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  #51  
Old 08-20-2016, 12:32 PM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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  #52  
Old 08-20-2016, 04:22 PM
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Default You had to ask.... ;-)

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Curious, and I apologize if this appears to pry...but when you say you won't be able to satisfy her, are you referring to her attraction to women?
Dang it Miamac...you just had to ask. ;-) Ok, here it is. I mean I'm 59 and will be 63 when she gets out. My little fellow down below has his problems. I have plenty of ability between the ears and would love to be her "Don Juan" but I'm afraid there is no way I'll be able to sexually satisfy her since she'll be 30 on her release. My brain will want sex 5 times a day but the little guy will just go, "Eh...try me next week...then...maybe". Ok Miamac...I hope that answers your question. I'm not referring to her attraction to women. I like that and I know that will continue. I know that with my lack of sexual ability she'll have to have other outlets. Her attraction to other women is one of those and I support that. This is something we've discussed...and we even write fantasies to one another which offer various sexual twists along the way. It's a way of saying what she/I might want to do to give her the satisfaction she'll desire but that I alone will never be able to provide. We've both made it clear that although we both are ok with playing with others...neither of us will ever be ok with anything done behind the others' back.

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  #53  
Old 08-20-2016, 05:15 PM
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Dang it Miamac...you just had to ask. ;-) [...]
LOL, Al...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go there. I was mostly curious because you mentioned her bisexuality.

I have had relationships with both men and women and what's interesting to me is that I don't need sex with a person of the other gender when I'm with...well, the other. In other words, I am married to a biological male. I'm completely content with that. I don't feel a big absence in my life not being with a woman. And when I was with a woman, same-same.

In my mind that's like saying, well...I'm super attracted to tall people but also blondes. My partner is blonde, but short. So I'll have to fulfill my attraction to tall people outside my relationship.

Standard disclaimer: that's me, not trying to define sexuality for anyone else.
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  #54  
Old 09-03-2016, 02:59 PM
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If I had to call it, I would say that the difference is biological rather than cultural or psychological. Women only have one egg, men have a heck of a lot of sperm. Add in that for a woman, sex is never just sex. Every time that a woman engages in a sexual act with another (male or female), her body releases hormones that bond her to that person. This happens whether she wants it to or not. Therefore, the more sexual contact with that individual, the greater the bond.

These things tend to play in the psychology. So she is more likely to be opposed to her mate indulging with someone other than herself because of that experience. After all, we do tend to see the world through our own experience of it. It isn't really selfish, because she was programmed that way by nature in order to protect her relationship. Remember, there was a time when not having a man would greatly affect a woman's ability to survive. Men not so much.
Men are programmed to distribute our genes as widely as possible. That may be because our ancient ancestors engaged in more dangerous activities than women (e.g., hunting, war making) and consequently dying younger. A man invests negligible energy in creating millions of sperm. A woman invests a large amount of energy producing an egg, nurturing a fetus and breast feeding a baby. The average man can engage in reproductive behavior at least once each day. A woman can only get pregnant during a narrow time slice each month. We filter reality though our perceptions, experiences, beliefs, hopes, fears prejudices, etc. It's very hard to see the reality as others do. If I wore blue goggles and a woman wore red ones, I might try to see things as she does by borrowing hers. I can't take mine off; they're part of me so I'd put hers on over mine. My view of reality would definitely change but it wouldn't match hers. I'd see it as green, not blue, the way she does.
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  #55  
Old 09-03-2016, 06:34 PM
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For me I wouldn't like it because in my eyes I would lose respect and attraction for him. If he messed around with another guy he wouldn't be sexy to me anymore. That's just me and what turns me on and off. Others may be ok with it but I'm not.
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  #56  
Old 09-03-2016, 07:23 PM
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i really do not hear anyone talking about men sexuality
and the reality is if a man is having sex with another man you will never know.
but let's be realistic its a reality. i do have similar wonders myself. that what if?
i would never know at all because its something a man will take to his grave for sure
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  #57  
Old 09-04-2016, 12:35 PM
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For me I wouldn't like it because in my eyes I would lose respect and attraction for him. If he messed around with another guy he wouldn't be sexy to me anymore. That's just me and what turns me on and off. Others may be ok with it but I'm not.
Interesting point...I think too there is a double standard and that in some ways there is less stigma around the idea of two women engaging sexually than if it's two men. Two women evokes sort of this fantasy within many men's minds while two men seems to disgust a lot of people, both men and women. I don't fully understand why this is.

I'm not bothered at all by the idea of Dee with another inmate. I am bothered much more (this is a separate topic though, but just for the sake of comparison) by the idea of her with a staff, particularly male staff, but female staff would also bother me, though again, if something like that happened I would talk to her and get her explanation before writing her off. There's some psychology going on there that I'd be hard-pressed to explain. I'll leave that up to others to try to figure out I suppose.
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  #58  
Old 09-04-2016, 12:36 PM
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i really do not hear anyone talking about men sexuality
and the reality is if a man is having sex with another man you will never know.
but let's be realistic its a reality. i do have similar wonders myself. that what if?
i would never know at all because its something a man will take to his grave for sure
I don't have the study available to me immediately so my apologies for not citing my sources, but I did read recently that the men tend to be more discreet about their prison sexuality than the women, for whatever that is worth.
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  #59  
Old 09-05-2016, 08:24 AM
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Interesting point...I think too there is a double standard and that in some ways there is less stigma around the idea of two women engaging sexually than if it's two men. Two women evokes sort of this fantasy within many men's minds while two men seems to disgust a lot of people, both men and women. I don't fully understand why this is.

I'm not bothered at all by the idea of Dee with another inmate. I am bothered much more (this is a separate topic though, but just for the sake of comparison) by the idea of her with a staff, particularly male staff, but female staff would also bother me, though again, if something like that happened I would talk to her and get her explanation before writing her off. There's some psychology going on there that I'd be hard-pressed to explain. I'll leave that up to others to try to figure out I suppose.
I think lesbian acts are less offensive to us (men) than homosexual acts because lesbians aren't doing anything we wouldn't normally do. I feel ambivalent about the thought of my wife having a sexual relationship with another prisoner. On one hand, I want her to be happy. Anything that would make her life easier or less stressful would be positive. On the other, I'd be afraid of her getting caught and punished or maybe getting beaten by a jealous rival. I'd have a problem with her being intimate with a male staffer because of the possibility he'd force her to do things she might object to and make her life miserable if she didn't or after they stopped having sex.
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  #60  
Old 09-05-2016, 08:28 AM
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Interesting point...I think too there is a double standard and that in some ways there is less stigma around the idea of two women engaging sexually than if it's two men. Two women evokes sort of this fantasy within many men's minds while two men seems to disgust a lot of people, both men and women. I don't fully understand why this is.

I'm not bothered at all by the idea of Dee with another inmate. I am bothered much more (this is a separate topic though, but just for the sake of comparison) by the idea of her with a staff, particularly male staff, but female staff would also bother me, though again, if something like that happened I would talk to her and get her explanation before writing her off. There's some psychology going on there that I'd be hard-pressed to explain. I'll leave that up to others to try to figure out I suppose.
I think you have an issue with her being intimate with a staff member because they are in a position of power over her. If she has a sexual relationship with another inmate, they are an equal and are finding love and comfort in a bad situation. Women find comfort with sex, it is an emotional thing for us, some men do too, but usually it's about the pleasure they get from it. That's why to me it seems easier for a man to have sex with someone and not get emotionally attached. If my Man was having sex with another guy in prison it wouldn't be because he wanted comfort lol.
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  #61  
Old 09-05-2016, 11:44 AM
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I think lesbian acts are less offensive to us (men) than homosexual acts because lesbians aren't doing anything we wouldn't normally do.[...].
Without being graphic...what??!
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Old 09-05-2016, 12:10 PM
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Without being graphic...everything I can think of.
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  #63  
Old 09-05-2016, 12:16 PM
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Without being graphic...what??!
Lol I think I understand what he meant! He means lesbianism is easier for a man to grasp because they love the female body as well, and the things lesbians do with eachother are also things a man will do to a woman. Two men together are harder to relate with.
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Old 09-05-2016, 12:22 PM
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lol i think i understand what he meant! He means lesbianism is easier for a man to grasp because they love the female body as well, and the things lesbians do with eachother are also things a man will do to a woman. Two men together are harder to relate with.
precisely!
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  #65  
Old 09-05-2016, 12:24 PM
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But the "things men do to each other" are also done with females, so that was the part I got tripped on. I get the lack of attraction for a straight male to another man.

I honestly think this line of convo is so heavy with speculation on what people do and think that it's kind of pointless beyond the original question of "how would you feel". But hey, whatever floats your intellectual boat.
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  #66  
Old 09-05-2016, 12:31 PM
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Women find comfort with sex, it is an emotional thing for us, some men do too, but usually it's about the pleasure they get from it. That's why to me it seems easier for a man to have sex with someone and not get emotionally attached.
I actively avoid emotional attachments to casual sex partners. I don't want a relationship with them. I have one with my wife. With them, sex is like voiding my bladder; a bodily function which, after I perform, I'm comfortable until I need to do it again.
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Old 09-05-2016, 02:01 PM
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I think you have an issue with her being intimate with a staff member because they are in a position of power over her. If she has a sexual relationship with another inmate, they are an equal and are finding love and comfort in a bad situation. Women find comfort with sex, it is an emotional thing for us, some men do too, but usually it's about the pleasure they get from it. That's why to me it seems easier for a man to have sex with someone and not get emotionally attached. If my Man was having sex with another guy in prison it wouldn't be because he wanted comfort lol.
Mmmmm...how emotional it would be for her specifically is debatable, but there are details of conversations I have had with her that I am opting to keep private. I do think though as a general construct you are right. However, I would take into consideration the potential role of a woman who usually participates in heterosexual relationships and how it may differ to how she views herself or engages in a same-sex encounter...her role may change and so too may her emotional involvement.

But as we talked about earlier in this thread...there isn't a lot of literature out there and I only have a very limited view of female prison relationships (maybe 5 total perspectives and who knows what they are or are not telling me or how accurate it is relative to the rest of the prison population?)

As for positions of power.....that again is a thing of perspective and can vary from staff member to staff member. She doesn't do anything with staff but she knows of one relationship between staff and an inmate and based on what she tell she tells me the inmate holds all the power and takes advantage of the benefits and perks. Of course if it's found out the one facing the more serious consequences is the guard......

Just some food for thought. I think your answer is good on the whole. Just wanted to give a couple other perspectives that I have been offered by Dee and a few others about how things sometimes differ in there......
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  #68  
Old 09-05-2016, 02:27 PM
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I haven't read every post in this thread, so forgive me if I miss stuff.

There are some generational things going on. I'm in my late 50's and have been dating women in their 20's for the past 35 years. There has been a definite marked evolution in sexual attitudes. To be blunt, 30 years ago maybe 10-20% of the women in this cohort were OK with sex with other women, now it's more like 90%. Meanwhile, male-on-male sex remains pretty much as verbotten as it ever way. To put it another way, if I go on a date there's an tiny chance that a woman will be turned off at the idea of FF or MFF, but it I told her I like boys it would be "check please."

These are clearly not "lesbian" women in the sense that they're going on dates with me, so they're interested in men. One woman said to me "Men are for relationships, women are for fun." Some are truly equal-opportunity in that they'd be as likely to date a woman as a man, others not.

Sex is a rule violation in prison. And most people are not encountering women who are dressed nice and smelling good and anywhere from buzzed to shit-faced, or taking care of themselves to look hot. Obviously though people will want companionship and in the right situation will take what they can get.

What I'm trying to say is that there are probably many younger women who aren't "gay" or "gay for the stay" but - well, the best term is probably "heteroflexible." I'd say it's almost universal.

So it might depend on what age you're talking about. At least based on my own experience, a lot of younger women have physical relationships with other women without it meaning anything, including it not meaning that their sexual orientation has changed.

Since the inmate in my life, Lexi, and I are specifically not currently in a relationship, it would be her business anyway. I do know there was some comedy earlier in her stay when I was asked to relay some information between her bunkmate and her bunkmate's girlfriend on the outside, and somehow it morphed into me saying that Lexi and her bunkmate were hooking up.

But IF we were a couple, it wouldn't bother me. I would rather she had sex with every girl in the jailhouse (as long as she doesn't get caught) than find out that some male who's not a blood relative put $2 on her books so she could buy a Snickers bar.
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Old 09-05-2016, 02:56 PM
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I think some men would be ok with saying to their wife or girlfriend go ahead honey get yourself a girlfriend while I'm in here that's definitely ok with me.....as my husband told me once and once only. I don't and never will swing that way. And I consider that cheating but he doesnt. But he would never out right say yeah honey go ahead get you a boyfriend while I'm in here. I put us in this situation so who am I to make you wait!!!!!! Like I've said before some men might say this but if they truly love you no man in their right mind would be ok knowing another man is getting what he wants. EVER!!!!
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  #70  
Old 09-05-2016, 03:00 PM
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I actively avoid emotional attachments to casual sex partners. I don't want a relationship with them. I have one with my wife. With them, sex is like voiding my bladder; a bodily function which, after I perform, I'm comfortable until I need to do it again.
That's great you are able to do that, to keep the feelings out.
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Old 09-05-2016, 03:02 PM
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That's great you are able to do that, to keep the feelings out.
It's not that hard. I don't have room in my head or heart for a relationship.
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Old 09-05-2016, 03:04 PM
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This is the most interesting topic I've seen yet I think. I guess we can all agree we don't want our loved one in prison having sex with a man. Lol.
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Old 09-05-2016, 03:07 PM
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It's not that hard. I don't have room in my head or heart for a relationship.
I have never been able to have sex without feelings being there, I tried once and felt awful afterward. I need both the emotional connection along with the physical pleasure.
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Old 09-05-2016, 03:09 PM
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I have never been able to have sex without feelings being there, I tried once and felt awful afterward. I need both the emotional connection along with the physical pleasure.
Women get involved. Men just get satisfied.
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Old 09-05-2016, 03:43 PM
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Women get involved. Men just get satisfied.
Some women get involved. Some times. Some men get involved. Some times. Sorry, WW, but the world of sexuality is just not as black and white as some people want to make it.
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