Why Prisoners don't write as often as we would like...

[Ken]

Here is a letter from Teddy telling his perspective on why sometimes we don't get as many letters as we would like...

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Time to Write…

Now how do I tackle this topic? It seems that a lot of you out there like to write your spouse or loved one on the inside but get upset when you don’t get a response back right away or as many letters back as you wrote.

Well let me tell you something. There’s no reason to be upset. Just because we don’t write as much as you would like doesn’t mean we love you any less. And we love hearing from you, so don’t stop writing on account of a letter count.

There are so many reasons I can give you for why you’re not getting as much mail as you desire – but it’s up to you to have the understanding that’s needed here.

I’m not going to jump out there and speak for everyone that’s locked up but I can tell you the many reasons why I don’t write like I should.

The first is because there’s just not a whole lot to write about. I mean – there’s nothing exciting that happens in my life on a daily basis. My dog didn’t have puppies, I didn’t get a new car or anything like that.

The exciting things that do happen in my life are so horrid that I wouldn’t want to tell you anyway. No reason getting you all worried over something you can’t do anything about anyway. And if I did tell you that somebody got stabbed today – then what? That is maybe three sentences and you have all the details.

Most of the time when I write I have to have a letter to respond to – otherwise it’s going to be a really short letter. It’s amazing that my Baby gets as many letters as he does (short as they may be) just telling him how much I love and miss him. I try to write once a week but that doesn’t always happen either.

Why not? Some of you think that all we have is time – why can’t we find the time to write? When I first came to prison I used to try to sleep as much as I could. I spent a lot of time in the hole ‘cause people wouldn’t leave me alone. I used to sleep to try and escape from my reality – but then the dreams started haunting me and it got to where I couldn’t sleep at all. That’s when I slipped into drawing and writing poetry. That helped for a long time and still does when I have things on my mind.

Most prisons require us to work somewhere in the institution – at least 6 hours a day. Until just recently I worked in the kitchen here and I would sometimes work ten, twelve, and even fourteen hours a day. I just felt like I needed to stay busy because the days flew by just a little faster.

Here’s the number one thing that takes up our time. If your loved one has any kind of habits – if he smokes, drinks coffee or just can’t stomach the kitchen food all the time, he’s trying to figure out how he’s going to get his next smoke or his next cup of coffee or soup or candy bar. Especially if he’s not getting much money from home. I don’t know about other states but in this on the average pay is less than $10.00 a month. That’s barely enough to buy soap and shampoo, toothpaste and a weeks worth of coffee. That’s not even counting the stamps, pens, paper and envelopes I still got to get to write. So I spend a lot of time drawing cards to sell to make sure I have those things.

You know – I didn’t even mention the time we get out for recreation. Sure can’t pass that up. I know you all are catching on so in closing I’ll just say… Don’t stress on the fact that you don’t have a letter in your box every time you want one. Some people just aren’t the writing type. Even so – that doesn’t mean that you’re not loved. It just means that we are having a hard time waking up to a harsh reality every morning and we’re dealing with it the best way we know how.

Think about it…
Teddy

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[danielle]

Thanks for the perspective...it's always nice to hear a voice from the inside.

[deb]

Thanks for sharing. I know Bill always says "it's the same thing day after day..."

Deb

[jdswifey02]

Teddy.. I just want to say thank you for sharing your perspectives with all of us at PTO.. I know that the frequency (or lack thereof) of JD's letters has been an issue for us/me.... and slowly I have come to a point where I understand at least a little.... and definitely accept...
I try to look on the bright side of things... if I only get a letter once a week or every 10 days or so.... they are VERY precious... each one means that much more.....
I always feel ok about it after traveling for our little one hour no-contact visit... because I get to see the look in his eyes when he says he loves me....
But your words brought my heart a great deal of reassurance as well... somehow hearing the same things JD has said from someone ELSE helps....
(((hugs))) to you!

[krisintx]

thank you for sharing that with us. I am pretty stuck on getting letters from my husband. What I mean is I need the letters from him as much as he needs them from me. I guess after so many years (9) we have come to a point where we know how important it is. I do understand what he was saying though because it seemed to echo the same reasons my husband gives me when he hasn't written. thank again!

Kristen

[Chevygal55]

Thanks it's always good to hear that what Travis tells me is indeed true and what others go thru also.. He did tell me the same thing...that without answering a letter of mine what else would he have to talk about. Surly nothing from inside there. but since I do write almost everyday he usually does have a letter to respond too... but with his college classes and trade school courses he took on last year, his job and going to rec his time was limited to when he could write...I kept my letters going steady and understood his lack of time to write. What I told him is I am proud of him taking all these classes and to just study and do good and I'll be patient. Now he has graduated from all his classes with great grades and I get letters mostly everyday with him thanking me for being so patient with him.... I love the man and to me he is worth it!

Beck

[LucidDream]

Thanks for sharing this Teb and Teddy. Although I don't have a "loved one" meaning boyfriend or husband inside...I still wonder why my friends don't write as much as I would like and now this gives me an idea as to why. My brother isn't much of a writer and I knew this so, I don't question it.

Cindy

[SHERRON]

THANKS TEB AND TEDDY........I JUST GOT THROUGH TALKING TO TODD ABOUT THIS SAME SUBJECT.....I TOLD HIM TO START MAYBE....JUST WRITE ME ON SUNDAYS AND TAKE NOTES THE REST OF THE WEEK........BECAUSE I TOLD HIM THERE PROBABLY WASN'T THAT MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK

[EricsPrincess81]

Thanks for that insight. I always complain about not getting enough letters and just not underdtanding why...I figured if I had the time to write everyday he should too since theres nothing in there to do. So now I'm going to give my man a break and stop stressing the mail!!
Monika

[Soul SLiver]

Teddy,

Teb and I have talked at length about things...well not at length but we've talked He is so strong, and you are SO strong that I am truly awed by you both. You have both found eachother at a time when I'm sure you both wanted that love and I'm so happy you have.

Everytime I read something that you've written to share with us, it opens my eyes that much more to something I almost TRIED to stay blind to, not wanting to hear that there is something else to do. But the reality has to be faced, and now with this, I shall accept it and understand that the earth does not revolve around my PO box.

I look forward to words of wisdom from both you and Teb and it's so wonderful to know that even if some of us don't make the cut for the long term, you and Teb have, continue to and will make that cut. I am so happy to see the two of you with what you have found and what you continue to make the most wonderful and beautiful love story I have read to date.

Thank you for giving us your time, it means the world

[flygirlaa2]

Teddy, I always look forward to reading your posts. I am glad to have the chance to get to know you and Ken both. Keep writing, I love to see the world thru your eyes.

Soul, I know the earth does not revolve around your po box, because it revolves around my mail box.

[Phil in Paris]

Thanks Teddy !!! It's always nice to hear from you !!! Besides, I guess your words will help a lot of us here on PTO, since we don't always understand why we don't get a letter everyday !! And honestly, I will admit I completely freak out when I don't get a letter within 2 days, ask Teb, sometimes he's more than fed up with my whinings !!!

Thanks again Teddy
All the best
Phil

[Budwoman]

Good Job Teb and Teddy

How true this is... Sometimes we forget...

My love and prayers to you both..

Love Ya
Donna

[JodyAnnShaw]

Thank you Teddy, for sharing this perspective with us. I know, personally, I kind of feel guilty for wanting so many letters... like I'm being selfish. Ah crap... there is no 'like' to it... I am being selfish...LOL.

Anyway, thank you for pointing out things I sometimes forget.

Jodygirl

[Ken]

You know... Reading Teddy's words as I typed them helped me to understand too. In the beginning I wanted and needed more letters than I need now. I have had this conversation with Teddy over the last year or so in segments so I really knew what he was going to say before he said it. I think that for me I am so comfortable with the love that we have right now that I am fine with one letter a week. Selfishly however, I make sure that he gets more than that so that he has something to respond to. I also feel in my heart that he needs the letter more from me than I need it from him.

Ken Connor did post once in a thread about letters from our loved ones that we should not judge the love and commitment of the relationship by how often or how many letters we receive. He really made me think with that one and started the change in my thinking about this.

Thanks for your words here - everyone. I will print this and send it off to Teddy this week!

Keep strong and cherish every letter that you get!

[bprincess_8]

My Billy too has stated the same things about writing letters but I do not think it is unrealistic to exspect a letter every couple weeks. I write him so much there is plenty to respond too. I keep writing regardless of how many he sends me back. He says guys generally do not write as much as a gal does, lol. I like to make my letters nice and long so he has something that takes a while to read and hopefully for a few minutes he can get lost and feel as if he is a part of home. I guess what I am really trying to say it's not the number of letters as much as the content for me. as long as he writes and I know he loves me it really doesn't matter, he's my baby.

[Soul SLiver]

OHHH! If you're going to send this to him, I have to say one more thing...

The peanut brittle....YUM!!!!!

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

[candy]

Thanks for sharing. My fiance tells me the same things when I ask him why he doesn't write often.

[BillysAngel]

Teb-
Thanks for posting this. I know that I am very guilty of being upset whenever I go to the mailbox and don't see that special envelope... But I am better than at 1st and it's only almost been a year... into an 8 year sentence... But since I have kinda been feeling un-loved in the letter dept lately, it helped me out this week!! I guess I really can't say that he hasn't written a lot lately, he wrote 3 week before last, but only 1 last week...
Anyway, thanks again for posting this!!
diane

[Gilly]

I found a small book called "365 Questions for Couples" and gave it to Daniel. Every once in a while he will pick a question, answer it, then send it to me for my answer and response to his. It's a good way to get to know one another better and it gives them something to talk about when they've run out of things to say. Just a suggestion.

[lulu]

Teb, and Teddy,

Thank you for sharing. It is always nice to know what others think that are behind the walls. It helps us have a better understanding. Thank you

[Ken]

I always try to have some kind of ongoing discussion in the letters... I find that if I just tell about my day or week sometimes there really is not too much for him to respond to and then it comes back to the same old same old that he has nothing much to say.

I like that 365 Questions thing... Where did you get that?

At one letter a week that could keep you going for many years! lol

[Gilly]

Teb, you're a riot. At one letter a week you can keep it going for years and years if you start a debate about why your partner thinks one thing and you think another! LOL. Anyway, I picked it up at Chapters. I can't remember which section, but it will be on their computer. It's also available online (365 Questions for Couples by Michael J Beck) at www.chapters.ca for $9.95. You have to pay for delivery but I've never had any problems when I've ordered books that way. You can even have them ship it directly to your mate. (If they allow that at his facility that is.) My friend orders one book for herself and the same book for her man so they're both on the same page, so to speak. :-)

[pookie]

It makes you wake up and smell the coffee. I definitely agree with the part where he says that there isn't much to really talk about. I can understand that. Thanks for sharing.

poopoo

[Ken]

Thanks Gilly - gonna go and take a look in my local Chapters!