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  #1  
Old 07-30-2017, 11:15 AM
Montypebbles Montypebbles is offline
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Red face Scared to lose him :(

I was wondering if any of you lovely people have or going through the same thing! My partner is serving life with parole, there's no denying our love we are inseparable but he's just asked my permission to be able to talk to other girls ect so he's able to get the support he needs while in there and take some stress off me and of relationship, his includes flirting ect but he ensures me that there will be no feelings whatsoever it's just to get him by while in there so we can have a future together and when he's out it will only ever be me. However I'm not sure how I feel about it, I understand where he is coming from but I'm struggling to see it as anything other than cheating, we have something to special and the thought of him saying the same things to others that he does to me kind of hurts feelings or not. I'm also scared that maybe one day it will turn into something more with someone else. But Ino if I don't except this he will be unhappy and feel isolated, am I being the worst girlfriend?? Any light shed I will be greatful
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  #2  
Old 07-30-2017, 11:23 AM
Crazychick12 Crazychick12 is offline
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Thing is he can't foresee the future. Anytime you're having intimate conversations with another person there's the potential for "something" to develop even if not on his end the women's . Guess it boils down to trust . I do agree with him that extra support is necessary . I've learned that we can't be everything to each other. It's healthy to interact with others . Since He's going to interact with these women and has given you the heads up I guess you have to put in perspective which you've done but I understand your point as well . For him to say things won't happen or can't happen is unrealistic especially if he knows flirting is part of the equation.

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Old 07-30-2017, 11:27 AM
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We all don't have a crystal ball but him asking you that is something that would not sit well with me. I'm with Crazychick on this but you also have to ask yourself if you really want to wait for him. That's a damn long sentence....
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Old 07-30-2017, 12:44 PM
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Well its definitely not cheating if all he is doing is sending letters to people. But what I don't get is that you are the one on the outside where you will have men talking to you day in and day out. He's locked up! Where's he finding all these women? You should be the one asking if its okay to check the field, not him. And that's only if you wanted to.

The guy really needs to either focus on you or hit the road.
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Old 07-30-2017, 12:48 PM
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Different situation, but my love one has had men from her past write her now that she is hopefully approaching parole. We are best friends and so she tells me just about everything. She will ask me advice about how she should respond to some of the correspondence. That is a little unsettling, but the fact that I'm included in decisions about her boundaries helps a great deal. There was a step change in our friendship when she started doing that. She now just comes out and tells everyone about me upfront. That has had repercussions with her ex, her family and old friends, but it has created a special closeness. If she had to serve out her full sentence (10 years) I don't think I could go that distance without having this closeness. The roller coaster is just too rough sometimes.

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Old 07-30-2017, 04:50 PM
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It is obvious that his having this kind of communication with other woman would bother you. Does that make it wrong? I suppose not, but it seems wrong for you. When he asked you, did you think about it and then go back and communicate with him how it made you feel? Try that. For some relationships this would be acceptable. Only you know if it is something that you are willing and able to accept. For me that would be a definite no! There isn't a chance in this life or the next that I would stand by and continue to be his lover and best friend while he flirted with other women so that he could "get the support he needs." No, Sir! If he felt the need to flirt with other women, and share himself with them, he would have to let me go. Somebody mentioned it not being cheating. For me, hating himself with others in an intimate manner in an attempt to (presumably) exploit their feelings so that he can survive and relieve some of the pressure you may be feeling... it just sounds really bad. My husband would have lost me the minute he asked. Thankfully he feels the same.
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Old 07-30-2017, 05:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montypebbles View Post
I was wondering if any of you lovely people have or going through the same thing! My partner is serving life with parole, there's no denying our love we are inseparable but he's just asked my permission to be able to talk to other girls ect so he's able to get the support he needs while in there and take some stress off me and of relationship, his includes flirting ect but he ensures me that there will be no feelings whatsoever it's just to get him by while in there so we can have a future together and when he's out it will only ever be me. However I'm not sure how I feel about it, I understand where he is coming from but I'm struggling to see it as anything other than cheating, we have something to special and the thought of him saying the same things to others that he does to me kind of hurts feelings or not. I'm also scared that maybe one day it will turn into something more with someone else. But Ino if I don't except this he will be unhappy and feel isolated, am I being the worst girlfriend?? Any light shed I will be greatful
Personally and honestly, I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation at all if I was in your position. I understand you've got a long road in front of you and you both will need support during this time but I would be keeping it strictly to family, loved ones, your significant other and the potential of close friends. The only people who know where my boyfriend is people who are important to us and not everyone so it includes his family, my family, his lawyer and 2 close friends of his. I have also told 2 of my closest friends for support.

If you were in his position would you be asking the same question of him? Would you ask him if you could talk to other men to support you through this? What would his thoughts be?

You need time to think if you're actually with him going through this. My partner and I believe if we can get through his sentence together then we're capable of anything. Believe in yourselves and the relationship and make it work together. Write him a letter and express your feelings if you struggle to over the phone or in a visit. But, my heart and I wouldn't be comfortable with it. My inbox is always open if you need to talk.
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Old 07-30-2017, 08:45 PM
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My husband has about 20 pen pals that he has written over the years. They have been wonder for his sanity. But... they are also from churches all over the country that agree to write him and they are also all over 65... Just because he wants to write other people doesn't necessarily mean that he is looking for something more.

I would worry more, for you and even myself, if they were all his age where "something more" could possibly develop...

Just a different perspective, if you will...
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:26 PM
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I wouldn't be ok with it.
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Old 07-31-2017, 03:09 AM
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I wouldn't be okay about it at all. Also by support does he mean just emotional support or financial support. If he just wants friends why ask about flirting? What if one of these women fall for him and he has no intentions of taking it further, I would feel so sorry for her. It would definitely be wrong.
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Old 07-31-2017, 08:11 AM
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Nope, wouldn't tolerate that, because that would tell me I am not enough...Life sentence or not.

How the hell would he feel if the tables were turned? Maybe you need to give him the same story, let him know you are going to flirt with other men but when he gets out it will only be him....If he is okay with that, then YOU have to decide what this relationship really means to you and quit fearing you will lose him. You cannot keep him from falling for someone else, if that should happen.
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Old 07-31-2017, 08:35 AM
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This isn't something I would entertain at all. So what he's saying is your support isn't enough so he needs to flirt it up with other women? Wow.. Honey that's a long sentence. Maybe you need to take a step back from it all. Would he be okay with you flirting with other men just to pass the time out here? I really don't think he would. You can't make him stay or be true. Don't be afraid of losing him. Be more afraid of losing yourself in the process of hanging onto someone who doesn't value and appreciate you.
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Old 08-03-2017, 01:52 PM
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This post is so weird for me.I just found out the day you post that my love is calling alot another woman, i hope it is not you.What i dont like is he is calling her more than me!!! He told me that it is because im having fanencial troubles and i should not spend my money.!My feelings are not the same sense i found out, i dont feel commited to him any more.Im going keep the calls because he still make me happy but im going take care 0% i mean i would never again send any$ or sexy pics or whatever.Lets see how he going feel about it.I was ok to have friends but calling a woman 5times every day is not friendship.She has his nickname on her fb.she told me she just a friend but i think she in love and he playing bout.

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Old 08-03-2017, 04:23 PM
rnsgaig rnsgaig is offline
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I am reading this to mean that he would like to lead other women on by pretending to have feelings for them so that they will provide financial support and gifts, taking some of the burden off of you, but that he won't mean a word of it.

If he is willing to use people like that, and you are willing to allow it so that you don't lose him.... both of you have some serious character flaws that are best addressed in a professional environment. I hope you did not intend to find enthusiastic support for this plan. It is cruel and wrong.
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Old 08-04-2017, 06:55 AM
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Quote:
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This post is so weird for me.I just found out the day you post that my love is calling alot another woman, i hope it is not you.What i dont like is he is calling her more than me!!! He told me that it is because im having fanencial troubles and i should not spend my money.!My feelings are not the same sense i found out, i dont feel commited to him any more.Im going keep the calls because he still make me happy but im going take care 0% i mean i would never again send any$ or sexy pics or whatever.Lets see how he going feel about it.I was ok to have friends but calling a woman 5times every day is not friendship.She has his nickname on her fb.she told me she just a friend but i think she in love and he playing bout.
With so many outstanding and available men on the outside that will help provide for you and take care of you, I'm surprised it took you this long! Kick that dude to the curb and you'll find a decent guy on the outside in no time.
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Old 08-04-2017, 07:25 AM
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With so many outstanding and available men on the outside that will help provide for you and take care of you, I'm surprised it took you this long! Kick that dude to the curb and you'll find a decent guy on the outside in no time.
Well he was a good boyfriend till he moved to another prison and had access to a mobil phone.Then he started to cheating and i left him.They found out the phone and he told me that he realise he loved me.I though he had no one but this woman sent me his record calls.The day of our anyversary that he told how hapoy and in love he was with me, he called ne 14m and called her more than 1h!!!! .He said it is just to entretain him and she knews about me but she didbt knew that we back.Im in Europe i cant take the calls at night because of time diference....He told me once that he has standars but she has a record of thief in shopping , i feel to laughthing to his standars....
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Old 08-04-2017, 07:40 AM
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Well he was a good boyfriend till he moved to another prison and had access to a mobil phone.Then he started to cheating and i left him.
Oh wow! He was having sex with other inmates?! That is totally wild. Yeah, ditch the dude. Plenty of decent guys on the outside, hun.
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Old 08-04-2017, 08:47 AM
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Oh wow! He was having sex with other inmates?! That is totally wild. Yeah, ditch the dude. Plenty of decent guys on the outside, hun.
What makes you be sarcastic? Do you know who am i speaking about? Visits and masturbation on facetime cell phone is cheating too.
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Old 08-04-2017, 09:11 AM
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What makes you be sarcastic? Do you know who am i speaking about? Visits and masturbation on facetime cell phone is cheating too.
I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being serious. I didn't realize he had a stolen cell phone and was wacking off for these females. I can see facetime sex being cheating. Not visits, though.
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Old 12-23-2017, 11:37 PM
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At least he asked... but why? maybe he doesn't want you missing out on life and happiness with someone else,
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