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Florida General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in Florida that do not fit into any other Florida subforum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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  #1  
Old 08-11-2006, 05:05 PM
brokenf brokenf is offline
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Unhappy i will not survive prison...at all

hi, i'm new here. new to florida (2 years) and new to this site. i have been anxious about a certain situation I am in. i am possibly facing prison time, no charges yet, but they are coming, i can feel it.

my nerves are shot so badly. i have three options that i can present myself with. run, face it or self terminate.

i can't sleep, eat, drive, talk, etc. it's all bottled up. i burst out crying, then move to anger. i do not know what to do.

i never thought that this could happen to me. prison will kill me. i feel that i will completely violated in all ways possible. forced to fight, lie, cheat and sex. or are thes all misconceptions? i am scared. what is florida prison like anyway? should i be more worried about the judicial system and the people that work for FLDOC?

i will not survive because:
1. i am not a violent person; i am quiet; keep to myself
2. i am not that big
3. i am so stressed and paranoid
4. i am not an american citizen
5. i'm sure i can think of more, but...

running is an option, but then looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life could be tough. not to mention leaving family and friends. i am not sure if it is even worth it to run. to much information is easily attainable now. i do not know what to do. please find the time to give me advice.
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Old 08-11-2006, 06:01 PM
tcheatham tcheatham is offline
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If you would like to PM me I will try to help. You have to think things through very carefully
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Old 08-11-2006, 06:30 PM
haswtch haswtch is offline
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My guy is also smallish and thoughtful, and didn't think he would survive. He thought protective custody or maybe he would just stop eating. Here we are looking at a possibly successful appeal. He has not been forced into anything, treated unpleasantly yes, but he is OK. This is NY and not Florida, and the Fla folks are your true experts; still, just wanted to let you know that even in a max prison brain can be as important as brawn. Hang in there.
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Old 08-11-2006, 06:33 PM
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Please think things thru, you don't want to run cause that will add time to your sentence, and if you talk to some people on here, especially some ex inmates they can probably answer your questions!! Take care
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Old 08-11-2006, 06:43 PM
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every day i try... i'm not sure what i will do. the whole situation i am in is nerve racking and heart breaking.
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Old 08-11-2006, 07:19 PM
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We've got members who did run, but inevitably have been caught, and look back and wish they had just stuck it out.
Your worst fears are also your worst enemy - you have no real idea of what prison is like, so all the scary movies are playing in your head; time to stop them. Understand that all that is fiction, that rape is about as common in prison as lightening strikes out here, that most of the people in prison are more like you than not.
Do some deep breathing for a couple of minutes. Concentrate on dealing with the good of the now - it will stand you in good stead no matter what happens.
As for suicide, prison really isn't worth it. After all, hundreds of thousands of people have survived it - you can too.
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Old 08-11-2006, 08:43 PM
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Im sorry your going through this, but I can tell you that running is not an option. They will eventually catch you hun and it will be worse then what you are looking at now. My husband thought about it and I wanted him to of course...but its better to face it. It will be hard but its not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Just talk to any of us on here.
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Old 08-11-2006, 09:53 PM
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dont run....bc like they will eventually catch you....r you'll be looking over your shoulder...which really sucks....well i dont think im going to make it either....im scared to death....but im going to do it....i have a six month old son that i will be leaving in a month...that will be the hardest thing....my fiance will be going in for 9 years...that hard too...but i cant imagine running and leaving friends and family....im small n shy too...ive never been into any trouble yet im facing 2 years....just do your time and hopefully something good will come out of it...everything happens for a reason!!
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Old 08-11-2006, 11:05 PM
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i know running can be deemed as cowardice. i try to maintain a backbone. but it is not all that useful right now. i am losing people close to me. i cry one moment and get extremly angry the nest. each day is different for me. at least a few times a day i want to run, but where? then I want to face the jutice, but why? I will be worthless on the inside of a prison. the thing is I help people. I used to work along side people with disabilities; i volunteer for community art and culture groups; i teach in the state of Florida; a few seconds of my life from weeks ago changed all this. this is where the self termination comes in. "just end it all" i say to myself. the pressure mounts each moment of each day. and everyday some one tells me to "relax" or "it could happen to anyone" or "it's an accident." I am losing it...
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Old 08-11-2006, 11:31 PM
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if you have any way to, go see a therapist, counselor, clergy, someone who can help you. in no way is this the first time anyone has gone thru a similar situation and had thought the exact thoughts you are now.

But in no way are running or "terminating" an option and you need someone to help you work to that conclusion. That it is not clear to you shows that you should be talking this out with someone, maybe more than just here. If our help is enough great, but there are also professionals out there that can help.

Prison will come and go and you will make it thru. Your case as it developes might not even turn out as bad as you think in the first place.

Good luck.
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Old 08-11-2006, 11:34 PM
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I truly think you need to get a grip. You are making a determiniation that you can't survive, before you've even been there. I was a cop in a large city, got myself into trouble with some other cops and ended up serving 15 years in federal prison. Think of that! 15 years! And do you know, I survived. I survived because I focused on taking advantage of everything the prison system had to offer. And I did. And I found out that prison wasn't all that you see on television. It was actually no different than being out on the street with the exception that I was confined to a smaller geographical area. I had a 40 hour a week job, I went to school part time, I went to church on Sunday, played softball on Saturday, read a ton of books, went shopping once a week at the commissary, had a doctors appointment for a physical once a year, went to the dentist (this won't hurt a bit), and I had some friends I hung out with. Prison is just another community, only smaller. The correctional officers were the town peace officers. They didn't really bother you if you were not breaking the law. The warden was the mayor. Just another politician.

Anyway, I will say this much (and I speak from having spent years on both sides of the fence and having obtained a great deal of wisdom). The most cowardly act a person can do is as you put it, "self termination".

I'll be more than happy to keep up these reply's to help you along. Don't give up on yourself so quickly. Hang in there.
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Old 08-11-2006, 11:52 PM
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thanks for the reply.
since the incident i have gotten a therapist. she does assist me well. i do suffer from paranoia and anxiety. always have. i understand that "self term" is not the answer. i am just really upset at the situation. i know people have faired well through trying times and i'll have to as well.
............trying to hang on.

Last edited by brokenf; 08-11-2006 at 11:55 PM..
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  #13  
Old 08-12-2006, 12:38 AM
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BrokenF -

First of all BREATHE

Now - I have been in prison myself. TRUE it isn't a walk in the park - however it is a mind game - like the military, or chess, etc.

YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS.

Running doesn't solve anything - it will be better for you to get through this expierience and on with your life.

I would encourage you to post in the Heading to Prison and Straight Talk forums to learn more about prison life.

If you have fears, or concerns, etc. go to a therapist before you go in. Get on a anti - depressant. HELP YOURSELF and you will go a long way in life.

This too shall pass

HUGS

Jonathan
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Old 08-12-2006, 01:31 AM
brokenf brokenf is offline
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thanks johnathan.
i was once on anti depressants. paxil then zoloft. nothing now. haven't been for months.

everything about the situation is so exhausting; heart breaking for both parties involved as well. i'll keep my head up as long as i can.
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Old 08-12-2006, 07:34 AM
janaroux727 janaroux727 is offline
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brokenf, I hope you are feeling better with each passing hour. Try changing the way you are looking at this. Maybe God needs a person exactly like you in the jail, prison or other facility where you are headed. You said that you usually help others. There could be people in prison that need your help, your guidance, your understanding. Remember that worrying is like a rocking chair. You can pass the time there but it won't get you anywhere. Relax. Accept the situation. And make the decision that you can do this. You are needed. You are special.
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Old 08-12-2006, 07:54 AM
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Brokenf, please continue with your therapist and hang in there. You haven't even been charged with anything yet. Maybe it won't happen. One thing I have learned is don't worry about things that MAY happen. concentrate on what IS happening now. Good luck.
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Old 08-12-2006, 08:11 AM
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I am sorry to hear you going through this. You just have to remember that everything happens for a reason and make the best out of every situation. You are on EARTH for a reason, everyone is. Everyone has their trying times and everyone has to find their own way to get through them and make their life better. Keep you head up and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and keep us posted on everything!!!

LMOMMA
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Old 08-12-2006, 10:03 AM
bayside2006 bayside2006 is offline
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brokenf.....

Everyone has given you excellent advice! I just want to say that if you "self terminate" you are going to hurt many people. I would be devasted if my son would have done something like that to avoid prison. Sure, you will be gone....but the pain you inflict on others will last a lifetime. Is that what you REALLY want? I doubt it. Oh, and my son ran and he DID get caught. Just so you know...he won't ever run again. Extradition is horrible. I'm glad he learned that the hard way. He didn't run when he was facing prison, he ran before he was even sentenced when a detective was threatening him. I'm proud that my boy decided to stay and take responsibility. Once he came down off the drugs...he was thinking more clearly.

In prison you can help so many others. If you're dead, you can't help anyone...you will just cause much more pain.

Sorry to be so depressing, but I'm just telling the truth. You can teach classes in prison to men/women that really need it. I'm not sure if you are male or female, that's why I said men/women. My son signed up for a computer class at Holmes, but there aren't any teachers. That's a shame. Maybe, you will be put there to help my son. I've been praying for him to get a teacher. Seriously, though...you and your education is needed.

You may not believe in God, but I do and I know God has a purpose for you and your life.

Read these stories...hopefully they will make you feel better:
http://www.prisonfellowship.org/article.asp?ID=22
http://www.prisonfellowship.org/article.asp?ID=1122
http://www.prisonfellowship.org/article.asp?ID=1118
http://www.prisonfellowship.org/article.asp?ID=1116

I have a friend. I have known him for over 20 years. He became addicted to drugs, primarily heroine. He became desperate for money so he robbed a home and a business. He is now serving 30 years for that. I think the punishment was VERY harsh. What's worse is that he sits in a cell all alone. No TV or roomie. He only gets to call home once every 3 months. He hasn't had a candy bar in 3 years. It's truly unbelievable to me. He's not violent and these weren't viiolent crimes. He wrote me last week and his faith in God is amazing. His determination gives me hope and makes me appreciate all that I DO have. He's not even allowed to attend chapel. I want to post some of what he wrote:

He said:


“I’m still in maximum security lockdown. I’ve been in a cell alone now for 3 years. You know what? Not one day out of those 3 years was as bad as all the years I woke up addicted to one thing or another. God saved me for the 100th time, but I feel like my luck has run out. I’m afraid to do drugs anymore.”

He also said:

“I am told that next month they may put me in C-Custody (I’m in D-Custody now) and I’ll get moved where I can attend Bible College. I hope that happens, cause I’m not able to do anything now. I’ve read all the classics – The Grapes of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird and many more. That’s all I have to do is read, write, pray and eat – not in that order, though. If I do get moved next month it will be down the hall somewhere, but I’ll have a room-mate and a TV. to watch. They do not let us go to church down here, but God is here with me. I do not question where he houses me. He is in control. I handed all of this to him a long time ago.”

You will survive! Look for the positives...yes, there are positives.





Last edited by bayside2006; 08-12-2006 at 10:05 AM..
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Old 08-12-2006, 01:17 PM
brokenf brokenf is offline
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bayside 2006 (and everyone else),
thank you for all that you said. and just so you know, i am a 31 year old male.

i understand that the options i present are extreme, but everything is just a thought... right now. the other thing is that i am a legal foreign national living in florida for 2 years. i really do not want to be marked by INS or local authorities.

it seems certain that the posibility of a charge is likely... and comes heavy. this whole situation is the worst thing to ever happen to me. family is distancing themsleves from me and i am prevented from telling close friends about what has happened. it's a terrible demon inside. i try to get along each hour, but it frustrates me.

aside, this board has been very helpful as i try to seek encouragement and strength. thank you everyone.
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Old 08-12-2006, 03:46 PM
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I hope you are dealing with your situation quite well now. I hope we can all help you. I do hope that once you make your decision, which should be the right one to do your time, you will adjust if that hsould be the word to your surroundings. I hope you have someone on the outside to help you. Write you, come see you, to also help with the mentality of being in another community as one said. I know that prison is a hateful place. No one can say who belongs there and who doesnt. But I do believe if you are man or woman enough to commit a crime, you should step up and do the time. Its alot better then being "terminated". At least you can take advantage and maybe get a higher education. When you are released, use what you have from prison to help others not be in your situation. You said you liked to help people and volunteered, use your resources in the end for better. In my eyes, if you save one person from ANYTHING, you are a magnificant person. I wish you the best of luck and continue here on PTO. I hope its helping.
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Old 08-12-2006, 03:53 PM
Don Quixote Don Quixote is offline
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If I understand you correctly, you believe you have committed a crime for which you are about to be arrested. If that is accurate, DO NOT talk with anyone about what happened except your attorney and your therapist who has the protection of doctor patient privilege (and not to them if what you have done is child abuse and therefore reportable).

People who are as stressed as you are their own worst enemy in terms of the legal system. No matter how tempted you are to talk DO NOT. Simply ask over and over for an attorney until you get one.

Having said that, I would hope that you would use some of that energy and stress to figure out how to fix what you have done (make it up to the persons harmed) and how to avoid doing it or anything illegal again. Most importantly how to overcome whatever problems brought you to where you are now. To do that you must accept ownership for your own actions. Again, talk only with a therapist and an attorney --- everyone else can be called to testify against you.
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Old 08-13-2006, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Quixote
If I understand you correctly, you believe you have committed a crime for which you are about to be arrested. If that is accurate, DO NOT talk with anyone about what happened except your attorney and your therapist who has the protection of doctor patient privilege (and not to them if what you have done is child abuse and therefore reportable).

People who are as stressed as you are their own worst enemy in terms of the legal system. No matter how tempted you are to talk DO NOT. Simply ask over and over for an attorney until you get one.

Having said that, I would hope that you would use some of that energy and stress to figure out how to fix what you have done (make it up to the persons harmed) and how to avoid doing it or anything illegal again. Most importantly how to overcome whatever problems brought you to where you are now. To do that you must accept ownership for your own actions. Again, talk only with a therapist and an attorney --- everyone else can be called to testify against you.
i understand my actions... i do. thanks for the advice. it does assist me. day by day, i try to adjust... and it's so hard.
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Old 08-14-2006, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenslove
Brokenf, please continue with your therapist and hang in there. You haven't even been charged with anything yet. Maybe it won't happen. One thing I have learned is don't worry about things that MAY happen. concentrate on what IS happening now. Good luck.
i know, i will continue with the therapist.
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Old 08-15-2006, 12:07 PM
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Default brokenf you will survive

My good friend's son has been locked up in the Florida prison system for 24 years. He is doing two life terms. In our daily correspondence during the past two years he has described to me in detail everything about the Florida prison system from an inmate's point of view.

First of all my guess is that you are not looking at a very serious crime as if you were you would probably be behind bars already. My reason for bringing this up is to discuss what level of prison you would most likely be at. My guess is it would be a minimum or a medium security prison at best. At these levels the Florida prisons are amazingly safe. My friend is now in the protective management unit and the weakest and most vulnerable inmates are in also there.He has been in every level and not in Protective Custody for the first 22 years. He tells me that nonviolent naïve inmates are not preyed upon in any of the the lower-level facilities as anyone who would do so would risk going to a higher level where it is not nearly as nice.

Florida has 80,000 inmates and that is to your advantage. All of the people you would be doing your time with would either be nonviolent offenders with short sentences or people that have served in the vast majority of their, them and are close to getting out. The last thing they are going to want to do is anything to blow imminentreleased.

I also spent 10 years of my life working as a social worker in the Montana and the federal prison systems. I am confident that the advice that I am giving you is accurate.
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Old 08-15-2006, 08:28 PM
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brokenf keep your head up ... believe it or not there are alot of quiet well behaved people in the prisons, guys who just want to do their time and go home. keep your cool and you will be ok.
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