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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 06-16-2011, 09:29 PM
quecelia quecelia is offline
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Wink Forgiving someone!

I am new to PT. But one thing for sure is I know that, when you forgive someone, it is not for them. It is for you. You got to forgive that person, that way you do not have to carry all that anger & hatred and bitterness inside you. It's like opening your soul to release some of the things that us human stuff inside ourselfs. If you really think about it, who are we really hurting...OURSELFS! To forgive somebody does not mean that we have to stay with them. I learn things the hard way. I had to forgive people I did not want too! I also learn that for those I could not forgive, I ask GOD to forgive them, because I can't. So the best thing I can do is ask for help from GOD!
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Old 06-17-2011, 07:02 AM
QPunky7408 QPunky7408 is offline
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I am usually good at forgiving people but this time I dont think I can so I will take your advice and ask God to forgive them. I need relief of this pain.
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Old 06-17-2011, 09:26 AM
Peach&Cream Peach&Cream is offline
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Hmmm, forgiveness ay?
I thought I forgave my father after abandoning me for 13 years, but truth be told ~ I go back & fourth about it. After wholeheartedly believing I forgave him & began a pretty good relationship with him some years bk, I learned I really didn't like him which lead me to reopen some scars & question "forgiveness" - though I do not respect my father, I forgive him, i really do! I know I do because I feel bad for him.... I really wish I liked him and respected him, I cant imagine my kids feeling that way towards me. So yeah, without him even knowing it, I forgive him.. not for him, but for me.

My ex-husband (not sure what the heck to call him now that we're back together while im going through a divorce from someone i was never sexual with) he's another one I've had trouble forgiving... but out of pure love and understanding, I forgave him. Forgiveness is not a ticket to forgetting though - there sure is a thin line there and it's rough keeping myself in ck over it, but as I've matured I've began to master the techniques required.

great thread!
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Old 06-17-2011, 09:46 AM
Wantmydadhome Wantmydadhome is offline
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I do also believe it is for you, we have to forgive with in ourselves to move forward.
It has only been a year since I began my relationship w my dad. Because of the decisions he was making when I was younger my mom lied to me about who my dad was. Both of their decision have made me very angry. Mad at her for not giving me the choice to have a relationship w him even though I was to young back then to make it an mad at him for doing what he was doing to put her in the situation to make a decision she did.
Although she came clean last year an I have the best relationship
I can have right now with my dad bc of where he is, I am still mad that I missed so much with him an will continue to miss so much time with him since he was just sentenced to 300 months. He missed first day of school, an will miss graduation an won't be out to walk me down the aisle when I get married for that I am mad at him an have had to let go of the anger an forgive both of them an make the best of what we have right now!
I am working on it for myself but there is many many times that I wish it was easier.
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Old 06-17-2011, 03:26 PM
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pisces317 pisces317 is offline
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your post was so soothing and yes we need to try and always forgive,cause you habor it long enough and it will eat away like a unattended cavity(ouch)i was so mad at my xx as i heal i starting to feel sorry for him for being so ignorant to have lost (ME) AND as i continue to heal i just didnt want to fill my heart with bitterness so to JAY I SAY I FORGIVE WITH NO RESERVATIONS THAT FELT SO GOOD
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Old 06-17-2011, 05:09 PM
skellerton skellerton is offline
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Great thread! IMHO, when we won't forgive- we fall into the trap of resentment, which is a latin word meaning to re-feel (sentir). If you think about it, whenever you re-feel something, you re-hurt yourself, adding to what has already been done. So, letting go of resentment FREES you from your pain, and we must all therefore try to let go. But letting go is a process and betrayal is painful and causes a lot of anger, so it does take some time.

I think in the beginning, we need to let the pain wash over us- it is just the natural result of being hurt, and is a signal that we need to tend to ourselves and nurse the pain away. After that, the wound begins to heal, and we are careful to take care of it- and this is where you can start to let things go, because you know that that is part of mending. Finally, you release the person to God's care, because only God can forgive, and we just pray that we, ourselves, can move on. In that way, we show God by our willingness not to hold things against other people, our own lack of considerations will not be held against us by those that we have hurt.

Don't feel bad about feeling anger and hurt, and don't be foolish enough to just dismiss something terrible that has been done to you or someone else. Do take care to keep moving on, and often this is just the act of letting go of that person into the world where he or she can hopefully come to realize the responsibility they have for what they do. That way, you are in peace to live your life.

Learned all this the hard way, of course
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