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Arizona Visitation, Phones, Packages & Mail Discussions Topics / Information relating to the Arizona Department of Corrections and local & county Jail visitation, phone calls, mail, inmate care packages, etc.

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Old 01-23-2021, 10:12 PM
Chris’Girl Chris’Girl is offline
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Default Are any of you going through chemo while dealing w/ incarcerated loved one?

I found out I have triple negative breast cancer, stage 2 on December 18, 2020. Facing the possibility of my boyfriend’s long term incarceration has taken on a whole new meaning. I started chemotherapy this week. I’m looking at a very long process; chemo through the first week of June, a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed and then radiation. I’m just wondering if anyone else can relate? When I first posted here I had a miscarriage and Chris had went to prison so to say 2020 was a shit year is an understatement. I had thought 2021 would be more promising but given my diagnosis I’m not as hopeful it will be much better. Sorry to be a Debbie downer.
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Old 01-24-2021, 09:00 PM
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Chris'Girl, don't apologize for having cancer or for talking about it & how it's affecting your journey. My condolences on the miscarriage Telling you that I'm sorry you have cancer, while true, feels inadequate. Sending you lots of healing energy for a speedy & full recovery Keep us posted on your progress, please.
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Old 01-25-2021, 12:04 AM
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Thank you, Patchouli. I’m doing well and I plan to keep fighting.
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Old 01-25-2021, 07:04 AM
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I too am sorry for your health troubles.
While I didnt have cancer I had to deal with a serious health condition while my husband was in prison. Its not easy and at times I struggled too. I did have family who was willing to drive me to some of my appts if needed so that helped. I hope you have family nearby that can help you when it gets tough.
I wish you all the best, and you kick cancers ass.
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Old 01-25-2021, 03:37 PM
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Hi Chris’Girl,

Can I post here in Arizona sub forum?

Very sorry to read of your diagnosis. These are „only” words on a screen but truly I am saddened for you. You will be a fighter and beat this! Like sidewalks says, „kick its ass!”

I will not put myself in your shoes as my situation cannot compare to breast cancer & chemo however I was diagnosed with a lymphoproliferative disorder — in simple terms, I got lymphoma as a secondary condition. My husband was incarcerated when I found out and went for immunotherapy treatment. His sentence is not as long as what your loved one faces so I do not want to equate our situations.

However, I can tell you it is a rare feeling to have to go through something so serious and have a loved one, but they are not there for you. It is not as if you are angry „at” them but you can still feel really sad. I had to go to appointments by myself and it hurt my heart to see supportive couples.

As much as we love our loved ones, there were some days where communication was too difficult, cause I was too blah feeling or tired to speak on the telephone. Some time this was an extended feeling. It had to be explained to him that it had nothing at all to do with him but I did not have the energy. A good man will understand and support in ways that he can even from afar. Communication will be so very important.

One way my husband „tried” to be supportive was that he got overprotective. It was not in a bad way, but he knew with an immune - system so impaired, he did not want me to visit. He did not want me to take the train or fly, since the risk of germs was there.

After awhile, and with precautions, I let him know that I felt comfortable to visit again. I joke now that COVID society [mask, gloves, sanitizer] finally caught up with me as that is what I did before !!

I am not going to lie — there will be days that you feel alone no matter how strong your relationship is. Sickness and serious diagnoses do this. But, please, find what services are available to you, to take some of the little stresses off you.

Take care & sending prayers.
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Old 01-25-2021, 11:41 PM
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It’s like you wrote everything I’m feeling. I feel guilty for not always responding to his emails but sometimes I’m really just so tired from chemo and work (I’m trying to work through chemo, thankfully I can work from home). I don’t want to make him feel bad but I do feel very alone without him here. My family has decided not to listen to me when I say I’m fine I can take myself to chemo and God bless them for not listening. I didn’t realize how much I needed someone around after the treatments. Just to talk to and even cry with, I know there are people struggling with much harder conditions than what I’m going through but these last two years have been hard and I sometimes feel like I can’t catch a break. Thank you for your words.
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Old 01-26-2021, 09:50 AM
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You sound like such a sweetie.

Family can be so good at times like this when they do not listen! We want to say how much that we „feel good” and „can handle all of it”, but in this case, they know better! It is so positive that you have those around you that care.

I agree sooo much with you that after treatments or news that we need someone to talk to or just let us cry. Family is great [don’t get me wrong. . .] but that one person that chose us — and we chose them — that loves by choice, and loves different aspects of us, is so important. When they are not there beside you, it can feel all the more hollow. Independence is great, but truly, one values and realizes how much we need others when put in a situation like this. It slapped me in the face hard at this time!

To add to this, prison conversations are not exactly the best place to have these discussions, you know? We can upset them with news, they worry, so in the end, it can turn into filtering what we tell them and only sharing the serious stuff when they „need” to know.

I feel like you in that there was a period of time where I and later „we” could not catch a break. For us, it was major problem [health, family, trial, prison] right after another. When all started to seem O.K., the pandemic came. I have to stay calm about it for work, but I broke down crying in the mid - summer, cause I felt overwhelmed. Lost time in life, him in prison, high - risk status — it was tough. But, I can tell you, things indeed get better. You will get into a routine, go through the awful tests, finish your treatments, go into remission, and soon come out on the other side where „quiet & boring” will be cherished.

One last thing : others may have rockier roads, sure, but try not to compare. Your feelings are real and if you need to cry or feel bad, you are entitled to do so. After all, you are you and how you experience this bad situation is unique to your feelings, experiences & understanding. Apologies that I write too much.
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Old 01-27-2021, 11:05 PM
Chris’Girl Chris’Girl is offline
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Omg I am crying reading this (in a good way). It’s my personality to deflect. I’ve always found it easier to concentrate on others and in doing so it’s allowed me to push aside any worry or concern for my own situation. But life slapped me up side the head these past (almost) two years, the miscarriage last March and now cancer. I can’t deflect the cancer situation. I have to focus on getting healthy and not stress about things I can’t control. Every year I say I’ll work on my health and now I have no choice but to do exactly that. Thank you for all your positivity. I need it and I’m so grateful for your words.

Last edited by Chris’Girl; 01-27-2021 at 11:07 PM.. Reason: ...
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