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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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Old 11-25-2020, 02:43 AM
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LolaHernandez LolaHernandez is offline
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Unhappy Lost without my soulmate

Hey I’m new to this and fairly young but at this point in my life I can’t talk to my friends much about this cause they wouldn’t understand but I need some advice or tips on how to deal with the separation. My boyfriend who is now my fiancé has been in jail since he was 16 01/2017 he just turned 20 this year spending his 2nd year in an actual IDOC facility after being in juvenile for 1 and cook county for another one. He has about 6 years left possibly less I’m trying to do a clemency relief for him if anyone could give some advice on that too. He was a first time offender but it was a class x felony they gave him 12 years at 85%. He’s the only person I’ve ever had that understood me, cared for me, worked through my mental health instead of walking out on me and I feel like he was failed. For a mistake, he has issues himself but he didn’t get the proper help he needed like jail is not for him but I blame myself for not being in his life sooner and I don’t know how to handle the guilt. I also feel lost without him all the time especially during this quarantine we’ve had no visitation since March... It feels hard to pick myself up but I only do it when he calls because I know I’m his backbone. This sadness is eating me alive honestly and I thought it would get easier to deal with but it’s not. Do you think he has any chance of coming home next year? Let me know. Thanks and I hope every keeps their head up and remembers every bad/hard/tiring day equals a good/prosperous/new one.

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Old 11-25-2020, 07:47 AM
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Jacob's Girl Jacob's Girl is offline
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When you learn how to deal with it, let us know lol. We're not doing too well either. I will ask this though: Do you believe it easier or harder to have been with him prior to prison, to have visited him while there as opposed to not getting any visitation or having no pre-prison memories? Sometimes I wonder, would this be easier if I had memories, or would it be harder?
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Old 11-25-2020, 10:55 AM
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LolaHernandez LolaHernandez is offline
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Lol for sure! I’m hoping I get it down pack soon. Honestly he was kind of on a different path so we were just friends in the beginning but we ended up realizing just how much we were alike. We realized how we both could talk each other off that edge and that was the beautiful part of it all honestly so that’s what I hold on to I hold on to the fact that I have someone who I bond with on a emotionally and mental level more than a physical and that’s the best part. Hopefully you can relate then you can hold onto that too. I can’t even give you an answer since we weren’t dating prior to him getting arrested but I would probably assume it’s harder if you have memories already cause they probably replay in your head everyday, or until you learn how to cope and quiet the thoughts. But honestly we fell in love and new we wanted to get married this year so it took us some time to get to this point but our jail memories make it hard for me cause I have some of the best visit memories honestly. I’m sorry I’m praying for us both and everyone else that this comes to an end soon for all of us and we get to be with our loved ones.
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Old 12-02-2020, 12:48 PM
NoJustice88 NoJustice88 is offline
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My partner hasn't been sentenced yet. He caught his case nearly a year ago, and then Covid happened. In a weird, fucked up way, it has been a 'blessing' in the sense that we were able to get him bailed out, and under supervision. I have been able to spend the past year with him, figuring out how to proceed with our lives while we have this case hanging over our heads. It has not been easy. There are good days and bad. Some days, I just want to curl up in a corner and disintegrate because I begin to feel so overwhelmed with the prospect of him not being here with me. I had both work and grad school to keep me distracted, but it has not gotten any easier. My partner is facing a mandatory minimum of 10 years for a nonviolent drug offense. He made 200 dollars in the transaction, and they want to take 10 years of his life for it? The punishment seems punitive and counterintuitive. I find myself feeling failed by our government and our system, and I am certain there are plenty of others who feel the same. The trauma associated with going through the criminal justice system is like nothing else I've ever experienced. I hate it.

My partner's court date is quickly approaching. It was postponed due to the pandemic back in June, which provided some temporary relief (in the sense that we can postpone the inevitable; I have more time with him). His court date is in January. I find it hard to want to celebrate the holidays...only a few people in my family know about what my partner and I are going through, and what I am going through is disenfranchised grief that only some can understand....

I fucking hate this. Fuck the feds.
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Old 12-02-2020, 05:08 PM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Originally Posted by Jacob's Girl View Post
Sometimes I wonder, would this be easier if I had memories, or would it be harder?
I'm an odd one and a bit dramatic but I hate having memories of him.. It literally felt like a death. Like I wouldn't feel his touch again or see him walk our halls again. It hurt a lot having the presence in the home just suddenly gone.
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