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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 07-25-2018, 02:06 PM
narcissa narcissa is offline
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Default Do I Revoke Bond?

We got my husband out on bond. He's facing 4 felonies and 3 misdimeanors
I am broken from the past years where I have spent all my savings on lawyers for him and his Immigrstjon lawyers too. That I don't have anything much left. When we got the call he was in jail my daughter offered to pay part of the bond w the last of her savings.
So his mom and sister agreed to pay the other half due in a few weeks his bond ws 12k. We had to put $500 down and then. Another $600 is due
Long story short he's not willing to do anything the lawyer has advised. He's not willing to do any of the work. He's right back out selling blaming and making everyone SICK w the lies.
He's held onto his job but I believe it's only Bc he sells when he's at work too.
He sells and then takes the money and goes to a sweepstakes place and gambles all night and doesn't come home. Sleeps in his car in parking lots
He's out of control his mom sister or I the wife can't help anymore
Lawyer wants him to do a rehab 30 days and then he wants to try to get him into drug court in our state. It's the only way he has a chance Bc if he does nothing and just takes Probatjon or a plea then ICE will take him away Bc of the felonies
He's taking none of this serious. Yet I'm struggling just to eat. I am at the point if I had any famiky of. My own I could have taken the kids and moved and left him to his own problems
But since I have zero family I am thinking I can't revoke his bond Bc then financially we are finished
I'm going on a job interview for part time work.
But that won't pay our bills still.
I feel so trapped I have 4 small kids so I can't work more than 15 h a week even that is a stretch but I can do it for. It's necessary now
I am really tempted to revoke his bond
Anyone know what that entails ?
I don't want to ask the bondsman Bc I don't want the man to get nervous tbinking he won't show up to court. He usually does go to his court dates. So he's not really a flight risk
But I can't handle this anymore
Maybe if he goes back in and stays to await his sentence he can detox in jail and think w a straight mind. I'dk
I just am tossing around possibilities in my mind.
I'm really feeling sad angry hurt and disappointed
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Old 07-25-2018, 03:31 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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I'm so sorry. Your stress has to be at its limit. I can't answer this for you. I wish I could.

Some ppl don't take thong seriously until they have no choice. Some while inside hustle and still do drugs.

You have to do what is right for you and your children. Can g is family help you with the kids while you Work? You do need to figure out a plan because he can get caught again while on bond or he will do time for this anyway. How will you support yourselves then?

Do you have a local church that came help you?
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Old 07-25-2018, 03:35 PM
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You can definitely speak with the bondsman about revoking the bail. You and the kids need the money far more than he does. And his mother and sister should save their bucks, too. Clearly everyone has been more concerned with him than he has been about anyone else. That means you are basically all swimming with anchors around your necks, hoping that they'll change their ways and start being air-filled. Ain't gonna happen.

Personally, I'd leave his ass high and dry and start to figure out the rest of life without him. He's clearly no use to the kids, and he's a drag on the whole rest of the family, and he's had chances before. So what's gonna change him? Nothing, especially not as long as he keeps getting bucks from all of you and then gets his vacation in a penal institution. Seriously, what do you owe him? NOTHING!
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Old 07-25-2018, 04:28 PM
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Since he refuses to address his drug, and drug selling problems, the only thing that having him released on bond will be more of the same, which will probably result in even more charges. The choice is yours to make.

I know it's terrible for you and for his other family, but I wouldn't spend another cent on lawyers or bail until he has proven that he is going to change his illegal behaviors, and that doesn't mean him just saying he will change either. Take care of yourself and your children, he either doesn't care, or is unable/unwilling to change his criminal lifestyle.
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Old 07-25-2018, 09:08 PM
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In many jurisdictions, there is basically an affidavit to go off bond that will be completed, after which the bondsman submits it to the Court. The Court then issues a warrant for the arrest of the Defendant.

As noted above, speak to your bonding agent about the concerns and the fact that you are no longer willing to assume the financial liability for his appearance in Court. If the bondsman does not appear willing to help, you can always try going directly to the Court with the concerns.
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Old 07-28-2018, 12:21 AM
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If his next hearing is coming up, you can all go in and sign the paperwork. Let them know you’ll make sure to get him to the hearing and try to work with them. They don’t want to be on the hook for the bond either. Once he shows at the hearing, they can tell the judge they want to surrender the bond and he will be arrested in the courtroom. Depending on where you are, either the deputy in the court will take him or the bondsman will take him and book him in. It happens. Keep in contact with them. Let them know that you’re willing to work with them to make sure he is apprehended.
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Old 08-30-2018, 05:16 PM
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I'd revoke it if it was me.
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Old 08-30-2018, 07:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I'd revoke it if it was me.
Me too what XO says - times 10.
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Old 08-30-2018, 10:27 PM
rockchalk1 rockchalk1 is offline
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I'd revoke it as well. It sounds like you can use the money and he sounds like he's not learning from his mistake and isn't helping you while he's out anyway pulling his weight or anything. Sounds like he's just dead weight. But, be prepared that when you revoke it, it will probably be the end of your relationship because he most likely won't forgive you, so make sure you're prepared for that.

To me, you have to think about your children first and foremost and their needs. Do you want that around them? The drugs and what he brings in front of them? You and your kids deserve better than that. He's had his chances and he is not even willing to get help. He doesn't want to change. And, putting him in prison, won't give him a chance to get help and detox if he doesn't care or want to do it. He'll then just be begging you to send him money.

I have seen it with the guys that my husband tells me about and points to at visiting. It kills me when he points to one that has a baby, in there with drugs and still doing the drugs. The kind of life these kids have to grow up with and the dad not doing anything to change. Still using in the inside. So sad. Just tears my heart up.
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Old 09-02-2018, 04:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by narcissa View Post


I am broken from the past years where I have spent all my savings on lawyers for him



SICK w the lies.
He's held onto his job but I believe it's only Bc he sells when he's at work too.
He sells and then takes the money and goes to a sweepstakes place and gambles all night and doesn't come home.

Sleeps in his car in parking lots

He's out of control his mom sister or I the wife can't help anymore
Lawyer wants him to do a rehab 30 days and then he wants to try to get him into drug court in our state. It's the only way he has a chance Bc if he does nothing and just takes Probatjon or a plea then ICE will take him away Bc of the felonies


I feel so trapped




But I can't handle this anymore

Maybe if he goes back in and stays to await his sentence he can detox in jail and think w a straight mind. I'dk



I'm really feeling sad angry hurt and disappointe
d

Wanna feel "un-trapped chica, then do what you KNOW that you NEED 2 do
DESPITE how it is goin' to make your spouse feel, as your loved one clearly
isn't thinkin'about:
>How this all es making YOU feel.
>The consequence/and or how hard it is for you to "again"barely being able to even eat."

I have more to say, pero(but)chica mi I-PHONE battery es low, so PM me if you're wanting to, and i will share more, so you're NOT, this time going to feel so trapped, you can trust me on that one." what NERVE and not even listening to the lawyer, you're paying for or have paid etc. ,not good. TIME to feel un-trapped. We will talk about it,and you stay strong ya hear? It will get better, if you're doing what you need to do and what i think DEEP DOWN, you already know what to do,even if yes you are to remove the lawyer/and or bail bondsman, that you so lovingly help him with, he sure is not appreciating it, just MY opinion. .
I feel for you, sending you hence, a hugs and genuine blessings tonight
hang in there. Adios.
#SMDH
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CONSISTENCY,communication"is key.Without action, it just isn't real...
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