Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

RJB1957 · #1 01-14-2012, 07:49 AM

My dear wife of 32 years has just begun serving a 12 month sentence. She is not a "bad" person, but someone who decided to take responsibility for her actions and do the right thing...even if it meant going to prison. Her offense was embezzlement. Serious yes, but I had no knowledge that it was going on, and our financial situation certainly never improved. I've got 51 weeks to go and I don't know how to get through this. I love her with all my heart and soul and as I told her I married her for better or worse and that we will get through this together. I'm seeing a psychologist and on some medication for my anxiety, but it doesn't help much. Everyone says "A year isn't that long"...but it is!!!! Any sugguestions on ways I can cope? I probably won't get to see her for a while until all the paperwork is processed, and then, it's only an hour per month.

InmateLover67 · #2 01-14-2012, 07:58 AM

Sorry you are going through this. It does not matter how long our loved one has to do, it still seems like forever. You are a wonderful man to stand beside your wife, kudos to you.

The only comforting thing I can say is, stay busy and focus on any personal goals you may have. Writing letters, calls and visits will make things better, once they kick in.

I would also like to add that I am allowing this time apart to bring my fiance and I closer, on a much deeper level. Maybe you two could do that as well. She is one hell of a woman to "buck" up and do the right thing. Just keep reassuring her that you love her and will be here for her.

If you stay busy, it will help pass the time. I wish you strength in this difficult time. You can do this....make the best of a bad situation.

Peace~

RJB1957 · #3 01-15-2012, 03:04 PM

Thanks so much! I'm trying my best one day at a time...

Olderthanmost · #4 01-15-2012, 03:54 PM

I can tell you that it's a day by day experience. Some days, I handle it better than other days. Holidays are tough! But staying busy is the key. We write letters every day. We visit one hour a month through a glass pane. I keep him involved in the small things, like every day decisions. It helps him to feel needed. I miss him so much but we are in this to win this! Be strong, be positive and stay focused!

RobinsMan · #5 01-17-2012, 05:48 PM

It is indeed a one day at a time thing to cope with. My wife has now gone down for her second time and I have little hope that she'll be home before she's done at least three years of the six she has. It has been almost 18 months now and all I can tell you is that, looking back on it, I have a hard time believing that it has been that long and this is the lesson I took from the first time we went through this. She is not at home but we stay in contant contact. I write to her every day so it always seems as if she is right there with me but we also have phone calls this time around which helps A LOT plus I make the 400+ mile round trip each weekend for our two hour visit. I've buried myself in work giving myself little time to think about anything else. I too was taking antidipressants early on because I could barely function at work. As time has gone on I have adjusted better and we have settled into a routine. I finally weened myself off of the meds a couple of months ago and now simply bide my time waiting for her to come home. I also have married the love of my life for better or for worse and I'll wait this time just like I waited 25 long months the first time around.

How well do I know that 12 months seems like forever but I promise that when she is finally home you will look back on it and time well seem to have flown by.

BerryBad · #6 01-17-2012, 09:24 PM

Did the meds help?

Any bad side effects?

andes2012 · #7 01-21-2012, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJB1957

My dear wife of 32 years has just begun serving a 12 month sentence. She is not a "bad" person, but someone who decided to take responsibility for her actions and do the right thing...even if it meant going to prison. Her offense was embezzlement. Serious yes, but I had no knowledge that it was going on, and our financial situation certainly never improved. I've got 51 weeks to go and I don't know how to get through this. I love her with all my heart and soul and as I told her I married her for better or worse and that we will get through this together. I'm seeing a psychologist and on some medication for my anxiety, but it doesn't help much. Everyone says "A year isn't that long"...but it is!!!! Any sugguestions on ways I can cope? I probably won't get to see her for a while until all the paperwork is processed, and then, it's only an hour per month.

It does me good man to here this from you my girl is just fixing to have trial this week and to see that you understand and are being strong enough to get through helps me man! Keep it up be strong and she will be in your arms in no time bro! God bless to you and yours!

Georgiabiker · #8 08-07-2012, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJB1957

My dear wife of 32 years has just begun serving a 12 month sentence. She is not a "bad" person, but someone who decided to take responsibility for her actions and do the right thing...even if it meant going to prison. Her offense was embezzlement. Serious yes, but I had no knowledge that it was going on, and our financial situation certainly never improved. I've got 51 weeks to go and I don't know how to get through this. I love her with all my heart and soul and as I told her I married her for better or worse and that we will get through this together. I'm seeing a psychologist and on some medication for my anxiety, but it doesn't help much. Everyone says "A year isn't that long"...but it is!!!! Any sugguestions on ways I can cope? I probably won't get to see her for a while until all the paperwork is processed, and then, it's only an hour per month.

My wife is also in jail for almost the same thing. We have been married for 38 years and as you said she is not a bad person. Just messed up. If you like I'd love to talk sometime. Georgiabiker.

Corrado · #9 08-08-2012, 08:09 AM

This is my advice, as I have been attempting to cope with the whole process my husband is going through. Go buy a notebook, each day write how you're feeling,what you did that day. This will not only give you another outlet source, it could also be something you share with your wife upon her return (if you feel it is appropriate).

Journaling my thoughts and emotions has helped me immensely.

On a closing note; When you're having a bad day, remember- Everything has an end. Only the sausage has two.

InmateLover67 · #10 08-08-2012, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJB1957

My dear wife of 32 years has just begun serving a 12 month sentence. She is not a "bad" person, but someone who decided to take responsibility for her actions and do the right thing...even if it meant going to prison. Her offense was embezzlement. Serious yes, but I had no knowledge that it was going on, and our financial situation certainly never improved. I've got 51 weeks to go and I don't know how to get through this. I love her with all my heart and soul and as I told her I married her for better or worse and that we will get through this together. I'm seeing a psychologist and on some medication for my anxiety, but it doesn't help much. Everyone says "A year isn't that long"...but it is!!!! Any sugguestions on ways I can cope? I probably won't get to see her for a while until all the paperwork is processed, and then, it's only an hour per month.

It is never easy losing a loved one to incarceration, and I am sorry for you.

The best thing you can do is be her strength! Stay focused on taking care of yourself. if you are a writer, write alot of letters, get a phone account set up, and visit as soon as you can.

Once you two get into a system of communication, it will be less painful. This is journey is not easy, but we either suck-it-up or we let it take us down.

With each new day, she is one day closer to being back in your arms.

Peace~

RLF5400 · #11 08-08-2012, 10:28 AM

One year is a long time to live alone without your Loved one. That you have been accustomed for 32 years.. From my experience, there's nothing to stop the pain from such a loss... My recommendations parallel others here. Keep busy as you can, with work, family, take on projects around the house. Write tons of letters, I average over 20 items a week. Besides keeping my lady informed of what I'm doing. Keeping her in the loop, and whats going on outside those cold stone walls,, and asking her for input and ideas and such.. I always feel a connection to her when I'm writing.. Phone calls are also an important connection, to look forward to.

I have been sleep deprived even when I took prescribed sleeping pills... Getting four to five hours a night.. My nights are still so empty over the loss, that I get up to write her. I sleep with a pillow covered by one of her hooded sweatshirts laced with her favorite perfume... I also take prescribed medication for my depression, for the first time in my life.. Yet there are moments that I simply break down and cry...

When I feel so overwhelmed about living without my Nichole.. I see how many brave members her are surviving with terms of five, ten, and some lifer's.. That don't have a release date to look forward to! That puts a whole new perspective on my life.. The members here understand this journey, never judgmental,, living with a Loved one being incarcerated.

Good luck, and may you have a safe and speedy journey every step of the way with your wife to freedom..