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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #151  
Old 11-12-2019, 10:37 AM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
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Originally Posted by Taliba00 View Post
That's a great observation. It is true even of other family visitors (who are not mwi). They have a certain visiting persona, always a very cleaned up version of themselves. In time, the prisoner forgets what it was like to interact with them in a natural setting, and a highly unrealistic view develops of who they are.
This is true. Let's be honest, we're all a bit crazy in deciding to wait for our partners that sit in prison. While we love who we love, and nothing will change that, I hope no one sits around and go "Yeah, this is normal. Everything's fine" It's not, and we all know it deep down. There's way more to these failure stories that are never told. It's ultra rare for someone to admit their own faults or how they contributed to a breakup. Being a control freak, and demanding an ex-prisoner what to do, where to go, and how to do it, is going to be the fastest way to get them to leave you. You leave one warden, for another. Of course they are running away from you. Being with someone is supposed to be fun. I just don't want people to mind F themselves and ruin something they know is good when they read these. However, choosing to ignore every warning sign, or red flag, accepting being treated like shit, or whatever cliche you want, is your own fault.
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  #152  
Old 12-21-2019, 01:34 PM
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My ex-mwi has been out for over 8 months now, we haven't seen each other since we broke up in July. Unfortunately I'm currently not doing well and am in a really dark place I can't seem to pull myself up from. I feel like a broken person and if I'm being completely honest I feel hopeless to the point of suicidal idealizations...I worked as a counselor so I know I need help but part of me just no longer cares. I'm gonna take a break from coming on here, maybe all the prison talk isn't helping, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered their support on this site. take care everyone!
  #153  
Old 12-21-2019, 04:05 PM
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Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
My ex-mwi has been out for over 8 months now, we haven't seen each other since we broke up in July. Unfortunately I'm currently not doing well and am in a really dark place I can't seem to pull myself up from. I feel like a broken person and if I'm being completely honest I feel hopeless to the point of suicidal idealizations...I worked as a counselor so I know I need help but part of me just no longer cares. I'm gonna take a break from coming on here, maybe all the prison talk isn't helping, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered their support on this site. take care everyone!

Dear Lolo,
We never engaged in a conversation, but I’m a longtime lurker and as such have been following many posts, including yours. Have thus been reading about the journey you shared on this forum. That’s why your most recent post touches me.
Also, may I add, because I am very familiar with the current state of mind you describe.
I really do hope you recognize that it is just that: a CURRENT state of mind! And no matter how dark it gets over and over again, no matter how often and massively you (or anyone, of course) fall on your face – please don’t give up!
You very perceptively stated yourself: Sounds as if you’re at a point where help is needed. Outpatient psychotherapy, meds, or even a stint at a clinic – please make use of any and all of these or other options available! You’re much too precious a person to throw yourself away!!
Sending you my best wishes across the net!!
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  #154  
Old 12-21-2019, 06:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
My ex-mwi has been out for over 8 months now, we haven't seen each other since we broke up in July. Unfortunately I'm currently not doing well and am in a really dark place I can't seem to pull myself up from. I feel like a broken person and if I'm being completely honest I feel hopeless to the point of suicidal idealizations...I worked as a counselor so I know I need help but part of me just no longer cares. I'm gonna take a break from coming on here, maybe all the prison talk isn't helping, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered their support on this site. take care everyone!
For anyone having dark thoughts its important to seek help either through a therapist doctor, support group or an organisation like.

SUICIDE UNITED STATES
National Suicide & Crisis Hotlines
1-800-SUICIDE
Text 741741
784-2433

Please do talk to someone who can support you through this.Things will get better and we all need help sometimes.
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  #155  
Old 12-21-2019, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
My ex-mwi has been out for over 8 months now, we haven't seen each other since we broke up in July. Unfortunately I'm currently not doing well and am in a really dark place I can't seem to pull myself up from. I feel like a broken person and if I'm being completely honest I feel hopeless to the point of suicidal idealizations...I worked as a counselor so I know I need help but part of me just no longer cares. I'm gonna take a break from coming on here, maybe all the prison talk isn't helping, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered their support on this site. take care everyone!
Please go talk to someone who can help you. You are worth it. I really hope you get the help you need.
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  #156  
Old 12-22-2019, 04:48 AM
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Lolo, I'm praying for you to find the help you need to get through this place in your life. This time of the year is difficult when you are alone and feeling down. We're here for you to lean on when you need it.
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  #157  
Old 12-29-2019, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
My ex-mwi has been out for over 8 months now, we haven't seen each other since we broke up in July. Unfortunately I'm currently not doing well and am in a really dark place I can't seem to pull myself up from. I feel like a broken person and if I'm being completely honest I feel hopeless to the point of suicidal idealizations...I worked as a counselor so I know I need help but part of me just no longer cares. I'm gonna take a break from coming on here, maybe all the prison talk isn't helping, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered their support on this site. take care everyone!

Well I can only hope that you have found the strength to continue to fight the hopelessness and depression. If you check back in, let us know that you're ok.
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  #158  
Old 12-30-2019, 07:25 AM
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Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it. I'm not doing well but I'm hanging in there, at least the suicidal thoughts have passed.
  #159  
Old 12-30-2019, 08:59 AM
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Well most of the holidays are over for a while, so nows the time to make some changes.
Im in a iffy spot too, but not for the same reasons as you are. Im trying very hard to make some positive changes in my life as well. (I hate change, lol)
Glad you are a bit better, and the only way from here is UP. Take some time to hang out with friends and family when possible. I know being isolated isnt the best. If I was working (I retired last yr) things would be better, but maybe one of my changes will be to get a p/t job or something. Work is a good distraction alot of times.
Hang in kiddo.
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  #160  
Old 12-30-2019, 10:27 AM
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Yay so glad you posted something. Remember people do care about you.

I think looking for a place to volunteer may be beneficial to you. Or on this new year take up an activity. Something creative even if you suck at it.

Shoot when you're sad have watercolors handy and draw or color. Something to move the thoughts.

Remember your thoughts are not you.
Also, go to the dr and get your vitamin levels checked.
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  #161  
Old 12-30-2019, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it. I'm not doing well but I'm hanging in there, at least the suicidal thoughts have passed.
You're welcome, I am glad to see you dropped in. I can't imagine how things are in your life, but if you get to feeling like that again, please get some help. Like others have said, the only direction now is up. Many years ago I had dug myself a deep hole, and life rained on me incessantly, then it dawned on me I now had a free swimming pool.

I did forget to bring a towel though.

You will get through this even though it may feel tough and never ending, but know we all here share in your struggles, and rejoice in your triumphs.
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  #162  
Old 01-11-2020, 07:34 AM
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UPDATE:

Today marks 9 months that my ex has been home. We haven't seen each other since breaking up in July. Do I miss him? yes and no. It's complicated.

I've been doing better, using the cliche of a new year/decade to focus on getting myself back together and working to figure stuff out. I have faith that little by little things will fall into place. I'm feeling in a much better place mentally than I was just a few weeks ago.

Thank you again for all the support
  #163  
Old 01-15-2020, 11:25 PM
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Just keep on keeping on lolo, it takes a while to get through life's crazy ups and downs. Life always treats us like a baby does a diaper. I just hope for plenty of #1 days in a #2 world!



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  #164  
Old 02-11-2020, 07:44 AM
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UPDATE: My ex has now been out for 10 months. We have not seen each other in person since July but we have been in touch sporadically via texting. It's been hard to cut all ties with him. But regardless I am happy for him because he seems to be doing great, he is enrolled in college full-time and seems to be happy getting his life in order. As for me, well I'm still picking up the pieces. I could be bitter about seeing him doing well while I'm struggling but it is what it is and I gotta deal with it. Lingering in a friendship with him probably isn't helpful.
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Old 02-11-2020, 10:25 AM
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**Lingering in a friendship with him probably isn't helpful**
Probably not. Im sorry you are still struggling with the breakup. I hope you are able to find something constructive to do, rather than think or wish for a relationship with this guy..
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  #166  
Old 02-11-2020, 11:41 AM
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Stop counting the what has been's, 10 months ago, etc... Stop this nonsense and look ahead because that's where you are going, not backwards.... Let him live his life and you live yours and finally cut all ties, it's been almost one year... don't "waste" your valuable lifetime...
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  #167  
Old 02-11-2020, 01:42 PM
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I totally agree. I think being on this site is not a good idea as there are just too many reminders. It's probably time I close my account. Thank you again for all the support.
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Old 02-11-2020, 03:07 PM
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Oh noooo.... I didn't mean to imply that you have to do that. If it's healthier for you then okay but maybe the support here is good for you.
I just want you to live a happy and fulfilled life - without him. Life's too short so wallow in the past, see it as a life-lesson and move forward!
We're all here for you!
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  #169  
Old 02-12-2020, 09:01 AM
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exactly!!!(what mizzy said!)

There are other ways you can contribute at PTO if you wish.

I will close it if you really want to. Or you could simply not log in.
PM to follow!
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