Acts of Faith Daily Meditations by Iyanla Vanzant

[mlynnm]

August 28th

Anything dead coming back hurts.
~ Toni Morrison, from Beloved ~

If you keep going in and out of the same relationship, chances are you are going to get hurt. People come together in a relationship to learn. Once you learn your lesson it is time to move on. Take you lesson from the last time and move on to something new. If you insist on drinking from the same used cup, you will eventually get sick. You can do the same old things in just so many ways until you lose track of what you are doing. How many ways can you cry? How many ways can you hurt? How many ways can you convince yourself that you can make this work? When a relationship is over, you must learn to let go. No matter how much you love the other person, or how afraid you are that you will never love again, you cannot squeeze juice from a piece of dry fruit, so don’t bother to try.

When it is over, I am on to the next thing.

[LBoogie0810]

I just read this entire thread.... it made me say "ahhhaa" many times and also brought me to tears. I will be buying this book TODAY! Thank you for sharing.

[mlynnm]

Originally Posted by freedsoul14

I just read this entire thread.... it made me say "ahhhaa" many times and also brought me to tears. I will be buying this book TODAY! Thank you for sharing.

Glad to hear you like the thread Check out eBay, I'm sure you can get it realy cheap there. It only cost about $15 in the store though. Happy reading

[mlynnm]

August 29th

Is this love? Is this love? Is this love that I’m feeling?
~ Bob Marley ~

How do you know when you are really in love? First of all, you would not have to ask the question. Love is knowing, it is not a condition or state of mind. When you are loving, you are not doubting, judging or fearing; you are in a state of acceptance. You accept yourself first, for who and what you are, and then the person you love, without questions. You do not want to fix him, change him, control him or help him. You want for the person you love exactly what she wants for herself. When you are in love, you feel vulnerable and know that is it okay. You do not hide your feelings, change them to fix what you think the other person wants, and you do not question what you feel. When you are in love, you give, expecting nothing in return, not even love. Love is an inner process between you and yourself that you want to share with someone, everyone. Love is free. If your quest it to own, control, hold on to, protect, or take care of someone, they cannot be free and you are not in love. Love is never wrong, seldom right. It just is.

Love is in the midst of me.

[mlynnm]

August 30th

When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche, you will not allow yourself to be manipulated by anyone.
~ Indira Mahindra ~

Loving, wanting or being with someone else is absolutely no reason to abuse, neglect or disrespect yourself. In all of our relationships, we can only give what we have. When we have a sense of self, an honest consciousness of our needs, a clear concept of what we want , we can respect ourselves. We set the standard of how we want to be treated, it remains our responsibility to make sure that anyone and everyone who comes into our lives treats us as well or better then we treat ourselves. If we are not honest with ourselves, how can we expect others to be honest with us? If we are not nurturing and supportive of ourselves, why would we expect it from anyone else? If we do not expect and give the best to ourselves, from where do we think it will come? Our relationships can only be reflections of the relationships that we have with ourselves.

If I love, honor and respect me--you must do the same.

[mlynnm]

August 31st

You cannot throw a loved one out of your heart and mind.
~ Betsey Salunek ~

No matter what they have done to you and said to you, you cannot stop loving them. No matter how much they disappoint you, neglect you or abuse you, if you think you love them, you probably do. It does not matter what others say about them, how others feel about them or how bad you feel about them; if you love them, admit it. Do not tell yourself you don’t love somebody if you do. What you might want to do is make a choice about whether you want this person to be a part of your life. It is not necessary to stop loving people if you don’t like them. You can choose the type of relationship you want to have with the people you love. You can love them from a distance. You can love them and not live with them. You can love them in the deepest part of your being and choose to move on. You can figure out why you love them, if you love them and still choose to move on. You can love them for who they are and what they are and stop complaining.

I can choose how I want to love you.

[mlynnm]

September 1st

Everything was fine but the beans were salty.
~ Mother Jefferson ~

There are people in your life you can never please no matter what you do. There is always something wrong with you, with the world and with them. Criticism is the way adults cry. When we are in pain, nothing looks or feels good, particularly those close to us. We strike out because we cannot tune into what we are feeling. Criticism is our way of saying something is wrong with us and we see it in you. Do not take it personally when a loved one continuously criticizes. They are never upset for the reason they sat they are, and whatever it is, it is not your issue. Do not strike back when you are criticized. Remember, you are with someone who is in pain. Be gentle with them, love them, gently ask them to talk to you about what they are really feeling.

I Am all right with me.

[mlynnm]

September 2nd

When one door closes, another one opens.
~ African-American folklore ~

Many people ask, “Why can’t I find a good relationship?” Perhaps it is because they haven’t truly ended the last one. We hold onto people in our hearts and minds long after they have gone. We may hold onto anger, hurt and pain. We may be holding ideas of revenge and destruction. We hold onto romantic memories and special times using them as measuring sticks for anyone who comes along. We hold onto our hearts, protecting them from pain, our minds filled with memories and doubts. We believe our dreams are shattered and will never come true. With all of the stuff we hold unto, how can others get into our hearts? We must learn how to close the door on old relationships. We must sort through the rubbish, clear out the garbage and freshen up our hearts and minds to receive a new guest.

I Am closing the door on the past.

[mlynnm]

September 3rd

If you believe you are to blame for everything that goes wrong, you will have to stay until you fix it.
~ Zora Neale Hurston ~

Some of us, particularly women of color, set ourselves up to be martyrs. We are to blame. It is our fault. We just can’t seem to do anything right, so we don’t. We create mess after mess, crisis after crisis. This allows others to use us as doormats. Smart move! As long as we are to blame, we cannot be held responsible or accountable for what we do not accomplish. We are too bust fixing the mess, figuring out what to do, or if we should do anything at all. As long as we have something or someone to fix, we cannot fix ourselves. We will never fix the fear of our power. We will never fix the fear of our beauty. We cannot fix our pain or confusion or desperate feelings of isolation. We don’t have to face our fears or try to fix them; after all, it’s our fault we are like this. And as long as we are to blame, we will never have to face the thought that others must share in the responsibility of getting things done.

The only thing I will fix today is me.

[mlynnm]

September 4th

It doesn’t matter what road you take, hill you climb, or path you ‘re on, you will always end up in the same place, learning.
~ Ralph Stevenson ~

There is nothing more devastating to the human psyche than what we call a broken heart. He done me wrong! She out me out! He cheated! She lied! I can’t eat! I can’t sleep! I see her face! I hear his voice! Please let him call! I’ve got to see her! Wait! Hold it! Hearts don’t break! We love with our heads, not with our hearts. We develop an idea of what a relationship should be, how our mate should behave and what we want to feel in the process. If things do not go the way we planned, our hearts are broken. There is a secret to this love thing-we must learn how to love honestly with no preconceived notions. Loving honestly means being who we are, accepting our mates for who they are; demanding nothing in return for our love. Under these conditions, if things do not go well, it has nothing to do with our hearts; it’s our poor choices that have caught up with us. The only thing we can do about our broken heart is fix our head.

My heart is unbreakable.

[mlynnm]

September 5th

The only way to have peace in a relationship is to know how to butter your own bread.
~ Ra-Ha ~

If you are in a relationship that causes you imbalance and anguish, get out. If you are in a relationship that does not support you or lowers your energy, leave it alone. If you are in a relationship where you give more than you get, where what you give is not respected, where the security you seek is costing you peace of mind, you’ve got nothing else to lose-so leave. We come together in relationships to grow, not to live in misery. Our relationships should be sustaining, energizing and growth-supporting. When they are not, our growth is stunted, our energy is depleted and our personality is distorted. A solid, loving, supportive relationship is like a shot of life. It is a source of inspiration, it provides a spark of motivation to encourage you onto the highest evolution of your selfhood. If you are in a relationship in which you are happy sometimes, sad most of the time, struggling to figure our what to do, and how to make it last, you are out of place.

I know when to quit.

[mlynnm]

September 6th

Make all your relationships an “eight” or better.
~ John Salunek ~

On a scale where one is low and ten is high, we want to live as close to ten as possible. We want to give and get the best in our relationships. Whether it is a friendship, love affair or business relationship, we must not allow mediocrity to be the standard. When we have no standards our lives become so crowded with people, demands and unrealized expectations that we run the risk of losing ourselves. An “eight” relationship is one where there is mutual support and respect. We can be who we are and know we are accepted on that basis. There are common goals; even when we disagree on method, we can support the intent. In an “eight” relationship we give for the joy of giving. We share for mutual growth. We give and get complete honesty. We take what we need and do not fail to give back. An “eight” relationship is one that we do not work on. It is one we work with and for, striving for better as a mutual benefit. “One” means you don’t have it. “Six” is just making it. An “ eight” means you are definitely on the way to the top.

There is no reason I must settle for less.

[mlynnm]

September 7th

Vulnerability is the gift I give to those I trust when I trust myself.
~ Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison ~

Just because people are nice to us and don’t ask anything in return, does not mean there is something wrong with them. It is often hard for us to believe people can like us simply for who we are. Benny, a White man, was willing to give Frank, a Black man, a kidney. Frank wouldn’t accept it. He had known Benny for three short weeks. Frank knew very little about Benny. But he knew Benny must have a hidden agenda. Nobody gives a kidney away for nothing. Frank confronted Benny with his anger, suspicion and fear. Quietly Benny replied, “I know you like to go fishing. I know you are a good father and a loving husband. I know because that’s what you‘ve shown me. Based on what I’ve seen, I know you don’t deserve to die.” Frank accepted the kidney. Benny moved to Arizona and never saw Frank again.

Blessings come in all colors. I get the one I deserve.

[mlynnm]

September 8th

Love creates an “us” without destroying the “me”.
~ Leo Passacaglia ~

Love really is about people coming together to support each other. All the little tricks and games they play to get their needs met are just that, tricks and games. It would be so much simpler if we honored ourselves and trusted our partners enough to ask for what we need. Instead, we wait for them to figure it out; if they don’t , we hold them responsible. What a cruel trick! When we let our partners know up front what we need, we have a greater chance of having the need met. We must know that our needs are important. Whether it’s hugs and kisses, foot rubs, reassurance or Hershey syrup and whipped cream, our needs do matter. Once we let our partners know what we need, we must accept their honest answer as to whether or not they can meet those needs. If they cannot, we must then decide if these are the people we want in our lives.

I honor my needs by letting my mate know what they are.

[mlynnm]

September 9th

Loving someone and pleasing someone are two different things.
~ Jerry Jampolski ~

The mother knew that her teenage son was involved with some unsavory people and affairs. She remained silent when he started wearing expensive clothes. She turned her head when he flashed the money. She drew the line when she found the bloody clothes and the gun in the basement. The next morning she called the police and had her only son arrested. When the social worker asked her how she felt about what she had done, she replied, “ It is a lot easier for me to visit him every week in prison than it would be for me to take one trip to the cemetery.” In all of our relationships there comes a time when we must do what we know is right. If we love someone, we want the best for them. It may not make them happy; it probably won’t be easy; but loving someone does not mean allowing them to hurt themselves. It certainly doesn’t mean you must allow them to hurt you.

In loving you I will not lose myself.

[mlynnm]

September 10th

Consider those whom you call your enemies and figure out what they should call you.
~ Dwayne Dyer ~

You cannot choose sides in a round world. You are either in it, a part of it, or you are off. When you have enemies you are a part of the very things you accuse them of. An enemy opposes your interests or position. An enemy is hostile, unkind or unfriendly. And what are you doing while all of this is going on? If you consider them your enemy how can they approach you to get things clear? You are in the middle of what stands between you and your enemy. It is not what they have done or said, can do or might do; it is you. It is your thoughts, your judgments, your fear, your condemnation, and if you did not feel guilty you could not attack those you call your enemy. You believe the enemy is wrong, not to be trusted, unworthy of love; you prepare yourself for the defense, projecting onto the enemy the very things you do yourself. When you have an enemy, look at your own hatred; understand how the hostility disturbs you and ask yourself, do I really want to attack the very thing I fear?

The only enemies I have are the ones I attack.

[mlynnm]

September 11th

For a love to grow through the test of everyday living, one must respect that zone of privacy where one retires to relate to the inside instead of the outside.
~ Kahlil Gibran ~

Everybody needs a little time and space where they can go to be alone. What this is called is a relationship is “the danger zone.” We all need those few little things that we have for ourselves. It could be a thing, place, an activity or something we cannot share. What this can look like in a relationship is “ what is mine is theirs.” Everyone has that special thing that they just love to do. What this feels like in a relationship is “I’m going out without you.” If you want your relationship to grow and flourish and your loved one to remain living and kind, give them the time, space and opportunity to go and make contact with their own minds.

Today I will let you be with yourself.

[mlynnm]

September 12th


When the law an eye for an eye operates, all the people will end up blind.
~ Bishop Desmond Tutu ~

You simply cannot pay anyone back for something they did to you. Look for the lesson and move on. If one man treats you badly, rejects you, abandons you, abuses or disrespects you , you cannot hold all men accountable. Look for the lesson and move on. If your ex-wife took your money, lied to you, neglected your children and your home, it does not mean no woman can be trusted. Look for the lesson and move on. If some White people are racists; some Black people thieves; some intellectual people condescending; some uneducated people lazy; some light people uppity some dark people ignorant; it does not give you the right or the authority to treat all people who look the same or act the same any way you choose, based on your past experiences. Ask yourself, What can I learn from this situation? What can I do this time that I did not do before? If there is nothing, simply move on.

I am doing the best I can right now.

[mlynnm]

September 13th

Women of color have been led to believe that they must be everything to everyone. As a result, we do not know how to ask for support when we need or want it. We become angry with others when they are not there for us, but we must realize people cannot, will not and do not know how to help if we do not know how to ask . Take sixty seconds for yourself and ask yourself what you need. If it is assistance with a project, a shoulder to cry on, a special something you need or want for yourself, let other people support you. We make judgments about what people can or will do and we move on our assumptions. We never really know what a person is willing to do or capable of doing until we need it. When we don’t ask for what we need, the need keeps getting bigger.

If I need support today I will ask for it.

[mlynnm]

September 14th

If you can find someone you can really talk to, it can help you grow in so many ways.
~ Stephanie Mills~

We all need the time, space and opportunity to vent our anger, frustration or dissatisfaction with the world. Unfortunately, those closest to us bear the brunt of our emotions when we do not release them. If loved ones take their frustration out on us, we must try not to take it personally; and never, never tell them they don’t really feel that way. We must learn to honor others’ feelings and support them in expressing how they feel. If they say things to us that are painful or angry, we must separate what is truth and what is unreal. Parents must find a way to express their feelings without taking it out on the children. If we are tired, we should say so. If we are angry, we should take a walk before we go home. If we allow ourselves to say what we really feel, when we feel it, and try listening and not responding , we would probably have a lot less to fight about. When we express what we feel the moment we feel it, it won’t get mixed in everything else.

Today I will talk about what I feel.

[mlynnm]

September 15th

God is my source and my supply, not my husband.
~ Bridgette Rouson ~

There is only one power and one presence operating in our lives. That is the power of the Creative Source. It operates through our consciousness. It draws to us and provides for us in response to how we think. If we are not aware of the power operating in us, through us and for us, we hold our mate responsible to provide the things we want and need. The Source gives all that we deserve based on our conscious awareness of its presence. If we pressure our mates to give us things, it means we are out of touch. The Source provides our food, clothing and shelter. It provides us with work; it fulfills our needs. The Source may work through things and people, but the source is the substance of all things. If we have a mate who is not giving, sharing or providing us with the things we need, we must ask ourselves, What am I thinking about in terms of where and from whom I get my sustenance?

God, the omnipresent, provides my every need.

[mlynnm]

September 16th

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is a process; working together is success.
~ Henry Ford ~

Whether in business or personal relationships, what makes working together so difficult is the individual need to be right and to have things your way. As long as we have a position to hold on to we cannot come together or work together. If we are not willing to bend, we will somehow get in the way. We must get clear about what we are doing, why we are doing it and who we are working with. Only with an honest examination of our motives and intent can we surrender to any working or loving process. If we enter any collective agreement for only personal goals and with mental garbage, the stability of the group is jeopardized by our dishonest foundation. If we come together in honesty, work together in clarity, we can stay together with respect and meet any goal successfully.

I respect myself enough to respect the working process.

[mlynnm]

September 17th

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their friends, real friends don’t notice it.
~ Norman Douglas ~

Many people of color believe it is their responsibility to stay in relationships, communities and situations to prove they are true blue. Nothing could be further from the truth! We owe it to our dreams to place ourselves in an environment that provides and supports the things we want. We have a right to peace, prosperity and success, even when it means we leave the “hood.” Does this mean you think the ‘hood is bad? NO, it simply means the ‘hood is not where you choose to be. Growth requires that we move on. Movement does not mean rejection. It means we want to broaden our scope. To move beyond those things and people who are familiar to us does not mean we are leaving them behind. It means we are clearing a path for them to follow, if they choose to.

New friends are silver, old friends are gold.

[mlynnm]

September 18th

A friend is a person who dislikes the same people you do.
~ Anonymous ~

Don’t hang out with people who are where you don’t want to be. Your friends and the environment reflect what you really feel about yourself. Winners hang out with winners. Losers hang out with losers. When you are on the move, you need people and an environment that supports and encourages your dream. You won’t find that among people who are helpless and hopeless. You won’t find support for your goals among people who whine and complain. You must know and believe that there are people waiting for you in the places you want to be. They will nurture, support and encourage you to keep moving. People you know may not always support your growth. For you to move on means you leave them behind. It also means that you prove what they claim to be impossible is definitely possible.

I surround myself with people and things that are good for me.

[mlynnm]

September 19th

When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they’ll remember and be kind to someone else. And, it’ll become like wildfire.

~ Whoopi Goldberg ~

For some reason which was never fully explained, Robert despised Rhonda. He told anyone who would listen how rotten, no good and downright dislikeable she was. He made a campaign of it. He wrote letters. He made telephone calls. When he saw Rhonda, he smiles and said, “Hello.” Robert died, suddenly, unexpectedly and penniless. There were many things that needed to be done. No one stepped forward to help, except Rhonda. She made the arrangements, spent the money and took care of Robert’s affairs as best she could. Robert will never be able to say, “Thank you.” He’s not in a position to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong about you.” He will never be able to pay her the money or compensate her for her time. But when Rhonda had a family emergency and needed a car to travel across two states, someone she hardly knew said, “Here, take my car.”

When I help you, I help me.