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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 06-30-2019, 10:23 AM
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Default MWI wants new pen pals and I dont know how to feel.

So my boyfriend who i MWI. Said he has been feeling low because he is ready to go home and he can not put all his plans into actions. He is into business and has been studying in there. He said he wants to 'network'. So he can lay down the foundatiins for myself and him. I (stupidly) said why dont you advertise for pen pals. He now said he wants to. He thanked me for understanding and sent me a description for his page as follows:


I am 22 years old and my goal is to be home by the time i am 25.
I joined this website in search of a positive friendship. The characteristics i would like in a friend are, honest, loyal, trustworthy, kind, motivating, business savvy, goal orientated and an overall positive influence. I want friends who can be an assett to my life, as i believe i can be to theres. I am a great listener, i am open minded, creative, ambitious and love to learn new things. I want to meet friends that can keep me up to date with the real world. Despite my circumstances, i still have a positive outlook on life. Thanks for visiting my page. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Now i am left feeling kind on insecure like i am not good enough?
I told him this morning i cant do it anymore. Not because he wants new friends but the fact i feel insecure.

How would you feel about your man wanting new pen pals?

He assures me he loves me and everything he wants to learn is for me and him. Part of me feels like he might move on if he meets someone that is all of the above.

Help?
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Old 06-30-2019, 11:12 AM
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Think about your own life. You have dozens of connections with people every day. Infinite chances to meet new people and learn new things. It doesn’t mean he’s not good enough... it just means that humans need connections with more than one person.

Wanting to network doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. It just means that you are only one person.

Go ahead and put the ad up. You are an important person in his life. It’s not fair to demand to be the only person in his life.
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Old 06-30-2019, 11:20 AM
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Would it maybe make you feel better if you'd ask him to add to his ad something like "I'm in a relationship and not looking for romantic connection, just friends & people who could help me network for future opportunities" ?

In all honesty I must admit that myself & my MWI agreed to not have new pen pals after we'd known each other for 1,5 years and started our relationship. He has plenty of friends though, male and female, who write him from time to time and who've known him most of his life...I am totally cool with that. The 'new pen pals' thing is, admittedly, something that I would feel strange about if he decided to go that route now, nearly five years into our thing. I know some people think it's silly, but I guess I do have that insecurity too to some degree...knowing how we fell in love through letters and how intimate and intense it can be getting to know someone through the written word. However, this is very personal and each relationship is different....Like Marseille says above many others do not think it's a big deal.
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Old 06-30-2019, 11:29 AM
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Well. If he is looking to network, maybe you can ask if he's willing to shift his wording a bit more in his ad because from reading that it looks more like he wants friends. Friends and networking can be a bit different. I have made friends from people I have networked with.

It's not a bad idea to network. To meet new people but there needs to be a specifier in there. What exactly is he networking? Like for instance if I am a writer I am not going to ask to network with chefs. Does that make sense? What is his ultimate goal? If it's just to make more friends and talk with other people (just like we have to hold uncomfortable conversations out here, you need to do the same) what are the boundaries. I mean...I wouldn't tell my boyfriend he's not aloud to talk to other women, however I laid down some ground rules. My boyfriend is not incarcerated...but I have been with a few who were... (I say this only so you don't disregard what I am saying hopefully). Some of those ground rules were as followed: Please respect our relationship. Being mindful of what you say and how you say it. Just noticing what is crossing a boundary (and these are different for everyone). The most important thing to remember is we don't own people. So, all we can do is share when we feel uncomfortable or boundaries we have that we do not want crossed (in a reasonable manner).
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Old 06-30-2019, 01:33 PM
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Think about your own life. You have dozens of connections with people every day. Infinite chances to meet new people and learn new things. It doesnít mean heís not good enough... it just means that humans need connections with more than one person.

Wanting to network doesnít mean you arenít good enough. It just means that you are only one person.

Go ahead and put the ad up. You are an important person in his life. Itís not fair to demand to be the only person in his life.

Yes this is so true. I agree with all you have said. I think its good for his mental health to have friends. I guess i am just insecure.
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Old 06-30-2019, 01:35 PM
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Would it maybe make you feel better if you'd ask him to add to his ad something like "I'm in a relationship and not looking for romantic connection, just friends & people who could help me network for future opportunities" ?

In all honesty I must admit that myself & my MWI agreed to not have new pen pals after we'd known each other for 1,5 years and started our relationship. He has plenty of friends though, male and female, who write him from time to time and who've known him most of his life...I am totally cool with that. The 'new pen pals' thing is, admittedly, something that I would feel strange about if he decided to go that route now, nearly five years into our thing. I know some people think it's silly, but I guess I do have that insecurity too to some degree...knowing how we fell in love through letters and how intimate and intense it can be getting to know someone through the written word. However, this is very personal and each relationship is different....Like Marseille says above many others do not think it's a big deal.
Thanks for your response i guess you made me feel like my concerns were normal. I dont want him to be miserable and unhappy so i have added the profile for him.
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Old 06-30-2019, 01:57 PM
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Once I know where my boyfriend is going to be sent for his home prison as long as it is not the same one your guy is at I will write to him as long as my guy doesn’t mind. I can kind of keep him up to date on things going on in Ohio.
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Old 06-30-2019, 04:56 PM
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I don't think you should feel like you aren't good enough! It's like thinking that way you only going to over think the situation. When it's really nothing to over think in the first place. Your good enough! Never question it or have doubt!

From what he wants on his ad shows he wants to meet all sorts of people from different walks of life. That he wants to get to know and start a friendship. Since he's into business this is a good way he can network. Never know who can come along and actually give him more motivation towards his goals in business.

Since y'all in a relationship his ad should show his relationship status as in a relationship! Instead of being single when he isn't single. Doesn't take away from networking at all..it's a lot of people that will only want to network and gain positive friendships without any other strings to be attached! Have you spoke to him about his ad? About what you should put far as relationship status goes? If, not you should ask him what should you put for his relationship status. Since you'll be the one to post his ad for him.

Just try not to over think things...when you start to over think things. You'll open up so many unwanted thoughts, that will have you feeling even more insecure.

My man never really talked about having new pen-pals. Honestly, I was the one to bring it up to him if he wants to have new positive friendships. I'm fine with it! But he said to me "Thanks, babe but no thanks! I don't need any more friends..I have you and that's all I need and I'm happy with only you. But if I did decide to go that way I would tell you. Even though I'm not going to do it." He has friendships with male and female on the outside. I don't mind his friendships. I wouldn't feel any other way if he was to ask me about having new pen-pals/friendships. I trust him that he wouldn't cross any lines with any that would write to him. But he hasn't mention it to me about having new pen-pals/friendships. So I don't bother to ask about it unless he brings it up but he hasn't in years.
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Old 06-30-2019, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxintrovertxx View Post
So my boyfriend who i MWI. Said he has been feeling low because he is ready to go home and he can not put all his plans into actions. He is into business and has been studying in there. He said he wants to 'network'. So he can lay down the foundatiins for myself and him. I (stupidly) said why dont you advertise for pen pals. He now said he wants to. He thanked me for understanding and sent me a description for his page as follows:


I am 22 years old and my goal is to be home by the time i am 25.
I joined this website in search of a positive friendship. The characteristics i would like in a friend are, honest, loyal, trustworthy, kind, motivating, business savvy, goal orientated and an overall positive influence. I want friends who can be an assett to my life, as i believe i can be to theres. I am a great listener, i am open minded, creative, ambitious and love to learn new things. I want to meet friends that can keep me up to date with the real world. Despite my circumstances, i still have a positive outlook on life. Thanks for visiting my page. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Now i am left feeling kind on insecure like i am not good enough?
I told him this morning i cant do it anymore. Not because he wants new friends but the fact i feel insecure.

How would you feel about your man wanting new pen pals?

He assures me he loves me and everything he wants to learn is for me and him. Part of me feels like he might move on if he meets someone that is all of the above.

Help?
wow hun I really am sorry and honestly YOUR WORTH IS MORE THAN THAT ALLAH WILL GUIDE YOU THROUGH YOUR JOURNEY OF LIFE HOWEVER IT IS UP TO YOU AS A QUEEN TO KNOW YOUR WORTH...BEAUTIFUL,INTELLIGENT AD DESEVES NOTHING LESS THAN THE VERY BEST...
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Old 06-30-2019, 08:03 PM
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I can understand why you feel insecure -- and I'd say that it may be your intuition letting you know something is off. From my perspective, it's easy to see. It's not that I think husbands and boyfriends should not have any further contact with potential pen-pals, friends, or even exes who were once madly in love with them. The iffiness of his proposal rests on two observations: one, not once in his ad does he mention that he is attached. The ad leaves the possibility wide open to a reader that he is single. His ad reads like a standard, boiler-plate Write A Prisoner ad -- the desire to network is hardly mentioned at all. Many prisoners are wary of saying they are looking for something more than friendship, because they know this turns a lot of potential responders off, so they advertise for friendship. And, as I said about myself before, I am not a hardcore cynic and do believe that many really would appreciate a sincere friendship. But, as so many folks have testified here and on WAP over the years, those friendships sometimes -- often, probably -- have a way of catching both people off their guard with romantic feelings. As Sarianna points out, letter writing is surprisingly intimate and personal. This guy's ad is leaving the field wide open for a wide range of responses and expectations.

The other iffy point about his ad is what cutepixie pointed out -- he makes no mention of the specific type of networking he is looking for. Exactly, cutepixie. Networking with software engineers, or networking with art gallery owners? Bike shops or bakeries? They're obviously not interchangeable. The fact that he pays this networking angle such lip service is, I think, something your gut is reacting to.

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Old 07-02-2019, 03:48 AM
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Once I know where my boyfriend is going to be sent for his home prison as long as it is not the same one your guy is at I will write to him as long as my guy doesnít mind. I can kind of keep him up to date on things going on in Ohio.
Thanks, i appreciate that.
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Old 07-03-2019, 03:19 PM
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It sounds like you are very important and influential in his life, he took your wise advice and put an ad out there that was very professional. My pen pal took his ad down but it was a not getting much mail issue and he likes people who stick around and sometimes people write in and (understandably) get very busy with life and can’t keep writing. So I wouldn’t mind if he wanted more friends and had a big “social network” that can be really nice. I have one in my life so I’d want to be fair with him!!! I wish you both lots of success. -L
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Old 07-05-2019, 11:18 AM
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I am a penpal. I am 60 yrs old and happily married. I am also pursuing my sociology degree, so I naturally am interested in sub-cultures. I like discussing topics. I am an introvert socially, so I love getting mail from people. Conversation comes right to my door or my chair if it is electronic. I get dumped a lot, the gamers dump me right away, I am too much trouble to keep up with. I skip over all that are looking for a special person. There's one guy that just wants postcards and I have a weakness for that as I grew up collecting them. So, that makes 2 of us smile. Today I am sending out to a 25yr boy who asked for advice from mature and older persons. Going to skip the part time guy today and wait for the frequent writer's mail to clear. We both like to write. The pt time guy writes over half dozen people but he is listed as single. I am *married*. We both write others. I have essays stored in the laptop about adventures, hoping to kindle an imagination. now, a how to for when you get out and preparation
My daughter in law gets out in 4 months. YAY
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Old 07-06-2019, 07:17 PM
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My boyfriend would have never wrote other girls. He has plenty of family and friend to write out here. a very full social life and two jobs in prison. I just think it’s disrespectful. I wouldn’t do and I know he wouldn’t either. If it was a friend from the past or one of his friends wife writing that’s one thing. Picking someone off of a website totally different.
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Old 07-07-2019, 05:17 AM
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I feel i just have to trust him. He doesnt have any friends apart from me. I live in the UK he is in America. I cant tell him everything thats going on. He wants to meet business minded people so he can discuss his plans and i am ok with it now. I dont want to limit him from growing and strengthening his mind. Now i have rationalised it in my mind i think it is a good thing and it is a testament of our trust. On the outside he would have friends so i can not begrudge him from wanting to network on the inside.

Thanks for all your replys everyone and if anyone wants to write to him please do. I want to make sure his spirit remains uplifted.

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Old 07-07-2019, 07:46 AM
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I feel i just have to trust him. He doesnt have any friends apart from me. I live in the UK he is in America. I cant tell him everything thats going on. He wants to meet business minded people so he can discuss his plans and i am ok with it now. I dont want to limit him from growing and strengthening his mind. Now i have rationalised it in my mind i think it is a good thing and it is a testament of our trust. On the outside he would have friends so i can not begrudge him from wanting to network on the inside.

Thanks for all your replys everyone and if anyone wants to write to him please do. I want to make sure his spirit remains uplifted.
XxintrovertxX, I think youíre taking a very good attitude about this and I respect when people do what works for them. I hope he gets some good letters about education and career tips, you both are on the right path and I know it can be a little confusing for people to make new acquaintances of the opposite gender. Itís normal to feel a little concern, but trusting that partners are going to make the right choices in a committed relationship is very healthy. I canít offer anything steady as a pen pal as my close friend keeps me very busy with letters, calls, and visits Iíd be more than happy to send him holiday cards to wish him the best of luck, and mention I know you from PTO, youíre a lovely person, and leave it at that. Please let me know if thatís something you both would like.
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Old 07-07-2019, 08:10 AM
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XxintrovertxX, I think youíre taking a very good attitude about this and I respect when people do what works for them. I hope he gets some good letters about education and career tips, you both are on the right path and I know it can be a little confusing for people to make new acquaintances of the opposite gender. Itís normal to feel a little concern, but trusting that partners are going to make the right choices in a committed relationship is very healthy. I canít offer anything steady as a pen pal as my close friend keeps me very busy with letters, calls, and visits Iíd be more than happy to send him holiday cards to wish him the best of luck, and mention I know you from PTO, youíre a lovely person, and leave it at that. Please let me know if thatís something you both would like.
Thank you, yes trust is key. I did feel a little off at first but now i feel ok about it having done some thinking. Yes please he said he likes cards. Again he only gets them from me. He would really appreciate it. He said the time he feels really down is his birthday wich is on 3rd January. He will be 23 next. But if you could take your time out to send cards for the holiday periods that would be great. Thanks again, and you are a lovely person too. His postal address is:

Amir Eppinger #A654-170
Mansfield CI

PO Box 788

Mansfield,*OH*44901

United States

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Old 07-07-2019, 12:01 PM
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There are a lot of nice members here that I believe have a pen pal list I would have him stick to that list or maybe a person of his faith. I know a man who is 40 and he has written the nicest 75 year old lady from church for years. Every time he goes back in they start writing again. I’m not saying don’t trust him or try to control him. I’m just saying be open to whatever comes about if he starts writing lonely women. Also does he have activities inside prison he is dojng? How is he spending his time? there Are things to do to stay out of trouble and busy. Do they have release counselors inside to help him transition? If he reads maybe send him some books about release and integrating.km sure he is lonely in there and we can’t be everything for them. Hopefully he will stay in a regular schedule in there. If he has lower custody and can work out, walk the track whatever he can do to keep his mental health up. I’m gonna be honest though to many lonely single girls writing and him responding would be a boundy and I would let him know that before the first letter went out.
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Old 07-07-2019, 01:47 PM
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There are a lot of nice members here that I believe have a pen pal list I would have him stick to that list or maybe a person of his faith. I know a man who is 40 and he has written the nicest 75 year old lady from church for years. Every time he goes back in they start writing again. Iím not saying donít trust him or try to control him. Iím just saying be open to whatever comes about if he starts writing lonely women. Also does he have activities inside prison he is dojng? How is he spending his time? there Are things to do to stay out of trouble and busy. Do they have release counselors inside to help him transition? If he reads maybe send him some books about release and integrating.km sure he is lonely in there and we canít be everything for them. Hopefully he will stay in a regular schedule in there. If he has lower custody and can work out, walk the track whatever he can do to keep his mental health up. Iím gonna be honest though to many lonely single girls writing and him responding would be a boundy and I would let him know that before the first letter went out.
I think thatís an excellent idea, to network on here or with a church for pen friends. While I donít know everyone on here, itís a well moderated forum that keeps things together and flowing nicely. So thereís more people that are trustworthy, who want to do the card programs, things like that. I think when it comes to a person randomly just writing in, and theyíre feeling lonely, they might mistake friendliness and a kind hello, as a sign that itís something more and cause a problem when thereís already a relationship in play. Like a mutual friend on fb or someone new at the office, thinking ďoh thereís something here! So what if theyíre seeing someone, Iím still going to get noticed.Ē And it causes an issue. So absolutely covering those bases are important, for everyoneís peace of mind in that type of situation. My close friend and I havenít had a talk about that yet, while we donít write to anyone else, I donít have long chats with men, itís great to say hello and have a quick catch up or trade a few words on the weather, if it was more with pictures, and talking about very personal things, some might misread it as ďoh she really likes me, hereís my numberĒ which I know my close friend wouldnít really be feeling good about, and neither would I. I wouldnít mind if he wrote to others and had friends of either gender, but I would be a bit hurt and confused (and possibly) jealous if it took on a romantic or sexy tone, or if it was his ex, because they have a longer history together. So itís good to keep things upfront about how the networking and letter writing is going.

Books are definitely a great idea!
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Old 07-07-2019, 02:11 PM
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There are a lot of nice members here that I believe have a pen pal list I would have him stick to that list or maybe a person of his faith. I know a man who is 40 and he has written the nicest 75 year old lady from church for years. Every time he goes back in they start writing again. Iím not saying donít trust him or try to control him. Iím just saying be open to whatever comes about if he starts writing lonely women. Also does he have activities inside prison he is dojng? How is he spending his time? there Are things to do to stay out of trouble and busy. Do they have release counselors inside to help him transition? If he reads maybe send him some books about release and integrating.km sure he is lonely in there and we canít be everything for them. Hopefully he will stay in a regular schedule in there. If he has lower custody and can work out, walk the track whatever he can do to keep his mental health up. Iím gonna be honest though to many lonely single girls writing and him responding would be a boundy and I would let him know that before the first letter went out.
Hey, thanks for the reply. Someone actually wrote to him this week from an advert i had posted on instagram. He read me her message the introductory message said where she was from and that she was 5ft3 with an itty bitty waist LOL. He said to me he doesnt like the angle she is coming from so he is not going to reply. I genuinely believe he just wants to network and bounce his ideas off someone who maybe has there own business and can give him tips etc.

He reads a lot. He studys business psychology and finance. I have sent him self help books and fashion drawing book as he wants to set up his own fashion line. He sent me his sketches wich were great. He also works he has a cleaning job. He can not do any courses at the moment as he is in a high security prison but he did his GED when he first went in at 16.

I also spoke to a women today who is involved in a Christian mentoring group who is going to send him an information pack. So he can have someone mentor him.

I understand what you mean about the lonely women but i feel he would sense that. There is always that risk on the outside too. He just has to remain faithful wich i believe he will (I hope). If he doesnt hen hes not for me. What will be will be. We all need a test right lol. He did say to me he doesnt mind if the pŤn pal is male or female wich provided me with more security.
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Old 07-07-2019, 02:28 PM
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Hey, thanks for the reply. Someone actually wrote to him this week from an advert i had posted on instagram. He read me her message the introductory message said where she was from and that she was 5ft3 with an itty bitty waist LOL.
Lol that the lady writing to him quoted Sir Mix A Lot, but itís cool he told you and you both could have a smile over it. Sounds like he knows the score. There are plenty of people who will use inmates too for their own fantasy and fun. I worried about that with my close friend, I didnít want to do him wrong and be a gamer so it was good to have a discussion on it. Itís cool you both are looking for some stability. In the long run itís easier on everyone.
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  #22  
Old 07-07-2019, 03:18 PM
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Lol that the lady writing to him quoted Sir Mix A Lot, but itís cool he told you and you both could have a smile over it. Sounds like he knows the score. There are plenty of people who will use inmates too for their own fantasy and fun. I worried about that with my close friend, I didnít want to do him wrong and be a gamer so it was good to have a discussion on it. Itís cool you both are looking for some stability. In the long run itís easier on everyone.
Is it haha so cringe. Glad you and your friend are ok too. Its good when the door for communication is open. I think thats the most important factor in these kind of relationships.
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  #23  
Old 07-08-2019, 04:35 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
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So my boyfriend who i MWI. Said he has been feeling low because he is ready to go home and he can not put all his plans into actions. He is into business and has been studying in there. He said he wants to 'network'. So he can lay down the foundatiins for myself and him. I (stupidly) said why dont you advertise for pen pals. He now said he wants to. He thanked me for understanding and sent me a description for his page as follows:


I am 22 years old and my goal is to be home by the time i am 25.
I joined this website in search of a positive friendship. The characteristics i would like in a friend are, honest, loyal, trustworthy, kind, motivating, business savvy, goal orientated and an overall positive influence. I want friends who can be an assett to my life, as i believe i can be to theres. I am a great listener, i am open minded, creative, ambitious and love to learn new things. I want to meet friends that can keep me up to date with the real world. Despite my circumstances, i still have a positive outlook on life. Thanks for visiting my page. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Now i am left feeling kind on insecure like i am not good enough?
I told him this morning i cant do it anymore. Not because he wants new friends but the fact i feel insecure.

How would you feel about your man wanting new pen pals?

He assures me he loves me and everything he wants to learn is for me and him. Part of me feels like he might move on if he meets someone that is all of the above.

Help?
Nope no way, thatí most likely lead to nothing but trouble
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  #24  
Old 07-11-2019, 02:49 PM
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Is it haha so cringe. Glad you and your friend are ok too. Its good when the door for communication is open. I think thats the most important factor in these kind of relationships.
Thanks lovely. My MWIís (not quite boyfriend yet but weíre getting there!) facility is in Lockdown and everything is limited at the moment so I miss him but Iím really glad he and I opened so much. It helps in times like these with waiting around longer! I sent a funny 4th of July meme to your sweetie and a note letting him know I wasnít looking for a pen pal every week or day but definitely wanted to send him fun cards and a book at Christmas, and mentioned I knew you online. Happiness to you both!
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Old 07-12-2019, 06:03 AM
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Thanks lovely. My MWIís (not quite boyfriend yet but weíre getting there!) facility is in Lockdown and everything is limited at the moment so I miss him but Iím really glad he and I opened so much. It helps in times like these with waiting around longer! I sent a funny 4th of July meme to your sweetie and a note letting him know I wasnít looking for a pen pal every week or day but definitely wanted to send him fun cards and a book at Christmas, and mentioned I knew you online. Happiness to you both!
Awww, well i wish you all the happiness in the world and i hope it works out. I hate lockdown too . Feels like forever not talking to him. Thanks for sending him the meme i am sure it will cheer him up, appreciated.
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