The Race Issue

[calichic]

Ok, I don't know if I need advice or just need advice, but here I go:

I'm half black and half white and my baby is Hispanic. I already get a lot of crap talking because of how I talk and act. I've grown up in the Valley almost all my life so naturally I talk like a "Valley Girl". So of course I get the obligatory, "You talk so white!", "You sound like a White girl!", "Why do you talk so proper?". Although his family adores me (I hope! ) sometimes I feel like his mom would be happier if I was Hispanic also. I usually go over to her house to visit with them (mother, step-dad, brother and sister) alone, but one time I brought a friend of mine who happened to be Hispanic. It seemed like her face lit up and almost the whole time we were there they were talking in Spanish to each other. I was talking to my guy's sister most of the time so it didn't really bother me but sometimes I feel so left out. His whole family will be talking in Spanish to each other and them laugh about something, and I'll have to wait until someone explains everything to me. His ex-girlfriend was Hispanic and his mother hated her, but only cause she was a psycho . I don't know...I just think that she would like me a tad bit better if I were a Spanish-speaking girl. Who do you gals think?

[MsAloha1018]

I think that it's great that his family has accepted you as your honey's girl. I understand what you're saying about people giving you hassles about speaking proper. Most of my family here in Hawaii speak pidgin English. The best way for me to describe it is English slang with lots of other racial expressions thrown in. I don't speak pidgin very well and my cousins are usually dinging me because I speak proper. Hey, this helps me greatly in my worklife as it's NOT appropriate to be speaking pidgin at the hospital.

I think when people are in their natural environment, they speak the language that they're most comfortable with. In your honey's family's case, they speak Spanish. Might you be interested in learning their language? It's better to learn from them than from a class because you will want to know what their dialect means. For example, Mexicans may call their friends "cabrones" (or so I've heard), but say that to a Puerto Rican and that's asking for trouble, as they take it as being acused of being henpecked (they know their girl is fooling around on them and allow it, or something like that).

I think that learning someone else's language brings honor to them. But the choice is yours. P.S. Hispanic/black babies are the CUTEST!!! The skin is a lighter color but not too light...the long eyelashes, the curly/wavy hair...GORGEOUS!!!

[Demi]

Well, look at it this way. She is mama and it just may be if you were Hispanic she would wonder why he didn't find a real nice little Chinese girl..LOL

Point is - it is hard to be good enough for Mama's son! Your work is on your relationship with him..if they like you and you get along that is icing on the cake BUT not the most important thing. I've been married 15 years and for the first 5
his mother would screw up on the phone and call me by his first wife's name. They still are in contact with each other BUT for at least the last 5 years my mother-in-law has told me she now believes we were meant to be together and admits how good I have been for him.

Another thing..there is nothing wrong with accepting your white side or with speaking English well.

Good Luck!

[B.G]

I dont think there will eva be time when a mom likes their sons girlfriends 100%!!! I see what u mean bout the spanish thing, but they share a common bond. It may even be easier for his mom to understand a convo in spanish. Don't feel left out mama.

I whish you luck,
B.G

[josec]

Im a white girl, my honey is hispanic, majority of his family talks spanish, except when Im around (since Im the only white chick in the family). At first it bothered me thinking the same (since I dont know any spanish) that I would have to wait for a translator to tell me what the converstation was about but them knowing we had such a serious relationship and them seeing how much he loves me, they speak english when we are all together. But....they tease me because he tries his best to teach me spanish and I just cant get it

[daddiesbaby]

First of all its not up to mom. second have you tried learning spanish you know so the half way thing? I have two kids both half spanish and i am white They are both learning spanish, while i speak only a little bit. I was raised in the deep deep deep south i know all about racism but most of the time its not about that at all most spanish mothers were raised alot different than us traditional older spanish believes that women are to be at home raising kids, taking care of husbands, and being deviot catholics. Maybe she is just worried about how you are going to be once married. My mother -in-law is that way very how do yousay obediant but a very lovely lady and very happy. Spanish people do kind of lapse into spanish alot but don't worry 9x10 thay are not talking about you. My advice learn a little spanish not alot just enough to know if they are talking ill of you and to where you can speak at least spanglish to her and show her you are trying and be aware that they are very into their heritage not like alot of us who don't know much about our people other then their color. good luck and rember its your mans decision in the end so dont stress it!!!

[babieboo]

MY HUSBAND IS HISPANIC AND IM BLACK/ASIAN. ALL OF HIS FAMILY SPEAKS SPANISH AND THE ONLY OTHER LANGUAGE I KNOW BESIDES ENGLISH IS MY MOTHERS LANGUAGE(TAGALOG). IM GRATEFUL CUZ HIS FAMILY HAS ACCEPTED ME WITH OPEN ARMS AND TREAT ME SO WELL. TOO BAD I CANT SAY THE SAME FOR MY OWN FAMILY BUT IN DUE TIME THEY WILL. NEWAZ, WHAT I DID WAS START LEARNING HOW TO SPEAK SPANISH BECAUSE I WANT OUR CHILDREN TO KNOW HOW TO SPEAK IT AND THAT MEANS I HAVE TO KNOW IT TOO. FOR AWHILE I HAD A TUTOR AND NOW I AM JUST LEARNING ON MY OWN. ALSO MY HUSBAND HELPS ME OUT CUZ HE CAN WRITE IN SPANISH VERY WELL. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY LEARNING THAT WAY YOU WONT FEEL LEFT OUT WHEN THEY START SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER. IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE CHATTING, FEEL FREE TO PM ME CUZ I CAN RELATE TO WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IN A WAY.

[DaddysMama]

Im Renee... White girl married to a black male...
The family has accepted me as well as him ...
they dont really have a choice... you have to carry yourself how you want others to respect you and if you cant do that then that is what the problem is ...
I love my husband and i KNOW that he loves me so there for we dont have any problems...im in a relationship with him not his mamma... and that is what people with relationship problems face... the son/daughter's mother/family member cant break away from that personal relationship ... which is one thing you need to do before you can have your own family because if not then your going to have problems in your own married or relationship ...

[imissrondale]

i had to deal with a lot to be with my husband and it is just gonna get worse i am white he is black i live in a redneck little town as long as ya'll have that love for eachother and you both respect eachother the fam will see that and it will be all good moms are the hardest ones to get anyway it will be cool goodluck

[calichic]

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone so much for their advice and kind words! Youall made me feel so much better! Josec...I get what you mean! He (along with other Hispanic friends of mine) have tried to teach me a little spanish and they tease me also because sometimes I just can't get it. I can't roll my r's very well, so things I say sound horrible, LOL. Also, there's not really a problem with his mother liking me because she does. She tells him all the time that she wants us to get married and have kids (MsAloha1018, like you she thinks we'd have ADORABLE kids, LOL). He also insists that if we did have kids, he'd teach them spanish (or his mother would ), so I told him that if he wants me to I'd learn spanish just for him. Even though it'd be easier to understand his family, I told him I'd learn it not for them but because I love him. So maybe once he gets home he'll be pleasantly suprised w/what I've learned!

[2nice]

Maybe you could start learning Spanish!! As the saying goes... "If you cant beat 'em, join 'em!!"