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Old 02-18-2019, 06:04 PM
missteacher missteacher is offline
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Default Pen pal dropped me

My pp and I have only been in touch for about three weeks, we started out on JPay but have been talking on the phone several times a day during the last two weeks.
This is my first pp and I‘m rather clueless. He never asked me for anything and I definitely think there were no malicious intentions on his side at all.
A few days ago I started to develop feelings for him. I was trying to brush them off but admitted them to him last night in a mail. He called me today and basically told me he wasn’t feeling the same which I think might be a lie however because he built up somewhat of an emotional guard. Our time was up and we agreed he would call me back later. All I got was a short message that he doesn’t want to complicate things and thinks we shouldn’t talk anymore.
I‘m crushed! I appreciated him so much as a friend and now wish I wouldn’t have said anything and just gotten over it quietly.
Any input on this? Thanks.
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Old 02-19-2019, 12:52 AM
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MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
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Yeah... move on. You would do the same thing with someone on the outside who's not into you. If you're not on the same level move one, let him be and find a new pen-pal.
He gave you a clear message.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
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Old 02-19-2019, 02:33 AM
Raf's Girl Raf's Girl is offline
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The message is clear feel grateful towards him for being honest with you. And perhaps the next time just be a pen pal?
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Old 02-19-2019, 09:11 AM
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Sarianna Sarianna is offline
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Honestly -and I am sorry if this is harsh- if someone I'd been talking to for three weeks would tell me they've developed feelings for me....I would run to the hills! I would say consider yourself lucky that he turned out to be an honest person who wasn't planning on playing a scam on you, because you would've been an easy target

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Old 02-19-2019, 01:10 PM
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maytayah maytayah is online now
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I agree you should move on ,as this penpal has been very honest with you and made it clear he does not want a relationship or complications. He may have a girlfriend already or he may not be into you, but you should respect his wishes. Don't assumehe is lying , he has no reason to. Also be thankful he didnt lead you on.

I would normally say find another penpal as there are many looking for genuine friendship. However in this instance I would advise you against another inmate penpal. If you are developing feelings after just a few days or weeks , you are vulnerable to inmate scams.

If you are looking for love maybe date in the free world with like minded guys who want a relationship.
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
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Old 02-19-2019, 10:21 PM
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WeepingWillow WeepingWillow is offline
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You are not crushed. Maybe your ego is a little bruised. Maybe you’re surprised or embarassed or just feeling rejected, but I promise you this is not a long-term scarring event. You’ve known the guy for three weeks, never met him, and have nothing invested except a fantasy. I promise you, you will bounce back.

There’s one of two things more than likely happening here.

1)He’s being upfront and stand up guy and not wanting to lead you on.


2) It’s just another game some inmates (and douches in general) play. Disappear for a few days after “crushing you” and then come back telling you he really DOES have feelings for you so you’re unsettled and desperately sad and way more willing to do things for him to keep him around.

This may be your first pen pal, but some things hold true for relationships in general. If someone tells you they aren’t into you, take it at face value. If someone yanks you around and plays with your emotions, run.
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Old 02-20-2019, 12:01 AM
loe31 loe31 is offline
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I agree this likely isn't going to crush you for long. Maybe it'll sting a little as it's a form of rejection regardless of the circumstances. I also agree that it's pretty refreshing to read a story about someone being crystal clear up front and NOT taking advantage of a situation he so easily could have. But yeah, definitely hear him on this. And I'd also recommend taking a break from writing to inmates...
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