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mrsroman · #1 11-02-2005, 09:06 AM

Hello everyone....I was just wondering...Dont they have it pretty easy in there? My hubby just called me at 11am and it was a bit upsetting to hear him telling me he just woke up after Ive been up all night with the baby cuz she has a fever....i wonder if anyone else feels the same sometimes.....

Maybe Im just having a bad day....

TakinItDaybyDay · #2 11-02-2005, 09:39 AM

I don't think it is easy. He is in a place where the people you live with or the people taking care of you, can hurt you at anytime. I have been doing the single mom thing too since Chris has been gone, and I still think he has it harder.

At least we get to be with our children. He freaks out at least once a week because he did not see our daughters first year and all the things he is missing now. I know where you are coming from with the fever in the middle of the night, and I know when my daughter was sick I felt the same way, but NO, I know they have it harder in there.

((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) I think you are having a bad day cause I have been there too.

reddawgsluv · #3 11-02-2005, 10:16 AM

Easy??? NO, I dont think so. Im not sure where your husband is that you think he has it easy but I can tell you mine doenst have it easy. Every day, 24/7 - these guys have to watch their backs. They sleep with one eye open. There are stabbings, rapes, disease, theft -all the things that we have to deal with but they have to deal with it in confined quarters. They can not go outside of the fence and run to the store for a pop or a move or somthing like that. They are confined like an animal in a cage, the conditiona are horrid, in the summer there is no air and in the winter there is no heat. They have to eat stuff not fit for human consumption. They get sick, who cares. They are just a number -no name, no respect, no privacy. THey have been stripped from any dingity. Easy-no, I dont thins so.

mshoffman · #4 11-02-2005, 10:43 AM

That kinda hurts to even think that anybody would think their situation is easy. I don't think being confined and seperated from the world, family, friends... freedom is easy. Okay try this... go in your bathroom, for a straight 23 hours of one day...no phone, no radio, just you and maybe a pen and paper... make the bathtub your bed and get comfy!!! See how EASY that is to you.... I've tried not easy or fun at all.
If you are having a bad day... I am so sorry. This can be very hard especially with a child involved. But I can only imagine how upset he is that he is not here to help you with the baby.

whiskeylullabye · #5 11-02-2005, 10:55 AM

no I don't think they have it easy at all. They have to deal with stessors that we can't even fathom. They've been thrown into a world where their identies are taken away from them, where they become a number or a nickname. Sure they may get to sleep until whatever, but that doesn't mean they have it easy. They may have food provided for them and a bed to sleep in, but we all buy food and the beds we sleep in are our own, we don't have to be worried about being shanked because we said the wrong thing yesterday while we're standing in line for chow.

BrandsGApeach · #6 11-02-2005, 11:04 AM

No, I don't think they have it easy. I know a few years ago when B was elsewhere at a really awful prison he would stay up at night watching TV and he'd sleep a good part of the day. He'd get up, eat, go to softball practice or basketball then he'd shower, call me then go to his room he'd write me and watch movies till the wee wee hours of the morning. That prison had fights constantly, people were stabbed on a daily basis, rape occured constantly too. Thank God he was transfered out of there and he's in a much better place now.

RegisSweetness · #7 11-02-2005, 11:05 AM

i dont think its ever easy to be in prison. they may think we have it easy cuz were free to do what we wanna do and dont have to stress with the everyday life of being in prison , but they dont realize at the same time that there are great responsibilities to handle in holding it down out here with kids, jobs, finances, you name it.
at the same time we think its easy for them cuz they dont have to deal with our responsibilities out here but they live the stressful prison life.
i think that both sides, us and them, deal with our share of stress. theres nothing easy about either situation. but i will say that i think we out here deal with the most. we dont get free electricity and meals and a roof like they do. regardless to where they are they will get fed 3 times a day and flip their switch and get light or get a shower on a regular basis where if we dont work for ours then we dont havenone of the above.
plus we have to deal with their emotions too cuz we love them so much. neither scenario is easy. all we can do is take it one day at a time.

Jamiesheart · #8 11-02-2005, 11:05 AM

They do not have it easy at all. Yeah, they don't have to deal with some of the crap that we have to deal with, but they have their own crap. Believe you me, our worst day is a hundred times better than their best day.

nimuay · #9 11-02-2005, 11:09 AM

Ahem. I can hear you. Yes, some aspects of being in are easier than being out. I did single parent with a 60-hour a week job, and could have died just of the frustratiion and anger and exhaustion sometimes. And out here I'm prey to all the same diseases, and liable to attack, rape, and all the other ills of the world. It's more condensed in there,
but doing the time while you're out and not guilty of anything is a damn tough row to hoe. Don't feel bad for feeling exhausted and angry.

lyteeydlwyr · #10 11-02-2005, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mshoffman

That kinda hurts to even think that anybody would think their situation is easy. I don't think being confined and seperated from the world, family, friends... freedom is easy. Okay try this... go in your bathroom, for a straight 23 hours of one day...no phone, no radio, just you and maybe a pen and paper... make the bathtub your bed and get comfy!!! See how EASY that is to you.... I've tried not easy or fun at all.
If you are having a bad day... I am so sorry. This can be very hard especially with a child involved. But I can only imagine how upset he is that he is not here to help you with the baby.

Well said. I don't think one woman in here could do what these men do for more than two seconds with out pitching a fit. I know I couldn't. I wouldn't wish prison on my worst enemy.
Perhaps a hot bath and a cup of tea might help!!!

savelloj81 · #11 11-02-2005, 11:20 AM

They dont have it easy, but that doesnt mean that you have it easy either. I know my baby being locked up is hard on both of us, just in different ways.

PSMITH3127 · #12 11-02-2005, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

Ahem. I can hear you. Yes, some aspects of being in are easier than being out. I did single parent with a 60-hour a week job, and could have died just of the frustratiion and anger and exhaustion sometimes. And out here I'm prey to all the same diseases, and liable to attack, rape, and all the other ills of the world. It's more condensed in there,
but doing the time while you're out and not guilty of anything is a damn tough row to hoe. Don't feel bad for feeling exhausted and angry.

I'M TOTALLY WITH YOU ON THIS ONE..... IT'S OKAY TO HAVE BAD DAYS AND IT'S OKAY TO FEEL ANGER.. YOU DIDNT DO THE CRIME...

CONWIFE · #13 11-02-2005, 11:25 AM

i don't know where your man is but here it's different. every one has a job to perform. my hubby gets up at 5 am and heads for his work station. he works all day until 4 then goes back to his dorm. only thing different is he doesn't get paid and he can't come home to his family after work. we both have it hard, me out here and him in there. it's just different problems. it's ok to be angry. it's hard to work and be a "single" mom but you can do it. we're all here to help.

bigbaby551 · #14 11-02-2005, 11:35 AM

hmmm. I have to agree with nimuay. I don't think that it's easy,but I think that it's a lot harder out here than inside. I know that we have to take care of our homes,bills,if we have children take care of. send them money(I don't),pay a high a$$ phone bill that the accumulate,put up with emotional stress that they put on us,our jobs,family,friends,and children bring to us. If we don't provide income and food to our homes...we can't eat.
If we don't send them money,they still eat,sleep and drink. It may not be to their liking all the time , but they do get a meal. Free medical provided by us(tax payers),if they do pay it's no more than 10.00 per visit. They have a right to a phone call,mail,and food. If turned down, that's their prerogative,but they have those rights. as stated earlier,if we can't provide those necessities for our family,s mainly the food and electricity...DSS will be called.
I am not going to make life in prison sound hard,but I'm not going to make the outside easy either.
I Love my guy, also,but I express the same to him. We each have our own opinion,I'm just speaking mine.

Have a great one ladise.

Crstnamre · #15 11-02-2005, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyteeydlwyr

Well said. I don't think one woman in here could do what these men do for more than two seconds with out pitching a fit. I know I couldn't. I wouldn't wish prison on my worst enemy.
Perhaps a hot bath and a cup of tea might help!!!

You gotta remember that some of the ladies here have done time as well. I know I didnt pitch a fit. As for them having it easy...a person has NO privacy..somebody, be it the CO's or other inmates is up you're butt 24-7. And you have to deal with all the prison politics, which believe it or not takes a considerable amount of energy.

kreepsgirl · #16 11-02-2005, 11:53 AM

No, I dont think they have it easy at all. They may not have to go to work, school, or deal with the children, but they do have to deal with watching their back, and all that comes with being in prison.

PhillyGurLL · #17 11-02-2005, 12:05 PM

i USED TO feel that way, until my husband got to the prison he is in now! Long Story, but I wonder if he is going to be alive to see me another day

Every day is NOT promised to him in there! I think he has it worse than the soldiers sometimes!

elsapunzi · #18 11-02-2005, 12:07 PM

i have a friend on death row in Ariona and he has been stabbed twice and almost killed while sleeping, and a third attempt wsas made on his life just a few days later, no its far from easy for anyone incarcerated.

gagirl770 · #19 11-02-2005, 12:15 PM

I think it's hard for both parties for vastly different reasons. For Mrsroman, I totally understand. For me, besides being totally alone with kids, it was very hard going from 2 incomes to one, raising 2 boys (one a dreaded teenager) as well as trying to keep all the bills paid and my sanity intact. Of course the stress of having to explain to any/everyone where my husband is at didnt' make it any easier either. I didn't do the crime, but I did do the time too!

My husband and I used to say we wish we could trade with each other. Speaking ONLY from my husband's experiences, he has been pretty lucky to get "soft" prisons for the most part. He's very social and intelligent, which I am sure makes it easier on him inside. It did burn me up at times when I would be stressed about the day's events and when I asked him what he did all day, he'd say "read a book". WOW that must be nice!! But seriously, I wouldnt wish either scenarios on anyone. My husband is home now and hopefully he is done with the DOC!! I KNOW I AM!!

Take a deep breath MRSROMAN, and just be blessed that YOU can be with your child, especially when they are sick and need their mommy!
take care and God bless u

Jillian · #20 11-02-2005, 12:25 PM

In my Opinion: you are having a bad day and that is normal .. sweetie i have told my husband that he had it easy on the fact that he doesnt have to worry about bills and raising our child and other free world things.. He understood that i go thru alot..

On the other side i dont believe that he has alot of things harder for they get up at 3 every morning and eat and then they go to the fields at 4 until 1pm.. everyday.. he says he goes to sleep and then wakes up around 4 and goes to school from 5 to 10. He dont get phone calls like most other prisoners in other states.. And with all of this going on he still has to make sure he is safe for he is housed in a prison that holds min cust(where he is ), med, and max custody prisoners. the prison he is in is crazy and once he started telling me about it .. I understand how it is harder on him than it is me.. For they don't have the freedom to make alot of choices of what they do on a day to day basis. True they made the mistake and have to pay for it but in the end they do have it harder than we do..

moniqueSC · #21 11-02-2005, 12:43 PM

My b/f and I joke all the time about how much he sleeps, but there isn't all that much else to do; plus, it keeps him out of trouble. I can't imagine what being in prison would be like, but I would never in a million years even consider that it might be EASY.

whiskeylullabye · #22 11-02-2005, 12:47 PM

About the sleeping a lot thing -- don't forget that sleeping all the time is a symptom of depression. So just because he sleeps all thet ime and has more time to do so than the rest of us, does not mean he has it easy, it could mean that he's depressed.

babygurl919 · #23 11-02-2005, 12:56 PM

I think they have it "easy" in the sense that they don't have to deal with like paying bills, taking care of the children (if applicable), and just dealing with the normal stressors of everyday life. I remember when Chris first got locked up I thought, "At least now he doesn't have to worry about having a roof over his head or food to eat." However, there are MANY other things that they DO have to worry about that WE on the outside don't have to. And although life may seem more stressful and harder at times out here, it certainly isn't EASY in there.

lyteeydlwyr · #24 11-02-2005, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crstnamre

You gotta remember that some of the ladies here have done time as well. I know I didnt pitch a fit. As for them having it easy...a person has NO privacy..somebody, be it the CO's or other inmates is up you're butt 24-7. And you have to deal with all the prison politics, which believe it or not takes a considerable amount of energy.

For those women that have done time, I have mad respect for them because I couldn't do it. They would have to commit me. It's bad enough as an attorney having to go to a prison visit to sort out details of a case. Being locked in a small room with no air and people watching---not for me.

mrsroman · #25 11-02-2005, 01:25 PM

Geez....maybe i chose the wrong word.....Ive just been so stressed dealing with my 2 girls,working full time and having very lil money after bills....but thanx to the ladies who understood.....