Going for what I think will be my LAST visit...

[PowandVonne]

Hello~

As some of you know from my previous posts, I have gone through some drama with the hubby. He claims he does not want to be "tied" down. He got upset with me because I have too must respect for myself, and too much class to stoop to the level of having sex with him in a visiting room (in a nutshell). There are some other issues as well that has stemmed, but I got a letter basically ending our marriage 3 weeks ago. I have not responded to that letter. I refuse. I am going to be woman enough to say what I need to say to his face, and not take the cowardly way out like him and do it through a letter.

I am hurting so bad, and I am not going to lie, I miss this man like crazy. Not only have I lost my husband, but I have also lost my best friend. I refuse to let him think he has the best of me, or think he is going to break me down. He has broken my heart...yes..but he hasn't broken ME as a person, and I need to let him know that.

Needless to say, I sent him a note..literally, on a POST-IT note (lmao ), letting him know I was coming this Sunday. I know me, and how I feel about him. I will get up there, and start crying and show my weak points, and I refuse to give him that satisfaction. I need to let him know how hurt I am, and how wrong he did me, but yet let him know that my world does not stop for him, and let him feel the effects of his actions.

Any suggestions on how to handle this visit??

[kayos-grl]

I don't have any suggestions for the visit, but you have been in my prayers because I too just recently went through a similar situation...trying to pressure me into something that I was not with. All I can suggest is to stand your ground and in my situation he is trying to get back, but now I am the one who has to make the decision. I think sometimes they say they want to break it off because they know that will hurt us and make us break and do what they say. I will keep you in my prayers and hope things work the way you want them to.

[TEEDEE20]

(((HUGS))) Girl you are definitely in my prayers. Please hang in there and be strong. When you go on that visit, it's okay to cry, but don't break down. Cry out of anger, hurt and frustration but don't show weakness. You can do it and we're all here for you to help you get through this.

Good Luck

((HUGS))

Tammy

[BuTTaFLyy]

Shavonne, I think that you will handle it well. I pray that God gives you the strength and wisdom to say what needs to be said.You are a strong beautiful woman.Pow knows that, I think he knows that he has really messed up and will NOT ever find anyone like u again in LIFE (because people as special as u are are just RARE to come by) I am praying for God's will to be done in your marriage.Because as my siggy says, what God has joined together, let NO man put asunder. I know that you are hurting right now, but just be strong in the power of His might. And in the hour that you need it, God will give you the words that you need to say. I definitely believe that.The Devil seeks to wreck havoc on the sanctity of marriage, so thats why he throws these fiery darts in here (the other women,drugs,alcohol or whatever) to try to destroy our marriages.I am declare and decree in the name of Jesus, that He restore your marriage and give you a heart of forgiveness, that you may forgive Pow for the things that he has done. I speak life into your marriage. I know that you dont want to end this marriage, Pow (despite what he says) doesnt want to end it either, its just a trick of the enemy to deceive him with the thought that he doesnt want to be "tied down".Sometimes we just have to remove ourselves from the situation so that God can deal with a person's mind and heart.You will not go through this test in vain, I can assure you that. All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.(I feel that there is special calling on your life)Just know that I will be praying with you and I love ya girl.Stay up!!! Pm me if u ever need to talk. I'm here for you, and I will be praying for you both.

[PowandVonne]

Thank you everyone for your prayers. They are definitely needed and appreciated.

I love this man with all of my being, but I feel like what kind of fool would take a man back who is willing to throw away his marriage over something like that. Most men like a respectable, classy woman these days.

I also think his recent parole denial has something to do with it. I have been waiting for him for 3 years already, and have to wait atleast 2 more, and he feels horrible. He feels like he is holding my life up, and keeping me from doing what I want to do in life. As much as I reassure him thats not the case, he thinks it is. So I think all this is away to push me away too because of that. Then again I could be wrong. Even if that is the case, the way he went about it was pretty effed up!

[BFiglar]

the sex in a visiting room thing, is that a private room, or public? i dont blame you if it is public, but a private one i would go for, but thats me. i think you are doing the right thing. remember its easy for them to lose their minds and think stupidly so as to end marriage. hello...HE is the one in prison, not you.

[kreepsgirl]

I really dont have suggestions either, I just pray that you dont cry. I can tell we are totally alike when it comes to that, I am very emotional. DONT CRY!!!!

[angelica916]

crying isnt a sign of weakness, so cry and remember to bring the tissues. And let the conversation flow. I believe your man was talking out of frusteration. sexual tension can be a B@#&h! Why is it we always hurt the one's we love? maybe because we know in the long run they will forgive us.

[mz.k]

I also went through something somewhat similar.............me and b/f had some drama with another female when he first went in. We didnt talk for like 3 months then he asked that I bring our kids to see him, and that visit went cool. Then I found out some other stuff about this particular girl so I went to go have a final goodbye, last word, speak my mind visit. Well when we started talking, I absolutely lost it! He said somethings that really hurted, and I broke down crying, cussed him out, and stormed out of the visit after only being there like 45 min (mind u I drove 2hrs to see him), plus I like to think Im the calm cool collected type but he took me there. So one word of advice...........be prepared to hear some things you may not want or expect to hear, cause that surely caught me off guard bigtime. With that said after about a month he called, wrote, had his momma call, etc etc begging me to come see him. I did, we talked, and worked it out in the end. All those harsh things he said was on purpose and out of anger because he felt I had up and left him hanging over some rumors at the one time he needed me the most, so he wanted me hurting just as much as he was hurting. Your husband may be going through a depression right now from his parole denial and his only release is through anger and your an easy target......but that still does not give him the right to disrepect you as his wife, if anything he should respect even more for saying no. It may take him a while to realize that, hopefully not too long.

Sorry so long, but the best of luck to you, and I will hoping for the best for you two.

Be blessed.

mz.k

[lovespell]

I will pray that you can stay strong thoughout the visit girl. It is going to be hard, but you know this! Try and keep your cool, stay strong and classy ! (you can always break down in the car when the visit is over)

[California Sunshine]

awwww honey from one broken heart to another I just want to give you big big hugs and tell you I am so sorry your going through this

[LADYCEE]

Evening Vonne
(My Aquarius sister). I know you are a strong sister, and if you need to cry remember it is not because you are weak, upset maybe but never weak,,This system don't allow for you to be weak so for you to be able to be there for 3 yrs says alot about your strength of a women. So if you get to the point where you need to cry go ahead let it out and draw your strength from the fact that you are a good woman, who by just walking into a room demands and will get the respect we would give the next person....Alil long winded I no sorry.....Gurl hold your head up going in and coming out as I know u will (even if you have to cry)...

PEACE ......

[PowandVonne]

thank you everyone for the encouraging words. I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks since that last letter he sent me sparking all this.....But yesterday...

I went after work today to get my hair done, then went to get my eyebrows done. I then went to pick up some Popeyes, and was coming home to plan a baby shower. I check the mail and what do I have?? A letter AND a card. I read the letter first. He was saying that he knows that he is the last person I want to hear from, so he will keep it short. He was saying how we should file for an annulment because he has been in the law library and think we qualify. Well I have been to a lawyer and we don't qualify. Because we never consemated the marriage, that has to be a medical reason, like impotence..not prison, same with never living with each other. So I will tell him all this when I see him Sunday that we can only file for divorce because I have already spoken to a lawyer.. He told me that he loves me so much, and how beautiful I am, but he just wasnt ready to get married and he loves me enough to let me go. He said that he feels bad for all the grief he has caused me and all the set back in life he has caused me as well, and that for me to know that he truly does love me. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. I will admit though, I feel better knowing that he feels bad. I just knew he was up there not giving a damn. So knowing all this I am even more prepared to see him Sunday.

He also said that his decision has nothing to do with sex, its that he wasnt ready for marriage and he thought he was.

The card he sent me on the front it was a bear and said "Do you know how much I love you Shavonne?" and when you open it the damn bear jumps out with its arms open. Please...he better come better than that..LMAO.

[rlewis729]

Shavonne, you have been on my heart and in my prayers.

Keep your head up - I know things seem real rough right now, but as some of the other ladies have said, you ARE strong. Say what you need to say to Pow this weekend, so you can have some closure.

P.S. You are beautiful too, so get a BIG stick to carry around to beat the guys off once they find out you're available . . . tell them to take a number and wait in line!

[coolchik4sure]

Sorry you are going through this. I know you are a very strong, beautiful woman. (just look at your pic!)
As someone said, you have stuck by him for 3 years and that is a sign of tremendous strength!
Best Wishes and BIG (((((HUGS)))))!

[Ms. Cuteness]

Vonne, i hope things work out for you when you get there this weekend...i was thinking about you when i was driving to work this morning. Sometimes we think the things that cant be worked out can, i wish you the best of luck sweetie, and know if you have to cry then cry. I will pray that the lord gives yoy the strength to deal with this dark cloud

[brownshuga27]

Vonne, i hope all goes well on the visit. you are a very strong person to have stood by him all this time. i admire your strength. it's too bad things turned out like this. but atleast he told you now he no longer wanted to be married, rather than when he got out. if you need to cry then cry! dosent mean your weak, just means you are human. im glad to hear your feeling better now. i wish you all the best!

[MiaBellaAngela]

Vonne, I just saw this. I wonder if the visit is this weekend???

Anyway girl, you are right to go face him!! Make him see you and tell you to your face! How long is his sentence? If it is like or DR do you think he might be saying this b/c you "deserve better?"

I am so sorry. When I got my break up letter I was in serious shock for weeks and felt like I got hit by a truck. So I know that feeling. You will smile one day b/c you are a beautiful lady.

Hold you head up high! Tears don't show weekness, they show strength. Just the fact you are going to go face him says it all. I did the same thing so I am with you on that one,sista.

Best of luck and let us know what happens!

[PowandVonne]

Thanks for the continued prayers everyone!! Tomorrow is the day I go visit him for the first time since he chose he did not want to be married to me any longer. Wish my luck! I'll report back tomorrow!

[PowandVonne]

Hey Everyone...

Well, reporting in from my visit. I have mixed feelings. One, our visit got cut REALLY short. I normally have a 6 hour visit, it was only an hour and a half. For some reason, there was the free bus, and an extra bus that came to that facility, so the visiting room got crowded and they had to start ending visits starting with the people that got there first. I got our visit was from 8:45-10:30 .

Anyway...in the car I had planned out everything I was going to say. I was calm. But the minute I seen him...I got angry all over again. My jaws got tight, and nostrils started flaring. I couldn't even look him in the face. He asked me why I couldn't look at him in the face, I told him to look at him in the eye required a level of respect and I don't think that's there right now. He was like . I told him how hurt I was, and if he wasn't ready for marriage, then he should have said something because no one held a gun to his head. He said he thought he was ready, then realized he wasn't. He said he can file for divorce, and it will be cheaper if he does it in there. I told him do what you gotta do, and send me the papers and I will sign them. We sat there silent for a while, and he told me that he missed me. I was like whatever. Then we played UNO because we both got tired of sitting in silence. The whole time I was frowning, until he tried to cheat at the game, and I fell out laughing. The kind of broke the ice, and he was happy to see he can make me smile. Once again...WHATEVER!! LOL. He asked me if I was mad at him. I said I am disappointed, and disgusted, and about one nerve from hating you. I know that sounds harsh, but its the truth. That really hurt him. His face looked so sad after that. He said after all we have been through, I could never say that I almost hated you. I said I have never given you a reason to!!

Then the visit was cut short. So I grabbed my stuff to leave. I started to walk away, he grabbed me by my hand, and kissed me, told me he loved me, and asked me if I would come back to see him next weekend. I said I don't know, and walked away. So basically the issues we needed to discuss we couldn't because I had to calm down from my anger. Just when I was doing that, the visit ended.

I feel better in a sense because I was able to tell him how hurt I am. Just to hear him tell me he loved me made me feel good.

All I know is these issues are no where near resolved, and I guess I may have to go back next weekend to visit.

[LADYCEE]

At least you didn't cry...

[PowandVonne]

nope...no tears!!

[rlewis729]

So Vonne, he said he "thought he was ready for marriage?" ooooh, I'm trying to keep my composure!

When will people realize that you can't change your mind about being married like you change your mind about buying a pair of shoes?!? Been there, done that! I'm still upset because you are the one who married him while he was locked up, and supported him like no one else - but he has the nerve to be trying to end the marriage! Let me go calm down . . . .

[PowandVonne]

Originally Posted by rlewis729

So Vonne, he said he "thought he was ready for marriage?" ooooh, I'm trying to keep my composure!

When will people realize that you can't change your mind about being married like you change your mind about buying a pair of shoes?!? Been there, done that! I'm still upset because you are the one who married him while he was locked up, and supported him like no one else - but he has the nerve to be trying to end the marriage! Let me go calm down . . . .

Well I am going to see how serious he is. I told him if he thinks he can file for divorce from there, then do it, have the papers sent to me, and I will sign them...so lets see how long this takes.

BTW..he got mad because I told him I didn't want to take a picture with him. LMAO!! OH yeah...I also wore a shirt that said:

HARD TO GET
(but harder to keep)

LMAO!! Boy oh boy that fired him up. LOL

[tubbysblanquita]

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm alittle heated ........

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

love ya girl

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) )))))))))

dee