Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

**Nieves915** · #1 05-11-2012, 06:52 AM

I have been with my husband for a year and a half,,, and I never knew he had such a drug problem. I have never done drugs, aside for somoking a joint as a teenager. In the beginning of our relationship he told me that he didnt do drugs, then every once in a while i would see him take a line with his friends, but i was so naive.
I started noticing that things would disapear, he pawned our tv, he sold our phones, my boxes of movies came up missing, (lots of DVDS), he wasnt eating, he was up all night. He was home, but up all night. Money would just not be in the account anymore,, etc,,,, then he was picked up,, and then i find out that the drug had hold of him bad,,,,,, he was smoking crack. God steped in right in time cuz he would have killed himself i know.... So although he didnt do the crime they have him there of, he is safe. I dont have to worry about getting that call that he killled himself.
I just feel really stupid actually, that i didnt see the signs that I see now. I was living in this fairytale world,,, Thinking, my man is always home with me,,,
I love him so much and Im really hoping that this will snap something in his mind and let him know that he will not have a life if he goes back to the drugs............ Please dont judge him,,, he is a wonderful man, treats me like a queen, but has an addiction.......

**lisainengland** · #2 05-12-2012, 06:22 AM

Dont blame yourself for his addiction. Maybe you did miss the signs but the important thing now is to move forward. Hopefully he will get the help he needs inside to fight his addiction and I would suggest you join a local NA group so that you can understand his addiction

Jootje · #3 05-12-2012, 06:33 AM

Obviously you love him and are sticking by his side but love is not going to safe him from his addiction, and neither his prison. That my sound harsh but is meant in the best way! what I am trying to say is thet even though you had a wake up call, and I really hope that he does as well now that his is locked up, he needs to really "want" to leave his addiction behind him. I would suggets, just as LisainEngland to find a group or counseling in your area where you can seek help and advice on how to deal with him when he gets home. Talk to him about it and tell him you want to find something like that for him as well. He will need all the support possible when he gets out but not only yours but professional as well.

It will need hard work for the both of you and it may be a road of two steps forward and one step back but hopefully day by day both of you together will get there.

**Nieves915** · #4 05-12-2012, 06:38 AM

We spoke last night about it, and for the first time he admited he was addicted. He said they it was going to kill him, and that the cops picking him up saved his life. He also said that his love for me is stronger than the drug and he wants to stay clean. I told him i was going to find myself a counselor, or therapist and he said he wanted to go too. he had me change the number on the house because he doesnt want any of the old friends calling, he said he is done.... I know it is going to take more than words for him to truely be done, but i hope that this was a wake up call for him... thanks ladies... i know we have a hard hard road ahead of us, but i pray that we get through this without to many scars.

nimuay · #5 05-12-2012, 06:51 AM

Sonja, the chaos about children and his ex is all part of the chaos of addiction. If he can start to face reality, deal with things honestly, get a court ruling on managing the children, your lives will become far more manageable. You will then have to deal with being addicted to the adrenaline . . . but that's a pretty easy fix.

**Nieves915** · #6 05-12-2012, 07:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

Sonja, the chaos about children and his ex is all part of the chaos of addiction. If he can start to face reality, deal with things honestly, get a court ruling on managing the children, your lives will become far more manageable. You will then have to deal with being addicted to the adrenaline . . . but that's a pretty easy fix.

Nimuay, its crazy how i was here a few years ago and here i am now and its all so different..... not the site, but my life and circumstances. when i left here before i was hoping i wouldnt have to come back.

and not cuz i didnt love you all cuz you all gave me a really hard case of a reality check,, I didnt like it most of the time but i always knew you guys would tell me the truth regardless.... now here i am and instead of being the victim and am simply now truly just a wife of a man incarcerated...... I fought so hard back then, but i wasted all that energy on a man undeserving, now i have a husband that really loves me and had an addiction...... OMG,,, Sometimes i think God sits up in heaven and likes to throw these curve balls at me to see how i react.... I got this.

I do need to find someone who can help me understand a crack addiction. Like i said i had nooooo clue..... thank you for always being encouraging even when I didnt want the advice,, cuz inside i really did need that push....

Jootje · #7 05-12-2012, 07:30 AM

I really enjoyed reading this ^^^ response...

Ones in a while I come across threads where the po are not amused (to put it mildly) by the answers, respones and advices given and get upset because some members here tell things straight out and are not sugar coating. So your response was nice to read, not always liking the responses but knowing you needed them, no matter how harsh and hurtfull a wake up call may be, to take your next step. Thumbs up!!

I am also glad to hear that your husband is willing to work as hard as you to put his addiction behind him. It will be a tough road since it is not called "an addiction" for nothing but I pray the both of you will get there together.

Ms. Tazzie · #8 05-13-2012, 12:11 PM

Being sober 12 years and a CADC

Ms. Tazzie · #9 05-13-2012, 12:24 PM

for 10 years,, this road ahead is gonna be tough,,, not only for him but for you.. I have never been one to beat around the bush with things because that is usually just a waste of time.. the addicted person knows EXACTLY what to say to get you to do what they want.. they (we) know how to hide our imperfections while showcaseing someone else's.. we look for co-dependant ppl,, and the ABSOLUTE BEST place for you would be Al/ANON meeting so you can learn to love yourself.. MOST addicts are incapable of love,, I mean that true,, unconditional,, because they can't/ don't love themselves because their BEST THINKING told them to do illegal things that threatens their life,, health and freedom.. their BEST thinking told them to go get a bag of ABSOLUTE POISON..

**Nieves915** · #10 05-13-2012, 01:42 PM

be Al/ANON

going to try and find a group tomorrow... thanks ladies.

InmateLover67 · #11 05-13-2012, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nieves915

I have been with my husband for a year and a half,,, and I never knew he had such a drug problem. I have never done drugs, aside for somoking a joint as a teenager. In the beginning of our relationship he told me that he didnt do drugs, then every once in a while i would see him take a line with his friends, but i was so naive.
I started noticing that things would disapear, he pawned our tv, he sold our phones, my boxes of movies came up missing, (lots of DVDS), he wasnt eating, he was up all night. He was home, but up all night. Money would just not be in the account anymore,, etc,,,, then he was picked up,, and then i find out that the drug had hold of him bad,,,,,, he was smoking crack. God steped in right in time cuz he would have killed himself i know.... So although he didnt do the crime they have him there of, he is safe. I dont have to worry about getting that call that he killled himself.
I just feel really stupid actually, that i didnt see the signs that I see now. I was living in this fairytale world,,, Thinking, my man is always home with me,,,
I love him so much and Im really hoping that this will snap something in his mind and let him know that he will not have a life if he goes back to the drugs............ Please dont judge him,,, he is a wonderful man, treats me like a queen, but has an addiction.......

Most addicts are nice people, the drug takes over their life and everything in it. They will steal from their own family to get the next fix.

You should not feel stupid, but rather thankful that you know now what you are dealing with. Learn everything you can about addiction and what comes with it. It is not a pretty road....you must be in your own program of recovery, or it will take you down and make you sick, right along with the addict.

Hopefully, your man has chosen to get clean and is putting his whole heart into recovery. If he is doing it for anyone but himself, he is sure to fail.

Take care of yourself and allow him to get the help he needs, so when he gets out, he can take steps to stay clean. One day at a time.

Peace~

countryzgirl · #12 05-13-2012, 06:57 PM

Good for you about Al-Anon! Way to go! Your job is to uncover how you unconsciously contributed to the dynamic that allowed him to use and you to not see it. It is an enlightening, liberating journey of discovery. I went to codependents anon and it was awesome! There are some great books that you might find helpful: Codependent No More and Women that Love Too Much are incredibly insightful.
Good luck!

**Nieves915** · #13 05-13-2012, 10:27 PM

i just got off the phone with him and he told me that he signed up for a drug class, he hasnt been sentanced yet as we are waiting for his court date. i told him i was going to go to some meeting as well. told him that i feel that i enabled him in some way,,, maybe i was being niaive.. i really should have seen the sign but i was blinded..... its all up to him now.... everything in on the table,, the good, the bad and the ugly,,,,,,,,, thank goodness,,, now we play the hand we were delt like grownups........ take responsibilty and move forward and not look back,...

Jess7077 · #14 05-25-2012, 03:31 PM

I feel the same as you. My fiance was addicted to pain killers and I really didn't know. he was hurt at work and I knew he took them for the pain, but then it got out of control. When I realized it, it was too late and talking to him about it only caused our relationship to take a few hard hits in the process. Now he is awaiting to get into a halfway back program (he already served years in prison on other charges and was on parole) I'm glad I read though all of these comments. I am going to look into that meeting thing too, because like you I felt like I did something to enable him to become the way he did. My soon to be husband is a great guy, but i hope the program he gets in will help him and our relationship. Good luck, and keep us updated on everything!

jasonswifeyaz · #15 05-30-2012, 07:24 PM

This is the first time I have looked in this forum, as I never realized a lot of the signs before. This was very helpful and I am definitely going to look into those books mentioned above and an Al-Anon group.