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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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Old 06-27-2019, 05:52 PM
smalat1 smalat1 is offline
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Default Need Advice from moms with husbands w/high profile cases

Hi All
Too make a long story short my husband, and 2 kids have lived in a small suburban town outside the city of chicago for the past 1o years.
We had a wonderful life, a home, a community.
In Jan 2017 my husband was arrested for 1st degree murder.
He is still in county awaiting trial, which is scheduled for August. Finally!
I had to sell my home after he was arrested, but was determined to keep the kids in the same school district. Now my lease is up, and I'm not sure to stay in the same district/community.

I feel like I will always be known as the wife of a killer, and most importantly I worry about how people will treat my kids. Ages 12 and 9. Since this has happened some of my kids friends parents are acting strange, bc they are concerned. With his trial around the corner I feel it will stir things up again.

Can anyone relate? I don't know whether I should keep the kids here, I know the stability is important for them. Am I making a bigger deal out of this?
Any advice would be great!
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:40 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is online now
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Yes, if his high profile trial is covered in the media, the spotlight on you and the kids will intensify. Children can be brutal, so I suggest that you pay close attention to how yours are being impacted by their peers. If it is bad enough, a move to another location may be in your, and their, best interest.
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:08 AM
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agree with fbopnomore.
The younger of your two will likely have an easier time than the 12 yo.
But I would say its better to do this before the real teen angst kicks in.(if it has not already)
Do they have close friends? Do you? Family in the same area?
All those things are important for all of you. (maybe even especially you and you need to support your kids thru it all)


My circumstances were a bit different. But similar as well. My husbands case was all over the news. I had a 15yo son in hs. Now I dont have very close friends but I did have alot more than I thought. Many of them had my back and all of my son's friends did as well. Its for SURE what got him thru it.
I even went so far as to talk with his vice principal and his counselor at school and told them if anyone gave my son ANY grief at all over his fathers actions, there would be hell to pay. I fully expected their support and believe it or not, he got it.
My son was well liked in school and had alot of good friends, some still to this day. (its 10 yrs later now)


One would think adults would KNOW you dont blame someone for the actions of another adult just because its their parent, and that those kids are innocent victims as well. They should be supported.
So I would say it will depend on the support issue. What to your children think of all this? Are they in counseling? Are you?
If not, it might be a good time to prepare them in that way.


Avoid the news, the papers etc. when this all goes down as Im sure it will be very difficult.
Lucky for me there was not much after sentencing whereas when it all happened it was front page above the fold. Horrible.


(even just writing this has my stomach all in knots. wow. Was not prepared for that)
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Last edited by sidewalker; 06-28-2019 at 07:11 AM.. Reason: adding
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Old 07-09-2019, 01:54 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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I feel like I will always be known as the wife of a killer, and most importantly I worry about how people will treat my kids. Ages 12 and 9. Since this has happened some of my kids friends parents are acting strange, bc they are concerned. With his trial around the corner I feel it will stir things up again.

Can anyone relate? I don't know whether I should keep the kids here, I know the stability is important for them. Am I making a bigger deal out of this?
Any advice would be great!


I relate too well. My wife was arrested for sex crimes. We lived in a small town. Everyone knew everyone. Our daughter didn't know what was going on because she was only 3. Everybody dumped us. I moved to an adjoining state before our daughter started school to protect her from being harassed by other kids who heard her mom was in prison because she did something bad.
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