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Old 01-15-2012, 11:26 PM
dea287 dea287 is offline
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Default New here and my son is awaiting sentencing

I wondered if anyone has any information or words of wisdom that might help us. My 19 year old son is currently in county jail awaiting sentencing for probation violation, breaking and entering, 16 counts of burglary and auto theft under 500.00 as well as theft from us and a neighbor's house. He is addicted to pain pills and marijuana, and has been supporting his habit by stealing. Our hearts are broken and we are so scared for him. We have been giving him money for commissary and weekly phone cards. Also are paying for his private attorney. At the beginning of this awful nightmare we sold his vehicle to pay for his atty. fees but that quickly ran out. Not to mention his offending continued despite the repeated reminders from his atty. and us. He has been to rehab 3 times, most recently in September, 2011. We bonded him out to go to a 51 day program. Upon return he was back to getting high within days. December 1, 2011 he, along with 3 others robbed a man we know. Took several tv's, watch, etc. The police noted their was a sawed off shot gun in the car, and my stupid son, while heavily doped up, claimed the gun was his. This just brings his charges to a whole different level I would imagine. Our atty. says possibly three to five years, hopefully less. We are terrified and having such difficulty just functioning day to day. He calls daily, sometimes multiple times with all the usual complaints and also requests to be bonded out. He wants to come home before going to prison. What would you do?? I am afraid to do that, I am worried what he might do next or worse if he ran.. Also, I need to know if anyone knows anything about any of the prisons in Tennessee and about the classification process. I'm sorry, I know I am asking a lot of questions. I have been reading and googling everything, but I am having difficulty getting the answers to my questions. Thanks for you help!
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Old 01-16-2012, 08:17 AM
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koolaidmom koolaidmom is offline
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Hello and welcome,

So sorry about you needing to find this place but someone will come along shortly that knows about Tn. It is really a difficult decision and a very personal one about bailing him out. Follow your heart. Prayers coming your way.
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Old 01-16-2012, 09:46 AM
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there is a tennessee forum also that prob has profiles of tennessee prisons in there. I am so sorry your going thru this, I will say there is alot of support on this site. You are not alone!
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:56 PM
DannysFM DannysFM is offline
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your son sounds a little like mine; he is 17 and in jail on drug-related charges that he picked up while on probation, also has a marijuana addiction.

Like others have said, only you can decide about bailing him out. If he is actively using drugs it is certainly a risk, but I know how difficult it can be to see him locked up, and to think that it might be years before he will get out.

Definitely check out the TN forum for questions about the prison system in your state. But keeping coming back here for support...us parents know the heartbreak and fear that you are experiencing, and you will find a lot of compassion, understanding, and wisdom here. I am glad that you found us.
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Old 01-16-2012, 08:23 PM
moondoggie1 moondoggie1 is offline
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Like everyone else said, bonding him out is a personal decision, but if I had it to do over again, I would not bond my son out if I knew he was headed to prison. Partly, because if they pick up new charges while on bail, Judges get angry, but mostly because county time usually counts towards the prison time as well. Leaving him there could bring this whole nightmare to an end sooner.. And I remember how very hard it was for my son to go back in after he had been out for a few months. Apparently, it is really hard to know what jail or prison is, have a taste of freedom, and then have to go back again. Having said all that, I know how painful this is, and if my son wanted out--it would be tough to leave him. I'm glad you found your way here. It really does help to find people who understand what you're going through. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
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Old 01-20-2012, 03:27 AM
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Hello,Welcome to PTO!!
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I miss you!
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Old 01-20-2012, 01:34 PM
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Welcome. You will find a lot of support here. I bonded my daughter out once and had to take out a loan because it was a cash bond. She was out for 2 weeks then went to rehab. I'm still paying on the loan. Moondoggie is right. It will shorten his time to stay there also he may run if he's out and that would make things much worse for him. Put like eveyone says it is your decision. Blessings to you and check back in often.
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Old 01-21-2012, 12:24 AM
mrsrimoldi mrsrimoldi is offline
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I'd just like to add my warm welcome to you. I think this part of the journey is the very hardest~ not knowing is so hard. I can't advise you one way or another on the bonding out thing. What is right for one person may be the worst thing for another. Like many of the other parents have said if he offends while he's out that would be awful. Another thought to think about also is~ since he's addicted to pain meds and he's detoxed by now coming home could kill him if he uses again especially since he's clean and probably scared about going to prison. That thought alone would probably have me keep him right where he is. I've said many times I'd rather go see my son in prison then the graveyard. With his history that is what I would be afraid of.
I'm sorry to be such a negative Nelly but I want your son to come home a healthy clean and sober young man someday with his lessons learned. They say the first year is the hardest to stay clean. I hate the way so many people are addicted to pain pills, I've seen it destroy so many peoples lives.
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