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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Have you slipped?
Yes, once 100 9.29%
Yes, several times 159 14.78%
Nope, never 639 59.39%
I've thought about it 178 16.54%
Voters: 1076. You may not vote on this poll

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  #476  
Old 08-07-2016, 06:23 PM
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Thorfin Thorfin is offline
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Originally Posted by WaitingWilkes View Post
I'm no longer celibate but I didn't "slip". I remained celibate for a long time, until my wife's final appeal was denied and we had to face the likelihood that she wouldn't come home. She told me I should "date" when being alone was too hard to take. We came to an agreement about it. Our daughter was still young so fathering had to be my first priority. My wife didn't want me to be with anyone she knew, either, which I can understand. No sneaking around. I tell her when I've been on a date and give her the details. It was hard on her at first but honesty is always best in the long run. I don't feel like I'm cheating on her. It was her idea in the beginning and it took me a while to get to the point where I did it. Our marriage is strong. I'll always support her and be close to her.
Amen, brother. If your woman will never be free barring clemency (and that's a long shot under the best of circumstances) you aren't really left with any other option. You just have to accept that each other's physical needs will have to met by other people. It blows like the North wind, but that is the reality.
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  #477  
Old 08-08-2016, 06:23 AM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Originally Posted by AaronsBeautiful View Post
There should not be any slips if you love someone. i feel that prison is no different then the military almost your man can leave and not come back for years does that mean you should cheat? no it does not.
I assume my situations is a little different from yours. I remained celibate for years while Tammy's appeals ground on, hoping she'd be able to come home and getting our hopes dashed every time. I could have handled the 22 years she's been down if I knew when she was coming home, no matter how long that might have been. When it turned out to be never I had to decide how to spend the rest of my life without her being with me. She told me I should have sex when I needed to. We talked about it a lot. I thought at first she was telling me that to buck me up, hoping I'd say no. She kept bringing it up and she finally convinced me she was serious. I knew it would hurt her but seeing me suffer was already doing that. So I started dating (no emotional attachments). It did hurt her but she's dealing with it now. I'm not sneaking around on her. I tell her everything because she wants to know. What works for us might not work for others. We all have to deal with being apart the best way we can. I don't judge others. I hope others don't judge me.
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  #478  
Old 11-25-2016, 02:40 PM
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She was in prison for 14 years ... Had a real rough ride..There was never a day, that I did not worry myself sick about her. I would worry if she was safe. I would try to figure new ways to keep her involved in our children's lives. I always would tell my daughter about what a "Lady" her mom was, and would remind her to share her successes and failures with her mom on the phone and in letters. Not so much our son, but our daughter and her mom would get on the phone and have what I call "Girl Talk" .. I had to keep a sense of family within our home. My children had to see an example from their dad. They had to know that their dad respected his wife, and loved their mom more than anything .. She was in prison, but "she had a place at the table set, she had birthday presents. we had to pick from commissary gifts. so our Christmas and other holidays were different from other families. We held her in a place of honor in our home. I was determined not to let the prison steal everything she had.. When they moved her from one place to another. I quit my job and we moved to where she was. Our children moved away from friends and that was quite painful for them, but they understood that we were a family. My sense of family kept me from messing with someone else.. because no one else could fit in the picture .. Yeah it took 14 years to get her home, but Man.. SHE IS AWESOME ...PS .. I bought her a ring for our 20th wedding anniversary.. She has no Idea that I did that.. She will get it .. still in the original box it came in.. She will find it under her tree Christmas morning
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  #479  
Old 11-25-2016, 03:46 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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She was in prison for 14 years ... Had a real rough ride..There was never a day, that I did not worry myself sick about her. I would worry if she was safe. I would try to figure new ways to keep her involved in our children's lives. I always would tell my daughter about what a "Lady" her mom was, and would remind her to share her successes and failures with her mom on the phone and in letters. Not so much our son, but our daughter and her mom would get on the phone and have what I call "Girl Talk" .. I had to keep a sense of family within our home. My children had to see an example from their dad. They had to know that their dad respected his wife, and loved their mom more than anything .. She was in prison, but "she had a place at the table set, she had birthday presents. we had to pick from commissary gifts. so our Christmas and other holidays were different from other families. We held her in a place of honor in our home. I was determined not to let the prison steal everything she had.. When they moved her from one place to another. I quit my job and we moved to where she was. Our children moved away from friends and that was quite painful for them, but they understood that we were a family. My sense of family kept me from messing with someone else.. because no one else could fit in the picture .. Yeah it took 14 years to get her home, but Man.. SHE IS AWESOME ...PS .. I bought her a ring for our 20th wedding anniversary.. She has no Idea that I did that.. She will get it .. still in the original box it came in.. She will find it under her tree Christmas morning
That's awesome! I've been living what you did for over 2 decades. I wish my wife could have come home after 14 years. I still love her like crazy after 23.
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  #480  
Old 12-13-2016, 02:25 PM
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Not once. I have turned down EVERY offer, with no regrets. She is worth the wait.
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  #481  
Old 12-13-2016, 03:19 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Not once. I have turned down EVERY offer, with no regrets. She is worth the wait.
I hope that keeps working for you.
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  #482  
Old 12-19-2017, 02:13 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Originally Posted by SugarLumpz View Post
I have found that women are more open about their feelings. I have been faithful to my man, but there is a place in the back of my mind if the tables were reversed if he'd be waiting for me while I was incarcerated?
From what my wife has told me and what I've seen in the VR over the years, husbands/lovers don't hang on longer than 2-3 years if a woman's sentenced to more than a few years. Sad but true.
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  #483  
Old 12-19-2017, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Thorfin View Post
Amen, brother. If your woman will never be free barring clemency (and that's a long shot under the best of circumstances) you aren't really left with any other option. You just have to accept that each other's physical needs will have to met by other people. It blows like the North wind, but that is the reality.
Everybody's doing what's necessary to get by inside or out. I don't expect everyone here to approve of my choices but I also don't comment negatively on other people's. Live and let live.
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  #484  
Old 12-19-2017, 08:21 PM
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You guys are all amazing in my book. Coming on here and telling of your experiences and how you deal with prison relationships is so heartwarming. Thank you.
__________________
Just trying to keep it all together
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  #485  
Old 12-19-2017, 09:07 PM
JRA4350 JRA4350 is offline
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Originally Posted by WaitingWilkes View Post
From what my wife has told me and what I've seen in the VR over the years, husbands/lovers don't hang on longer than 2-3 years if a woman's sentenced to more than a few years. Sad but true.
That sounds about right. I suppose there's no cut and dried answer to how long you "should" wait. But realistically, most men would probably be out of there in no more than 3 years. Women seem to wait longer and generally be more loyal for some reason. Overall, though, if you want to be even semi-realistic about maintaining a relationship in prison you've got to come to terms with the fact that the majority of people just aren't going to wait around.

It's going to be about six years total for me (barring some sort of "problem", which you know is... just one day at a time in there) and some days I can't feel like I could do even one day more than that, but then again, I do love her a ridiculous amount. So would I wait eight? Ten? It's almost impossible to say. I don't think most "normal" people could probably wait more than a couple of years though. And... I might not have waited if I were, say, in my mid 20's. It's now more that I'm nearing midlife that I'm seeing life in much longer-ranging terms and the way I look at it, we could still easily have a good couple of decades together when she gets out, so it's definitely worth it to me.

I was also given the green light to do whatever I needed to do to satisfy my sexual needs in the meantime, which is totally reasonable, but at this stage in life can't see trying to hook up with the washed out bipolar cokehead divorcee down at the pathetic older singles martini bar (which, unfortunately, is now my "demographic") or visit a prostitute. I suppose if some hot young girl just threw herself at me, I might have a go at it, but with my luck I'd probably get an STD. I'd like to think nearly all of my really stupid mistakes are well behind me, so I just made a choice to wait this out. I've had more than enough pointless sex in my youth to know that it does not bring any sort of long term satisfaction (for me, anyway.)
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  #486  
Old 03-21-2018, 03:58 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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That sounds about right. I suppose there's no cut and dried answer to how long you "should" wait. But realistically, most men would probably be out of there in no more than 3 years. Women seem to wait longer and generally be more loyal for some reason. Overall, though, if you want to be even semi-realistic about maintaining a relationship in prison you've got to come to terms with the fact that the majority of people just aren't going to wait around.

It's going to be about six years total for me (barring some sort of "problem", which you know is... just one day at a time in there) and some days I can't feel like I could do even one day more than that, but then again, I do love her a ridiculous amount. So would I wait eight? Ten? It's almost impossible to say. I don't think most "normal" people could probably wait more than a couple of years though. And... I might not have waited if I were, say, in my mid 20's. It's now more that I'm nearing midlife that I'm seeing life in much longer-ranging terms and the way I look at it, we could still easily have a good couple of decades together when she gets out, so it's definitely worth it to me.

I was also given the green light to do whatever I needed to do to satisfy my sexual needs in the meantime, which is totally reasonable, but at this stage in life can't see trying to hook up with the washed out bipolar cokehead divorcee down at the pathetic older singles martini bar (which, unfortunately, is now my "demographic") or visit a prostitute. I suppose if some hot young girl just threw herself at me, I might have a go at it, but with my luck I'd probably get an STD. I'd like to think nearly all of my really stupid mistakes are well behind me, so I just made a choice to wait this out. I've had more than enough pointless sex in my youth to know that it does not bring any sort of long term satisfaction (for me, anyway.)
Stay strong!
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  #487  
Old 04-01-2018, 02:36 PM
BubbleGuppy BubbleGuppy is offline
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Some of you guys have to wait forever! I can't imagine! I only have to wait 3-4 months. I keep myself busy and work around a lot of men. The only women I work around are taken so it's a lot easier for me. I haven't told anyone at work that she's locked up. I just told them that we are taking some time of but are sure to get back together.

I do however get mad when I think about the days my gf lied to me when she relapsed and think about the single girls I know in my personal life because they've always treated me with respect and don't have addiction issues.

There's a tigers game in June that my work got tickets for. They gave me two tickets but I can't take my gf coz she will still be locked up. One of the girls that recently left emailed me and clearly hinted that she would go with me. She's not broke and isn't doing it for a free ticket but as much as I've tried to hide it at work, I'm sure she knows that my gf isn't around. I just deleted the email after reading it but it sure was tempting because I know she's very promiscuous.
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  #488  
Old 04-01-2018, 04:56 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Some of you guys have to wait forever! I can't imagine!

It's a bit like being stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. I wake up every morning knowing nothing's going to be different at the end of the day.

I only have to wait 3-4 months. I keep myself busy and work around a lot of men. The only women I work around are taken so it's a lot easier for me. I haven't told anyone at work that she's locked up. I just told them that we are taking some time of but are sure to get back together.


Information about your relationship is yours to control. I'm not ashamed of being married to someone who's inside but I keep it to myself. I don't want to answer questions or hear advice from people who don't have a clue about our lives.

I do however get mad when I think about the days my gf lied to me when she relapsed and think about the single girls I know in my personal life because they've always treated me with respect and don't have addiction issues.

I think feeling some anger over having to be apart because of something your LO did is natural. I was hurt and angry with my wife for a long time. Can you imagine what it's like to try to explain to a little girl why her mom can never come come to be a family? It's natural to feel some attraction for others when you're lonely. Your feelings and needs don't get caged when your LO does. Don't feel guilty about being human.
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  #489  
Old 04-02-2018, 12:52 AM
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A slip and fall can change your day, your week, and maybe even your life. These injuries, which can happen anywhere and to anyone, are frightening in their suddenness. They can also be quite painful, potentially producing millions of dollars in medical bills and lost wages.
Slip and falls are the most common variety of accidental injuries, aside from auto accidents, that personal injury lawyers litigate. But a slip and fall is only a cause, not a type, of injury. So what are the most common types of slip and falls
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  #490  
Old 04-02-2018, 08:23 AM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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A slip and fall can change your day, your week, and maybe even your life. These injuries, which can happen anywhere and to anyone, are frightening in their suddenness. They can also be quite painful, potentially producing millions of dollars in medical bills and lost wages.
Slip and falls are the most common variety of accidental injuries, aside from auto accidents, that personal injury lawyers litigate. But a slip and fall is only a cause, not a type, of injury. So what are the most common types of slip and falls
I don't think the "slip" in this thread has much to do with losing one's footing.
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  #491  
Old 04-18-2018, 10:59 AM
Leighsfriend Leighsfriend is offline
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Does a rub and tug count??
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  #492  
Old 04-18-2018, 03:28 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Does a rub and tug count??
Not if it's self service.
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  #493  
Old 04-19-2018, 11:11 AM
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Well, that's what I'm tired of and she's only been gone 4 months.
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Old 04-19-2018, 12:05 PM
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Well, that's what I'm tired of and she's only been gone 4 months.
I wish I could tell you it gets better over time.
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  #495  
Old 05-04-2018, 09:37 AM
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i have had talks with other females but sex is off limits .
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  #496  
Old 05-30-2018, 07:44 PM
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Nope not even a little. Haven't even entertained the notion. I know what I have with my gf. And I wouldn't risk that for the world
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