising kids for his generation are quite different from the standards today. Dad went to work between 6 and 6:30 every morning, and came home around 6 every evening. He worked Monday through Saturday, so the amount of time and the amount of influence that he had on my life was a generation behind the bulk of my peers (bio-dad served in Vietnam). Dad taught me the important stuff - throwing a ball, shooting baskets, not taking crap from anybody, and how to drive a stick. Bio-dad? That wasn't his job, nor do I think knowing about me would have been a good thing for him. His job is not tending to me when sick or wounded, though he keeps up to date with my blog (personal, you won't find a link here, and please don't ask for one) along with cousins and friends around the world. And we send email from time to time. Perfect for me.
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Old 07-30-2017, 12:12 PM
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There was an interesting article in the Washington Post yesterday in the Washington Post about this very topic - 23andMe and the like. It involves a woman who did her DNA profile thinking it would come back one way, and having it come back completely unexpectedly. It also shows some of the detective work that can be done through those profiles and the community of people who have done their profiles.

I'm having a hard time pulling it up ATM, but you can probably find it.
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  #32  
Old 07-30-2017, 12:42 PM
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When did you hear the truth? Do you wish you would have learned sooner? Were you upset with those who weren't honest with you?
I wish that my parents had raised me knowing. Their reasons were understandable. It wasn't as common then to discuss your fertility issues, particularly if it was the paternal side. The also worried if they told me and, as kids do, I told my friends it would create confusion. The majority of my friends came from single parent or blended households and they didn't want me to think that mom had been with someone else or some other thing that my little brain could fill in gaps with.

But, I do wish they'd told me when I was able to understand it from a practical point of view. My mom was a nurse, she was very good at explaining body functions. Why this one didn't happen, well...

For me, it came up when I started having mental health issues in my late teens. Each new therapist asked about family history and I would give what I knew. My mom finally felt that she should tell me that I really only knew half my history. And, some of the early records from my pediatrician were marked 'AID infant' for 'artificial insemination by donor'. She was worried if I saw that I would think I had AIDS. lol

I was very angry. I can't even put my finger on the part that hurt because my dad is an amazing man. I couldn't have wished for a better one. But I felt lied to and my mom, I'm guessing because of her own discomfort with the subject, treats it very lightly. That bit makes it hard to have conversations with her about.

edit: it's worth noting that when I talk about being raised as a result of insemination by donor, it was nothing like what is available today. I could never impose my experience on a contemporary choice to use a donor. With the extensive testing and vetting and legal contracts involved, there are options to raise your child with more information. When my parents used a donor, it was the mid 70's, sperm banks weren't in full swing. The obstetrician who performed my parent's insemination offered the option to them as something along the lines of an extreme measure. He told them he had available donors and that he would match an appropriate donor to my parents. The details after that, honestly, get a bit soap opera-esque and it's hard to write them out without feeling like someone is pulling my leg. But the bottom line is, I have very good reason to believe the physician is my biological father. Obviously the shit-storm that would create would be substantial. I've met him. Heck, I've met two of his children. They're good people. If the reality is that he is my biological father, I believe that he did what he did thinking he was helping. And from my parents point of view, they conceived the child they wanted so badly. So. I guess he did.

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  #33  
Old 07-30-2017, 12:51 PM
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So I did mine through 23andme which is the one I'd recommend. They connect you with other people in their database which is large. I was connected to 1200+ people that had identical strands of DNA to one degree or another (mostly 3rd and 5th cousins). The best part is that they will give you your raw data which you can bring to an independent lab if you'd like further analysis (which is what I did)
We used Ancestry.com and it offers the same. I came back with 1400ish matches, one being hailed as "close relative/first cousin". For all I know, that could be a half-sibling. But like I said, her profile is essentially blank. Mom got a bigger hit with over 2k matches, but none closer than 3rd cousin. They also offer raw data. I'm not a member but my mom is, so it's possible that some of the benefit to tracking down relatives might be limited for non-members, I'm not sure.

I think the cost is about $100, but they do put them on special with some frequency.
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Old 07-30-2017, 05:55 PM
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I wish that my parents had raised me knowing. Their reasons were understandable. It wasn't as common then to discuss your fertility issues, particularly if it was the paternal side. The also worried if they told me and, as kids do, I told my friends it would create confusion. The majority of my friends came from single parent or blended households and they didn't want me to think that mom had been with someone else or some other thing that my little brain could fill in gaps with.

But, I do wish they'd told me when I was able to understand it from a practical point of view. My mom was a nurse, she was very good at explaining body functions. Why this one didn't happen, well...

For me, it came up when I started having mental health issues in my late teens. Each new therapist asked about family history and I would give what I knew. My mom finally felt that she should tell me that I really only knew half my history. And, some of the early records from my pediatrician were marked 'AID infant' for 'artificial insemination by donor'. She was worried if I saw that I would think I had AIDS. lol

I was very angry. I can't even put my finger on the part that hurt because my dad is an amazing man. I couldn't have wished for a better one. But I felt lied to and my mom, I'm guessing because of her own discomfort with the subject, treats it very lightly. That bit makes it hard to have conversations with her about.

edit: it's worth noting that when I talk about being raised as a result of insemination by donor, it was nothing like what is available today. I could never impose my experience on a contemporary choice to use a donor. With the extensive testing and vetting and legal contracts involved, there are options to raise your child with more information. When my parents used a donor, it was the mid 70's, sperm banks weren't in full swing. The obstetrician who performed my parent's insemination offered the option to them as something along the lines of an extreme measure. He told them he had available donors and that he would match an appropriate donor to my parents. The details after that, honestly, get a bit soap opera-esque and it's hard to write them out without feeling like someone is pulling my leg. But the bottom line is, I have very good reason to believe the physician is my biological father. Obviously the shit-storm that would create would be substantial. I've met him. Heck, I've met two of his children. They're good people. If the reality is that he is my biological father, I believe that he did what he did thinking he was helping. And from my parents point of view, they conceived the child they wanted so badly. So. I guess he did.
Such an interesting story! Thank you for sharing!
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Old 07-31-2017, 06:44 AM
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We used Ancestry.com and it offers the same. I came back with 1400ish matches, one being hailed as "close relative/first cousin". For all I know, that could be a half-sibling. But like I said, her profile is essentially blank. Mom got a bigger hit with over 2k matches, but none closer than 3rd cousin. They also offer raw data. I'm not a member but my mom is, so it's possible that some of the benefit to tracking down relatives might be limited for non-members, I'm not sure.

I think the cost is about $100, but they do put them on special with some frequency.
23andme has more accuracy as it deals with 1/10th% instead of whole %. But if you get raw data I'm sure any will do (is that the case with Ancestry.com?)

None-the-less for info, 23andme was abt the same in cost - $100 = ancestry, $200 = ancestry & health, but they have sales to look for too ($69/$169). I did the combo on sale and was able to find a genetic marker for a condition (there's like 40) so that was interesting and something I'll watch out for. It was also comforting to know I DIDN'T have markers for other diseases. Whew! I'm sure it could go the other way for some and cause anxiety depending on how the person takes it.
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Old 07-31-2017, 08:18 AM
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anyone ever to both? 23 and me AND ancestry ?
My sister used ancestry. I was thinking of trying the 23andme one. Just to see the difference.
Or maybe I should use the same as her. I dunno.
Also can you print out your results? or Im guessing they email you the results.
So yeah I guess you could print them out yourself.....
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Old 07-31-2017, 04:28 PM
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anyone ever to both? 23 and me AND ancestry ?
My sister used ancestry. I was thinking of trying the 23andme one. Just to see the difference.
Or maybe I should use the same as her. I dunno.
Also can you print out your results? or Im guessing they email you the results.
So yeah I guess you could print them out yourself.....
Some of my family members have done Ancestry. The results are a bit more primitive and they compare against a smaller database of markers. They will be slightly different (I've seen people do both) bc one will read markers for irish, another for English bc they are very close and have mixed for hundreds of years etc. So the reading will be slightly different. The big thing for me would be if they will give you the raw data. (which is a massive amount of numbers for allele locations). If you have that you can take your DNA data profile ANYWHERE, to numerous independent labs.

I recommend 23andme bc after investigating and asking around that's what I ended up choosing. But if you're mostly interested in an acute comparison with your sister, then I think it'd be best to do it on the same platform
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Old 10-01-2017, 12:31 PM
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I just did my test today and putting it in the mail later! I'm super curious. I used what my mom used, so we can compare results. It would be interesting to see if anything on my father's side pops up.
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Old 10-01-2017, 12:52 PM
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The big thing for me would be if they will give you the raw data. (which is a massive amount of numbers for allele locations). If you have that you can take your DNA data profile ANYWHERE, to numerous independent labs.
Ancestry does offer raw data, as well.
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Old 01-08-2018, 07:19 AM
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Well me and my son did the ancestry one. They say it may take up to 8 wks or maybe even more due to volume.
I just hope I didnt overfill the tube too much.
It will be interesting to see the results and then compare it to my sisters.
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Old 01-08-2018, 09:17 AM
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I just hope I didnt overfill the tube too much.
I'm laughing because I had to go hide in my room to do it. I'm a terrible spitter! :P

Oh! and in case this applies to anyone. I've since learned that you can use the raw data from these tests to submit to geneticists for medical testing for things like hereditary autoimmune disorders.
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Old 01-08-2018, 06:48 PM
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I got my results and compared them to my mom. I'm definitely my father's daughter. Lol

I always knew I took after him genetically more. Basically, I'm the ancient Roman Empire and probably Morrocan or Egyptian. Nothing too definitive, but more general areas, which leads me to believe my family was around during a lot of time of war. My mother is much more eastern European than I am. It is there for me, but the differences are striking. My father is deceased, so until my brother gets out I have no male relative to compare it to.
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Old 01-09-2018, 06:19 AM
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**I'm laughing because I had to go hide in my room to do it. I'm a terrible spitter! :P***


LOL!
I was afraid I'd gag. I didnt but I was surprised how fast the thing filled up.
(just thinking of it now, makes me gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
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Old 01-31-2018, 09:11 AM
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Well I got my results. The site is a bit confusing to me, but its too early to call my sister. (I got up for the lunar eclipse.....ok thats a lie. I got up because I couldnt continue to sleep)
While my results (if reading right) are different in small ways to my sisters, she did come up as a match as immediate family..... Im also matched as cousins to one first and several 2nds, and my niece.
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Old 01-31-2018, 11:01 AM
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Well I got my results. The site is a bit confusing to me, but its too early to call my sister. (I got up for the lunar eclipse.....ok thats a lie. I got up because I couldnt continue to sleep)
While my results (if reading right) are different in small ways to my sisters, she did come up as a match as immediate family..... Im also matched as cousins to one first and several 2nds, and my niece.
Not sure I'm understanding this are you trying to find out if your related to your sister? Ok I just reread your post but why do this?
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Old 01-31-2018, 04:47 PM
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I bought all my immediate family DNA testing for Christmas, now were just waiting for the results. No particular reason for doing them, just interesting for me.
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Old 01-31-2018, 09:34 PM
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I was confused by her results.
We always thought we had alot more Irish in us.
She showed something like 17%
I show 37% which was much more likely in what we know of family history.
I realize this is only a guess timate.
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Old 02-01-2018, 07:42 AM
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I was confused by her results.
We always thought we had alot more Irish in us.
She showed something like 17%
I show 37% which was much more likely in what we know of family history.
I realize this is only a guess timate.
Oh I'd be afraid to see what my family tree shakes out!!!LOL I'm the youngest but we all look alike but when I was a kid the older siblings used to say I was adopted or stolen from my real family!!! Not true but for years it scared the crap out of me!!! Now I'd swear my one sister is of no blood to the rest of us but I'm sure she is unfortunatly.
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Old 04-04-2018, 07:16 AM
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Ok now Im cracking up.
My hub finally got his results in.
He's mostly European south (italy/greece) and scandinavian.
ROFL.
Im more dutch than he is.

And silly me was looking for his Migration history.
There isnt one. He's the immigrant.

And son's assessment of his own dna is correct. He calls himself.....Viking Mario. lol.

What a fun thing to have done.
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